The Ambassador's Bride
by Devilfern
Summary: Amanda Grayson has always dreamed of being a language teacher, but when an exciting opportunity is extended to her she is thrown into a whole new world. Amanda/Sarek
1. Chapter 1

Amanda chewed on the end of her stylus and flicked her finger across the screen of her PADD. She was already incredibly weary of the words in front of her, but as her exam was less than a day away, she had to focus. It was no wonder she was feeling so fidgety – her last exam before she finally qualified as a real teacher. She was so close to success, and yet the hours stuck here in the library seemed to drag by. If only tomorrow would hurry up and come!

Amanda sighed and powered down her PADD, deciding to take a break. She'd been working hard all day, and now the late afternoon sun was coming in through the library's tall glass windows. Amanda stuck her stylus behind her ear and frowned at the windows. She'd always thought it was quite cruel of the library's architect to put those grand windows there, distracting students with such a beautiful view of the city. San Francisco was stretched out in front of her, and she was stuck inside like a bird in a cage. It was so unfair.

"Psst! Amanda!" Amanda looked around to see her friend Georgia walking towards her, looking just as weary as Amanda felt. "What are you still doing here? I thought you left the library ages ago." Georgia sat down beside her and set down her PADD. The screen displayed long lines of text in a definitively un-Terran script.

Amanda shrugged. "Nope, I'm still here, I'm sorry to say." She looked forlornly at the spread of notes and other clutter she'd amassed in her hours of studying. "And I don't think I'm quite finished yet."

Georgia snorted. "Amanda, I can't believe you. As if you needed to study for this exam! You could probably take it in your sleep. I'm so jealous." The girl leaned her cheek on her hand, slumped over her PADD, as Amanda blushed. It was true – everyone knew that Amanda Grayson could speak and read foreign languages as easily as she could her own. "This Vulcan script is killing me," Georgia continued, scrolling down her PADD with a miserable look on her face. "I've barely studied this text, and Professor Valek said that there will be at least three excerpts on the test. You don't think you could give me a hand, do you?"

Amanda smiled and leaned over Georgia's PADD to take a look herself. She spent about half an hour with Georgia, until a rumble in her stomach told her that she really needed to take a break from studying. "Don't worry about it," She said as she gathered up her bag and notes. "You know it better than you think you do."

Georgia grimaced at her. "Easy for you to say." She said, but she managed to change her grimace to a smile. "I'll see you tomorrow, I guess. Good luck!"

"Same to you. Try to get some rest, okay?" Amanda waved and set off towards the library door. Georgia was probably right – Amanda was pretty certain that she knew the material they'd covered in Xenolinguistics back to front. _If only I could find some use for it, _she thought as the doors slid open to let her out into the fresh evening air. It was her dream to teach at an inter-galactic institution, which was why she had moved from her native town of Portland, Oregon after completing her undergraduate studies. Unfortunately, it seemed as though she was never going to achieve that dream. Finding a position after graduation would be a nightmare, even if she did ace the last exam.

Amanda had never had an interest in space travel per se, but languages had always interested her. She'd begun with a fascination with ancient Terran tongues in high school, and that had grown throughout her undergraduate years to a genuine passion for xenolinguistics as well. It had been suggested to her that she would do well as a communications officer in Starfleet, but that life had never appealed to her. She wanted to teach: Common, Klingon, anything, just so long as she got to use her knowledge of languages for something useful. There were so many different races in the known world these days, and so many different tongues to learn. Amanda wanted to conquer as many as possible, and maybe help others to do so, too.

When she got back to her apartment Amanda was truly hungry, and not a little dispirited, thinking of her future. The apartment wasn't a cheering sight, either. It was all she could afford on her student's income, and chosen mostly because of its proximity to the school buildings. It was cramped and awkward, but she did her best to make it seem homely. She dumped her bag on her slightly saggy couch and headed for the kitchen, thinking that she'd try to bully her old replicator into making something edible. As she went, she caught a reflection of herself in the little mirror. It wasn't a pretty sight. Her dark brown hair was falling in wisps out of the bun she'd forced it into that morning. Her blue eyes, normally bright and inquisitive, were peering out from tired shadows. That really wouldn't do at all.

Half an hour later, Amanda was relaxing in the bath – a real water bath, she deserved something better than a sonic shower tonight – eating a plate of spaghetti and watching a favorite trashy soap opera on her PADD. She had earned a little relaxation. It wouldn't do her any good to show up for her exam tomorrow looking and feeling like a zombie. It was difficult, however, to pay attention to the show when Klingon subjunctive tenses kept anxiously repeating themselves in her brain. She turned up the volume in an attempt to drown them out, and relaxed back into her bath.

The next morning, Amanda felt quite a bit better. She'd barely touched her notes after her bath the night before, but she could nevertheless feel her mind buzzing with information ready to be tested. That was a good feeling, and she couldn't help smiling slightly as she made her way to the large lecture hall where she would be taking her exam. In a few short hours, she would be finished, done, ready to graduate and move on to bigger and better things.

When Amanda reached the hall, it was already half-full of students, most of whom looked near dead with exhaustion. The curriculum hadn't been easy on them, and Amanda could sympathize with the glazed looks in many of her fellow students' eyes. She chose a seat at the end of a row near the back. She spotted Georgia in the crowd and waved. Her friend returned the greeting with a little less enthusiasm. Amanda bit her lip and brushed her hair behind her ear. She'd always been a little self-conscious of her zeal for learning, feeling that it might earn her unwanted attention from her peers. Fortunately, most of the other students were working too hard to notice her very much, except to occasionally ask for her help.

Down at the front of the large hall, Amanda could see the various professors of xenolinguistics. She scanned their ranks for her favorites, even catching a smile from Professor Pra, who taught the Tellarite language. Amanda smiled back, but it turned into a frown a moment later. Where was Professor Valek? He certainly wasn't one to miss an examination. He'd earned a reputation for being especially keen on examinations, much to the dismay of his students. Amanda searched for him among the rows of students, but she finally saw him on the other side of the room, at the back. She was surprised to see that he was standing with two other Vulcans. Aside from her professor, Amanda had only seen a handful of Vulcans in her lifetime. There weren't many of their race eager to study education in a Terran institution. These Vulcans were dressed in much darker clothing than Valek, and they looked, if it were possible, even more severe. What could they be doing there? Were they representatives from the Vulcan Science Academy? Or perhaps government attaches? There was no time to ponder this further, however, because the console screens in front of every student had just flickered on. Amanda jumped and turned to hers, feeling a little embarrassed. She'd been staring openly for almost a minute. She hoped none of the Vulcans had noticed her rudeness.

Amanda entered her student identification number into the console. It only took a moment for the computer to process her information. The screen immediately displayed XENOLINGUISTICS 360 FINAL EXAMINATION in large letters. Beneath it was her name, AMANDA GRAYSON, followed by a prompt. BEGIN. Amanda took a deep breath and touched the screen. _Here we go_.

Three hours later, it was over. Amanda's head felt significantly lighter, as if she'd been carrying a wet sponge for a brain all day, and it had just been rung out. She couldn't help feeling lighter in spirit, too. She now had a week before the test results would be announced, and two full weeks until graduation. She could spend some time relaxing, finally. Maybe she and Georgia could spend a few days at the beach, or maybe visit a museum or two. They'd been so busy over the past semester that Amanda had barely walked anywhere but the route between her apartment, the library, and the campus buildings. She was ready for a break. No more assignments, no more late nights studying, no more long lectures, no more teachers -

"Miss Grayson, I would like to speak with you a moment." Amanda turned to see Professor Valek striding towards her, his gray robes billowing out behind him. He was flanked by the two Vulcans she'd seen earlier. Amanda couldn't help but gape. She'd completely forgotten about them as she'd puzzled through the test, but now curiosity flared up in her again, like hot coals under a bellows.

"Uh, yes, Professor?" She said, trying to keep her eyes on Professor Valek's face, and not allow them to stray to the two sullen Vulcan faces behind him.

"If you would accompany me, I have an important matter to discuss with you." Professor Valek said. Amanda was surprised to hear that his voice was even more monotone than usual. She'd thought that had been impossible, but she supposed that the influence of these two severe individuals behind him made Valek "smarten up". It hadn't occurred to her that Valek's icy Vulcan nature might have softened slightly around the edges during his time spent away from his own kind.

"Of course," She finally managed to say, her gaze flicking to the two Vulcans behind him. She unconsciously tightened her grip on her bag. Was she in trouble? Did they think that she had cheated on the exam? How could they?

Valek said nothing, only nodded curtly and motioned for her to follow him. Amanda hesitated for a moment before obeying. The two other Vulcans fell in behind her. They were both men, both wearing the traditional Vulcan hairstyle, and thick, dark robes. Amanda felt as though she were being followed by a police escort. It was incredibly unnerving. In an attempt to alleviate some of her tension, she sped up to walk at her professor's side. "Is something wrong, Professor?" She asked, trying to keep any hint of nerves out of her voice.

"Not at all," He replied, keeping his eyes ahead. Amanda waited for him to say something further, but he remained quiet. _I could never get used to being around Vulcans_, she thought grimly. _This silence is just creepy. _They proceeded in this manner for a few more minutes, leaving the lecture hall to go towards the building that housed the conference rooms and other official spaces of the school. Professor Valek led them to one of the smaller rooms, with a long shiny table and several chairs. There were already two people sitting there. Amanda recognized with a start the head of the school, Graham Wyse, sitting comfortably and speaking with yet another Vulcan. This one was a woman, and she was dressed less severely than the others, in a robe of dusty plum purple.

Wyse stood up when they entered, although the Vulcan woman did not. She surveyed Amanda with cool gray eyes as Wyse said "Ah, Miss Grayson. Please take a seat." He motioned to the chair in front of him, which Amanda took, feeling a little wary as she placed her bag on the floor. She felt far too casual for the setting, in her old jeans and cardigan, surrounded by be-robed Vulcans and the head of her school. "I'm glad to see you here."

"Um, thank you." Amanda said, her eyes flicking nervously to the Vulcan woman and back to Wyse. His greeting had puzzled her. Why would he be glad to see her?

"I would like to congratulate you on your recent test score, Miss Grayson." Wyse said, taking his seat again and smiling. "You did exceptionally well. That is why I've asked for you to join us here." Amanda gaped at him.

"How could you know my test score already? I just finished taking it." She blurted, immediately feeling stupid for having asked so bluntly.

Wyse folded his hands on the table. "We had your score sent here immediately after you sent in the test, along with those of some other students. You, however, received the highest score. But it isn't solely for your test score that we asked you here. In fact, we were really only waiting until you had finished your examination to ask you here. You see," He said, looking to his left, to the Vulcan woman, whose stare was beginning to make Amanda feel uncomfortable, "Starfleet has sent a request to several planets for exceptional students who are qualified to participate in a new cultural program. They want to create a fellowship program for interested individuals to travel to foreign planets and learn from them, culturally and academically. That's why our visitors are here." He gestured to the Vulcan woman beside him. "This is T'Rea. She is the head of the Vulcan division of the project."

T'Rea inclined her head. She was very beautiful, in a sort of haunting way. Her hair was very dark and piled up on her head in an intricate updo. Amanda, whose thick hair had always been as unruly as a lion's mane, was impressed. "It is good to meet you, Miss Grayson." She said. Her voice was very dark and rich. It made the hairs on the back of Amanda's neck tickle.

"Um, it's a pleasure to meet you too, T'Rea." Amanda said, when she'd managed to untangle her tongue. The Vulcan lady's eyes flashed, whether in pleasure or effrontery Amanda couldn't tell, but it seemed as though T'Rea had said all she meant to. Wyse cleared his throat and began to speak again.

"As it is a brand new initiative, there has been no application – Starfleet would like to give it something of a test run before the program is officially begun. Because of your talents with linguistics, specifically Vulcan linguistics, you were on our short list. If you are interested, you would travel to Vulcan to work with political and cultural dignitaries on the planet." Wyse leaned slightly across the table, looking straight into Amanda's eyes. "I need hardly say that this is a very great honor. Vulcan has agreed to accept only one student from Earth."

"Only one?" Amanda asked, feeling a little breathless. "Out of all the schools on Earth?"

Wyse glanced at the Vulcan lady beside him. "Not all," He said. "There were several institutions that were asked to participate in the program. The Terran Institute for Educational Studies happened to be one of them. And you are the student we consider most qualified for the position."

Amanda swallowed, twisting her fingers together under the table. She looked over at Professor Valek. He looked just as stiff and solemn as ever, but there seemed to be a hint of pride in his eyes that Amanda was surprised to see. Amanda tried to say something, to open her mouth even, but words would not come to her. She sat there dumbly, staring at Wyse and willing herself to speak. It was T'Rea, however, who relieved her of that obligation.

"We have looked over your academic record, and your professors are confident in your abilities," She said, her gray stare meeting Amanda's blue one. "I am willing to accept that you are a good candidate for our program. If you choose to accept, we will provide you with passage to Vulcan. There you will be given lodging in Shi'Kahr and granted access to many of the important offices of the city. You will have escorts to guide you safely."

Amanda felt as though a bucket of cold water had been thrown over her. Everything she had ever heard of Vulcan had been of the secrecy of its people, and their unwillingness to share any but the most commonplace aspects of their culture. She'd never even heard of humans who had lived on Vulcan for any extended period of time. Could they really be extending this offer to her, Amanda Grayson, a girl from Oregon who only wanted to teach kids their xenolinguistic ABCs? "I…I don't know what to say," Amanda finally managed to say, her voice sounding odd in her own ears. "What exactly will I be doing?"

"As you have studied to be an educator, the majority of your activities will be centered on the Vulcan education system." T'Rea said, smoothly cutting in over Wyse, who had just opened his mouth to answer. "You will be observing and participating in classes of different levels, as well as learning the concepts of Vulcan pedagogical theory and practice." Amanda's heart leapt into her throat. She wondered if she were dreaming. She'd never imagined that she'd stumble on such a golden opportunity right upon walking out of her last exam. This couldn't be better, or more terrifying. Amanda clenched her hands together under the table to keep them from trembling. But…would this journey to Vulcan be throwing a wrench in her plans for her future? She'd hoped to stick around in San Francisco and find a little teaching job somewhere, rise up through the ranks and find somewhere where she could be a real educator. A simple life on Earth, not unambitious, but simple. She felt as though she'd been walking down a straight, wide path, only to trip over a tree root and find a rocky trail up to the top of a mountain shrouded in mist. It was completely unknown and risky. This was a dangerous choice to make. But…Amanda could feel her heart thrumming fast with excitement. The very idea of setting foot on Vulcan, seeing the reality of Shi'Kahr, hearing the Vulcan language all around her, made sparks of excitement leap in her chest. She'd never even dreamed of travelling there, but now that the opportunity was in front of her, she was nearly wild with enthusiasm.

"I…yes," Amanda stuttered, her eyes bright. "I mean, I would love to participate in the program." Then, as an afterthought, "It would be an honor."

This answer seemed to satisfy both T'Rea and Wyse. The headmaster smiled broadly and held out his hand for Amanda to shake. "Well then, congratulations Miss Grayson. You are receiving a privilege no one has ever been granted before."

**Author's Note: **Well, this is my very first fic. Not first attempted fic, but first actually published one. I wrote it out of necessity really – I haven't been able to find an Amanda and Sarek fic anywhere that I really like! So here it is, I hope you like it.  
ps. I apologize for any factual errors!


	2. Chapter 2

"Amanda Grayson. It is a pleasure to meet you."

Amanda looked into the dark eyes of the Vulcan man in front of her, thinking to herself that it looked like it was anything but a pleasure. It was hard not to be intimidated by the man's bearing. He was significantly taller than Amanda, though she was tall for a woman, and his severe face was only made more forbidding by the deep lines of age there. His traditional Vulcan hair was shot through with gray, and he stood as stiffly as a statue, arms folded behind his back.

"The pleasure is mine, Councilman Skon." She said, inclining her head, and working hard to keep any trembling out of her voice. She couldn't show any of her nerves here. One slip would be a significant cultural faux pas. Amanda knew this all too well.

It was the day after Professor Valek had led Amanda to meet with T'Rea and Mr. Wyse. Amanda was now on her way to the library, in order to fufill T'Rea's instructions of the day before. "As there is obviously no one here suitable to prepare you for living on Vulcan," the elegant Vulcan had said, "I will work with you until your departure. You will meet with me in the library tomorrow, where I will attempt to instill as much of Vulcan culture in you as I can. We will meet daily until I am satisfied that you are fully prepared."

Amanda's excitement had been almost completely replaced with anxiety. She'd spent the night sleeplessly, alternating between panic and wild excitement. She was therefore feeling rather worn out as the doors to the library slid open before her. As she stepped inside, it occurred to her that T'Rea had not stipulated where they were going to meet. Amanda paused by the front desk. Where was she supposed to find the Vulcan emissary? She was spared any more worry, however, when T'Rea herself appeared at the desk, her robes a dark umber with a hint of orange. Amanda had little time to marvel at the woman's appearance, as T'Rea began speaking as soon as she drew level with Amanda. "Good morning, Miss Grayson. Come with me, please."

Amanda opened her mouth to say "good morning" as well, but T'Rea had already turned away and was sweeping off towards the back of the library. Amanda trotted to keep up with her, amazed that the woman could move so quickly in her heavy dress. When they reached the far wall, T'Rea turned and led Amanda to a small room that was normally reserved for small groups to work together. The room was empty now, although Amanda knew that it was usually in use at all hours. Perhaps T'Rea had scared the occupants away. She certainly had the bearing to do it.

"Please take a seat." T'Rea said. "Valek will join us shortly. He will be here to assist you in learning conversational Vulcan while I instruct you on how you are to behave during your stay."

Amanda sat down, feeling flustered. What did T'Rea mean, how she was to behave? Was T'Rea going to give her rules about where she could go, and who she could talk to? Amanda folded her hands in her lap as T'Rea took the seat opposite her. Amanda noted that the woman's hair was once again in an elegant style, but one completely different from the one she'd worn the day before. _Either she was up at four in the morning doing her hair, or she has three people to help her with it,_ Amanda thought.

"I needn't inform you that Vulcan culture is very different from that of Humans." T'Rea began, her eyes fixed on Amanda's. "There will be certain expectations for you while you are a guest of Vulcan. Most Human behaviors will not be acceptable in Vulcan society." Amanda raised her eyebrows. Oh, this is what she meant by behavior. Of course Amanda knew that Vulcans acted very differently from Humans, but she hadn't imagined that this program would require her to conform to their principles.

"I wonder if you are familiar with Surakian principles." T'Rea said, in a way that sounded much more like a statement than a question. Amanda licked her lips and nodded.

"Of course. The Surakian principles are the tenets that Vulcans hold in order to purge themselves of emotion."

"No. Vulcans do not purge themselves of emotion unless they are undertaking the ritual of Kolinahr. Vulcans are taught from birth to simply suppress their emotions, which would keep them from acting logically." Amanda blushed at having been checked in such a way. She had known of course that Vulcans weren't completely devoid of emotion, but obviously Amanda's imprecise words had led T'Rea to believe that she did not understand.

"Therefore, it is considered extremely rude to allow one's emotions to show in public, or to act on them." T'Rea continued. "Such behavior will not be tolerated in Shi'Kahr, nor among any Vulcans. As you are Human, you will be given slight license for mistakes, but nevertheless you must learn to act very differently from your normal comportment." Amanda frowned slightly. T'Rea spoke as if she expected her to make mistakes. T'Rea ignored her and went on, saying "I will endeavor to teach you to hide your emotional responses so that you may engage in Vulcan society without giving offense."

Amanda took a deep breath. This was going to be more difficult than she'd thought it would. She didn't have time to reply before T'Rea began to speak again. "If you find this endeavor would be too difficult for you, you need only say, and we will find another candidate."

Amanda's brows knit immediately and she shook her head. "Of course not. I'm perfectly willing to learn." T'Rea's shoulders stiffened, and Amanda thought that her expression became even more rigid, if that were possible.

"I am afraid it is that sort of reactions which I must teach you to suppress." She said. "It will not be easy for a Human to grasp. I hope that you understand this."

Amanda tried to force herself to relax, to smooth out her features and remove any tension from her body. "Yes, I understand. I want to try."

"Very good." T'Rea said, but there was no hint of approval in her face. Amanda supposed that she had to take that at face value. "There are a great many ways in which Vulcans suppress their emotions. However, as you are human, only a few will be available to you. The practice of meditation is core to Vulcan control. All Vulcans learn to meditate from a very young age. We use it to center ourselves and regulate the balance of emotions in our minds. It is vital to a Vulcan's survival that they can meditate regularly. Of course, Humans do not have any control over their minds in this way. Still, the practice has been used by Humans in a more superficial way. Humans can also regulate balance, although it is much more difficult to achieve, and the control is not nearly as strong. I will attempt to teach you what I can of meditation before we depart."

"When exactly do we leave?" Amanda asked, feeling her heart beating quickly.

"As soon as you have graduated from this institution." T'Rea replied. "Ideally, the day after the ceremony."

Amanda swallowed. So soon! And she had to learn so much! Would she be able to do this? Her gaze flicked to T'Rea's face, and she immediately tried to push any evidence of her worry off her face.

"I see that you are trying. That is good." T'Rea said, and there was a slight hint of satisfaction in her voice. Amanda felt her cheeks redden. So, she really was that easy to read. This was going to be a long and difficult lesson for her to grasp. How could she un-learn the way that she'd acted her entire life?

"As I said before, you will be given a certain degree of license due to your lack of natural ability. That is no reason for you to be lax in your attention to hiding your emotions, but you will not be expected to act entirely like a Vulcan. Such a request would be ludicrous, as you are completely incapable of it." Amanda wasn't sure if she was supposed to feel relieved or be hurt. She hadn't had much interaction with Vulcans in her life, but she was certainly understanding why Humans complained that they were so difficult to be around. That was no reason, though, for Amanda to back down. She could do this - she would do this.

T'Rea proceeded to tell her more about Vulcan meditation, and how she might apply the steps to her own adaptation of it. "We will attempt to find you a Human teacher, so that learning will not be so difficult." T'Rea assured her, when Amanda's ability to hide her exasperation began to flag.

T'Rea also explained about Surak, and the story of how he had brought Vulcan society to a better place through his teachings. Amanda couldn't help but be fascinated. It was as though her studies of the Vulcan language had only been the tip of the iceberg - there was so much more to learn underneath. She quietly resolved to find as many books in the library as she could on the subject, but T'Rea dashed that hope by saying "You will not be able to find much information on the subject in any library here on Earth. The Starfleet databases will be opened to you, however, and you will be able to conduct better research there. Your access will of course be restricted only to materials that are pertinent to your situation. The information on the Starfleet databases is incredibly valuable, and not open to everyone." Amanda nodded meekly - she knew that as she wasn't part of Starfleet herself, it was certainly a big deal that she should be allowed to see any of their gathered material.

Amanda was surprised, when Professor Valek entered the room, that she had been speaking with T'Rea for almost two hours. She'd been sufficiently swept up in the conversation not to notice the passage of time. As soon as Valek sat down, Amanda was once again surprised when T'Rea smoothly switched from speaking Federation Standard to Vulcan. She and Valek spoke for several minutes before Amanda fully caught up. The Vulcan language was incredibly difficult for Humans to grasp, and even in her classes with Valek Amanda had never ventured to speak the language beyond a few words. The vocabulary was dense, and it was difficult for a Human to even form the necessary sounds. Valek and T'Rea seemed to be watching her out of the corner of their eyes while they spoke, and Amanda squared her shoulders and concentrated on what they were saying. Their talk was light, concerning unimportant matters such as the date of Amanda's departure, the curriculum she had learned, and other bits of information about the school and Valek's position. After about 10 minutes of listening, Amanda was confident that she understood about 90% of the conversation, and was just feeling rather proud of herself when Valek turned to her and addressed a question to her. He had to repeat it before she caught the meaning.

"_Have you ever left Earth before_?"

"N-rai."

Valek's eyes flashed with something that Amanda thought might have been approval. He asked her another question, and this time Amanda was able to answer with more than one word. Slowly, Valek and T'Rea began to incorporate Amanda into the conversation, until Amanda herself was stringing together long sentences. Her pronunciation was certainly lacking, though, and Valek and T'Rea stopped her often to help her with a sound. It was embarrassing at first, but as Amanda began to gain confidence, her vowels and consonants became more streamlined, and by the end of an hour they were having a true conversation. It was a little bit "easy reader" in nature, but Amanda was working hard, pushing herself to speak aloud the more complex sentence structures that she'd studied with Valek in class. When T'Rea finally said that Amanda should go and get her lunch, Amanda had even ventured into the subjunctive.

This little triumph was enough to buoy her spirits, even after the worry of what she would be learning in the coming two weeks. She was about to leave the library when Valek stopped her. He addressed her in Federation Standard, which was slightly disappointing to Amanda, but she realized it was probably for the best when he began to speak. She wasn't sure she would have caught the meaning if he'd spoken Vulcan.

"Miss Grayson, I want to congratulate you myself on your acceptance into this program. I am very proud that a student from my tutelage has been given this opportunity. I would like to extend the use of any of my resources you would like from the library and institution. And, if you require more practice in conversational Vulcan, I am available to guide you before your departure." The older Vulcan said all of this without a hint of emotion in his face or eyes, but Amanda couldn't help feeling as though she'd been given a great compliment. It was difficult to keep a smile off her face, but she managed it, instead inclining her head respectfully to the professor.

"Thank you, Professor Valek. Your congratulations mean very much to me, and I'm grateful for all the guidance you've given me."

Thus, Amanda left the library in good spirits. She knew that there was a lot of work ahead of her, but it was exciting work, something that she'd never tried before. In fact, it was something that no graduate student had ever tried before. Amanda knew that there had been a few dignitaries from Earth who had learned Vulcan cultural practices well enough to be readily accepted among them, but there weren't many, and none of them had been younger than forty when they'd undertaken it. it all felt a little surreal, to be so honored, when she barely knew what she was doing.

That had all been two weeks ago. Amanda was standing now, in front of the imposing figure of Councilman Skon, wondering what the hell she was doing. They were on the landing platform, waiting to get onto the shuttle that would take her to the ship that would take her to Vulcan. Apparently this councilman had thought her important enough to accompany her transport ship all the way to Earth in order to meet her and escort her back to Vulcan. Thankfully, though, his attention was now focused on T'Rea, who was standing behind Amanda to her left. The two Vulcans exchanged a formal greeting and began to speak in low tones, quiet enough so that Amanda couldn't catch any of what they were saying.

The platform was rather empty. It held only T'Rea and her two companions, Amanda, and her parents, as well as the new addition of Councilman Skon, and his two bodyguards. Amanda felt a little swamped surrounded by so many Vulcans, but she knew it was silly to feel that way. She would soon be the only Human for hundreds of miles when she reached Shi'Kahr. Trying to banish these thoughts, Amanda turned to her parents, who were looking worried but proud. She tried to give them a reassuring smile, attempting also not to wonder if it was the last smile she would be giving in several months. Her father and mother seemed out of place here, on a landing platform at the edge of the planet, surrounded by alien people. Amanda suddenly felt a surge of homesickness, for the house she'd grown up in up north with her parents, and the relaxing, warm atmosphere that had always surrounded her. Looking at her parents' faces brought a flood of longing for that place, to go home and bury herself away from all of this new strangeness that had entered her life. She went to her parents, trying not to walk too quickly, and let herself be enveloped in the hug they offered to her.

"We'll miss you, sweetheart," Her mother said, although there was a smile on her face. "Don't worry. You can always call back to Earth."

"I know," Amanda said, a little muffled by her father's shoulder. "I'm sorry I'm acting like such a baby." She pulled away and wiped the beginnings of tears out of her eyes.

"Hey, that's all right." Her father said. "But there's nothing to be afraid about. You'll be brilliant. Just write us to let us know what amazing things you're doing, okay?"

Amanda couldn't help but grin at that. "Thanks, Dad." She said, looking up into the blue eyes that she shared with him. "I'll do my best."

"Of course you will. Better not dawdle, though, looks like they're ready to be off." Amanda's father gave her a reassuring squeeze on the shoulder, and her mother pulled her in for one last quick hug.

"Bye," She called out to them, hurrying back to the waiting Vulcans. It was like stepping out of a warm bathtub into a freezing cold shower. The same stony expression was on every Vulcan's face. Amanda felt her cheeks getting hot. Of course they would look at such a display of affection with a censorious eye, even one of disgust. That made her feel a little chilly inside. Couldn't they allow her this one last bit of Humanity before she tried to hide herself completely in Vulcan-ity? Amanda tried to think whether this was a word or not as she watched her luggage loaded onto the shuttle. Finally, it was time to go, and Amanda shot one quick look back at her parents before she climbed aboard. She smiled at them, genuinely, and as she turned away she tried to crystallize the image of their faces smiling back at her. Everything would be okay.

As the shuttle doors closed behind her, Amanda was incredibly surprised to see that she was not the only human who would be on the journey to Vulcan. There were two Human men sitting comfortably at the other end of the shuttle, chatting to each other and a younger Vulcan that Amanda didn't recognize. Councilman Skon had already disappeared into his own private chamber. but T'Rea glanced over her shoulder at Amanda and beckoned for her to join her.

"Miss Grayson, I would like to introduce you to the other representatives from Earth that will be accompanying you to Vulcan." T'Rea gestured to the two men. "This is Captain Vincent Prais, formerly of the USS Temerity." The older looking man smiled at Amanda and held out his hand for her to shake. Amanda glanced at T'Rea - Vulcans, as touch-telepaths, never sought contact with others. They viewed the Human custom of handshakes to be vulgar and lewd, to say the least. Obviously, this Captain Prais had no qualms about this, however. Amanda uncertainly accepted the handshake with only the briefest of touches.

"Good to meet you," The man said. He was in his early sixties, with short gray hair and beard. His eyes were dark, but kind, and the lines on his face were mostly from laughter, not from frowning. "You can call me Vincent. I'm a retired Captain." He said this with a smile, but Amanda was still wary of him. He(she?) wondered why he would greet her in a way that was clearly wrong to the Vulcans, especially when they were about to be completely surrounded by Vulcan customs.

"And this is Mr. Hollis Everard, of the Starfleet Academy." T'Rea indicated the younger man beside Prais. He was a smallish man, in neat dress and wearing serious glasses. "A pleasure," Everard said, although he didn't extend a handshake, for which Amanda was grateful.

Amanda looked to the third person, the younger Vulcan man. T'Rea, however, had moved on to sit with her bodyguards in another seating area. Without a word, the unnamed Vulcan stood and moved to go sit with her. Amanda couldn't help feeling surprised. Who was this person that T'Rea would not introduce to her?

"Don't worry about him," Prais said, chuckling. "They're all surly like that, aren't they? Have a seat." He said, indicating one of the comfortable looking chairs. Amanda obeyed, but she still felt on edge. "So you're the kid who's so good with Vulcan language? Good going."

Amanda blinked at Prais for a few moments before answering. "What? Oh, uh, yeah."

"We were expecting someone older!" Prais exclaimed, his large smile still on his face. "How old are you, 20?"

Amanda wasn't sure how to react to that. "I'm 26." She said, puzzled.

"Damn impressive." Said Prais, settling back in his chair. Amanda replied with a bemused "Thank you." She turned to Everard, who had been disinclined to speak thus far. "Mr. Everard, what do you do at the Academy?"

"I'm a botanist and researcher," Everard said, sounding rather gloomy. He was looking down into a glass of something that he crew had given him. "Do excuse me, I'm not my best on flights - bad motion sickness."

"Oh, I'm sorry." Amanda said. Prais laughed again.

"Poor Hollis. He's such a gentle soul. But that's what we need him for - he's here for the academics, I'm here for the politics, and you're here to make sure the rest of us don't go crazy, right?" He drank from his own glass, which Amanda supposed didn't contain the same contents as Everard's. She was about to say "No, I'm here to study Vulcan culture" but Prais cut her off with "Oh, sounds like we're entering the main ship."

Sure enough, there was the metallic sound of the shuttle being accepted into the large transport ship which would bear them to Vulcan. Amanda's face fell. She'd forgotten to look out the window as they left Earth. She stood up quickly and ran to the window, but the view of her home planet was already gone. It had been replaced by the inside of the transport's hangar bay. She sighed.  
"Don't worry about it, Missy." Prais called. He and Everard had also stood up, and were making their way to the shuttle's exit. "You'll have plenty of opportunity to stare at space while we're on the transport. Three days to get to Vulcan - believe me, you'll be sick of space by the end of it!"


	3. Chapter 3

Prais was right. After three days on the transport ship to Vulcan, Amanda was sick of space. She was also, not surprisingly, sick of Prais. He was always digging at her whenever he saw her, making slightly off-color jokes to try to make her blush. She found it incredibly unsettling, and wondered again and again why Starfleet would send such a person as a cultural emissary to Vulcan. Did they want to show Earth as a planet full of loud, boorish people? She still had hope with Everard, however. He was slightly absent minded, but friendly, and they'd had a few talks together to while the time away.

"I've never been to Vulcan before, either." He told her over their lunch once. "I'm incredibly excited to study the planet's native flora. In truth, though, I've been sent as an emissary to the Vulcan Science Academy. The program has also set up an exchange of recent experiments and results. I've got a big bundle of things to give to them over at the VSA...I doubt that they'll have much use for them, though." He looked a little crestfallen as he said this. "Strictly speaking, the Vulcan Science Academy has got research and information that Starfleet would love to get its hands on, but we don't have anything that's worth their while."

Amanda was surprised to hear it. "Really? Doesn't Starfleet have a database of scientific information from all over the galaxies?"

"Well, yes," Everard replied, in a tone that really suggested 'well, no'. "Earth has, of course, contributed tons of stuff to the Starfleet databases. Unfortunately, a lot of the other races aren't as keen to share their knowledge. Of course we have some things, but not as much as we'd like. If we're able to convince Vulcan to part with some of their research, then we'd surely get a huge influx from the other races. It's strange how much Vulcan sets a precedent for the other races." He sighed.

Amanda pondered this as she headed back to her rooms after lunch to pack up. They would be arriving in Vulcan in only a few hours. She knew that the Vulcans had been the first race to make contact with Humans, and many scientific advances had been made on Earth because of knowledge the Vulcans shared. It wouldn't surprise her, though, if that had only been a fraction of what the Vulcans knew. In many respects, they seemed to have honed their culture and society to far greater a point than the Humans had. But was that really a good thing?

Still musing, Amanda packed up her clothes and toiletries, drifting around the comfortable room she'd been given to find whatever little things she'd accidentally tucked away. Through her window, she thought she could see a reddish planet growing larger in the distance. Was that Vulcan? Her heart skipped a beat. Soon she would be stepping out onto the dusty red ground of Vulcan, and her work would really begin.

Once her bags were fully packed once more, Amanda paused in front of the large mirror in her room. She looked presentable enough, but she really wanted to make her best impression possible. She tugged her hair out of the ponytail she'd hastily made, deciding to braid it instead. She still wasn't fully satisfied. She stood there for a moment, staring at her face, making strange expressions as she examined her cheeks, lips, nose, and eyes. Hmm. She took a step back, and with an effort, carefully arranged her face into a placid, Vulcan-like calm. No movement, no change. She would be as still as the surface of a lake on a clear day.

T'Rea had, of course, continued to instruct Amanda throughout their journey. Amanda had even given meditation a shot, but she'd felt uncomfortable and fidgety under T'Rea's harsh eye. Amanda's conversational Vulcan, however, had improved by leaps and bounds. Earlier that day, T'Rea had nodded to her, a gesture of satisfaction, and said "You're doing very well. I am impressed, ko-kan, _girl_." Amanda wasn't sure whether to be pleased or offended. It was the first time that T'Rea had addressed her as anything but Miss Grayson. Was it a sign of acceptance, or of diminution? Amanda had the feeling that this wasn't the only thing she would be puzzling over in the months to come.

Finally, the transport reached its destination. The shuttle that was to bear them to the planet's surface arrived, and Amanda and the other passengers entered it, accompanied by a small crew. Amanda's party hadn't been the only travelers from Earth to Vulcan, and there were a larger number of Vulcans among those who boarded the shuttle. Amanda, out of habit more than preference, went to sit with the other Humans; Everard and Prais. Prais began talking at her almost immediately, but Amanda said she wanted to watch the descent, and parked herself by a window to peer out. As they left the hangar, her eyes widened to see the great curve of Vulcan's surface, brilliantly orange and glowing in the dark of space. She gasped at the sight, and she heard a chuckle behind her. She turned, thinking it would be Prais, but it was Everard. He smiled kindly at her.

"I'm sorry. I'm only enjoying seeing a young person's wonder."

Amanda returned his smile and shrugged, but someone else in the room had also caught her eye. The young Vulcan man whose name she had not been told was looking at her as well. As soon as their gaze met, however, he looked away, and did not look over at her again for the rest of the trip down to the planet. Amanda didn't mind, however. She could feel her heart racing in her chest with excitement. Finally, she would step out onto the surface of Vulcan! They would finally be there!

The surface of Vulcan turned out to be quite a lot hotter than she'd supposed. Amanda followed T'Rea off the shuttle, wild with impatience to be outside, but the Vulcan woman walked at a sedate pace. As soon as Vulcan's air hit them, however, Amanda wished she were back on the shuttle. It was boiling hot, and bright, with sunlight reflecting off the red sands and buildings at a furious degree. Amanda gasped again, shielding her eyes, because the vision of the city itself was enough to take the heat off her mind.

Shi'Kahr lay spread out in front of her, a landscape of delicate, strange towers in the heat haze. Amanda gaped. Shi'Kahr couldn't be compared to any city she had seen on Earth. The buildings were elegantly sloped, their sweeping roofs reflecting the sunlight in a strange, beautiful pattern. Amanda couldn't help but stare as they made their way onto the landing platform.

"It's beautiful," She gasped, turning to T'Rea with a look of stunned admiration on her face. T'Rea's own expression was unreadable, and Amanda quickly tried to make hers appear much the same. She had forgotten in her excitement to keep her manner cool and calm.

"Yes; there is no sight I like better than that of Shi'Kahr after I have been away." T'Rea said, and there was a hint of softness in her voice as she looked over her home. "Come, there is much to do."

Amanda hurried after the Vulcan lady's sweeping robes as T'Rea descended into the building to which the landing platform was attached. She could hear Prais complaining loudly of the heat as they made their way inside. It made something tighten angrily inside of her. How could he be like that?

They had apparently landed on the central building of Shi'Kahr, where the government offices were. They were met by what looked like several important Vulcan individuals, but they seemed to be far more interested in Councilman Skon than in Amanda or her fellow Humans. The Councilman and his group left almost immediately, acknowledging the Humans with only a short bow in their direction. Amanda noticed that the unnamed young man went with them, walking at the Councilman's side. She wondered again who he could be, but couldn't think about it for long, because T'Rea was directing her attention to another young Vulcan. She was very slight, and dressed in simple but lovely dark robes, which complimented her dark eyes and hair to an attractive degree.

"Hello, I wish you welcome to Shi'Kahr. My name is T'Sana, and I will be your guide here." The young woman bowed her head slightly. She spoke in Common, which annoyed Amanda slightly. She had wanted to ply her skills in the Vulcan tongue immediately, but she supposed that Prais and Everard needed to be addressed in Common. Well, soon enough she wouldn't have to spend any more time with them, though she thought that she would visit Everard when she had some time. She'd enjoyed talking to him on the voyage.

T'Sana led them to the main floor of the building, speaking in a quiet, polite voice all the while. "This is the principal building of the Vulcan High Command. The High Council also meets here - I believe you have met Councilman Skon. You will each have lodgings quite close by to this building, as most of your meetings will take place here." She turned to Prais. "Captain Prais, you will be functioning primarily out of this building. Mr. Everard, however, you will be working in the Science Academy, which is quite close by, to the west." She indicated with one slim hand the general direction of the great school. "Miss Grayson," She said, turning to look at Amanda, "I believe your studies will take place in many different institutions around the city. Transportation will of course be provided for you." Amanda was about to smile in thanks to the young woman, but caught herself just in time. No doubt such a gesture would have mortified and embarrassed T'Sana.

"It is here that I leave you, unless you have any questions for me." T'Sana said, when they reached the entrance to the building. A large, black vehicle was waiting for them outside, into which their belongings were being packed.

"Rai, lesek." Amanda said, in Vulcan. "_No, thank you._" T'Sana of course did not look surprised to be addressed in her own tongue, but she inclined her head to Amanda. "Miss Grayson, I see that the reports of your prowess with our language are true. I wish you good luck in your studies here." Once again, she replied in Common, and Amanda wondered if it was for Prais and Everard's benefit yet again. Amanda returned the nod, but she sighed internally, but shrugged it off. Soon she would be yearning to speak Common again, she was pretty certain of that.

T'Sana motioned for them to get into the vehicle. "Goodbye. I will see you tomorrow. Rest well, be'hai'la." Prais and Everard smiled at her and got into the hovercar, Amanda following behind them feeling embarrassed. She wondered why the two of them didn't even make an effort. Perhaps the Vulcans were expecting good behavior out of her, but not out of the other diplomats.

When the door was closed, Prais immediately turned to Amanda. "What was that 'be'hai'la' about? Was she calling us something rude?"

Amanda frowned at him. "Of course not. It means 'guests'."

"You try to learn some of the language, or at least pick up a phrase book." Everard said coolly to Prais, and Amanda felt a little of the pressure on her lessen. T'Rea joined them a moment later, shutting the door neatly behind her.

"I will accompany you to your lodgings," She said. "Miss Grayson, we will go to yours first."

Amanda nodded, but her mind was already elsewhere. She was staring out the large windows at the city streets around them. Everywhere there were Vulcans going about their everyday business, walking together in their strange heavy robes, talking with calm faces. Amanda felt as though she couldn't stop staring. It was as though she'd stepped through a door into a completely different world - which, of course, she had. After having seen only a handful of Vulcans in her 26 years of life, she was overwhelmed by the crowds around them. Everything was interesting, everything was exciting. She read signs for restaurants and hotels, for bath houses and food markets. She even saw children, walking beside their parents just as solemnly as the adults. Amanda wondered what it would be like to encounter children like that in a classroom. _Well, it's only a matter of time,_ she thought.

Finally they reached the little building where Amanda would be staying. It was really quite close by to the Vulcan High Command building, but as there was so much traffic, it took a while to get there. Amanda got out of the hovercar quickly, eager to see the place that would be her new home. The driver was already taking her small bags out of the hovercar. Amanda was surprised to see a simply dressed woman taking them from him into the house. She didn't expect that she would have servants here.

T'Rea also got out of the car. "This is where I leave you," She said to Amanda. "We shall see each other again soon. You shall have everything you need here, but if you lack for anything, you need only send a message to T'Sana or myself. Good evening, ko-kan." And, for the first time, she raised her hand in the Vulcan salute. Amanda, surprised but appreciative of the gesture, returned it. This seemed to satisfy T'Rea, and she got back into the vehicle, which promptly left.

Amanda turned to survey the little house she had been given. It was perfectly cosy looking, to Amanda's eye, although she had so far seen little of Vulcan architecture. It was made out of a dark orange material, not unlike brick, and there were ample windows. The door was unobtrusive, set behind a little gate, and beside it stood an impressive plant, its branches reaching out in all directions, extending dusty purple flowers to the air. Amanda wanted to smile, but instead contented herself with enjoying the feeling of warmth rising in her chest. She could certainly see herself being at home here. If everything else was strange, at least she could retreat back here, where a sense of refuge was already forming.

She was brought out of these thoughts by a polite noise beside her. She turned to see the Vulcan woman in simple dress who had helped the driver with her luggage. She was in her late thirties, with shoulder-length hair. Her face didn't seem unkind, with large dark eyes, and she inclined her head respectfully to Amanda when their eyes met.

"Good afternoon, t'sai. I am T'Iva. I am to be your maid." The woman said, in Vulcan. Amanda felt her cheeks grow warmer from being addressed as "lady", but she supposed it was the closest the Vulcan language would get to "miss".

"Thank you, T'Iva." Amanda said, not sure what else she could say. T'Iva seemed to be satisfied by this, however, and led the way into the little house. Amanda was even more pleased with the interior, which was very comforting, if a little dark. There was a small living room and kitchen on the first floor, with space set aside for a table and chairs. Up a curving staircase Amanda found a hallway with three doors leading off it. One led to a small sitting room, another to a room that Amanda assumed belonged to T'Iva, and the third to her own bedroom. It was lovely, decorated in cool dark colors, and the air was cool despite the heat outside. Amanda was delighted to find also that the back wall was entirely comprised of a large window, allowing her to see out to the skyline of Shi'Kahr. Evidently her home was on a little row of buildings built the top of a low cliff. Beyond, the houses were all set at a lower level, allowing her to see far over the roofs. The large bulk of the Principle Building was also in sight, and Amanda regarded it for a few moments, wondering what her days inside its walls would be like. For now, however, she was perfectly content. A little cough behind her indicated T'Iva's presence again.

"T'Sana has instructed me to lay out clothing for you, t'sai." She said, indicating a bundle of cloth in her arms. "There are more in the dresser. T'Sana has asked that you dress appropriately for the weather while you stay here." Amanda looked down at her clothes. Even from the short amount of time she'd spent outside, there was a smattering of red dust on her pants and sleeves. She would certainly look like a foreigner if she wore clothing like this out in the city. "Oh, of course. Thank you." She said, remembering to keep her face smooth and calm.

T'Iva nodded and began to lay out the clothes - a Vulcan style dress, not as elegant as those T'Rea wore, but lovely nonetheless. It was a dark shade of muted rose, which Amanda found very attractive, even though she normally wore bright or pastel colors. She picked up the top garment and examined it for a minute. It looked easy enough, but...Amanda looked to T'Iva.

"May I ask you to help me on with them?" She asked, feeling sheepish, but doing her best to keep it out of her voice. "I don't know how wear it."

Something like a smile flickered in T'Iva's eyes and she nodded. "Of course, t'sai." She said. She began to help Amanda out of her old clothes and into the Vulcan dress, and Amanda was surprised to find that the woman did it all without touching Amanda once. Of course, it would be considered rude to have any physical contact. Once Amanda had struggled into the dress, she went to the long mirror and regarded herself in it.

The effect wasn't bad. The fabric draped very nicely over her body. Amanda had always marvelled at the way that Vulcan ladies dresses always made their bodies look beautiful and shapely while staying far away from anything erotic or tight. Therefore she was very pleased by the way the dress looked on her own body. "I like it very much." She said, smoothing out the long skirt. The cloth also felt far more comfortable than her old clothing had - somehow cooler, even though there was far more of it.

"If that is all, mistress, I will leave you." Said T'Iva with another little nod.

"Oh, wait -" Amanda held up a hand. Ever since she'd met T'Rea, she'd been wondering... "I don't suppose you could help me style my hair like a Vulcan lady, too?"


	4. Chapter 4

The next day was full of activity for Amanda. She breakfasted at home, enjoying a meal which T'Iva prepared for her. She had been wary of Vulcan foods, but she was pleasantly surprised. Vulcans, apparently, had a passion for tea, and Amanda was happy enough to drink two cups with her meal, which was a pleasant egg dish with thick slices of bread studded with fruit and nuts. She'd barely finished when the hovercar arrived to take her to the Principle Building.

Amanda had taken care that morning to dress, asking T'Iva to help her with her clothing and hair again. She was getting the hang of it, but she still needed help with the complex twisting that was required to pin her hair up. This morning T'Iva had pinned it back in a simple but lovely style. Amanda couldn't help glancing at her reflection in whatever mirrors she passed. It was only that her appearance was so foreign to her, and she wanted to get used to it. Also, she thought she looked rather pretty.

Her attention to her appearance did not go unnoticed. When T'Sana greeted her - thankfully without Prais or Everard - there seemed to be approval in her observation of her appearance. The young woman wished her a courteous good morning, and Amanda was pleased to hear that she had given over Common for the Vulcan tongue. T'Sana gestured for her to follow her. Amanda trotted after her, her feet barely making any noise on the polished floor. She put it down to the thin little Vulcan sandals.

"Today, you will simply be touring the Science Academy. We would like to begin with the broader range of Vulcan educational systems before you view classes for younger students." T'Sana explained as they walked over towards a bank of elevators, whose doors slid open and closed silently to admit groups of somberly dressed Vulcans. "I myself will be conducting the tour. Unfortunately we cannot spare anyone else at the moment. The students are studying for their final exams, and the professors are constantly in demand." They waited a few moments for an elevator, which T'Sana ushered them into. She pressed a series of buttons, and Amanda was pleased to read the Vulcan numerals that labelled them.

"I understand." She said. "I will be happy to see anything you care to show me."

"Indeed." T'Sana said. "We thought it prudent to start your immersion into Vulcan culture slowly. I see that you are taking to it faster than we had hoped, however."

Amanda suppressed an urge to smile. As a naturally good natured person, she was used to smiling often, and it was difficult to stop herself whenever she wanted to. Fortunately, the longer she spent with T'Sana and the other Vulcans, the easier it was becoming. "Thank you. I want to adjust as quickly as possible - so that I have the most amount of time to learn."

"That is admirable." T'Sana said. The doors opened then, cutting off any further conversation as they negotiated their way around a group of Vulcans in the attire of students of the Academy. Amanda was finding it quite difficult to get past them without touching any of them. When she finally disentangled herself, they started off down a hallway, which somehow echoed in harmony with Amanda's memory of "school". Despite its alien design and architecture, there was something about it that announced itself as an educational institution. Amanda liked that.

"The tour will be brief, as there are many people that you must meet." T'Sana said, walking quickly down the hallway. There were large windows into the classrooms on either side of the hallway, and Amanda could see students working diligently within, their heads bent over PADDs, notes, lab desks, and even open electronics. "Many people of note are eager to meet you, Miss Grayson." T'Sana looked over her shoulder and caught Amanda's eye, and obviously read the surprise that was written too plainly there. "Not everyone was pleased about the formation of this cultural program, but there are many in the Academy who were firm supporters. I believe you have heard of the Vulcan concept of IDIC?"

Amanda nodded, speeding up a little to keep up with her host. "Infinite diversity in infinite combinations." She said.

"Yes, precisely. Many academics here hold strongly to that belief. They are confident that your presence here is a positive step towards the principles of IDIC." T'Sana stopped then - they had reached the end of the corridor. "I am among them. I am glad to see you here, Miss Grayson." There seemed to be a slight softening in her demeanor, which Amanda was both surprised and pleased to see.

"Thank you. I'm very glad of the opportunity. I will do my best to make the program a success." She said.

"Good. Now, we have just entered the main hall of the Academy. If I may point out the sculptural program..."

T'Sana led Amanda over what seemed the entire floor plan of the Academy, despite the Vulcan lady's assurance that it would be a short tour. Amanda didn't mind - she found the tour fascinating. She knew a little about the VSA from her studies back on Earth, but being in the actual building was like nothing she'd experienced before. She asked a great many questions, which T'Sana seemed pleased to answer, relating the history of the Academy and its importance throughout the history of Vulcan as a whole. Amanda was likewise fascinated with the architecture of the building. It displayed all of Vulcan's grand style, and she found it incredibly beautiful. T'Sana had just as much information on that as well, giving Amanda the run-down of the Academy's design and architectural program.

It seemed to Amanda that they had wandered for about an hour and a half before T'Sana clasped her hands behind her back and said "We must cut the tour short. I must bring you to the main conference room to meet the pudor-tor, _honored ones_." Amanda nodded, blinking in surprise. Honored ones? She felt at once curious and intimidated, although T'Sana gave off no signals that would suggest that Amanda should be afraid. Then again, T'Sana wouldn't dream of giving off signals. Amanda hoped that she would learn to detect the slight hints that Vulcans exchanged between each other soon. It was becoming frustrating to stop herself from reading into even the slightest change of facial or eye expression.

T'Sana took her up to the top floor above the main hall of the Academy. There was a long balcony that had a grand view of the entire room, all the way to the bottom floor where a large fountain burbled. Amanda was impressed by the view, but she had little time to admire it, as almost as soon as she and T'Sana reached the top floor, the central doors opened and T'Sana hurried towards them. Amanda followed, picking up her skirts in order to keep up with the quick Vulcan woman. T'Sana positioned herself just inside the door, and Amanda arrived just in time to see her bow to the elders seated around the low table in front of her.

"May I present Amanda Grayson, the cultural emissary from Earth." T'Sana was saying. She held out a hand to indicate Amanda, who managed to catch herself in time and bow respectfully. There were three Vulcans seated at the table before them, all in at least late middle age. Their faces were completely unreadable.

"Miss Grayson, may I present to you S'Haile Karek, the head of the Academy; S'Haile Ahror, the head of the linguistics department, and, oh, I believe you have met him before, Councilman Skon." T'Sana continued. Amanda's eyebrows would have shot up if she allowed them to. Here was Councilman Skon again? What did he want with her?

"Sarlah etek dvin-tor, _I come to serve_." Amanda said, extending the ta'al. If she was going to do this, she was going to do it right.

Karek returned the gesture, his face still as stony as before. "Vu dvin dor etwel, _your service honors us._" He said in reply.

T'Sana spoke up again, coming to stand at Amanda's elbow. "The elders are very interested in the program. They have devised the course of your studies while you are here on Vulcan. Councilman Skon was the main supporter of the program in the High Council." The Councilman nodded at the mention of his name. Amanda bowed again, not sure what to do or say. When in doubt, bow.

"I am honored for this opportunity, elders. I am eager to begin my studies." Amanda said, fighting to keep her face as smooth as possible. Smooth and calm, like the surface of a lake. As still and peaceful as a summer day.

The elders seemed pleased by her answer. They did not, however, invite her or T'Sana to sit, and Amanda felt awkward standing in front of them, like a naughty child standing before the disciplinarian. Ahror was the next to speak. His voice was as dry and dusty as an old leaf, but it sounded strangely soothing to Amanda.

"We are pleased to meet you at last. I myself hope to meet with you often in the coming months to discuss your progress. We will have much to discuss." Amanda just nodded. She didn't know how else to reply to that.

"Yes," Karek cut in, his voice significantly less pleasant than his colleague's. "It is necessary to remind you, however, that you must restrict yourself solely to the areas of the Academy and other educational institutions that concern your project. You are not to investigate anything that is not germaine to your assigned task. You will be granted access to certain knowledge bases by Elder Ahror or myself. You are not to stray outside of those bases for any reason."

A cold chill crept over Amanda. Karek's expression was just as calm and still as any other Vulcan she had met, but his eyes were flat and cold, foreboding. Ahror glanced at the Headmaster for a moment before turning back to Amanda. _Aha_, Amanda thought, _he must have been one of the ones that wasn't so eager to have me come for a visit. _She swallowed and inclined her head. "Of course, trensu, _master_." She said, trying to act with as much deference as possible.

"However, if you have any questions or concerns, you may direct them to me." Ahror said. "We are devoted to learning at this institution, in all forms." A weird feeling came over Amanda. It felt as though there were tension building between Karek and Ahror, but it was completely invisible, as neither of the elderly men had more than blinked. _Perhaps this is what a bitter feud looks like through Vulcan eyes_, Amanda thought.

"Thank you." Amanda said. She seemed to keep flinging these harmless words into the air because she couldn't think of anything else to say. It seemed to satisfy, thankfully. T'Sana bowed to the elder gentlemen and indicated with a look to Amanda that it was time for them to go. Amanda bowed as well and extended the ta'al again, which the elders returned with a sort of nonchalance. They had moved on to think of other things already. As they were leaving, however, Amanda was surprised to hear Councilman Skon behind her.

"Pardon me, Miss Grayson." She turned to see the imposing Councilman striding towards them on the balcony, his gray and black robes sweeping behind him like the wings of an elderly crow.

"Yes, Councilman?" Amanda asked, trying to keep any quaver out of her voice. T'Sana was already at attention at her side.

"I would like to inform you that I am hosting a celebration in honor of the success of the cultural exchange, tomorrow night, on my estates. I would be honored to have you and your fellows join me."

Amanda's mouth opened, but she shut it quickly. It wouldn't do to have her mouth hanging open in front of such an important dignitary. "Thank you very much," She managed to say, finally. "I look forward to it." She and the Councilman exchanged formal nods, and Amanda was just turning away when the Councilman spoke again, but this time not to her.

"Ah, Sarek. We are just finished here."

Amanda found herself looking into the face of the young Vulcan who had remained nameless on their journey from Earth. He barely glanced at her, striding up the steps towards the Councilman. He himself said nothing, only raised the ta'al in recognition of Skon's greeting.

"Miss Grayson, I would like to introduce you to my son, Sarek." Councilman Skon said, and Amanda did an awkward half-twist on the stairs in order to acknowledge the young man. She had never seen a Vulcan of her own age before, apart from T'Sana, who was at least a few years older than she at any rate. Now that she had a good look at his face, Amanda could see that he shared the same square jaw and strong dark eyes of his father. For some reason, however, the effect was much more pleasant on the Councilman. Where it made Skon look distinguished and proud-spirited, Sarek's expression was dark, maybe even surly. It made Amanda feel rather uncomfortable.

"Ha'tha ti'lu, _good morning_." The young man said, in an even stiffer voice than was customary for a Vulcan. Having uttered these two words, he turned immediately and began speaking with his father in rapid Vulcan, fast enough that Amanda couldn't catch what he was saying. T'Sana made a small noise beside her and Amanda turned away, eager to be away from Sarek and the Councilman.

The rest of the day passed in a blur of activity. Amanda met many more high-ups in the Academy before she and T'Sana went for lunch. Afterwards T'Sana took her to see the districts of the city where she could purchase necessaries, and pointed out directions for noted landmarks. By the time Amanda returned to her home in the early evening, her head was buzzing with all of the information she had absorbed that day. It was, to say the least, overwhelming.

She was able to relax when she got home, however, as T'Iva had prepared her a neat little dinner, and there was a bath waiting for her as well. This was a welcome blessing, and Amanda spent a good 45 minutes soaking in the hot water, letting the hot red dust of the Shi'Kahr streets flow off her skin. When she got out of the bath, Amanda noticed that there was a message for her on the little console in her bedroom. Still in her towel, she went over to it and tapped the screen to read it. It was written, of course, in the jagged and squiggly Vulcan script, but Amanda was far more comfortable with written Vulcan than she was speaking it.

Miss Grayson,

We have procured the services of an excellent meditation instructor for your usage. He will visit your home at 14h00 tomorrow to begin your lessons.

You have also been invited to attend a gathering at Councilman Skon's estate in the city tomorrow evening. T'Iva will be given instructions on your dress. The event begins at 17h30. A vehicle will pick you up at 17h00 to transport you to the event.

Sincerely,

T'Rea

In all of the excitement, Amanda had completely forgotten about the meditation lessons. She swore under her breath. On top of everything else, she was going to have to learn to meditate? She thought she'd been doing a pretty good job keeping her emotions suppressed so far. It seemed to her like these lessons would be a waste of time. Unfortunately, she had no choice. And in any case, she had been sent to Vulcan to absorb as much of Vulcan culture as she could, perhaps as much as she could stand. Meditation, according to T'Rea, was a vital part of what it meant to be Vulcan. Amanda would just have to struggle through it, just like everything else.

Amanda turned off the console and went to flop down on the bed. At least here she was away from any Vulcan eyes that might criticize her very Human act of flopping. She stared up at the ceiling, thinking. Her encounter with the Vulcan elders had shaken her a bit. It was the first time that she had come into contact with anyone who wasn't in full support of the program she was undertaking. Would there be many more like Karek? And Councilman Skon's son had been...unsettling. She wanted to make at least one friend while she was here on Vulcan. Was that impossible? Perhaps no sane young adult Vulcan would want anything to do with the crazy Human. She didn't want to spend the entirety of her trip alone, among elders and escorts. That sounded completely dreary. Maybe she could make friends with the children in the classes she would be observing, although she wasn't sure how much Vulcan children would be like the adults.

_Well_, Amanda thought as she went to put on her sleep attire, _I suppose that's what I'm here to find out._

Amanda spent the next morning with T'Sana again. This time, T'Sana escorted her around the various educational institutions of Shi'Kahr, although they barely spent more than 15 minutes inside any one of them. Amanda did get to catch a glimpse of a few young Vulcans, even a few teenagers, although of course they didn't have a spot of acne among them. She was impressed, though, by the schools themselves. Beautiful libraries in each one - even those that taught quite young children had large study spaces, where little Vulcans poured over PADDs full of information. She managed to catch a glimpse of one of them as she and T'Sana walked by. She was amused to see the screen the little boy was pondering showed a picture of a starship, and beneath it, in clear lettering, was the word "STARSHIP". It seemed that these little Vulcans were learning to read.

Amanda asked T'Sana if the children had indeed been learning to read. "Oh, yes." T'Sana said. "Vulcan children learn to read around age three or four."

Amanda had to keep the surprise off her face. "Really? Humans don't learn properly until they're at least five years old." She said. "Most of their first year of schooling is devoted to it."

"Is that so? Generally our curriculum devotes only a week or so to the process."

"It only takes them a week to learn to read?" Amanda said, astonished.

"Well, most of them are comfortable reading by the time they get to school in any case. But it is important to give every child the same teaching, don't you agree?"

For the rest of the morning, Amanda found herself astonished by Vulcan practices everywhere. It was strange, how similar Vulcans could look to humans, and how very different they actually were. At one point, she saw a few elegantly dressed Vulcan ladies lounging around the entrance to a garden. She blinked, watching as they preened their hair and arranged their skirts.

"T'Sana, what sort of place is that?" She asked, pointing out the building.

"Oh," T'Sana replied dismissively. "It is a brothel."

Amanda couldn't help letting her mouth fall open. She looked back at the Vulcan women, who had noticed her attention and were watching her with calm faces. They were all very beautiful - Amanda wouldn't have thought twice if she saw them at an elegant party. "Do you mean those women are...prostitutes?"

T'Sana looked over at the building as well. "Yes." She said simply. "But they are not the same as the prostitutes you have on Earth. Vulcans do not need to fulfill desires like that. The brothels of Shi'Kahr are more like hospitals or...wellness centers. If a Vulcan's bondmate dies before they do, they often go into a horrible despair, which they sometimes cannot repair on their own. If a Vulcan is struggling with repairing his or her mind, they can visit one of these places and the employees will help them regain themselves."

"Oh." Amanda said, still reeling. "They sound like...therapists."

"Yes, that is a good analogy." T'Sana said, before pointing out something else of interest and steering Amanda away from the brothel. Amanda got the feeling that T'Sana was reluctant to speak more on the subject, and she let it pass. There were too many interesting things to see and hear about for her to dwell too long on the idea of Vulcan prostitutes.

Since her morning was so busy, Amanda had almost forgotten her appointment with the meditation instructor that afternoon. However, when she returned to her house, T'Iva was already waiting with her lunch and an air of anxiety.

"You must eat quickly, mistress, as your teacher will be arriving soon." She said, ushering Amanda into the house and pulling off the girl's light overcoat. Amanda groaned inwardly before hurrying off to eat. T'Iva was right - she had only half an hour before she was supposed to be presentable enough for a respected teacher.

Five minutes to two, Amanda was sitting downstairs in her little living room, her hair back in its tight pinnings thanks to T'Iva's quick fingers. The style had become a little frayed around the edges as Amanda traversed the city that morning. She was wearing something like a Vulcan house-dress, which was incredibly comfortable, and a pretty golden yellow color. Amanda was quite pleased with it, although she was afraid that it showed up the sunburn which she had inevitably received the day before from walking about. It wasn't long before there was a polite knock at the door. Amanda heard T'Iva go to it and open it. She stood as footsteps in the hallway suggested that her teacher was arriving.

The meditation instructor was certainly not what she was expecting. He was a youngish Vulcan, not many years older than herself, with light eyes and a face that was considerably more open than that of any other Vulcan Amanda had encountered. He bowed when he saw Amanda, and she returned the gesture, feeling puzzled.

"Good afternoon, Miss Grayson," The Vulcan said, and Amanda was doubly surprised to hear that he addressed her in Common. "I am Ataur. I will be instructing you on the art of meditation. I hope that you do not mind my speaking in the Common language. I am attempting to master it, and I would greatly appreciate conversing with a native speaker."

Amanda had to pause for a moment to gather her brain together enough to reply. "Of course not," She said, the Common syllables tumbling out of her mouth awkwardly after the battle she'd been having to fight against the Vulcan ones. "It is a pleasure to meet you. Please, come in." She stepped back in order to allow Ataur properly enter the room. He looked around with a clear hint of curiosity in his light eyes. They seemed to be a mixture of blue and green, a very attractive color in his pale face. After he had fully examined the room, Ataur loosened his limbs and took a seat on the carpeted floor, as if he were doing nothing more extraordinary than scratching his nose.

"Please join me," he said, indicating the floor in front of him with one long-fingered hand. Amanda did so, her puzzlement mounting.

"T'Rea has charged me with the duty to teach you to master Vulcan meditation." He began, resting his hands on his knees. "It is a very difficult and specific art, and one which not all can fully grasp. With diligence and practice, however, it opens a pathway to a calmer soul and mind. I assume you are familiar with how Vulcans use meditation to balance their emotions?"

Amanda nodded. "Yes, T'Rea talked with me about it before we left for Vulcan."

"Indeed." There was a hint of a smile in Ataur's face, which Amanda found both refreshing and off-putting, a strange mix of sensations. "Of course I cannot teach you to use meditation like a Vulcan would. However, I can assist you to use meditation for your own purposes. Did you know that Humans have been practicing a meditation of their own for many centuries?"

Amanda blinked. She did not know that, and said as much. "Ah, then I have a secret to impart to you. Humans can use meditative techniques almost as effectively as Vulcans to temper their emotional impulses. There were many masters of the arts in Human history."

"Pardon my asking," Amanda finally said, unable to restrain herself any longer. "How do you know this much about Human history?"

"Not all of Human history," Ataur said, and Amanda could have sworn that a smile played around his lips. "Only those sections concerning meditation. I have devoted myself to the practices of meditation, and my research has led me to study variants of it in many different cultures. You see, I too came to the practice late in life. I did not learn to meditate until I was sixteen years of age."

Amanda almost frowned, but caught herself just in time. "I thought that Vulcans were all taught how to meditate from childhood."

"Most Vulcans, yes. Unfortunately I was not born in a civilized place like Shi'Kahr. My family was killed on their small farm far outside the city by wild beasts. I alone survived, although I was quite small. I spent most of my life thieving to stay alive. I knew very little speech and I was completely unaware of the Surakian principles." Ataur tilted his head slightly to one side. "My nature was very similar to those of the ancient Vulcanoid peoples, before Surak brought them enlightenment. Do you know what happens to a Vulcan, should he neglect his control over his emotions?"

Amanda paused. She found that, in truth, she didn't know. She only knew that it was very important that they keep their iron grip on themselves. "No, I don't know." She said. With any other Vulcan she had met, she would have felt embarrassed for admitting it. But Ataur seemed freely able to communicate with her, almost like another Human. It was incredibly puzzling, and therefore made Amanda very curious.

"Vulcans tend to look down on Humans because Humans freely express their emotions. The common belief is that Vulcans do not have the same capacity for feeling as Humans do. The truth is, in fact, the contrary. Vulcans feel so powerfully that they can be overcome with their emotions incredibly easily. That is why we must strive so hard to control and balance them, as they have the power to completely undo us. That is why the practice of meditation is so vital to the Vulcan mind and soul." Ataur took a deep breath and closed his eyes. It was a long moment before he opened them again. "When I was finally found by patrols, I was completely wild, like a maddened beast myself. Under the careful tutelage of T'Rea and others, I was able to become a true Vulcan, but not until well into my teenage years. I learned to control my emotions, just as well, or perhaps better, than many others."

Amanda licked her lips - her question was burning them. "But...forgive me for saying this, you seem to be much less...stiff than the other Vulcans I have met."

Ataur nodded. "Yes, I allow myself a little bit of indulgence with my emotions, because I trust my ability to overcome them. I was able to become a true Vulcan and bring myself out of a maddened state - with careful teaching and help, of course. I know my limits. Others do not always see it this way, of course...I am not readily accepted as a real teacher of meditative practice because I do not always act entirely Vulcan. But, I believe T'Rea asked me to be your teacher because I have experience coaching an unwilling, raging soul to obey."

"I wouldn't describe myself as either unwilling or raging." Amanda said, a little huffily.

"Not at all. But, to a Vulcan, your inner workings might very well seem to be that way." Ataur said placidly. "Now, please sit as I am sitting. This is the proper posture for a meditative session." Amanda tried, but it took her a while to arrange all of her arms and legs into the right position. Even when she was sitting the right way, she didn't feel nearly as relaxed and comfortable as Ataur looked.

"The key to meditation is breathing. This is the tenet of both Vulcan and Human meditative practices. You must bend your breath to your will. If you wish to control your mind, you must begin by controlling your body." Ataur said. His eyes were closed now, his hands still resting on his knees, and he seemed completely and perfectly at peace. Amanda closed her eyes as well, trying to do as he instructed her.

The rest of the lesson was hard going. Amanda struggled hard to follow Ataur's instructions, but there was always a buzz of tension running through her body that would not be turned off or shooed away. Her shoulders twinged, her neck had a crick in it, she had a twitch in her eyelid. After forty five minutes of effort, Amanda was feeling spent. They hadn't even ventured beyond controlling the breath. Finally, though, the lesson was over, and Ataur stood up in one graceful movement. Amanda got up as well, but no where near as gracefully. Her legs had fallen asleep, and she made an awkward lurch as she got to her feet.

"You made brilliant progress today." Ataur said.

"I don't think I did," Amanda said, trying to stand formally but comfortably at the same time. She felt as though she needed another hot bath to work the tension out of her limbs. Wasn't the point of her mediation lessons to relax her, not twist her up in knots?

"Don't worry," Ataur said soothingly, his light eyes conveying approval even though his face remained calm. "I believe you have the potential to truly center yourself. Everything takes study and work, as I'm sure you are aware."

Amanda nodded. Ataur wished her a good afternoon and left, leaving behind a sort of freshness in the air. Amanda felt both annoyed and bemused as she went up to her bedroom. Unfortunately, she would have to spend the next hour getting ready for Councilman Skon's reception, or whatever it was going to be. Better try and work the kinks out of her body and mind before she ventured out there. It would be a huge failure if she lost her control in front of all the Vulcan dignitaries that were bound to be there.

Author's Note: Long chapter! I had a lot to squeeze in here, and I'm already off my plan. Oh well!


	5. Chapter 5

Amanda knew that she shouldn't be showing any signs of excitement, but she couldn't help it. The dress that T'Rea had sent over was gorgeous, and Amanda gasped when T'Iva laid it out for her. It was a muted midnight blue color, made out of semi-diaphanous fabric that settled on her body like a mist. There was also, to Amanda's surprise, jewelry: a fine but rather thick necklace and amber earrings. There was even a little clip to go in her hair.

When T'Iva had finished with her, Amanda went to look in the mirror. She was at once enchanted and embarrassed by what she saw. She looked like a proper Vulcan lady, for all that her skin was peachy pink instead of slightly greenish, and her ears weren't pointed. And, of course, her face was full of wonder and excitement. When she noticed this, Amanda immediately smoothed out her features and put on a calm mask. There, done. T'Iva herself seemed pleased by the result.

"You look very pretty, t'sai." She said, her hands folded in front of her apron.

"Thank you." Amanda said, trying to banish away a blush. It was odd, though, how the elegant outfit gave her confidence. She felt finally as if she had taken a step closer to belonging in Shi'Kahr, instead of bumbling around blindly, an ignorant Human. It was as though the fine clothing had become armor.

When the hovercar arrived, Amanda had to fight hard to keep her hands from trembling. _Act like a Vulcan princess_, she told herself as she walked out to the vehicle. _You are calm and serene and completely invulnerable. _This thought soothed her somewhat, and she climbed into the black vehicle, her shaking stopped. She was unhappy to see, however, that there were already two people inside the car – Everard and Prais. Everard was wearing an elegant but simple tunic in the Vulcan style, but Prais was sporting an almost obnoxiously decorated Starfleet Captain's uniform. Amanda thought wryly that it made his appearance match his voice – loud and a little uncouth.

"Well don't you look beautiful," He said as Amanda arranged her skirts around her. "I've never been one for the Vulcan fashions, but it isn't a bad look, don't you think, Hollis?"

Everard nodded, giving Amanda a brief smile. "You do look lovely, Miss Grayson." He didn't meet Prais' eyes.

"Oh, thank you." Amanda said, after a pause. She had to keep herself from saying "lesek". It was difficult to keep switching in and out of the Vulcan language. It had been unsettling enough when bits of her dreams were spoken in Vulcan instead of Common. Prais chattered at her and Everard throughout the entire drive, which was longer than Amanda had expected. As it happened, Councilman Skon's estate was a little ways out of the city. Everard, who had apparently done some research on the plan on Shi'Kahr, told Amanda that all of the best houses were outside the city limits, on a large overlook that had a lovely view of the rest of the city. It reminded Amanda of the Palatine Hill of Ancient Rome, when he pointed it out to her out the window. The houses were indeed very grand, and only became more so as they approached. Amanda was impressed further when they went towards one of the largest and most heavily decorated buildings. They had to pause at a set of intricate gates and be allowed through by a posted guard. There were many other vehicles already waiting outside the grand façade of the manor. Amanda knew her eyes were the size of dinner plates as they stepped out of the car. She carefully avoided taking Prais' hand as he offered to help her out. That was one of the merits of Vulcan fashion – they didn't believe in high heels for their ladies, at least not in all situations.

Before Amanda had advanced even a few feet on the grand staircase leading to the entrance, T'Rea was at her side. "Good evening, Miss Grayson." She said, and her voice had a slightly pleasant lilt to it. "I am pleased to see you well."

"Oh, good evening, T'Rea." Amanda said, carefully without a smile. Her guide was wearing robes of a beautiful olive green, which complimented her skin perfectly. The woman's dark hair was similarly styled to Amanda's, although T'Rea sported many more glittering pins in her hair.

"Let us go inside. It is much cooler in the manor." T'Rea said, indicating the door with one pale hand. The evening was indeed very warm. The sun didn't set over Shi'Kahr until the late evening at least. At first, Amanda had found it disorienting, but she was quickly becoming accustomed to the planet's different light. She nodded to T'Rea, and together they ascended the stairs. T'Rea nodded to several important looking people as they made their way up, all of whom turned to each other and spoke in quiet voices when Amanda met their eyes. She felt a little exposed – as far as she could see, she, Everard and Prais were the only Humans at the affair, and the two of them had melted into the crowd almost immediately.

Amanda had little time to worry about this, however. They had just entered the great atrium of the manor, and she could care less about anything else upon seeing it. The Academy and Principle Building had been impressive in size and styling, but they had been fashioned in a public style. This building was gorgeously ornamented, although it was much simpler than any fancy houses Amanda had seen on Earth. There was a regular, delicate symmetry that gave the whole room a sense of reverberation and echo. The high, gold colored ceiling was steeply vaulted, and reflected the light of a large central chandelier, which sparkled like a giant, gem studded crown. Amanda's eyes roved over the entire space. She couldn't seem to focus on any one thing – there was so much strange beauty around her. Her marveling was interrupted, however, when Councilman Skon's voice came to her across the polished floor.

"T'Rea, welcome; and welcome to our honored guest Miss Grayson." He said, extending the ta'al. Of course, there was nothing in his bearing that outwardly suggested pleasure, but his tone seemed lighter than usual. Amanda bowed to him, at first feeling a little sheepish. But she remembered the dress and jewelry, and felt strengthened again.

"Thank you, Councilman." T'Rea said evenly. "Thank you for welcoming us into your home."

"Of course," The tall Vulcan said. "Please, follow me to the main hall." He turned and gestured towards a grand archway leading off to the left. Through it Amanda could see more glowing chandeliers, illuminating a grand room full of Vulcans speaking with each other. The scene was very different from any Human gathering Amanda had been to. The guests weren't laughing and drinking, and there was certainly no dancing. But they seemed to be enjoying themselves none the less. The quiet was strange to Amanda as well – parties had always been rather loud in her experience. But none of the Vulcans needed to raise their voices to be heard. They simply spoke in normal tones. There was a group of musicians in one corner, playing strange instruments that Amanda did not recognize. They made a lovely, dark sound that made Amanda think of the scent of spices and resin. Their melody could only just be heard above the quiet conversations of the party goers.

Councilman Skon proceeded to introduce Amanda to several groups of dignitaries – listing their names in rapid succession. Amanda found that she could barely hold onto one name from group to group, but they were all polite and tranquil with her. She found herself enjoying the party, especially after she had tried the spicy, almost sour drink that was being served at the bar. T'Rea told her it was the juice of a desert fruit mixed with k'vass. Amanda almost spat it out when she heard that: k'vass was rumored to be incredibly strong, with more intoxicating power than any Human liquor. T'Rea almost smiled at her reaction and shook her head. "It is heavily watered down, do not worry, ko-kan."

Soon Amanda was quite at her ease. She watched as the Vulcan women drift across the ball room, their beautiful robes catching the light with an iridescent quality; the men greeting them in their dark, neatly cut tunics, embellished with accents of color and gold. It was enchanting, and Amanda felt it harder and harder to conceal her wonderment, especially after she had tasted more of the exotic drink. It would have been a night to fold up and tuck away in her pocket, to keep as a brilliant memory, if it hadn't been for an interaction she had near the end of the night.

Amanda had drifted towards a group of younger Vulcans, all around her own age. They were speaking quietly, exchanging dry witticisms that Amanda greatly enjoyed, although she did not let it show. She wasn't thinking of anything in particular, only listening to the conversation, when a comment was directed towards her.

"Are you enjoying your stay on Vulcan, Miss Grayson?" The question came from a young woman, taller than Amanda, and very aquiline in her features. After a moment's concentration, Amanda remembered her as T'Nia.

"Very much," She replied, polite and still.

"We have all been following the progress of Starfleet's project with interest," Commented the lady beside T'Nia, whose name Amanda couldn't recall. She was considerably shorter and rounder of face. She reminded Amanda of a less-raucous Georgia.

"I am glad to hear it." Amanda said, taking another sip of her drink. "I have to admit that I was nervous at the outset, but I feel more comfortable now." She realized she was openly discussing feelings with Vulcans, but for some reason that didn't seem to bother her. Not, that is, until she heard a slightly derisive noise from another member of the group.

She turned, and met the cold, dark gaze of the Councilman's son. Sarek stood almost a head taller than her, although Amanda thought herself tall for a woman. She resisted frowning at him, but calmed herself, thinking of the peaceful lake. Unbidden, however, a word rose to her lips.  
"Yes?"

The other young Vulcans stilled. Sarek glanced at them, his posture becoming a little more defensive. It seemed to Amanda that he was squaring up, like the young cadets and lieutenants of Starfleet did when they wanted to start a bar fight. "Perhaps," He began, "You are becoming too comfortable. Your Human tendencies are not as…acceptable here as they are among your own kind." (Dammit Awkward!Sarek WHY)

Amanda could feel a flush building in her cheeks. She knew that she was doing well – T'Rea and T'Sana had complimented her on her control, and Ataur had commended her on her strength. How dare he insult her like this? "I beg your pardon," She said, her voice growing icier than she intended, "I don't believe there is anything in my behavior that has been inappropriate."

"Your ignorance of your own actions would not be so lamentable were you an ordinary member of your race. However, in Starfleet's chosen candidate, I find a lack of propriety disappointing."

"And what of your rudeness?" She snapped. "I wouldn't expect it from a High Council member's son." She knew her face was red now, and her tone was far too charged with emotion, but it was difficult to keep a lid on her anger when there was so much contempt in Sarek's eyes. He should be scolded for showing so much of it. Amanda was not at fault.

Sarek drew himself up haughtily. "How easy it is to make you lose your composure…" He said, as though he were talking to himself. "Your sharp tongue, however, is not an indicator of a sharp mind."

Amanda clenched her jaw. "And your tongue is sharper, oluhk." A small part of her shrieked in protest, _get out! You've just called Councilman Skon's son a snake! _The larger, more stubborn part of her was already gearing up for the fight, however.

Sarek tilted his proud jaw and regarded her with cold eyes. _That really does make him look like a snake. _"I refuse to enter into a contest of wits with you, ko-kan. I would not take advantage of your natural handicap." With that, he inclined his head in a mockery of respect and strode off, his severely black tunic a dark silhouette against the light of the ballroom. Amanda gaped after him, her eyes stinging with gathering tears. T'Rea's diminutive sounded acerbic in Sarek's words – his use of it made Amanda's insides burn with shame. The other Vulcans stood rigidly, remaining silent. Amanda licked her lips and tried to force the tears not to fall, thinking that for all their composure, Vulcans could look just as awkward as wet cats.

She set down her glass and turned away without a word. That was enough for her – time to find T'Rea and bolt. Fortunately the Vulcan woman was already waiting for her by the door to the main hall. Her face looked even more grim than usual, her dark eyes flat and blank.

"I wish to return home." Amanda said, resisting the urge to thrust her chin out defiantly.

"Yes. There is a vehicle waiting for you." T'Rea said, her voice as flat as her eyes. She escorted Amanda outside, where there was indeed a hovercar waiting. Amanda was immensely relieved to see that it was waiting only for her. Prais and Everard were not inside, or in immediate sight. With a quick look at T'Rea, Amanda slipped inside the car and shut the door firmly behind her. As they pulled away from the mansion, Amanda was glad of the dark windows. They allowed her to keep her tears hidden.


	6. Chapter 6

Amanda was more than happy to collapse into bed that night. Her anger had banked, but it was still present, like the hot coals of a dying fire. She tried to remember Ataur's advice about controlling her emotions as she lay in bed, staring at the ceiling. It took her longer than usual to calm herself and fall asleep, and the next morning she felt harassed and cranky as she dressed and went down to breakfast. T'Iva had made another interesting, delicious Vulcan meal, which had a cheering effect on Amanda. When she arrived at the Principle Building an hour later, she was further pleased to find that she had something important to do that day.

T'Sana was waiting for her with a warm greeting - warm, of course, for a Vulcan. "Good Morning, Miss Grayson. I have good news for you. H'Saile Ahror has arranged for you to make a visitation to one of the most accomplished elementary schools in the city: The Children's Education Institute of Shi'Khar."

Amanda's heart leapt with excitement, but she managed to show no expression upon receiving the news. "Excellent, I am grateful to him." She said, feeling her spirit lift out of the gloom Sarek had put her in. "What will I be doing there?"

T'Sana explained to her as she escorted Amanda to where the car was awaiting her. "You will be observing classes and meeting with the educators," She said, handing Amanda a PADD information chip. "Here is all the information on the history of the school and the curriculi of the classes you will be attending. It would be best if you were very attentive during your observations; I believe that Starfleet will be wanting a report from you in the near future."

Amanda blinked, tucking the information chip away in her pocket. "Oh, of course - thank you." She said. She'd completely forgotten that Starfleet would want anything of her from this program. She'd been so wrapped up in the new experience that she'd forgotten that she was here on Vulcan to do work! Feeling sheepish, Amanda bid T'Sana goodbye and climbed into the hovercar. The drive was not very long. Amanda supposed that this school must be one of the more important ones in the area. This theory was solidified in her when she saw the building. It was almost as tall as the Principle Building, and looked nearly as official and important.

She was a little nervous when she stepped out of the car and approached the entrance, but she had little time to worry. An attendant immediately swept her up - a young man who spoke quickly and quietly as he ushered her through the main hall of the institution. Amanda had a little trouble keeping up with his quick speech at first, but she managed to adjust as they walked down the neat hallways, passing small rooms that couldn't possibly be classrooms. "Are we going to see a class?" She asked, pausing her talkative guide.

"Of course, Miss Grayson. I am taking you to the Central Education Hall."

That sounded slightly foreboding to Amanda, but she nodded and followed after him. They saw few others in the hallways, and even though Amanda had been there for almost half an hour, she had seen not seen hide nor hair of a Vulcan child or adolescent. She was beginning to wonder if Vulcans kept any children at all in their elementary schools when her guide paused her before a huge set of double doors. "This is the Central Education Hall," He said. "I must ask you to remain silent while you observe the class. The acoustics of the hall pick up very slight sounds."

Feeling even more puzzled, Amanda nodded. "Of course." She had to withold her gasp, however, when the attendant opened the doors for her. The room was vast and dark, so much so that Amanda could not see the far walls or ceiling. The only sources of light were what looked at first to be flat circular disks on the floor, about 5 feet across. It was only after Amanda's sight adjusted that she realized they were little pits sunk into the floor. The attendant gestured politely for her to go inside. Amanda swallowed and entered the hall, staring around her. Class had apparently just begun, but it took Amanda a moment to realize this, as there was no one speaking. Amanda wandered in, skirting the edge of the closest pit. It was empty, its sloped walls aglow with a bluish light. As she walked farther in, she finally spotted a Vulcan child. He was standing in the center of one of the pits as letters, numbers and pictures flowed around him. He watched them carefully, and Amanda heard him reciting a complicated mathematical formula as the numbers hovered in front of him. Amanda stared openly, she had never seen anything like it in any sort of school. When the child finished, he glanced up at her curiously, but only for a moment, as another question was directed at him, apparently from a hidden speaker in the pit. He returned to his work without another look at Amanda.

Every single one of the lighted pits had a little Vulcan inside it, speaking quickly and quietly as the glowing images swirled around them. Amanda was transfixed, so much so that she almost collided with another adult. Amanda ducked her head in apology. The Vulcan regarded her coolly, but said nothing. After a moment, Amanda stepped aside, realizing that she had been blocking his passage between two of the pits. He inclined his head to her and proceeded on his way. Amanda watched him, wondering who he could be. Was he a teacher? Did the children need teachers with the pits asking all the questions? Her question was answered when she noticed the rotation of one of the pits halt. A brighter glow appeared around the edges of the pit, and Amanda could see the child standing inside looking expectantly at the adult Vulcan, who approached her sedately. The little Vulcan girl seemed to pose a question - Amanda couldn't hear exactly from her distance away. The adult spoke to her for a short while, and when he finished the little girl nodded and turned back to her work. The images began to float around her once again. _Oh,_ Amanda thought. _He must be here to supervise and answer questions when the kids had them. _So the children had to pause whenever they ran across a problem and seek help themselves. The teachers were only there to correct their path when they strayed. Such a system could never work in a Terran school - no Human child would be able to recognize when they needed help. How different Vulcans and Humans were! It was almost embarrassing to realize that the Vulcan children were handling a teaching style that had only been introduced to Amanda herself when she'd entered her undergraduate years.

As Amanda wandered, she saw more teachers, both men and women. The children appeared to be of all ages. Amanda had to hide the little spark of delight she felt when she spotted a little Vulcan girl who couldn't have been more than five years old. The serious on her little round face was, Amanda had to admit to herself, unbearably cute. She bit her lip to hide her smile and turned away. After all, the little girl had been working on a very complicated piece of scientific theory. She would not have appreciated any comments from Amanda on how dear she looked.

Amanda wasn't sure how long she spent adrift in the huge, dark hall. At one point, she'd turned to find one of the Vulcan children staring at her, his console paused. When she walked closer, his expression changed very slightly and he turned back to the console. _He thought I was one of his teachers,_ Amanda thought, and blushed. _But maybe I can still answer his question._

"Yes?" She asked, trying to look as composed as possible.

The boy hesitated, and Amanda noticed his eyes flicked around the hall for a moment, perhaps seeking out another teacher. Nevertheless, he voiced his question - and Amanda was surprised at it. "Are you the Human woman? Amanda Grayson?" He asked, in a quiet voice that only she could hear.

"Yes." She replied, bending down so that she was closer to his level. "Did you want to ask me something?"

The boy looked hesitant, and he kept looking to his right and left. She wondered if he would get in trouble for speaking to her. She tried to project compassion without actually showing any facial expression. Vulcans really did have it rough when it came to communication. When the boy continued to remain silent, but didn't turn back to his console, Amanda tried again. "What's your name?" She asked in a quiet tone.

"Selek," He said, just as quietly. This seemed to alleviate some of his misgivings. "My uncle told me about you. He is Councilman Skon. I said I wanted to meet you, but my parents did not-"

"Selek," A stern Vulcan voice said. Amanda looked up into the face of one of the severe teachers. "You are not to pause in your studies unless you have a query. Please leave our visitor in peace." Selek immediately turned from Amanda, his console whirring back into life. The colorful images blurred his face from Amanda's view as they rotated around him. She suppressed a sigh and stood up, bowing slightly to the Vulcan instructor.

"My apologies," She said, meaning to move off again.

"It is of no matter. Please do not speak to the students again, however. They must preserve their concentration."

Amanda nodded and flitted away. It seemed as if she were meeting all of the Councilman's relatives these days. Selek hadn't been more than 12. She wondered why his parents wouldn't want him to meet her - perhaps they thought her Human-ness would be a bad influence on him. She had gathered, from speaking with T'Sana and T'Rea, that Vulcan children were less predictable than their parents. They were in the process of learning their emotional controls, just as Amanda was. Amanda felt a little wistful. She would have liked to speak with someone who wasn't as closed off as the other Vulcans, especially since she'd exchanged words with Sarek. Thinking of him made another little shock of anger blaze within her. She didn't have time to dwell on him or his acerbic words, however, because her attendant and guide of the morning was suddenly at her elbow.

"I will escort you to see some other study spaces, Miss Grayson." He said. Amanda blinked - his sudden appearance had surprised her.

"Yes, thank you." She said. She was more than willing to leave this big dark space. It felt eerie to her, like the vastness of space - the lighted pits like planets, the centers of civilization and culture, while the teachers moved about like orbiting ships, spreading information between them. She wondered if the Vulcans had kept that idea in mind when designing the space. In any case, it felt very nice to be back in the light of the corridor outside, although she had to take a moment or two to adjust her eyes to the brightness.

The attendant led her around the rest of the school, giving her information on each of the spaces they observed. Amanda was pleased and excited to see students of all ages working in small greenhouses with strange Vulcan plants, examining the world's tiny things under microscopes, writing industriously on large screens, and even sitting in open forum discussions. The school seemed to be devoted to teaching all aspects of Vulcan knowledge and culture. Amanda privately wished she could attend some of the classes. It would be wonderful to learn everything in such a structured manner, instead of running about from place to place, trying to absorb a vastness of information from only everyday experiences. She smiled on the inside at that thought - how like an aspiring teacher, to want to spend more time in a classroom.

Amanda was particularly interested to see a large, open room, much brighter than the Central Education Hall (or Hall of the Pits, as she was referring to it in her mind). Inside, older students sat in deep concentration, running styli over screens or paper. When she asked her guide about it, he gave an almost apathetic sort of gesture. "This is the hall for artistic study," He said. "The program at our institution is not very large. We prefer to have our students concentrate on academics rather than arts."

"But surely some of the students are more suited to art than to the other curriculi." Amanda said, watching as a teenage girl swept a brush gracefully across her paper. She seemed to be perfectly at peace, for which Amanda envied her.

"Yes, a few." Her guide said. "There is a school for the arts on the outer edge of Shi'Kahr. It is the best of its kind on Vulcan. Some of our students go on to study there."

"I would like to see it, while I'm here." Amanda said, her eyes still on the painting girl.

The rest of the day was spent moving from class to class, studying each carefully before moving on. Amanda took only a brief pause to get something to eat. Her guide was very thorough, explaining each class and study space in his quiet, quick voice. Amanda didn't mind, in fact she was engrossed in the tour. She was continually fascinated by how Vulcans taught their children. There were some classes, like the Hall of the Pits, where the students worked with consoles and computers rather than actual teachers. In others, the students sat in simple rooms with no equipment, speaking to their teachers as if they were in an official meeting.

Amanda even glimpsed a few students relaxing while she had her lunch. They were older students, also eating lunch, talking in quiet voices which Amanda could not hear. Even though Amanda could discern no emotion or expression from any of them, she got the feeling that they were enjoying each other's company, enjoying the discussion. The scene was the most companionable and Human-like she had yet seen on Vulcan. It made her feel first pleased, then a little homesick. Although it had only been a few days, she longed for a companion to confess her worries to. T'Rea or T'Sana would listen politely to her official concerns, but she had no confidante. If only there were another human, not Prais or Everard, that she could really talk to. Ataur was more open than the other Vulcans, but Amanda had not felt on equal ground with him. She resolved to call her parents and Georgia that night, even though she knew it would only make her feel more homesick.

Finally, the day was over. Amanda felt weary from walking about all day, but she was excited about what she had seen. She'd started taking notes after her lunch break, and now her PADD was full of her insights on the Vulcan school. She had a lot to think about, certainly. She was thus lost in her thoughts as she waited in the entrance hall for her car to arrive. It was far too hot to wait outside at this point in the afternoon. Amanda could see heat shimmering off the ground outside. It distorted the sunlight coming in through the large windows, casting strange dancing patterns on the shining marble-like floor of the hall. The noise of quiet talking reached her ears, and she turned to see a great number of students walking down the hallway, some carrying bags and PADDs. Apparently their day was over as well.

Amanda watched them go past, thinking how strange it was to see their faces so soft and open, not yet conformed to the stoicity of their parents and elders. It was while she was doing this that she recognized Selek in the crowd. He caught her eye, and seemed intent to walk over to her, when someone called out his name. Amanda turned to see who it was, and her heart sank. Sarek, dressed in a light gray tunic, was striding across the hall. Selek turned to him, greeting him with familiarity. Amanda stared openly as the two of them fell into step together, Sarek standing much more rigidly than his companion. They walked straight past Amanda on their way out, and although Selek glanced at her, and gave her a little nod, Sarek stared directly ahead of him, not deigning to look her way. Amanda's jaw clenched. He must have seen her - she was standing right there, and in a brightly colored dress at that.

Her annoyance followed her all the way back to her little home like a buzzing black cloud. It did not leave her until she climbed into a hot bath that T'Iva had drawn for her. The relaxation awarded by the steaming water allowed her to shoo it away, dispersing its angry humming. Who cared about that rude, block headed Vulcan snob, she thought as she scrubbed languidly at her foot. It was not for her to worry about the opinions of a stiff-necked acid spitter like him.

After she had eaten, Amanda found that she had another message on the console in her bedroom. Absently towelling her wet hair, she opened it and read.

Miss Grayson,

I would like to schedule another lesson with you tomorrow, at the same time as before. If you will permit me, I will bring some materials to enhance your studies.

Sincerely,

Ataur

Amanda had forgotten that she was to have continuing lessons with Ataur. She found that she was eager to speak with him again. After her encounter with Sarek, she wanted to make sure she could keep an iron clamp down on her emotions. It would not do to slip up in front of any Vulcans who shared his opinions. She wrote back to Ataur, confirming that she would be available at that time, and closed the message interface. She had time now to call her parents.

Amanda opened the communication with her home address, waiting for her parents to respond. Within a few moments her mother's face appeared, and Amanda allowed herself her first actual smile in days.

**Author's Note: **Sorry for the delay in updates! I've been writing a lot, but the editing process is a lot slower obviously, since it's not as fun. I hope to have another chapter or two done soon! Also, for those people who gave me factual corrections, thanks! I'm a totally new to the Star Trek fandom, so my vocabulary is not always accurate. I'll try to make the necessary edits soon.


	7. Chapter 7

Amanda slept more easily that night. She had spoken with her parents for two hours, and felt much more at ease for confiding in them. It occurred to her that the effort of living among the Vulcans was putting more of a strain on her than she'd realized. As she lay in bed that night, she resolved to work hard with Ataur at their next meeting. She needed to be able to calm and control herself. She knew that she could do this - it was just a matter of adapting and overcoming. Soon, with Ataur's help, she would be able to take anything that anyone threw at her, without batting an eyelash.

She was therefore in a determined frame of mind when Ataur came to visit her the next day. She was waiting for him again in the little sitting room, her hands in her lap. When Ataur came in, he looked at her with curiosity in his eyes. "You're troubled," He said. He placed a little cloth covered basket on the floor, but Amanda was too vexed to be very interested in it.

"Is it that obvious?" Amanda asked, annoyed with herself. She looked at her feet, not wanting to meet Ataur's eyes. "I've run into some difficulties."

"Not obvious, no," Ataur said, making himself comfortable on the floor. His flowing robes were of a stormy blue gray color that accented his eyes in a striking way. "But you are sitting as if you wanted to run away. What sort of difficulties?"

"There have been some people who have been less than kind." Amanda said, sliding off her chair to join him on the floor. She mimicked his cross-legged pose, although she didn't feel as relaxed in it as he looked.

Ataur gave her an unreadable look, reaching for the basket. "I see. These people wouldn't happen to be Councilman Skon's son, would they?"

Amanda's eyes widened and she clenched her jaw. "How did you know that?" She asked.

"Vulcans gossip - not as much as some other races do, but news does travel."

"I don't find that very convincing," Amanda said, knotting her fingers together in her lap. "Vulcans are very private, from what I hear."

"Yes, you are right, although you were being closely watched that night, you know. An interested party thought that I should know of your difficulties. I assure you there was nothing sinister about it." He said, unfolding the cloth and uncovering the contents of the basket. There were three thick little candles inside, of dark red wax. Amanda regarded them with suspicion.

"What are those?" She asked, temporarily forgetting her annoyance at having been spied on.

"Vulcans sometimes use aromatic candles in their meditation sessions," Ataur explained, setting out the little candles with care. "There are certain scents that can assist in clearing the mind. These are mild, don't worry. I wouldn't seek to overwhelm you with Vulcan pungency." There was a hint of a smile in his eyes, and Amanda felt herself relaxing a bit.

As Ataur lit the candles, Amanda tried to settle more comfortably into her position. She wondered what Ataur would try with her this time. More breathing practices? She tried to slow her breathing down, elongating each inhale and exhale. Soon she had reached a more even pace, and was surprised to find that it made her feel calmer. Having finished lighting the candles, Ataur placed his hands on his knees and watched her.

"I want to focus on breathing again," Ataur said, his voice quieter than before. "In addition, I want you to think about clearing the surface of your mind. Banish whatever concerns are preying on you - clear them off as you would clear a table. Whatever is weighing on you, cast it off, and lighten your spirit." Amanda caught the scent of the candles, a clear, spicy aroma that reminded her of the wind off the desert. She listened to the sound of Ataur's voice as he spoke, trying to untangle each worry that was pressing on her and cast it away. It was rough going. Her anxieties about Sarek and the other hostile Vulcans felt sticky, and they clung whenever she tried to brush them away. She felt herself getting frustrated. Whenever she tried to banish them, they only came back in full force.

"Gently," Ataur reminded. Amanda forced herself to relax and let go of her worry, letting it subside a little. She imagined herself using a clean cloth to wash away a stain on a polished table top, using only gentle force to scrub it away. This worked better - when she pictured the last traces of the worry-stain disappearing from the table's surface, her mind felt lighter. She sighed a little and allowed her body to relax with it. The scent of the candles surrounded her, and Amanda pictured herself sitting out on the sands of the desert, a cool wind drifting past her and stirring the sand into little swirls.

She and Ataur sat like this for several minutes. Amanda had lost track of the time, concentrating on nothing. Finally, Ataur's voice broke through to her. "If you can, try to imagine building a wall in your mind. As strong as you can build it. Draw it around your emotional center and close it off, keeping it safe. It isn't a barrier, but a protection." Amanda tried to do as he told her, constructing a little fence around the center of her mind. It felt flimsy and unstable, as though she were trying to build a wall out of spiderweb. She frowned slightly as she felt it droop.

"It's not working," She said, a hint of anxiety in her voice.

"Try again. Let it fall if it must, but continue building. Reinforce it."

Amanda tried again, imagining a wall of steel instead of gossamer. Still, it seemed to fall away from her grip. Exasperated, she snatched at it, but instead of bending to her will, it only dissipated like heavy mist. Amanda tried to calm herself again, taking a deep breath, but the aroma of the candles was thick in the air, and she sneezed.

"This is difficult," She said, scratching her nose.

"Yes, it is. But you are doing well. When you have time, relax yourself and try building it again. Soon it will be stronger. You must only practice." Ataur's eyes were shining when he spoke, and she sighed.

"I'll try," She said, although she could feel the weight of her worries pressing down on her again, but not as strongly as they had before. She no longer felt so oppressed. "Thank you."

"Of course." Ataur said, standing up. Amanda followed suit, but when she put weight on her legs, they stung with pins and needles. Her legs had fallen asleep from sitting still for so long. Amanda scowled, her face turned away from Ataur, as she massaged some life back into them. "What can I do to keep that from happening?"

There was a hint of a chuckle in Ataur's voice as she turned to him. "It is a problem that Vulcans don't often suffer from," He said. "But perhaps you could try a different position. However you are most comfortable. Do not worry overmuch. You will become more proficient in time."

Over the next few days, Amanda did her best to follow Ataur's words. She was busy, though, and had little time to devote to her meditative studies. After her first visit to the Children's Education Institute, Amanda made many more visits. She strolled around in the Hall of the Pits, paying close attention to the questions posed to the children, and sat in the back of smaller classrooms, watching discussions and laboratory sessions. Although she was enjoying the work very much, it was tiring, and she went to sleep each night exhausted by the day's activity.

She did not spend all of her time there, however. T'Sana took her to see the city's monuments and important buildings, giving her a brief introduction to each. Amanda was amazed at the strange and beautiful structures, some of which had existed earlier than the beginnings of Human civilization. There was much to learn in Shi'Kahr, and Amanda was only too eager to learn it. Most intruging were the temples, with their grand facades and huge, quiet halls. They were full of scents from incense and candles, which lit the dark walls and ceilings with golden orange light. Amanda wandered through them as though she were in a dream, absorbing as much information as she could from the ancient writings and pictograms on the walls. T'Sana was not as knowledgeable on the stories depicted there, however, and Amanda found herself having to guess at the meanings more often than not. She spent what little time she wasn't working or meditating on research, trying to eke meaning out of the dense texts to which the VSA had allowed her access. She struggled with the long records of Vulcan history, but her research was mostly rewarding. When she met with T'Rea, she asked as many questions about her studies as she could, and T'Rea was willing enough to answer them.

With all of the activity, Sarek's rudeness had completely vanished from Amanda's mind. She was focusing on more important things, after all. Fortunately, he remained out of her sight as well, as she didn't glimpse him at all in the days and weeks that followed their brief encounter at the Children's Institute. Eventually, however, her luck ran out.

Amanda was sitting in the shade of a large, spiny tree in the courtyard of the Children's Institute. Classes had just let out for the day, and Amanda was exhausted. She'd participated more fully in the classes that day, answering children's questions when she could, although they more often than not directed their questions to their instructor. Amanda got the feeling that the children were wary of her, and she didn't blame them. She must be as strange to them as they were to her. Now, however, she was relaxing, confident that no one could say that her rest wasn't well deserved. She had her PADD on her lap and was absently scrolling through instructions T'Sana had sent her for her next week. When she heard footsteps approaching her over the dusty ground, she looked up.

To her very great surprise, it was Selek who approached her, giving off an air or wariness, but curiosity. She was pleased to see him - after their interaction on her first day at the Institute, they hadn't had an opportunity to speak again. "Good afternoon, Selek." Amanda said, turning off her PADD screen.

"Hello Miss Grayson." The boy said, giving her a brief nod. "May I sit with you?"

"Yes, all right." Amanda said, moving so that there was space on the bench beside her. The young Vulcan sat down, a little awkwardly, his dark gray eyes belying some worry but also determination.

"I wanted to ask you...about Earth. Is it really very wet there?" He asked once he had settled himself.

"Compared to Vulcan, I suppose it is." Amanda said, bemused. "It's quite a bit cooler on Earth than it is here."

"That doesn't sound very pleasant." Selek said. He looked around, as if checking to see if they were alone. "I want to visit Earth when I'm older. We haven't learned very much about Earth, but everything I've heard has been very interesting. You're the only Human I've ever met."

Amanda was surprised to hear this - not that she was the only Human Selek had ever encountered, but that he wanted to know more about her home planet. "I could tell you some things, if you like." She said. "What do you want to know?"

"Instructor Merav said that Earth's surface is between 70.8 and 71.11 percent covered by water, but only three percent is in a form that is useful to most of Earth's creatures."

"Yes, that's true. Most of the water is full of salts. But there are animals that live in salt water. They can't live anywhere else." Amanda said, wondering why the boy found this particularly interesting.

Selek seemed to consider this. "Is does not seem very logical that so much of the planet is unavailable to Human cultivation. Why have not Humans developed a method for living in the water, or converting it into useable water?"

Amanda paused. "I suppose we like it that way," she said. "Humans are better at tolerating being wet than Vulcans are, but we still can't handle it for very long. It's not exactly pleasant in the middle of the ocean - the water gets very cold."

Selek nodded solemnly. "I see. Nevertheless, Earth is not a very large planet, and if Humans can only inhabit between 28.89 and 29.2 percent of its surface -"

"Actually, the amount of land Humans can live on is smaller than that," Amanda said. "Some of the land is constantly covered in ice, or has been turned into desert."

"Humans can live in the desert," Selek replied. "You are living in a desert."

Amanda wanted to laugh, but managed to stop herself. "Yes, but I'm living in a very well maintained Vulcan city. Humans are much more susceptible to heat than Vulcans are. A Human in the desert alone wouldn't survive more than a few days, especially without any water."

Selek blinked. "That is surprising. Humans seem quite...fragile."

"Yes, I'm afraid so." Amanda said. She was about to ask if Selek wanted her to explain anything else, when she sensed the presence of another person close by. She looked up and felt her stomach twist in an uncomfortable knot. Sarek was on the other side of the court yard, approaching them in long strides. Selek seemed pleased to see him, and stood up, but Amanda remained seated. There was an unpleasant cold feeling in her chest.

"Selek, I have been looking for you." Sarek said when he reached them. "I hope you haven't been bothering our visitor." He gave Amanda a slightly stiff nod, which nevertheless surprised Amanda sufficiently so that she couldn't say anything in reply.

"I have not." Selek said, a little defensively. "We were speaking about Earth."

"Were you," Sarek replied, his voice cold and dry. Amanda could feel anger rising already in her. What was he trying to prove, by being rude? That he was above her, and all other Humans?

"Yes." Amanda said, giving Selek an approving look. "Selek has a healthy amount of curiosity. I was happy to tell him about my home."

Sarek's eyes met hers for the briefest of moments before he looked back to Selek. There was something in their blackness that made Amanda's spine tingle, whether with fear or anger she didn't know. "A very worthy subject." He said, although Amanda could detect the strain in his voice.

"Did you know, Sarek, that Earth is covered in water?" Selek asked, the picture of an intelligent child who nevertheless couldn't pick up on some rather obvious things.

Sarek nodded slowly. "Indeed. Selek, I would like to speak with Miss Grayson alone. Leave us for a few minutes, would you?" Both Amanda and Selek froze, although the young Vulcan nodded briskly after a few moments and left the courtyard, his shoes making a ringing noise on the stone pavement. Amanda could feel her throat tighten as she turned her eyes on Sarek, waiting. He looked just as imposing and formal as his father. Amanda was reminded of a giant black crow, with its dark eyes fixed on her.

After a long pause, Amanda was forced to say something. "Well?" She said, with more snap to her voice than she'd really intended. Sarek, however, did not seem to notice. He cleared his throat.

"Miss Grayson," He said, and then halted again. Amanda clenched her jaw.

"What do you want? Have you come to fling more insults at me or my race?" She asked, her voice laced with icicles.

Sarek stared for a moment, then drew himself up. "I recognize that my behavior towards you at our last meeting was...impolite."

Amanda glared up at him. If her gaze had been any hotter, sparks would have fountained from her eyes and sizzled on the pavement. "Impolite." She repeated, her voice suddenly leaden. Amanda thought she detected a hint of unease in Sarek's stance.

"Yes, well..." He began again. "I was informed that my attitude had caused offense. I wish to express an apology for-"

"You were informed?" Amanda asked, getting to her feet. "That's very impressive. I suppose your father or T'Rea told you to apologize to me. While I'm very grateful to them for the thought, I have to admit that it's not exactly mollifying to receive a forced apology. Please, keep your words to yourself, I really don't think I could take any toxins today." With that, Amanda strode off, her Vulcan dress flowing behind her and accentuating her dramatic exit. She found that she was boiling with rage on the inside. He couldn't even deliver an apology without acting as if he were looking down at her from a pedestal! Amanda had never been a prideful person, mostly humble in her attitude towards her own achievements and accomplishments, but it was too much to be judged harshly solely because she was a Human. Sarek had barely even spoken to her before flinging insults at her. Had he formed a dislike of her character after getting to know her, or because of something she had done, Amanda would have understood. However, to act slightingly towards her without ever having had a conversation with her before was beyond her tolerance.

Amanda spent the rest of the day in a foul mood. She barely spoke to T'Iva and left a message from T'Rea unanswered. As soon as she was finished with her duties of the day, she drew herself a searing hot bath and climbed into it. She remained in the bath for a long time, hoping that the tiled walls kept T'Iva from hearing any sounds of crying within.

After she was thoroughly clean and free of tears, Amanda sat down on her bed and began to regulate her breathing. She hadn't really had a chance to practice meditation since her last lesson with Ataur. Now, she let the light of the setting Vulcan sun that came through her windows settle over her like a blanket, her eyes closed, her breathing deep and even. It took her a rather long time to center herself, but it was a wonderful relief to relax into the free, calm feeling it finally awarded her. She carefully brushed off the anxieties and worries of the day. The anger and frustration from her encounter with Sarek clung to her like glue, but after patient work she was able to let it go. Once she felt ready, Amanda started to draw up the wall around her emotions. It was a little stronger than she'd managed during her lesson, more like wool than spiderweb. She patiently guided it into a little fence around her emotional center, making it stronger...

_Sarek hadn't really been that horrible today, had he? Amanda had said all of the nasty things. _Amanda's concentration faltered. She frowned slightly and shoved the thought out of her mind, turning back to working on building the wall. _Amanda hadn't even given him a chance to speak. _Amanda squirmed uneasily. Her concentration was ebbing away from her! _She had been far ruder to him than he had been to her. She'd had no provocation. _Amanda sighed and opened her eyes, staring out the window at the twilight view of Vulcan. She could feel a well of guilt rising in her chest, far worse than her anger had been. She had acted foolishly out of anger. Just because Sarek had been awful to her was no reason for her to stoop to his level. Amanda flopped back on her pillows and groaned. Sarek was really causing her more trouble than he was worth.


	8. Chapter 8

Amanda was beginning to grow worried about her meditation. Sarek had managed to get under her skin twice, and she'd responded to his goading by acting incredibly inappropriately. But it really was very hard to put aside the natural Human pride and responsiveness that she'd grown into. And, as much as she hated to admit it, the fact that Sarek was male made things a little more complicated for her. Amanda wasn't exactly inexperienced with men, but her real interest had always been with her work, leaving little time for romantic relationships. She had faced competition from a few young men in her classes, who sometimes put her down or dismissed her because she was female. She didn't like it, but Sarek's offences were slightly more…offensive because he was a man. She didn't like being treated that way.

Amanda tried to clear these thoughts out of the way as she worked, but her emotional responsiveness still nagged at her. She applied herself more readily to Ataur's lessons as a result, and after a week of practice she had managed to build up a thin but relatively strong wall for herself. It was a great relief to her to have that resource and protection – she felt much easier in her mind when she was surrounded by Vulcans, to know that she had her little place of refuge tucked away in her mind. By the end of the second week, Ataur proclaimed himself very impressed by her progress.

"You are gifted, Amanda," He said to her at the end of one lesson, with a hint of a smile. "I must admit I had not expected to see such progress from you – not because you are Human, but because this is a difficult concept to teach. You are doing well."

Amanda felt a little glow of pride flare in the refuge she had created. It was comforting to hear those words from him, and she still felt the emotion strongly, but it was secreted away and protected, just as strong as any emotion, but kept private. "Thank you, Ataur." She said with a respectful nod. "I am very grateful to you for your instruction."

Ataur returned the nod, his light eyes holding just a hint of pride. "It has been my pleasure. You must not abandon practice, however. You may still be tested yet, and I will continue to do my best to aid you."

Unfortunately for Amanda, that test arrived sooner than she had expected. She was working on reviewing student work from the Children's Institute when she noticed that she had an incoming call from T'Rea. She took a moment to make sure she looked presentable before answering – she'd been working hard after all, and more often than not she found herself looking a little worse for wear after a long day.

"Hello, T'Rea." Amanda said when the Vulcan lady's face appeared on the screen.

"Greetings Amanda," T'Rea replied in her low voice. "I have news for you. Councilman Skon has requested that you assist him in a political matter."

Confused, but not showing it, Amanda folded her hands in her lap and asked "What sort of thing would he need me for?" She couldn't think of any 'political matter' in which she could be of use. Did the Councilman have to sort out a Human relations problem? Or was this some sort of cryptic hint that she had been doing something wrong?

"He wishes you to travel with some members of his party to the town of Kamteh, where there is to be a cultural festival." T'Rea explained. "The Councilman says that including you in his delegation will be a sign of the positive modernism that has evolved in Shi'Kahr. I too believe that this is a good idea – the Starfleet program will benefit from your experience there." T'Rea paused here, and her expression gained a hint of mischievousness. "I believe he wishes you to experience more of Vulcan regional culture. Kamteh is a much smaller city than Shi'Kahr, and the more traditional values of our people are still in practice there."

Amanda was at once excited and apprehensive. The phrase "traditional values" put her on edge – it could either indicate that she was about to see some incredibly interesting and hidden parts of Vulcan society, or she was going to be openly despised by Vulcans who were not as approving of Humans as the citizens of Shi'Kahr. This worried her, as Shi'Kahr had only partially accepted her. For every friendly Vulcan that she encountered, there were two more who glared at her in the streets. Amanda took a deep breath. "I am honored to receive the invitation," She said, her heart beating fast. "I would love to be a part of the Councilman's party."

T'Rea nodded approvingly. "Excellent," She said. "I will inform the Councilman of your decision. I will give you more details regarding your departure soon." T'Rea raised the ta'al and closed the connection. Amanda sighed deeply. This trip would be either incredibly interesting or excruciating. She would just have to wait and see which it would prove to be.

_Oh, no. Excruciating it is, then_. Amanda felt her heart sink as she approached the landing platform where the small shuttle would depart to take them to Kamteh. There were four figures waiting for her there: Councilman Skon, in magnificent dark robes; T'Rea in equally fine attire; a middle-aged Vulcan man that Amanda did not recognize; and Sarek. Amanda didn't meet his gaze, but she imagined she could feel his gaze boring into her as she greeted the other members of the party.

"I am glad to see you so well," The Councilman said, after they had exchanged a more formal greeting. "I am equally glad that you have accepted my invitation. I believe that you will find this excursion to be very informative." _Right, informative_, Amanda thought as she replied politely to the Councilman. _Potentially incredibly horrible as well._

"I think you have not yet met Renvan, my deputy." Councilman Skon said, indicating the man Amanda did not know. He said nothing, only nodded to Amanda. She thought that he had a very severe face, even for a Vulcan. "And of course, you know my son Sarek." Amanda had to force herself to look at Sarek. She could feel guilt bubbling in the walled-off refuge in her mind. She lent a little more strength to the barricade. She would not allow those walls to collapse today. Sarek himself gave Amanda a polite, if somewhat rigid, sign of the ta'al, which Amanda returned.

"Miss Grayson," He said. Amanda knew her face was as still and calm as a quiet pond, but inside her barricade little sparks of anxiety were flickering.

"The journey shall not take you long," Councilman Skon said, in a tone that was jovial for a Vulcan. "You will arrive in Kamteh by mid-morning. I trust that you will enjoy the ceremonies – the shuttle will return you to Shi'Kahr rather late tonight, however. Do try not to overexert yourself in the heat, Miss Grayson." He said it with a tint of actual concern in his voice, or perhaps Amanda imagined it. His words were sincere, however, and Amanda thanked him for them.

"Thank you, Councilman, I will take care." She said.

"Very well. I hope that you enjoy your visit to Kamteh. Farewell." The Councilman extended the ta'al to them, and he and T'Rea turned away. Amanda swallowed and looked towards the shuttle, which she noticed with a sinking heart was rather small and intimate. The trip was only about an hour long, so fortunately she wouldn't have to be in that small space with Sarek for long. She remembered Ataur's encouragements, and used them to bolster her barricades a little more. She wouldn't fail either him or herself.

Fortunately, Amanda was excused from the conversation during the trip. Renvan and Sarek discussed politicians and decisions of the High Command while Amanda watched the hot desert scenery flash past them. She had seen little of the Vulcan countryside, for lack of a better word, and was fascinated by the strange rock formations and vegetation spread out on the red desert sands. She could see swirling heat waves shimmering off of every surface. She even spotted a curious looking lizard for a few seconds before they left it behind them. Inside the shuttle it was very cool and comfortable, thankfully, so she was able to enjoy the scenery without feeling its less pleasant heat.

To her own shame, Amanda felt herself listening carefully to Sarek and Renvan's conversation after a while. She was surprised to find that Sarek was insightful and polite in his conversation – at least when he wasn't speaking to her. She felt a little throb of guilt to be listening to them so closely, but she couldn't turn her attention away from them. Therefore she was glad when they arrived at Kamteh, feeling that the short trip had lasted much longer than the hour that had passed.

The first thing that struck her about the little city was the blazing heat. As soon as they stepped off the shuttle, Amanda felt the heat envelop her like a close, hot blanket, clinging to her skin and clothes. Thankfully T'Iva had set out a very light dress for her, which was accompanied by veils that covered her hair and shoulders without trapping in any more heat. Sarek and Renvan appeared entirely comfortable however, and Amanda couldn't help envying them as they proceeded down towards the center of the city.

Amanda was soon distracted from her discomfort, however. The city was arrayed in decoration in celebration of the holiday. Renvan explained the purpose of the festival as they went towards the city's main square. "Kamteh was the site of a great volcanic eruption many hundreds of years ago. The city used to be very great, greater than Shi'Kahr. It was called Kamtvar, and was one of the oldest cities of our civilization. There was a great wealth of knowledge and religious significance, as well as works of art and other achievements. The entire city was reduced to nothing in the aftermath of the eruption. There were very few survivors, and the destruction of the city was a great grief in for our people for many years. Finally, after many years, a traveler discovered one of the city's greatest artifacts – a gemstone that came from the holy site of Sha Ka Ree - that had been exposed by the shifting of volcanic rock. It was undamaged. Inspired, we rebuilt the city as Kamteh, around the gemstone in the location in which it was originally found. This festival is to commemorate the anniversary of the destruction of Kamtvar and the creation of Kamteh. We shall be able to see the gemstone's site very soon." Amanda listened with her mouth slightly open, looking around at the subtle but beautiful decorations on every door.

"It's beautiful," She said, watching as a woman and her two children wound a gauzy streamer through the black branches of a small tree. There wasn't any one surface that wasn't decorated in some way, and although none of the citizens showed any outward joy or excitement, Amanda could feel it in the air, as though it had drifted in on a warm breeze. When they reached the central square, Amanda's heart leapt. There was a large, dark spire of volcanic rock in the center of the paved square, rising high above the buildings around it. In the core of the spire Amanda could see a large gemstone, almost the size of their shuttle. It was a dark jade in color, and it glittered with mica-like striations running through it. It was lovely, seemingly untouched by the jagged black rock surrounding it.

"This stone is one of the greatest artifacts of the Vulcan people." Amanda heard someone say behind her. She turned to see Sarek behind her, gazing at the monument with a strange look in his dark eyes. "I am happy to have the privilege of seeing it again." Amanda looked away, feeling a little cloud of embarrassment flutter in her mind. The expression on Sarek's face had been almost gentle as he gazed at the stone, far more humble than she had ever seen him.

"Yes," Renvan said simply. "We should find our places. The celebration will begin soon." He walked off towards a cluster of pavilions on the opposite end of the square. Sarek followed him promptly, but Amanda hung behind for a moment, watching the harsh sunlight reflect off the green surface of the Kamtvar stone. Sarek stopped and looked around at her. When Amanda met his gaze, he raised an eyebrow. Amanda blinked, the largest reaction of surprise she would allow herself, and hurried to catch up to him and Renvan. Sarek said nothing to her as they made their way to the pavilions, but Amanda was deeply puzzled over the gesture he had extended to her. It was the equivalent of him giving her a huge grin, had he been Human.

Thankfully Amanda didn't have much time to devote to puzzling over this any further. When they reached the shaded pavilions (for whose coolness Amanda was infinitely grateful), they were greeted by tumblers of very lightly sweet juice and trays of delicacies prepared by the citizens. "They have been preparing all week for the festival," Renvan explained, stony faced, as he selected a fruit. "It is the tradition in Kamteh for everyone to prepare feasts and decorate, so that on the day of the celebration everyone may enjoy food, drink, and music." There was indeed music playing, more upbeat than the melodies Amanda had heard at the party at Councilman Skon's home. There were Vulcans everywhere, in robes of different colors and styles; men with elegant tunics and robes, women in flowing dresses like dusty desert flowers. Amanda was delighted at the spectacle. She even saw children playing together, their higher voices louder over those of their parents. Their play was, of course, more subdued than that of Human children, but they were enjoying themselves nonetheless. Amanda felt like just a pair of eyes wandering around the crowds, observing everything she could. She was brought out of her entranced reverie by the sound of a huge gong echoing across the square. Sarek was suddenly at her elbow.

"Come," He said. "We must go to our seats as the representatives from Shi'Kahr. There are going to be performances." He gestured towards a larger tent to one side of the main festivities. Amanda could see important looking Vulcans relaxing in the shade, talking quietly to one another in quiet voices. They looked to Amanda like princes and princesses in their court. She nodded silently and followed Sarek, a little sheepishly. They joined Renvan at a sitting area on a little raised dais. There was already food and drink there waiting for them. Amanda sat silently, watching the activity around her with wide eyes.

"What sort of performances are we going to see?" She asked Renvan, who was sitting beside her with a glass of something that looked to Amanda to be k'vass. She wondered how diluted it was.

"There will be dances and parades, commemorating the events of the history of the city." Renvan said. He sounded almost bored. Amanda wondered how many times he had gone on Councilman Skon's request to see the festival in his stead. She herself couldn't fathom how he could find all of this boring. Sarek, on the other hand, seemed to be as focused on it as she was. He was seated on Amanda's other side, sitting back in his chair with his hands steepled in front of his face. He noticed Amanda's eyes on him, and their gaze met for a brief moment before Amanda looked away, annoyance rising in her mind. She wished that the Councilman had sent another person in Sarek's place – anyone was better than him!

Soon, however, the performances began, and Amanda was immediately entranced. There were dances, severely Vulcan in their execution, but somehow expressive and nuanced at the same time. There were songs and poetry recitations, a few of which Renvan had to translate for Amanda, as they were in the ancient dialect of Kamtvar before the volcano. They were beautiful and sad, and Amanda's little refuge was filled with emotion for the death of the city. More joyful performances followed, however, illustrating the rebirth of the city. Amanda's favorite by far was put on, to her surprise and delight, by a group of small children. They enacted the rediscovery of the Sha Ka Ree gemstone, very solemnly and slowly, as any small children will act when they are asked to perform. Amanda found it difficult to conceal her pleasure at the performance, and she could feel Sarek's eyes on her when it was over. She immediately shored up the walls and retreated behind them. Sarek would not find fault with her today!

The sun climbed higher as the celebrations went on. After the performances there was a luncheon, during which Amanda tried several dishes that she had never encountered on Vulcan before. She had to keep a glass of juice close by her, however, as many of the things she sampled turned out to be either extraordinarily hot or very bitter. After they ate, music struck up again, and the Vulcans left their seats to speak with each other and enjoy the music. Amanda saw children presenting small greenish stones to their elders, and asked Renvan what they were doing.

"It is a tradition associated with the holiday," Renvan said, in his bored tone. "The children give their parents and elders semi-precious stones and pebbles to receive a blessing for the rest of the year." Amanda watched as a little girl presented quite an old man with a stone. He extended the ta'al to her and said a few words that Amanda could not hear. The girl ducked her head in appreciation and then hurried off to distribute the rest of her gifts. Amanda smiled on the inside, tucking the memory away for later to tell to her parents.

It was drawing towards evening, however, when she received a petition of her own. A boy who couldn't have been more than seven approached her with a blue-green stone in his open hands. Amanda froze – she didn't know the blessing to give! She was about to apologize to the child and tell him to seek elsewhere when she felt someone lightly touch her shoulder. She turned to see Sarek standing behind her.

"Tell him: vokaya Kamtvar, ugaya Kamteh, _Kamtvar's memory, Kamteh's promise_." He said quietly. Amanda blinked, stunned, but before she could reply the child in front of her had tugged on her sleeve.

"Kudaya, _a blessing_?" He asked, holding up the offering pebble with a sort of determined scowl.

"Uh, vokaya Kamtvar, ugaya Kamteh." Amanda said, stuttering slightly. She showed the ta'al to the boy, who dropped the stone into her other hand, looking satisfied. Amanda turned around to face Sarek again, but he was gone. Amanda felt a strange sort of sinking in her chest as she scanned the crowd for him. She couldn't decide whether to be exasperated at Sarek, or grateful to him. She gave up and decided to get a glass of k'vass heavily watered down with juice to settle her mind a bit. As the sunlight faded, much to Amanda's relief, lights appeared at the edges of every pavilion and building, illuminating the square with slightly bluish light. The brightest lights glowed around the edges of the gemstone monument, making the stone glitter and shine. As Amanda watched it, she felt suddenly very alien. She was constantly discovering her deficiencies – words she didn't know to say, ways she didn't know to act. It was as though she was constantly two steps behind, and she was growing weary of trying to run and catch up. Loneliness settled behind her barricade, sulking and heavy. She wasn't sure if she would truly ever be at her ease here. Could Ataur teach her to deny her loneliness, like any other emotion?

It grew later, and Amanda watched as Vulcan parents gathered their children to herd them home. Her feeling of alienation grew as she watched the children leave. Now she would have no one to relate to. At least the children weren't so very closed off as their parents. She found a spot by herself on an open balcony overlooking the central square. The stones were still warm under her sandals from the sun's heat that had been pouring on them all day. She sipped at her juice and k'vass without much conviction, letting her mind wander as she watched the Vulcans celebrate below her.

"Are you not enjoying the celebration?" Amanda nearly jumped and spilled her drink, but she managed to contain her surprise. She looked around to see Sarek coming up the stairs behind her. A little tangled knot tightened behind her barricade as he approached.

"I am," She protested, relaxing again like a bird settling her ruffled feathers. "I suppose I wanted a moment to myself." The words were a little sharper than she had intended. In fact, she didn't really want to be alone, and was even glad to see Sarek here. She couldn't tell if she was annoyed or relieved when he ignored her.

"My father used to take me to this celebration when I was young." He said, coming up to stand beside her at the balcony. He folded his arms behind his back, looking down at the crowd. Amanda immediately thought he looked like a pretentious snob that way, but she surprised herself by with a follow-up thought that protested that he looked stoic and striking. Puzzled, she didn't say anything in reply, only took another sip of her drink. "He used to say that I always gave the better pebble to my mother." Once again, Amanda was inwardly surprised. Why was he telling her about his childhood?

"Oh." Was all she could muster in reply. Feeling that that she was letting her side of the conversation sag, she continued. "Why didn't your father attend this year?"

"Neither of us has returned for the festival since my mother died." Sarek said flatly. Amanda wanted to back away and flee down the stairs. It felt uncomfortable and strange to be hearing these things from Sarek. She had to hold her ground, however.

"I didn't know. I'm sorry." She said, for lack of anything else to say.

"Why should you apologize?" Sarek asked, turning to look at her for the first time. "Why do Humans always feel the need to apologize for things they have no control over?" Amanda was dumbfounded, unsure of how to reply.

"It's courteous among Humans." She said, after a pause. Sarek made a dismissive noise, but said nothing else. Amanda, full of confusion, went to rest her hands on the railing. An incredibly unpleasant shock went through her – she had accidentally placed her hand on top of Sarek's. The Vulcan jerked his hand away, his normally stony face contorted into an expression of shock and shame.

"I'm sorry," Amanda blurted, clenching her hands together behind her. "I didn't see your hand." How could she have done that? One of the first things that everyone learned about Vulcans was that their hands were completely off limits. No touching. They were touch telepaths, and only made contact with their hands in incredibly intimate, private settings. It was considered incredibly vulgar to touch another Vulcan's hands in public in any other way than the socially acceptable "kiss" that a bonded pair could exchange. Amanda had just pulled a very, very serious faux pas.

Within moments, however, Sarek's face was back to complete composure once more. Amanda, however, could feel the walls of her emotional fortress crumbling, bending under stress. She fought to keep them upright, forcing herself to breathe deeply. She wondered if Sarek was experiencing the same kind of crisis as she was – obviously he had handled it much better than she had. She could still see the strain in his eyes, however, as he said tightly, "It is of no matter. Be more careful in future." Amanda was surprised. She had expected him to spit at her and insult her clumsy Human ways. He did, however, turn abruptly and hurry away in tense, measured steps. Amanda collapsed back into her seat, her shoulders trembling very slightly.

Why did Sarek keep making her fumble like this? First his father's party, then the incident at the Children's Institute, and now this. She had to avoid him at all costs, Amanda decided. She could not risk any more mistakes that could compromise her position on Vulcan. No speaking to, seeing, or _touching_ Sarek.

**Author's Note: **Sorry I took so long on these past chapters. I've been crazy busy, but I'm finally back home and I can write more now. I hope you guys are enjoying the story!


	9. Chapter 9

Amanda and Sarek did not speak again for the rest of the evening. Amanda felt her insides burn with shame whenever she spotted him moving among the other celebrating Vulcans. It came as a wonderful relief when Ranven approached her with the news that it was time to depart for Shi'Kahr. The night was growing rapidly cooler, and she shivered slightly under the gauzy fabric of her dress. It was much colder here than she had experienced before in Shi'Kahr. Amanda supposed that the rural weather patterns must be significantly different from those in the city. Kamteh was certainly closer to raw desert.

The night had grown completely black when they started off towards Shi'Kahr once more. Amanda kept her gaze directed stubbornly out the window. She and Sarek didn't make eye contact the entire trip. If Ranven noticed anything, he didn't say. Amanda thought he might have even been asleep - the older Vulcan's eyes were glazed over as he watched the scenery go by, and Amanda would've bet a few credits that she heard a snore come from him at one point. The shuttle was therefore completely silent as it sped across the desert.

It was a blessed relief to finally climb out of the shuttle and depart for her own little home. T'Iva was waiting up for her at the house, but Amanda couldn't muster the effort to say more than a few words to her. She was too tired and too confused. She needed to sleep. Before she could climb the steps to her room, however, T'Iva called out to her.

"T'sai, a package was delivered for you while you were out. I left it in your room for you." Surprised, Amanda paused to thank her before hurrying up to her bedroom. Who could have sent her a gift?

Surprisingly enough, the little package was from Ataur. The note lying beside it read in Standard: "Use these to further your practice. I trust you will find the scents invigorating. Ataur."

Amanda forgot her weariness as she examined it. It was tied up loosely in gray-green cloth, and when Amanda began to undo the ties, a heady fragrance escaped it. Her curiosity mounting, Amanda hurried to unwind the wrest of the wrapping. When the cloth came away, it revealed three stout little candles of bluish wax, a packet of pungent loose tea, and a bundle of matches. Amanda let herself smile a bit, feeling her anxiety from her encounter with Sarek loosen slightly. At least she had friends here that she could rely on.

Amanda had hoped to settle right back into the rhythm of work again, in order to help herself stabilize. Unfortunately, it seemed that Vulcan dignitaries were ravenous to invite her to parties, events, and concerts. Her appearance at the Kamteh festival had apparently caused quite a stir. It made Amanda feel at once flattered and sheepish - especially since she had to refuse about half of the invitations. She was either too busy to attend or didn't know the hosts well enough to feel comfortable.

T'Rea was supportive of her decisions, telling her over a cup of Ataur's tea "You must conserve your energy. One's desirousness also seems to increase with exclusivity, doesn't it?" Amanda nearly spit out her tea at that. T'Rea had hidden depths - ones that reminded Amanda of a crafty, high-society socialite from back on Earth. She was glad that she had the opportunity to get to know the woman better. T'Rea's guidance was proving invaluable as her schedule became more and more complex, both with her duties at the Children's Institute and the increasing number of social obligations. Amanda's affection for the woman grew, and T'Rea also enjoyed meeting with her, as far as Amanda could tell. They met in person frequently to discuss Amanda's work, and sort out any questions and concerns Amanda had. It was proving to be incredibly helpful. In conjunction with Ataur's lessons, the meetings with T'Rea made Amanda feel much more at home.

It was during one such meeting that Amanda received some shocking news. She and T'Rea had just finished going over the more pressing matters of the week, and they were now chatting idly - if a Vulcan could ever be said to chat idly. "Ah, I had almost forgotten, ko-kan. The High Command and Council have just agreed to appoint a new Ambassador to Earth, as Ambassador Batar has decided to retire. There will be a ceremony next week."

Intruiged, Amanda set down her tea cup. She only vaguely remembered Ambassador Batar. She'd thought that, as Ambassador to Earth, the man would be interested in her program and have some contributions. However, she had learned within a few moments of meeting Batar that he was both incredibly conservative and highly unlikeable. He barely spoke to Amanda, and was cold and standoffish when he was forced to do so, even by Vulcan standards. She couldn't help admitting that she was glad that the position was going to be taken up by someone else. T'Rea seemed to pick up on her secret reaction. Although Ataur assured her that her lessons were going very well, T'Rea always seemed to be able to read Amanda's thoughts. Perhaps it was because the woman had met her before she'd learned to put a leash on them.

"Yes, it will be very beneficial to the running of Starfleet's initiative." T'Rea said, without any provocation from Amanda. "The new Ambassador is very promising, and quite amenable to the efforts of the project. That is perhaps to be expected, he is very young."

Amanda's heart fluttered slightly. "Who is he, T'Rea?" She asked, feeling as though she already knew the answer.

"Councilman Skon's son, Sarek. I believe you have met him on a few occasions. His father, as you know, was instrumental in coordinating the project between the High Council and Starfleet." T'Rea replied. Amanda stared at her. She was certain T'Rea was aware of the clashes she'd had with Sarek in the past. Amanda felt a little twinge of annoyance at this - she had a feeling that T'Rea was teasing her a bit.

"Sarek?" The walls of Amanda's barricade wiggled unpleasantly. "He is to be the new Ambassador to Earth? But..." She paused, her insides squirming, "I had the impression that he was not in favor of more open relations with Humans." She could feel T'Rea's gaze on her, but did not look up to meet it. Had she been back on Earth, Amanda would have been blushing crimson.

"He and his father did not always agree on the subject," T'Rea said. "Initially I believe he was against our project. However he did eventually decide to work with Councilman Skon on the particulars of the project. He was invaluable in several crucial points. His support for the project now cannot be doubted."

Amanda couldn't help it. "I find that...hard to believe." She said evenly, picking up her tea cup again.

"Do you? Not all Vulcans have complete control over themselves when they are in high stress situations," T'Rea replied. "Perhaps you were given the wrong impression of Sarek." Amanda thought of the stinging words Sarek had shot at her the first night they'd met. If that was his reaction to a 'high stress situation', she would hate to see him when something caught fire. "I'm sure that you have learned that the younger members of our species have not always mastered themselves. Although we strive not to show it, the struggle against our inner instinctual nature is a bitter one."

Amanda wasn't sure what to say to that. She'd never heard something so personal from T'Rea before. In fact, the only Vulcan who had conveyed to her such information about the inner workings of their species had been Ataur, and it was his job. In the face of this, Amanda felt she couldn't argue with T'Rea any longer.

"You mentioned a ceremony?" She asked, feeling as though she'd deflated slightly.

"Indeed. There is to be a ceremony at the Principle Building next week. I believe you will be able to attend. The importance of the occasion calls for some re-arrangement in your schedule, I think." T'Rea gracefully picked up her cup and finished the rest of her tea, her gaze directed out the window.

"I...will look forward to it." Amanda said, for lack of anything else to say. When T'Rea turned back to it, she suspected that there was just a hint of a smile in the woman's dark eyes.

"Yes. I believe it will be most entertaining."

With this new knowledge of Sarek, Amanda felt even more puzzled than before. Her situation was not ameliorated by her sudden inability to avoid him. Whenever she was at the Children's Institute, he was there with Selek. Whenever she was working in the Principle Building, he was meeting with his father. Amanda began to feel constantly on edge that she would run into him again. They hadn't spoken properly since the festival at Kamteh, and as the days went by Amanda felt the tension from that silence increase. To Amanda's intense relief, however, something happened two days after her meeting with T'Rea that completely drove Sarek out of her mind.

Amanda was visiting the Principle Building in order to present her notes to T'Sana and discuss writing a report to send to Starfleet. She had just left the meeting and was preparing to return home when she spotted Captain Prais striding across the huge atrium. He wasn't alone, however, and Amanda was surprised to see his companions were all wearing

Starfleet's uniform. They were mostly Human as well, as Amanda determined after Prais had spotted her and made a beeline for her.

"Amanda!" He called out jovially, far too loudly for the setting of the Principle Building. Amanda winced slightly at both the informal greeting and the echoes that reverberated off the polished stone of the hall. "Come and meet some of my comrades in arms!"

Amanda was subsequently introduced to a Captain Lang, of the USS Kelvin. He was a stout man, a little younger than Prais, and he seemed just as uncomfortable in Prais' presence as Amanda was. He seemed to be looking at her with uncertainty as well, until Amanda remembered that she should act human. She remembered how to smile and greeted the Captain and his First Officer warmly.

"What brings you to Vulcan, Captain Lang?" She asked, feeling awkward. Her Human interaction abilities were somewhat rusty, to her annoyance.

"Ah, well," Lang said, shifting on his feet. "We wouldn't normally have made a stop here, but we ran into a little trouble on the way to our current objective. Unfortunately we've got to let the ship have some time to cool off and repair. My crew and I are going to join you as visitors to the planet for a while."

Amanda nodded. "I'm sorry to hear that your ship is damaged, but I'm sure that you'll enjoy yourselves here." Nope, no you won't. I can't imagine how your crew is going to deal with being stuck on Vulcan for however many weeks. "I've been here for a few months now, and I've found every day fascinating."

"We're glad of the opportunity, as unexpected as it was." Captain Lang's First Officer spoke up then. Amanda found herself looking into far bluer eyes than her own. "I'm Lieutenant George Kirk, ma'am. It's a pleasure to meet you."

"Oh, that's right, I'm sorry," Lang said, looking flustered, as Amanda and Kirk shook hands. "I should have remembered to introduce you, George. I'm going out of my mind because of this damage, I'm sure."

"Don't worry about it, Captain." Kirk said jovially. Amanda couldn't help smiling at him - he was quite handsome, in a boyish sort of way, although his nose had obviously been broken at least once. He looked like the poster boy for Starfleet: broad shoulders, blonde hair and blue eyes, confident stance, and easy smile. There wasn't a hint of arrogance or conceit about him, though, which Amanda found relaxing in a Starfleet officer, especially after having spent time with Prais.

"Right, well," Prais said with a grin far less pleasant than Kirk's, clapping his colleague on the shoulder. "I've got to get this guy and his crew squared away. You say hello to Hollis if you run into him. That egghead's been locked up in his science labs so long I bet he's forgotten what the sun looks like."

Repressing the urge to frown, Amanda watched them walk away. Kirk gave her a friendly little nod as they moved off, which soothed her mood somewhat. She had feared her dislike for Prais was beginning to rub off onto all the Humans she was in contact with, but she didn't feel so worried about it now.

The next day, however, Amanda was back in a foul mood. She was in the library of the Principle Building, working hard to bang her report for Starfleet into shape. Her brain felt overtaxed and she was beginning to feel restless and jittery. The Vulcan libraries, to her initial delight, were overflowing with dense, intricate knowledge. She was less enthused, however, when she attempted to break into some of that knowledge. Many of the works were written in an antiquated form of Vulcan, which was difficult for her even with her quick language skills. The fact that the writing itself incredibly dense wasn't much of a help either.

After an hour's struggle through a long and winding text, Amanda was ready to throw her PADD across the room. Enough was enough! She checked to see if anyone was in the near vicinity, then shoved the PADD away from her across the table, picked up the giant Vulcan tome she had been working on earlier, and dropped it on top of the PADD with a thump. The tablet would of course not be harmed, but it was cathartic to be able to squash it under something big and heavy. Amanda scowled at it and collapsed back into her chair.

"Too much studying?" Amanda jumped. She had thought the coast was clear - but her nerves subsided when she realized that it was a Human, and not a Vulcan voice which had surprised her. She looked around to see Lieutenant Kirk striding towards her, his own PADD under one arm.

"A bit too much, yes." She admitted with a sigh. "I don't like to say it, but High Vulcan can put a strain on you after a while."

Kirk grinned at her and set his PADD down on the table. "Mind if I join you for a while? After a lot of begging and pleading I was allowed access to this library. Seems like fascinating stuff...although maybe I should stay away from those books." He indicated the giant tome Amanda had 'murdered' her PADD with.

"No, please do." Amanda said wearily, sitting up straight in her chair again. "I could use some company. What exactly were you looking for? I might be able to help you find it."

"Nothing, really." Kirk replied, choosing a seat and sitting down. "Just browsing. We don't get a lot of opportunity to look at anything outside of the Starfleet databases, so I thought I'd enjoy the freedom."

Amanda retrieved her PADD from underneath the Vulcan book and smiled at Kirk. "Well, if you want any suggestions, I've found some good light reading in here - well, light for Vulcan standards. They take their research very seriously. I'd go for the mythological stuff if I were you. That's where they allow themselves the most literary liberties. Here, check out these titles. Most of them are in Vulcan though..."

Kirk sighed. "That does sound interesting, but I can't read a word of Vulcan. Kind of a failing for a Starfleet officer, but our Communications Officer is always the go-to man when we need something translated. I don't suppose they've got anything in here in Standard, huh?"

"Oh, well, that's okay," Amanda said. She leant over her PADD, her fingers dancing over the screen for a moment. "For some of these shorter texts, it won't take me long to program a translator for you. How does that sound?"

"Right, of course!" Kirk said, hitting his forehead with the flat of his palm. "I should have thought of that. I'm surprised that you can do that sort of programming though - what exactly are you studying here?"

Amanda looked up at him briefly and smiled. "I'm here to observe Vulcan education and cultural practices," She said. "Teaching has always been a dream of mine. I like languages pretty well too. Something simple like a translator isn't too hard for me either, but if I get anywhere beyond that I can't do much. Oh, there, all done. I've done four different texts for you, sorry they aren't very long."

"Wow," Kirk said, accepting the PADD she handed across to him. "That's impressive, for someone who isn't trained as an engineer. Thanks a lot, Miss Grayson."

Amanda shook her head. "You're welcome, but please don't call me Miss Grayson. I get enough of that from the Vulcans as it is. You can call me Amanda. After all, Prais does." She resisted the urge to roll her eyes, but Kirk apparently got the gist.

"Poor Lang has had to spend a whole bunch of time with that guy." Kirk said. "You can imagine the sympathy we feel for him. I'm no longer wondering why they retired Prais and sent him off-planet."

"He's not always so bad," Amanda said. "But I wish that Starfleet had kept him on Earth. He's really not suitable for diplomacy on Vulcan. He tried to-"

"-shake hands, didn't he? Doesn't everyone know that one?" Kirk said with a lopsided grin. A little lightning shock went down Amanda's spine as she remembered her own encounter with violating a Vulcan's privacy that way. Kirk brought her attention back by saying "I want to say as a representative of Starfleet that we aren't all that stupid. I don't blame you for being annoyed with us for sending him out here with you, though."

Amanda shrugged. "Do you know how long you're going to be grounded here?" She asked.

Kirk drummed his fingers on the table. "Not for at least two weeks. We were ambushed when we stopped to check out a derelict not far from here. A group of bandits had set it up as a trap to get someone to wander by. We took care of them, but since they caught us by surprise we took some significant damage too." Kirk shook his head. "The Kelvin is getting on in years. It won't be long before they retire the old girl. It doesn't say much for her performance that she's been knocked full of holes by pirates."

"I'm sorry to hear that." Amanda said. "Will Lang get a new one if the Kelvin is retired?"

Kirk shrugged. "It depends on what he wants. Obviously the Admiralty can move him around as they please, but he can refuse a position. I hear," Kirk leaned in conspiratorially, a gleam in his blue eyes, "that they're working on building a brand new model. It's going to be far beyond anything we've seen so far." He settled back in his chair again and sighed. "Unfortunately it's going to be in development for a long time yet, probably for at least ten years."

"That's a lot of time to wait for a ship!" Amanda said. "I wouldn't pin your hopes on that prototype if I were you." She smiled. "It's nice to talk to a Human for a change, you know. I'm getting used to the Vulcans, a lot faster than I thought I would, actually, but...one does miss facial expressions."

"Hah, I'm sure!" Kirk said, laughing. "But, you know, sometimes you have to get through a lot of obstacles to learn something worth knowing. Hey, thanks a lot for the texts, they've just finished transferring. They're exactly what I was looking for." He smiled, and Amanda felt something in her chest flutter in an unfamiliar way. "I've got to go, Lang is constantly waiting on me for a relief from Prais. Wish me luck, I'll probably have to go play chess with the guy."

Amanda laughed. "Chess isn't all that bad. I hope to see you again soon."

Kirk nodded. "I think Prais managed to wrangle an invitation for us to the appointment of the new Ambassador to Earth that's happening in a few days. Maybe I'll see you there?"

Sarek's ceremony, Amanda thought with a shudder, and for some reason, a little surge of guilt. "Yes, I'll be there." She said, managing to cover her confusion with a smile. Kirk gave her a little wave and went off again, his Starfleet boots clicking on the polished floor. Amanda sat back down again and looked glumly down at her PADD. It was only two days until the appointment ceremony, where she would have to see Sarek again, and probably talk to him as well. The thought filled her with a tangle of annoyance, anxiety, and again that weird little flutter of excitement...At least I'll get to see George there.

Author's Note: Heehee, just a little cameo there! I apologize for any mistakes I made about George's rank or the ship or anything. And don't worry...there will be some more cameos in future ;)

ps. Thank you all so much for your reviews! They make my day 3 I'm really glad to hear that you guys are enjoying the story.


	10. Chapter 10

"On the 29th of May in the year 1953, Edmund Hillary and Tenzing Norgay reached the peak of the tallest mountain on Earth, Mount Everest, or Chomolungma, as it was called in the ancient native tongue of Tibet."

Amanda and Selek were sitting in the shade of a tall, spiky tree in the courtyard of the Children's Institute. Selek was pouring over Amanda's PADD, which she had filled with information on the natural wonders and curiosities of Earth the night before. Amanda herself was sitting with her back to the tree, a confused tangle of threads in her lap. T'Iva had been attempting to teach her to make a traditional Vulcan charm, which she said would help to bring Amanda calm and clarity. So far it was only proving to be frustrating and clumsy, but Amanda was determined to get it finished.

"Where was your birthplace, Amanda? Have you ever seen Mount Everest?" Amanda looked up at Selek, who had apparently become bored with simply scanning facts and wanted to engage her attention again. She had told him to start calling her Amanda instead of Miss Grayson - she liked the young Vulcan, and in honesty she was sick of hearing people call her by such a formal title day in and day out.

"I was born in Oregon. It's in North America, in the north west. I've never seen Mount Everest, although I'd like to." Amanda replied, glad of a distraction from her fruitless efforts with the threads.

"Would you describe Oregon for me?"

"Are you full of questions today?" Amanda asked, setting her work aside.

"I apologize, I will refrain from asking any more."

Amanda shook her head - she had to remember that Vulcans weren't familiar with teasing or sarcasm. She had to keep modifying her speech to state everything as facts, which was proving more challenging than she'd supposed. "I don't mind. I'll tell you about Oregon, if you like." Selek sat up straighter and folded his hands in his lap, looking expectant. Amanda smiled inwardly. "There are many high mountains there - the Cascade Mountains. They're not nearly as high as Mount Everest, of course. They are much older, so they've been worn down over time. There are beautiful lakes, and tall trees everywhere. There is a lot of green - foliage, I mean."

"The lakes are of water?"

"Of course."

This seemed to satisfy Selek for a while. He returned to scanning Amanda's PADD, and she wearily picked up her tangle of string and started trying to remember what T'Iva had said about making the loops and knots with her fingers. She was convinced that Vulcan fingers were much more dexterous than a Human's. T'Iva's fingers had moved swiftly and confidently when she'd shown Amanda how to make the charm. It had only taken the woman ten minutes to make it - Amanda's was taking more like thirty.

"Do you enjoy my cousin Sarek's company?" Amanda nearly jumped. She looked up at Selek, confused and not a little embarrassed. Fortunately her practice with Ataur had enabled her to keep this hidden from Selek.

"Why would you ask that?" Amanda said. She didn't want to answer Selek's question directly. It wouldn't be at all polite to tell Selek that she found Sarek's company unpleasant, even if he was only twelve. In fact that would be more reason not to confide in the child.

Selek regarded her solemnly for a moment, then returned to looking down at the PADD in his lap. "I had no real motive in asking the question." Amanda watched him for a minute. Somehow, she didn't believe him. They hadn't ever spoken about Sarek before, and Amanda found herself wondering if the two of them had perhaps spoken about her. This thought made something flip over in the pit of her stomach.

"Altitude sickness seems very unpleasant." Selek said, in what seemed to Amanda to be a very casual tone. She would have frowned, had not her training restrained her.

"Did you perhaps get the impression that Sarek and I are not friendly?" She asked.

Selek looked up at her and blinked. "I thought we had dismissed that subject. But I will answer your question." Amanda wanted to roll her eyes - Selek was teasing her, in that very measured, incredibly subtle way that Vulcans used. "When I last witnessed you and Sarek in conversation, you were displaying signs of anger. Has he offended you?"

Amanda opened her mouth to say "yes, very much so, his very presence offends me", but she closed it again. Sarek really hadn't done anything worth her anger since the ball at his father's house. She licked her lips - a very Human habit, but Selek didn't seem to mind. "Not exactly." She said carefully.

"I was under the impression that he was attempting to apologize for something." Selek said, giving her the somber, dark eyed stare of an innocent Vulcan child. Guilt pooled up behind Amanda's barricade. She hadn't wanted to remind herself of how badly she'd acted on that day. Of course, every time she thought of or saw Sarek, she was reminded of that day. Perhaps that was what made his presence so unpleasant to her.

"Indeed." Amanda said, a little more quietly than she had intended. "Selek, I suppose you know that since I am Human...I have less control over myself and my emotions than you or Sarek does. I shouldn't have let my anger influence me so much during that...interaction with Sarek."

Selek watched her expressionlessly. "I am aware of the emotional instability of Humans," He said, but in a way that didn't sound offensive to her. "I do not believe, however, that you are emotionally unstable."

Amanda felt a little comforted by this reassurance. "Thank you, Selek. I am not as stable as a Vulcan, though. I am still learning to restrain my emotions. My reaction to Sarek was a mistake, and I dislike myself for the incident more than I dislike him." Where had those words come from? Amanda swallowed - yes, that was really how she felt about it. Her unfavorable impression of Sarek was stemming from her own shame about her behavior. He had once insulted her for her weakness, and she had yielded to it in front of him. It was embarrassing. "Perhaps I should...apologize to him." She said, a little uncertainly.

Selek nodded, as casually as if they had been discussing the weather. "Yes, I believe that would ameliorate the tension between you. Sarek is very interesting and I enjoy his company. I find you interesting and enjoy your company as well. It is logical that you should be friends with Sarek." Amanda stared at the boy for a moment, but he was already absorbed in a new subject.

"Were you aware that at 28,000 feet above Earth's sea level, Mount Everest is comprised of Ordovician limestone?"

Amanda's thoughts of Sarek were put to one side later that afternoon. After having spent most of the day working with students at the Children's Institute, Amanda was taking some time for herself in one of the larger market squares of Shi'Kahr. She was supposed to be writing up her notes from the day, but she was taking a break to people-watch. She had found a very cosy spot in the shade of one of the taller buildings, on a low decorative wall. She was fascinated by the daily lives of the Vulcans around her. She had expected a busy market place to be loud with people talking and shouting, the sounds of animals for sale and traders crying out their wares. Instead, the market was a very peaceful place, where Vulcans passed between modest booths and shop fronts, negotiating their purchases in calm voices. There were quite a lot of people around, of course, but the noise level was surprisingly low. Amanda found it soothing, and she loved watching Vulcan families going about their day. It was as if she were sitting in the center of a stream, watching water flow around her.

Just when she was feeling as though she should really start working on her notes, Amanda was pleasantly surprised by a flash of Starfleet colors among the somber robes of the Vulcans. Lieutenant Kirk and a few of his fellows were strolling out of a side street. They were far louder talking to each other than any of the Vulcan shoppers, but Amanda was pleased to see that they weren't being particularly outlandish in their attitude. When Kirk caught her eye, he smiled, and Amanda felt herself awash with a pleasant warmth. Meditation was very calming and centering, but there was nothing like a little kind Human sentiment to renew and refresh. Amanda raised a hand in a wave to him, and he returned the gesture. After pausing a moment to speak to his friends, Kirk came over to her seat in the shade.

"Afternoon, Amanda." He said, his blue eyes cheerful. "Are you enjoying the market too?"

"I thought I would spend some time here to relax." Amanda said.

Kirk nodded. "May I join you?" He asked, and Amanda nodded and gestured to the wall beside her. The lieutenant sat down, taking a cloth out of his pocket to wipe sweat off his forehead. "I'll tell you, it's hot as hell out here, pardon my French." Amanda smiled at him.

"I've always wondered why that expression is still in use, as French has been an almost dead language for the past century." She said.

"Trust a language scholar like you to know that." Kirk said. "But it's a good thing that you found this spot in the shade. Aren't you roasting in all that heavy cloth?"

Amanda shrugged. She had gotten used to the elaborate dresses drapery that Vulcan women wore. "It's really not as hot as you'd think. But this does get a little stuffy," She said, gesturing to the gauzy scarf that she wore over her hair. "I think I'll take it off for now, if you don't mind."

"Not at all." Kirk said, waving a hand at her. "Do the ladies here wear them for religious reasons?"

Amanda unwound the scarf from her hair and folded it in her lap. "I don't think so. Really, it helps keep the sun out of your eyes, but I'm not sure that Vulcans need to protect themselves from glare as much as we do. It's so fascinating how different we are from them."

Kirk shook his head. "I have to confess, there's only one difference that makes me feel on edge," He said. "It feels so strange to be around people who won't convey emotion. I feel like I'm surrounded by statues. It makes me feel clownish and rude even when I'm not being obnoxious." He grinned at her, and Amanda couldn't help but return the smile. "I've cut down on the obnoxious since we got here, don't worry."

"I know what you mean, but there is a lot to learn from them in that regard." Amanda replied. "Since I've started studying Vulcan meditation and restraint practices, I've felt so much more in control of myself and my attitude. It makes you feel really...clear."

Kirk raised his eyebrows and leaned back. "You're studying Vulcan meditation? I hear that stuff is really secretive and complicated."

Amanda smiled at him. "I found it difficult at first, but then I -" She stopped. Her eyes had just found the figure of Sarek across the square, his tall form instantly recognizable. She swallowed.

"But then you what? Something wrong?" Kirk looked around to follow her gaze. "Do you know that guy?" Amanda blinked slowly and set her jaw, trying to dislodge the fluffy clouds of confusion that had suddenly taken up residence in her mind. She instantly plated the walls of her refuge in steel. Kirk seemed to notice the change in her expression - or more accurately, her complete loss of expression. "I'll take that as a yes."

Amanda softened slightly. "Yes, I know him. That's Sarek; he's going to be the new Ambassador to Earth." For some reason, her stomach was twisting itself into a knot that felt strangely like guilt.

"Really?" Kirk peered more closely at the distant figure of Sarek. "He looks a lot younger than I expected. Our age, really."

"He's...young for the position." Amanda admitted. For some reason she couldn't take her eyes off of him. Sarek was speaking with one of the stall vendors. Amanda couldn't see exactly what sort of stall it was - there were two chatting women standing in the way of the wares. It struck Amanda that Sarek's profile was really, well, striking. She had imagined, back on Earth, that all Vulcans were lean and wiry, but Sarek's broad shoulders were a contradiction to that assumption.

"Amanda? Is something bothering you? Because you're drooling." Kirk's voice brought Amanda back to the present.

"What? Drooling?" She said, a note of panic in her voice as she turned to face Kirk again. It was strange - where Sarek was dark and almost sullen in features, George's face was bright and open. Those blue eyes really were very blue.

Kirk chuckled. "Just kidding, you weren't drooling. I guess I've got my work cut out for me at this upcoming shindig, though. I'll have to act as chaperone!" Amanda could feel a blush rising to her cheeks, similar to the horror rising in her chest.

"Oh, no, that's not it at all!" She protested, her hands clenching on her scarf. "He's horrible!"

Kirk raised an eyebrow. "Horrible?"

Amanda bit her lip. "Well, not horrible...but he's not exactly friendly."

"Amanda, he's a Vulcan. Their friendly is a lot different than our friendly." Kirk said with a grin. "I've got to get back to my crew, but I'm glad I ran into you. Just keep your eyes open, all right? I'd hate to think that you got mowed down in the street because you were watching some handsome Vulcan guy." He waved, and left Amanda sitting mutely, twisting her scarf in her hands._ Sarek wasn't handsome. He was too surly and sullen! His jaw was too square, and his shoulders were too broad, and his features were too sculpted, his eyes were too deep..._Amanda swallowed again. She really couldn't think about Sarek like that. It was...weird. Trying to distract herself from these unfamiliar thoughts, Amanda bent to work on her notes, typing furiously across the screen of her PADD. The work was soothing, and she managed to get about twenty minutes of good writing in. She was so absorbed that she didn't notice a long shadow mingling with those of her shaded corner.

"Miss Grayson." Amanda gave a little jump and looked up. Her heart gave a weird little jump, as if it were trying to sink and flutter at the same time. Sarek was standing over her, looking clean-cut and official in dark brown robes. Apparently he had finished with his errands, as he was holding a wrapped bundle in one hand. Amanda, the walls of her refuge bending with effort, managed to keep her face still and calm._ Could he see any signs of what she had just been thinking about on her face? _

"Hello, Sarek." She said after a moment to gain her composure.

"Do you often come to busy metropolitan centers to do your studying?" He asked, and Amanda thought she detected another hint of the strange Vulcan playfulness in his tone. It was incredibly off-putting, hearing it from Sarek. Amanda powered off the screen of her PADD and sat up straight.

"I find the background noise helps me concentrate." She said, truthfully. She realized how awkward her position was, sitting down and looking up at Sarek. She moved to get up, but Sarek shook his head. "No, don't get up, I don't have any time to talk."

Amanda would have frowned in any non-Vulcan company. It was annoying that he assumed she wanted to talk to him. He continued, saying "Besides, you have lost your scarf." With one smooth movement, he retrieved it from the wall beside her and held it out to her. "The sun is still strong at this time of day. A sunburn would not be pleasant." Amanda hesitated and reached out to take it. As she took the scarf, she felt a jolt of electricity as his fingertips brushed hers through the gauzy fabric. This time there was no horrified reaction, however. Their skin had not actually touched - still, it was an erotic gesture. It was tantamount to Sarek suggestively licking his lips, or letting them brush her cheek. Amanda felt a ferocious blush surging to her cheeks, but Sarek simply straightened up and gave her a nod. Amanda barely remembered to let her hand drop as he pulled his away.

"Good afternoon." He said, still completely composed, and then went on his way again. Amanda sat there frozen for a few moments, dumbstruck. It took her a while to verify that this hadn't been some strange daydream, brought on by work and the heat. _That was...that had been..._In all her life, Amanda had never found hands to be particularly erotic before. Sure, fingers were useful, and hand holding was always lovely and affectionate, but she would never have gotten into such a big fluster over just touching a guy's fingertips before. It was embarrassing!

_Perhaps I'm picking up more Vulcan sensibilities than I thought,_ Amanda thought as she carefully wrapped the scarf around her hair once more, going more slowly than she normally would have done. Her head was still full of muddled, confusing thoughts as she gathered up her things and went home. Once there, she lit some of Ataur's candles and tried to wash her puzzlement and embarrassment away. She felt much better afterwards, but tucked away in her mental refuge the excitement over the incident still remained.

"Well." Amanda stared at her reflection in the mirror. She kept meaning to look away, but she found that she couldn't drag her eyes away. "Do you think it'll do for the ceremony?"

"It will do very well, t'sai." T'Iva said. Amanda finally managed to look over at the woman, a smile glowing on the inside. T'Iva really had outdone herself. She had worked on Amanda's dress and hair for the better part of two hours, and the result was, well, Amanda had to admit it, delightful. The dress was a work of art in gauzy, almost glittery fabric, in a pale shade of olive green. There were hints of blue here and there that accented the color and played up the hue of Amanda's eyes. T'Iva had coiled her hair into a complex, shining knot at the back of her head, inter-woven with ribbons of the same color as the dress. She had studded the design with shining pins that had the sheen of mother of pearl. Amanda admired the result with wide eyes. She couldn't believe that the shimmering creature in front of her was...her!

"Do you have doubts about your beauty, ko-kan? Perhaps you are having trouble with your eyes." Amanda turned to see T'Rea standing in the doorway, resplendent in her own beautiful robes of lavender gray. It reminded Amanda of the color of a moth's wing. T'Rea herself was far from fluttery, however.

Amanda would have laughed, had it been that kind of company. "No, T'Rea, I believe my eyes are fine. I was only expressing...insecurity."

"Your insecurity is illogical," T'Rea said, matter-of-factly. "Obviously you are a very attractive woman." Amanda knew that T'Rea was joking with her, in her own very subdued way, and the knowledge of this warmed her inside.

"Well, thank you." Amanda said, stepping away from the mirror with a little exertion of will. "I suppose our conveyance is waiting to take us to the ceremony?" T'Rea nodded at this, her elegant hands folded. Amanda swallowed. Ever since she'd run into Sarek at the market square, she'd had strange, twisty feelings whenever she thought about the prospect of the Ambassador's celebration. The head scarf she'd worn that day was also tucked away in a drawer apart from the others, although she would not have admitted that to anyone. Now that the evening was upon her, Amanda felt alight with excitement. The dress, in all its gorgeousness, was adding to that.

"We shall depart, then." T'Rea said, sweeping through the door. Amanda followed close on her heels, feeling the whirring excitement build in her. She wasn't quite sure what to expect at this celebration, but that was part of the enticement.

Author's Note: So this chapter may have been a whole lot of nothing. I was planning for this one to be the big party, but of course I started rambling…and then I had hit 3k words and I was sleepy XD Next time, I promise!


	11. Chapter 11

_ I will never cease to be amazed at the elegance of a Vulcan party._

Amanda drifted across the huge hall, her dress wafting behind her like a green wing. The main hall of the Principle Building, with its elegant vaulted ceilings and shining marble decorations was resplendent for the Ambassador's celebration. Amanda wondered how much of Councilman Skon's influence had needed to be plied in order to make the hall look so beautiful. There were new curtains draping the archways that framed the hall, slightly shining cloth of saffron and blue. Amanda couldn't help but be overwhelmed by the awe that the sight inspired in her. _Only a few months ago I was a student with no grand plans for my life. How lucky am I that I've been able to be in this amazing place, with these fascinating people?_

There were more official decorations as well. There was an elaborate dais with seats for all the members of the High Council at the far end of the hall, underneath the grandest archway. Beyond it, Amanda caught a glimpse of long tables set for a feast. Music echoed through the hall, just loud enough to intertwine smoothly with the hum of talking. Amanda felt a warm glow in her heart as she took it all in. It was almost like being in a child's fairy ta-

"Amanda! You look absolutely lovely!" The rather harsh voice of Captain Prais rang out across the hall, jarring the harmony of the music. Amanda turned, groaning on the inside, to see Prais, decked out in his finest Starfleet formals. He was accompanied by Captain Lang, although George was not with them. Amanda couldn't help but feel disappointed at this. She was certain that the Starfleet formal uniform would look very impressive indeed on Lieutenant Kirk.

"Bit of a stuffy shindig, but at least these Vulcans know how to make a good cocktail." Prais commented as he came up to her. "Let me repeat though - that dress is fantastic." Amanda felt a little angry blush color her cheeks, but she managed to ignore it and give Prais a polite greeting.

"Thank you, Captain." She said, a little stiffly. Prais was one of the people she actually enjoyed using her Vulcan barriers on. "Is Mr. Everard not with you?"

"Hollis is over there by the snacks," Prais said, gesturing with his glass of k'vass over at the unobtrusive tables in the corner, laid with Vulcan delicacies. "Apparently he's found some pretty young things to chat up." Everard was indeed speaking with two Vulcan women, although Amanda wasn't sure the term "pretty young things" really applied to them. They were dressed in less colorful dresses than the rest of the ladies, and appeared to be absorbed in conversation with Everard. Amanda peered closer.

"Those women are members of the VSA." She said, a hint of steel in her words. Prais' words were inappropriate in the extreme. Everard was, of course, giving them no more attention than was customary between colleagues. She resisted the urge to sigh as she turned back to view Prais' slightly red face, awaiting his reply. He chose to ignore her statement, switching the subject.

"Why don't I fetch you something to drink? You should allow yourself to celebrate a little. We're getting a new Ambassador! Much better than the last old Vulcan prig we had. I like the kid." Amanda felt the hairs on the back of her neck rise. She wanted to flee from Prais, but there was no way to do it politely. Lang seemed incapable of saying anything, himself. Amanda didn't blame him, however. The captain looked on edge and anxious - not everyone knew how to behave at a Vulcan ceremony, and Lang seemed to be using all of his processing power on not doing anything culturally offensive that would put Starfleet and the Vulcans at odds.

"No thank you, Captain." Amanda said woodenly. Prais wouldn't be shaken off that easily, though.

"I saw you were having a nice chat with our Lieutenant Kirk the other day. He's a good looking guy, isn't he? Wouldn't do you any harm to get to know him better, eh?" Amanda felt her cheeks grow darker.

"Lieutenant Kirk and I are just friends, Captain." Amanda tried to put more "go away" vibes into her tone, but Prais was not to be dissuaded. Embarrassment burned in Amanda's refuge as he leaned a little closer to her, his leering eyes full of unpleasant mischief.

"I bet you miss the boys back home. Can't be much around here to catch your eye!"

"Please, Captain-"

"That isn't a very respectful manner in which to address a lady, sir." Someone said behind her. Amanda's heart soared. It was George, coming to her rescue! She turned, a smile already on her lips.

The man behind her wasn't George, however. It was Sarek, looking even more august and severe than usual in formal black robes trimmed with blue. Amanda hastily wiped the smile off her face, horrified that Sarek had seen such an open expression of her emotions. Embarrassment flared in her again, much stronger than it had for Prais' rude comments. Sarek's gaze flicked down to her face, then back to Prais without a moment's hesitation. "I admit that I am not wholly familiar with Terran customs, but I would ask that you refrain from such behavior while you are here. It is disrespectful." His Standard was very slightly accented with a Vulcan lilt, which, for some reason, made Amanda's spine tingle in a very surprising way. She swallowed.

Prais raised his glass to Sarek, completely unfazed even by this. "All right, all right, no need to get angry. It was only harmless Human banter."

Sarek's eyes darkened. "I am not angry." He said evenly. "But I would prefer if you discontinued your 'harmless Human banter'." Amanda gaped at him, dumbstruck. She'd never expected a knight in shining armor to look like _Sarek_, for God's sake, but she couldn't help but feel grateful. The Vulcan's dark eyes were fixed on Prais, and the set of his features was almost _noble._

"Well, Theo and I were just going to freshen our drinks anyway. Evening, Amanda." Prais gave Sarek an almost mocking little nod and strode off, the anxious Captain Lang scurrying after him. Amanda barely had time to open her mouth to thank Sarek when he suddenly turned on her.

"Are you all right?" He asked, his voice so flat the question sounded almost like a statement.

"Yes, I'm fine." Amanda said hurriedly, fighting to keep her emotions down. "He wasn't really bothering me, he's just rude."

Sarek squared his shoulders, his gaze moving to follow Prais and Lang across the room. "I am aware of the fact. It is displeasureable that he should be rude to you." Amanda wasn't quite sure what to say to that, so she adjusted her sleeve in as calm a manner as she could muster and tried to change the subject.

"Let me wish you congratulations, Sarek. It was a pleasant surprise when I heard that you were to be appointed as the new Ambassador."

Sarek inclined his head in acknowledgement. "Thank you. The position is an honor. I am enthused at the prospect of working to improve relations between Earth and Vulcan."

_Apologize! _A little voice, eerily familiar to Selek's, piped up in Amanda's mind. She squashed it back and tried to hide her nervousness with babble. "It is certainly an accomplishment to achieve the position at such a young age." She said, battling her anxiousness back behind the walls, "I don't think you are much older than me." _Apologize!_

Sarek's dark eyes settled on hers. They weren't, as she had supposed, black, but instead a very deep shade of brown. There were minuscule highlights of mahogany and gold there, buried in the darker shades. "I am 27 years of age. It is not unheard of for someone to be appointed to an important office at such an age."

_Amanda, for fuck's sake, apologize! _That was not in Selek's voice, but in her own. Amanda's next words seemed to burble up out of her like water springing out of a fountain. "Sarek, I want to apologize for my behavior at- at the festival. And earlier at the Children's Institute. I was rude, and I'm sorry." It seemed to Amanda that there was a slight shift in Sarek's eyes, as if the lighter tints were becoming more pronounced. She swallowed. It felt as though they were standing quite close, although she knew there was at least two and a half feet between them.

"I accept your apology, Amanda." Sarek replied. Hearing him say her name made another little shiver dance down Amanda's spine. The incident with her scarf at the market was suddenly vivid and colorful in her mind. Her fingertips itched.

"Excuse me, Sarek - the ceremony is about to begin." A female voice said from behind Sarek. He looked over his shoulder, and Amanda saw that T'Rea was standing there, looking serene as a swan in her dusky purple robes. Amanda blinked once or twice - was that a knowing look in T'Rea's eyes?_ Heaven help me_.

"Thank you, T'Rea." Sarek bowed briefly to the Vulcan lady and left without a second look at Amanda. Not that she minded - she didn't have the mental coherence to mind just at that moment. Amanda was reminded of the time, back in her high school days, when the object of her long, secret affection, one Jasper Carmon, had announced his own attraction to her. The affair had ended almost as soon as it had begun, but Amanda had the same fluffy headed feeling she'd experienced right after their first bumbling, earnest kisses. Fluffy, that was the only way to describe it. T'Rea seemed to pick up on her dazed attitude, and she drew up next to Amanda with a very light nudge to her elbow. "Come, we must find our own seats."

The ceremony itself was very, very solemn. Amanda should have expected this from Vulcans, but she was ashamed to admit that her head had been so wrapped up in other things leading to the celebration that she hadn't given the actual ceremony any thought at all. Different members of the High Council addressed Sarek in long, grave sentences, including the past Ambassador. Amanda was surprised to see that Captain Prais was included in the proceedings. She had forgotten that he was technically the highest ranking representative of Earth's interest on Vulcan. It made her skin prickle with annoyance to see him standing smugly among the honored Vulcan elders. They deserved their accolades, but from her own experience with Prais she doubted if he really merited any of his.

Surprisingly, the whole thing was over within the space of 20 minutes. Amanda had expected a long, drawn out ceremony, but apparently there was little to do. She glanced at T'Rea after Sarek was officially honored with his new title, and the woman picked up on her question. As they walked through the grand archway to find their seats for the dinner, she explained to Amanda "In truth, the ceremony does not call for a grand celebration. I believe, however, that Councilman Skon is quite fond of organizing such events, especially in the honor of his own son. His family is one of the most prominent, and I must say, richest, in Shi'Kahr. The Matriarch of their family, T'Pau, is a woman most highly honored among our elders - not only in Shi'Kahr, but the entirety of Vulcan." Amanda mulled this over as they found their places at the long table. She was relieved to find that she was not seated anywhere near Sarek, but her heart sank when Everard and Prais took up the seats opposite she and T'Rea. Fortunately, Prais had decided to ignore Amanda for the rest of the evening, and she was able instead to talk to T'Rea and Everard. Amanda had secretly hoped that she would be seated near George, who she hadn't seen all evening. She finally did spot him, however, further down the table, with Lang and the other members of his crew. When he spotted Amanda, George gave her a friendly wave and a large smile. She couldn't help but return it, even though T'Rea did give her a less-than-friendly glance when she did so.

The meal itself was incredible. Amanda had tasted and enjoyed quite a lot of Vulcan foods since she'd arrived on the planet, but these courses were especially lavish and interesting. Amanda had sworn to herself that she would be adventurous in her eating while she was on Vulcan, and that policy had not let her down. Dishes that looked slightly suspect had turned out to be the most delicious, although Amanda had noticed that Vulcans were in favor of strong, bitter tastes in quite a lot of their food. It didn't surprise her nearly as much as it had when she'd first come to Vulcan, however. Amanda felt a little proud of that - she was becoming acclimated to an important aspect of Vulcan culture, and actually she quite enjoyed it.

There were no speeches or announcements during the dinner. Apparently, the Human tradition of raising glasses in someone's honor was not observed among Vulcans. Amanda found that she didn't mind much. It gave her a better opportunity to speak with Everard, who she had barely seen in the past months.

"I've been simply swamped." Everard confessed. His cheeks were very slightly red from the influence of k'vass, but he was being in no way inappropriate. In fact, he seemed to be enjoying himself. "There has been so much work to do at the Academy. I'm meeting fascinating people every day, in fact, and the Vulcans have been more generous in their sharing of research than I had hoped. I have a wealth of knowledge to bring back to Starfleet and Earth when this is all done with."

Amanda blinked. Done with. She had barely thought about the end of her time on Vulcan. It had seemed an age away when she first arrived on the planet, but sure enough it was drawing closer. The program's contract had been for a year, and she had been on Vulcan for about five months now. How quickly it went by! And, although she felt homesick from time to time, the thought of leaving Vulcan made her feel sicker. She set down her fork. Her stillness alerted Everard to her change in mood.

"What's the matter, Amanda? Something not sitting well with you?"

She shook her head, and managed to give him a private smile. "I was only thinking that I'm going to be very sad when we have to leave. I've enjoyed it here so much."

Everard returned her smile. "I'm glad to hear it. I feel much the same." And they returned to their meal, feeling a stronger camaraderie between them.

Finally the dinner was over. Amanda felt a little bit lightheaded from all the food, and the small measure of k'vass that she'd drunk. The other guests were all wandering back to the main hall, where the music had returned in full force. Amanda looked around and caught George's eye by accident. He grinned at her and gestured towards a balcony, beyond the tables and screened by an arcade, that looked out over the open air. Glad to have an opportunity to speak with him, Amanda followed him there.

"I haven't seen you all night!" He exclaimed when she joined him on the balcony. The night air was surprisingly cool on her skin - Amanda imagined it must have been the contrast from the heat that always hung over any party. "You look very pretty, Amanda. That Vulcan hairstyle really suits you."

Amanda grinned and patted her hair self-consciously. She had been worried that T'Iva's beautiful pins might fall out and be lost, but the woman had done her job well. The pins were anchored to Amanda's head - she wondered if they would come out even if she shook herself like a dog. "Thanks, George." She said, coming up to join him by the railing. "Look at that view." The view from the balcony was indeed amazing. They could see Shi'Kahr stretching around them in all directions. Amanda could see the Children's Institute, the markets, and the residential area she'd dubbed "The Palatine Hill" for its grand houses.

"I have to admit, I've never been to a city so interesting." Kirk said, leaning on the railing. "And I've been to a lot of cities, on a lot of planets."

Amanda smiled. "I'm sure you have! How long have you been with Starfleet?"

"About five years now. Well, it's been five since I left the Academy for actual duty. And I've loved every minute of it. I always dreamed of being up among the stars. It's like living a dream. Except..." George frowned slightly.

"Except what?" Amanda asked, curious.

George grinned sheepishly. "Well, I've got a girl back on Earth...she's my fiancee, actually. Here," He stuck a hand into his pocket and rummaged around for a minute before pulling out a little picture, protected by a strong laminate. "Her name is Winona. I asked her to marry me before I left on this last tour. I don't know when we'll be able to scrape together a wedding, but hopefully it'll happen soon." He passed the little picture over to Amanda. The woman in the portrait was very pretty. Her hair was honey colored and she had lovely hazel eyes. Amanda smiled down at her before passing the picture back to George.

"She's beautiful. Congratulations." She said, and felt a little surprised at herself. As handsome as George was, she thought she would have been disappointed to hear that he was engaged. Strangely, she wasn't.

George beamed at her. "Thanks." He tucked the picture away, but Amanda noticed he took a moment to glance at it before he did. "As soon as I met her I wanted to marry her. It took me a few years before I could actually get the words out, though. Strange how it's easier to fight in Starfleet than it is to ask a girl to marry you."

Amanda laughed at this. George grinned back, and they stood in contented silence for a while, just enjoying the view and each other's company. It was pleasant to be out there together, hearing the wispy strains of music coming through the hall to them. "Hey," George said at last. "We're at a party, it'd be a shame to waste good music. Would you like to dance with me?"

Amanda laughed again. "Really? Here?" When he nodded, she shrugged. "Why not - I haven't danced with anyone in ages. You'd be surprised how uncomfortable about touching they are here. I hope you don't mind if I'm a little rusty. Some of the Vulcan-ness rubs off on you, I think."

"Don't worry about it." George said, extending a hand to her. "Winona always said I've got two left feet." Amanda smiled and took his hand. They danced for a while, a casual, friendly dance. George's hands were warm on her waist and in her own hand. It was nice to have someone's hand in her own - although the remembrance of Sarek's fingers at the festival and in the market was constantly surfacing in her mind. Why was she thinking about that so much? After a while, George asked "How about you? Have you got anyone waiting for you back on Earth?"

"No," Amanda said. "But I don't mind it. I've always been too busy for a boyfriend or anything like that. It just hasn't been one of my priorities."

"You should try making it a priority some time." George said. "You're far to sweet and pretty to be left alone. I would ask you if any of the Vulcan boys have been making eyes at you, but it must be hard as hell to tell what any of them are thinking."

"Yes," Amanda sighed. "It really is."

They danced in silence for a while longer, just enjoying the movement and the music for a while. A little nagging thought was preying on Amanda, though. Finally, she decided to voice it. "George," She began, "There is...someone...well, something...I'd just like to ask your advice on it."

"Shoot."

"You know the new Ambassador, Sa-"

"What are you doing?"

Amanda immediately dropped her hands from George and turned to look at the interruptor. She didn't move quickly enough, however, because before she could properly step away from George, Sarek had grabbed him and violently wrenched him away from Amanda. There was a thud as George's back hit one of the pillars of the arcade. Amanda stared, wide eyed, at the two men. Sarek's grip on George's arm and shoulder was dangerously tight. Amanda could see George wince in pain as Sarek pushed him against the pillar again. After what seemed like an age, but was in reality only a few short seconds, Amanda found her voice.

"Sarek!" She said, and her voice was more charged with horror and shock than she'd have liked it to be in the presence of a Vulcan. "Let him go!" Unthinkingly, she grabbed the Vulcan's shoulder and tried to tug him away. Her touch was like an electric bolt through Sarek. He immediately let George go and backed away. Amanda was shocked at the plain, vicious anger on his face. George was similarly surprised, but as soon as Sarek's grip was off him he was in a defensive stance, moving so that he was shielding Amanda from him.

"No, George, stop it." Amanda said, her voice slightly shrill. She pushed George out of her way and advanced on Sarek. "What are you doing?" She was surprised to hear the anger trembling in her own voice. How dare Sarek do such a thing? How dare he? Fury was pumping through her, riding on the current of her pulse.

Her accusation seemed to pierce Sarek like an arrow. He stepped back, and Amanda watched the expression on his normally blank face change from anger to horror as he fought for control. He wouldn't meet Amanda's eyes. "I- I apologize." He said, gripping the railing behind him. "Forgive me." Still without looking into Amanda's face, he turned and fled back into the hall like a wild animal, tense and fighting to control rage.

When he was gone, Amanda slumped against the balcony's railing, her shoulders trembling fiercely. George was immediately at her side. "Are you all right? Damn, I'm sorry. I really am." Amanda shook her head, trying to keep her lips from quivering.

"It's not your fault." She said. "I'm the one who should be sorry. And I am. I don't know why he would do something like that." She felt George grip her shoulder reassuringly.

"Why does any man act that way? Jealousy."

Author's Note: I am having so much fun writing this. I hope you guys are enjoying it as much as I am. I'm not super sure what's going to happen after this, but it's in the works and there will be a new chapter here soon!


	12. Chapter 12

Amanda spent the rest of the night in a daze, trying to shore up the semi crumbled walls of her emotional barrier. George was taken aback by her sudden closed-off behavior, but he seemed to accept it as a form of shell shock, and gave her a slightly concerned smile and hug as goodbye. T'Rea also immediately picked up on Amanda's distress. She ushered her away from the party and back into her hovercar without so much as an "Are you all right?" During the ride back home Amanda felt exhausted and feeble with weariness. This made stripping off the beautiful party dress far more taxing than it would have been. Amanda left it in a pearlescent puddle by her bed, the shining hairpins left scattered over her nightstand like greenish stars. Sleep was a welcome relief.

The next morning Amanda woke later than usual. She moaned and pushed her face into the pillow, dreading what would come with the new day. She had accepted sleep as a blissful shut-down of her anxious mind, and now that she was awake all of her turbulent thoughts were back with her. These were shunted to one side, however, by the memory of a fast fading dream. Amanda opened her eyes and looked across her bed out the window as the last eddies of the dream faded away.

_A sandcastle, on beaches she had visited as a child, at home, on Earth. The castle was a crude construction, one she had made herself with clumsy hands. The tide was coming in. She knew she had to protect it, to keep the sandy towers from collapsing into the water, but her movements were sloth-slow. Somehow she couldn't get there fast enough to shield the defenseless fortress. The first wave was about to break and destroy her castle, her refuge..._

_She was alone in the Principle Building, surrounded by the towering thrones of the High Council. Their faces were blurred in shadows, severe shades in an already dark hall. Amanda tried to stand up, but she was encumbered by swathes of beautiful fabric. She stumbled over the colorful cloth, and her palms hit the hard, cold marble._

_"Let me help you," Amanda looked up. Sarek was standing by her side. He held out his hand to her. Amanda, unthinking, reached out and took Sarek's hand in hers. A blossom of pain sprouted on her palm and raced up her arm. She cried out..._

Amanda blinked and pushed her tangled hair out of her eyes. Unpleasant, but it was fading. She got out of bed and dressed, taking extra time to clean off the previous night's makeup and brush out her hair. Feeling slightly plainer but lighter, she went downstairs. She was surprised to find Ataur standing on her doorstep, looking up at her with a pleasant light in his eyes.

"Good afternoon, Amanda." He said, presenting the ta'al. "Have you slept well?"

Amanda hurried down the rest of the stairs, flustered. "I am sorry, Ataur, I did not realize what time it was." And I completely forgot we had a lesson today. "Have you been here long?"

"I arrived 3.46 minutes ago, but please, do not hurry on my account." He said pleasantly. T'Iva appeared behind him, looking straightfaced as usual.

"T'sai, I have prepared breakfast for you." She said.

Amanda's anxiety increased. "Oh. Er, have you eaten, Ataur?"

"I have, but a cup of tea while you eat your own breakfast would be satisfactory." A little bit of Amanda's worry slid off of her, thankful again for Ataur's understanding.

"Thank you." She said. "The dining room is this way."

She and Ataur sat down at the small table, T'Iva going off to prepare a cup of strong tea for Ataur. Amanda's own breakfast was fresh fruit, a pleasant substance not dissimilar to yoghurt, and nut bread. There was also tea, a little less bitter than Ataur favored, for her to drink. Amanda ate hungrily, but she endeavored to hide it from Ataur. She'd had too many incidents of showing her emotions in front of Vulcans recently. Ataur sat in silence for a few moments, then spoke suddenly, lowering his cup from his lips.

"Concerns are weighing on you, Amanda." Amanda was too troubled to attempt to hide it from Ataur. She set down her spoon and sighed. Ataur quirked an eyebrow. "If you wish to unburden yourself, I will try to help you with your problem." He said. Amanda caught the scent of his tea. It reminded her of the sea.

"Ataur," She began, dreading his reaction. "I am aware of the Vulcan custom of privacy about...romantic relationships, but I need some council. I'm afraid it's over my head."

"A curious Human expression," Ataur said. Amanda met his eyes, wondering at his levity. She had expected him to close off and refuse to speak with her. Instead, he seemed the same old Ataur, airy and somewhat detached. "I will do my best to help you. What is it you wish to know?"

"You're sure it's all right to tell me about it? I don't want to make you uncomfortable." Amanda said, feeling rather uncomfortable herself.

"It is perfectly all right, Amanda." Ataur said, a smile in his eyes. "I understand that you should have some difficulties of this kind. In fact, I am rather pleased to hear it." Amanda blinked, surprised. She certainly hadn't expected him to say that. "Vulcans may not seem to have deep relationships with friends or family like Humans do. Humans perceive us to be exceptionally cold because of this, I believe. In fact, Vulcans create very deep ties to their friends and family - so deep that they are linked in mind and spirit. Every Vulcan child creates telepathic bonds with his or her parents, and siblings if they have any. We draw on these bonds to help stabilize and strengthen us. These bonds are one of the tools Vulcans use to suppress and control their emotions. It is a source of power that is vital to every Vulcan. A Vulcan without these bonds is alone - completely and utterly alone. It is a very painful state to be in." A little flash of something unfamiliar appeared in Ataur's eyes. It was gone as soon as it had appeared, but Amanda was certain she saw it.

"I don't understand," Amanda said. "How could these ties be relevant to me? Humans aren't capable of creating telepathic bonds. We're practically psi-null."

Ataur leaned forward slightly. "That is why I am pleased, Amanda. But you should tell me the nature of your problem before I explain further."

Puzzled, but eager to have her worries about Sarek off her chest, Amanda nodded and licked her lips. "Recently I have...recently...Recently, Ambassador Sarek has been acting different towards me." She felt a blush surging for her cheeks and fought to suppress it. "We touched hands at the Kamteh festival- accidentally, of course, but...it happened again at the market the other day. And last night, I was talking with Lieutenant Kirk, one of the crew of the U.S.S. Kelvin, and Sarek sort of...Sarek grabbed him and pulled him away from me. Violently." Ataur's expression remained calm, although Amanda could see another lightning flash of strangeness in his eyes.

"I see." He said. He paused for a moment - what seemed an eternity to Amanda - before speaking again. "Well, it is as I had supposed. Not all Humans are unreceptive, let us say, to Vulcan telepathy. These Humans can bring about subconscious attraction in Vulcans - I believe this must be the case with Sarek. I think that you are more telepathically responsive than other Humans, Amanda. In many ways this is a great gift, especially if you continue studying here on Vulcan. You will be able to experience parts of our culture that are not available to all Humans. It is rare enough, special enough, that you would be accepted more readily among us. Tell me, have you ever heard of the Vulcan mind meld?"

Amanda stared at him. She'd heard some bits and pieces about Vulcan telepathic communication, enough to know that Vulcans were touch-telepaths, but not much more than that. She shook her head. "I'm not familiar with the term." She said.

"It is a form of communication between Vulcans that is very intimate and very personal. Through the meld, Vulcans can share thoughts, feelings, and emotions with each other. We generally meld with those who are closest to us: our bosom friends, parents, and lovers. The meld is only initiated between two Vulcans who are bonded to one another, especially between lovers, because this is the strongest bond that a Vulcan will form during his lifetime."

Amanda opened her mouth to ask again what this had to do with her, but Ataur held up a hand to silence her. "I tell you this because Humans that are responsive to Vulcan telepathy are capable of forming this type of bond with a Vulcan. Capable of both forming and reciprocating this bond. Of course, you needn't choose to marry a Vulcan, but you have the option." Amanda couldn't help it, her mouth fell open. She stared at Ataur for a long moment before she managed to muster a reply.

"M-marry a Vulcan?" She stammered. "I can barely imagine myself marrying a Human." But then the blush reappeared as Sarek's form appeared in her mind.

The smile came back to Ataur's eyes. "As I said, you do not have to if you do not wish to. It is your choice. However, Sarek's attraction to you is easily explained because of this. All Vulcans are drawn to those that they are capable of forming strong bonds with."

"But, Sarek is...so cruel, and so rude to me." She said. That's not true.

Ataur sat back in his seat and folded his hands in his lap. "Perhaps his rudeness upon your first meeting was a reaction to your allure. I believe Humans would call this a 'knee jerk' reaction. It is not uncommon for our feelings to become confused, just as Human feelings do."

Amanda looked down at her plate. Suddenly she felt very much like crying.

"Amanda, what you choose to do with what I have just told you is your decision. I believe that Sarek's rather reprehensible actions last night were a loss of control. As I told you, Vulcans feel things very strongly, and it is not always easy to keep feelings in balance. I suspect that Sarek felt a surge of jealousy when he saw you with the Lieutenant. In a momentary lapse he allowed his baser nature to take over. Was the young man harmed?"

"No." Amanda said. "George - Lieutenant Kirk - is fine. It was certainly very unpleasant, though."

"I understand." Ataur said, a touch of reassurance in his tone. "But Amanda, I would not judge Ambassador Sarek too harshly. He is young yet, and in our youth we are still unstable."

"Perhaps he shouldn't have been appointed Ambassador then, if he's prone to flying into a rage like that." Amanda said, unable to restrain the dryness in her tone.

There was another smile in Ataur's eyes. "Amanda, I believe you are underestimating yourself. Not many men can function properly when a lovely young lady is in their presence."

After Ataur's visit, Amanda spent the rest of the day trying to meditate. She was determined to complete her protective wall. She was tired of being so vulnerable to own emotions. Back home it had never been a problem. She felt what she felt; anger, joy, sadness, it didn't matter. Now, however, she was frightened of her own reactions. And, after seeing Sarek become so inflamed with anger and jealousy as to physically hurt another person, she was hell bent on making sure she never lost control like that. Of course, she'd never reach the intense level of Sarek's outburst, but a sign of anger at an inappropriate time, a hint of sadness in the wrong place...she couldn't risk it.

Unfortunately her confused state of mind was making meditation even harder than it normally was. Amanda tried to relax - the candles Ataur had given her were lit, her room darkened by covering the windows - but she seem unable to calm herself. Her mind kept straying back to Sarek. She was horrified at how he had reacted when he saw her with George, but some little part of herself was still blushing from their oddly flirtatious moments together. She felt ashamed. What right did she have to flirt with a Vulcan? Well, if Ataur's ideas were right, maybe she did have more license than she thought. Still, whenever Sarek appeared in her mind (which was often) his image was accompanied by currents of anger, curiosity, fear and desire. It was as though her mind was battling with itself; her fear of Sarek's intensity against her intense curiosity about him. She felt spent and tired, but she pushed herself to keep going. She could persevere, and she wouldn't give up until she did.

Finally, exhausted but pleased with her work, Amanda extinguished her candles and opened the curtains to let the afternoon light come in. Although the scent of the candle smoke was still heavy in the air, the light seemed to open the room to the city beyond. It made Amanda smile.

"T'sai," Amanda turned to see T'Iva at the door. "T'Rea is here to see you." Amanda's heart sank. Was she going to get a lecture on proper behavior? She didn't want to talk about Sarek anymore. She didn't want to bare her feelings again, even to T'Rea. But she had to be polite, and besides, she was fond of T'Rea. Amanda nodded and followed T'Iva down to the main sitting room, where T'Rea had already made herself quite at home.

"Ko'kan," T'Rea said, standing. There was gentleness in her tone that quite effectively soothed Amanda's nerves. "I have good news." Curious, Amanda extended a respectful ta'al and went to sit beside T'Rea, who resumed her own seat. T'Iva went off to prepare tea, moving away on silent steps.

"Because of your diligent work at the Children's Institute, the directors of the school have offered you the opportunity to teach a course in Terran culture and languages in their elementary program. I am impressed by your progress mysef, that the directors should ask you to perform this task. As you must have gathered, teachers are very highly valued in Vulcan culture."

Amanda was struck dumb for a moment. Her own class? She had never imagined that she would be able to take an active role in her studies at the Children's Institute. She felt so much like an outsider there, even though they were perfectly kind to her. It was an honor she had never expected to receive. Now she was fighting to keep herself from smiling at T'Rea. "I am very honored," She managed to say finally. "Thank you for bringing me this news. I am grateful." She was immensely grateful, more than T'Rea could know. This was exactly the lift that her spirit needed right now. Her own class!

"You are welcome, ko-kan. I believe that you will be instructing children between the ages of five and seven, for three hour long periods a week. It will not be a large class, of ten students. They have preliminary knowledge of Federation Standard. Your task will be to enhance their understanding of complex grammatical structures, as well as presenting lectures on the history and cultures of Earth."

Amanda felt the urge to raise her eyebrows. "I wasn't aware that Vulcan children leaned foreign languages so young."

T'Rea nodded. "Federation Standard is taught simultaneously with our own tongue. As younger children do not have much opportunity to practice it in their daily lives, they are not fluent until they reach approximately age 10, although some learn faster than others."

Amanda swallowed and nodded. Of course, teaching advanced language would be more difficult than teaching the basics, but she was determined to do it well. After all, this was what she had been dreaming of - a little different, perhaps, but still the same idea. She would be teaching children, bringing new experience to their lives, and that was all she needed. "How should I get in contact with the directors?"

"So you have decided to accept? Very good. I will notify the Institute, and give you the relevant information soon. They are eager to have you start soon. Is that acceptable?" T'Rea said smoothly.

"Ah, yes, that is acceptable." Amanda said, feeling a little dazed, but happy. "I'll begin work on a lesson plan."

"Very good." T'Rea stood suddenly, her long robes moving as though she were a lovely bird taking flight. "I will be in contact with you soon." She looked down solemnly at Amanda. "You have done very well, Amanda. I look forward to your further success." With that, she swept off, leaving Amanda in a bit of a muddle, but a pleased one. Eager to get started, Amanda raced up the stairs as soon as T'Rea had departed. She would, of course, have to call her parents first and tell her the good news.

"Congratulations!"

George was of course the second person Amanda told. It was the next afternoon, and she and Lieutenant Kirk were walking along a boulevard that afforded a wonderful view of the city. Amanda smiled, unable to contain her pleasure. "Thank you, George." She was glad of his company and his warm congratulations - there was nothing like sharing your happiness with a friend to make it bigger.

They paused at a stall selling light snacks to passerby, where George bought them two small bags of a semi-sweet Vulcan treat. "It's on me," He said, grinning. "Normally I'd take you out for a drink or something, but Lang's keeping me on a tight leash and I haven't got much of an allowance." Amanda shook her head, happy for the present.

"Don't worry about it, this is plenty!" She said. "I wouldn't enjoy a drink nearly as much. K'vass makes me dizzy, and it seems to be in every alcoholic drink here."

George chuckled as they set off down the little avenue again. "Oh, yeah, some of the boys went out last night and got completely smashed on that stuff. Lang was pretty huffy about it - apparently the hangover k'vass gives you is five times as long as one from any Terran alcohol. Those guys won't be suitable for any duty for a while."

"Is Prais still giving you trouble?" Amanda asked.

"Not really. Lang has figured out how to shake him off - it works two out of three times. Start talking Starfleet technical and Prais gets a glazed look in his eyes. No wonder he didn't make it past captain before they retired him." George popped another candy in his mouth and spluttered slightly. "Damn, trust Vulcans to put heat in their candy!"

Amanda laughed. "Sorry, I should have warned you about that. I find it so interesting that Vulcans like such strong flavors in their food. I guess it's an outlet for them."

George shrugged. "I like this okay - it's interesting. Here, let's stop here for a while." He gestured to a little overlook that was out of the way of the main walking path. "We can enjoy the view."

They went to the balcony and stood there for a moment in silence. Amanda watched Vulcans in the busy streets below them. Women and men, children and elders, going about their daily lives. "I do love it here." She said out of the blue, watching as two older men chatted with a boy who couldn't have been more than thirteen. She turned to see that George was watching her with a smile.

"Yeah, I can tell you do." He said, and his expression softened. "Amanda, is everything okay? I know there aren't a lot of people you can talk to here...I mean, talk like with a Human. If there's anything bothering you, I'm a good listener, I promise."

Amanda put a hand on his forearm and gave him a little smile. "Don't worry about me." She said. "It's nothing I can't handle." She looked away for a moment, and then sighed. There was a young woman walking with a young man on the street below them. Both Vulcan, and although they didn't show it outwardly, Amanda suspected that they must be a couple.

"Are you sure?" George asked. "I don't know what's going on with you and Sarek but...I don't want you to get hurt. Physically or in any other way."

Amanda met his eyes again. So very blue, much brighter than her own. "I don't think he'll hurt me, George. The problem is that...well, I'm not really sure how to explain it. Apparently I'm more telepathically receptive than the average Human...It was a bit confusing to me, but the long and the short of it seems to be that Sarek likes me. And, even though he's been horrible on occasion, I think I like him too...a little bit." She bit her lip. "Does that make me a weak person?"

George's smile was like a beam of sunshine through dark clouds. "Amanda, don't worry about it. I've seen guys do a lot worse than that for a girl they wanted."

"But, for a Vulcan, that was practically like pulling out a knife and stabbing you."

George chuckled. "Do you see any knife wounds? I don't think that liking Sarek makes you weak. In fact, I'm really impressed with how strong you are. You came out here alone to live with an alien culture that didn't look all that kindly on you, and you're going farther than anyone expected. You just landed a teaching gig, with Vulcans! That's damn impressive to me." George shrugged. "And as for Sarek...as long as you're taking care of yourself, being a little weak sometimes isn't such a bad thing. We all have to let our guard down sometimes." A little frown creased his brow. "Of course, if you're ever worried about your safety, you kick him in the balls and call me, promise?"

Amanda couldn't help it; she laughed. "I promise, I promise!"

"The ship's going to be back in flying shape soon, so I'm going to be out of here in a couple days. But you can always call me - here, I'll send my contact info to you. And don't just call if it's an emergency, either. I want to keep in touch with you. Besides," George smiled again, and Amanda could see a touch of shyness in his eyes. "I've got some leave coming up. I want you to meet Winona in person, or at least, as close to in person as we can get."

"I would love to, George." Amanda said, and she meant it. Her expression turned a bit mischievous. "I want to meet this girl that makes you so sappy all the time!"

They laughed together again. When they parted ways a little while later, Amanda felt significantly cheered, but also a little sad to see George go. With him would disappear the last friendly person with whom she could allow herself to show emotion. When George left, Amanda would have to retreat fully into her fortress - and this time, she had to be on complete and total lockdown.

Author's Note: Whole lotta walking and talking in this chapter. This story just runs away with me a lot! I promise there will be more action (and more Sarek) in the next chapter. Plus look forward to adorable Vulcan kiddies!


	13. Chapter 13

_The sun was setting over a brick-red mountain ridge, streaking the sky with strange colors that Amanda had never seen in the sky on Earth. She was standing alone on a small terrace. She turned to look behind her - an elegant Vulcan home, with large, low wings; a design to keep the building cool. Amanda puzzled at it. She had never seen this place before. With the fluidity of dream-movements, Amanda walked to the edge of the terrace, considering stepping off to explore the desert, where the red sands stretched away as a rusty sea._

_ "What are you doing here?" Amanda turned to see a Vulcan boy, probably fourteen or fifteen years old. He stared at her with dark eyes like deep polished wood. Amanda immediately knew him as Sarek._

_ "I don't know." She replied, with dream-fed bluntness to her tone. She wasn't nervous or angry in his presence. He was there and she was there, and that was that. Although Sarek's expression was calm and smooth, Amanda saw a flash of confusion in his dark eyes._

_ "I don't understand. It is strange that you should be here."_

_ "I go where I wish."_

_ The sound of footsteps made Amanda turn. A Vulcan girl was approaching them - Sarek's age, Amanda could tell, but already a stunning beauty. Her face was as perfect as a porcelain doll's. Somehow she stood out more than her surroundings, as though she were more real than everything else. Her blue dress was shimmering in the dusky light. Amanda immediately disliked her, although she wasn't sure why._

_ "Why haven't you come to see me, Sarek?" She asked, not even glancing at Amanda. Her voice was as soft as a dove's. Amanda felt her dislike for the young lady grow. Sarek also looked thrown off, glancing between the girl and Amanda as if he were feeling out of his depth._

"_This isn't how this happened." He said slowly. "This is different. I do not understand why it is different." He turned suddenly on Amanda, and she recognized a spark of anger in his eyes. "You are not supposed to be here. Why have you come here? How?"_

_Amanda stared at him, unable to say anything, stifled with confusion. The boy Sarek advanced on her. His shoulders were already rather broad. Amanda stepped back. "Why are you angry with me?"_

"_I am not angry. You are incongruous. Your presence is perplexing. You cause...turmoil." Amanda took another step back. She knew, in a strange way, that this young Sarek wasn't just talking about the current situation. He came closer, eclipsing Amanda's view. The girl in the background faded into a bluish smudge. "Why do you draw me to you, Amanda?"_

"_I don't know," Amanda said. She stepped back onto the red sand of the desert, and awoke._

Amanda opened her eyes and looked around, feeling muzzy and confused. It took her a few moments to register that she was lying in her bed in her little home on Vulcan. For some reason it took her much longer to draw herself out of the dream than usual. Still sleepy, she forced herself to sit up and stretch - she did have a big day today, after all. As she dressed and fixed her hair, Amanda thought about the strangeness of the dream. Sarek had been in her dreams before, far more often than Amanda would like to admit to herself, but this time it had felt like she was visiting his dream. An altogether unsettling thought, although she knew it couldn't be possible. Still, the country house, the pretty girl...those things weren't out of her memory or subconscious, as far as she could tell. That was the thing about one's subconscious, though - it worked busily without one's knowing or understanding. Dismissing this thought as unimportant, Amanda made her way downstairs to breakfast. She was already filling with excitement and nerves for her first day as a real teacher.

Upon arriving at breakfast, though, Amanda had to force herself to eat. Her stomach was too full of butterflies to be hungry. What would the Vulcan version of butterflies be? she mused as she tried to finish the porridge T'Iva had made for her. "Mathra. _Butterfly_." Finally, breakfast more or less eaten, Amanda went out to meet the hovercar that would take her to the Children's Institute, armed with a lesson plan and eagerness to begin.

The same rather reedy guide greeted her at the Children's Institute when she arrived. He seemed pleased to see her, however, and politely led her to her classroom. Apparently she was arriving at the same time that the students were coming in to begin their own classes. She spotted Selek among the neat little figures and raised a hand in a sort of wave to him. He nodded at her before disappearing along with his fellows into another classroom. Amanda hoped she would see him when she was finished for the day. She genuinely enjoyed spending time with Selek - he was sufficiently curious about Earth to enjoy her company as well, and they had a comfortable companionship as inhabitants of two very different worlds, seeking to learn about each other.

Amanda's own classroom was a smallish one at the end of a hallway that Amanda had not been down before. She surmised it must be part of the wing for the younger children, as many of the fixtures and furniture was obviously designed for smaller bodies. The thought made her smile on the inside. Vulcans and Humans might be very different, but in some way or another, all children were children.

"This will be your classroom, Miss Grayson. Please alert me or one of my fellow stewards if you have need of anything. You should find the room adequately stocked with resources for teaching." Amanda's guide said politely, gesturing for her to go into the room. "I shall not be far away, if you have need of me." With that, he left, and Amanda was alone in the hallway. It was eerily quiet - where were all the children? Puzzled, but determined to get on with things, Amanda went into the room and set her small bag down on the desk at the front. Like all things Vulcan, of course, the room was rather stark compared to Terran standards. There were small chairs arranged in a semicircle in front of an adult-sized chair at the head of the classroom. Behind the teacher's seat was a huge screen, the size of which Amanda marveled at. There was a small console beside the teacher's seat - Amanda hoped that it was simple enough for her to get the hang of it quickly. Before she could truly test it out, however, someone was clearing their throat in the doorway.

Amanda looked up to see a female adult Vulcan waiting there. She didn't look much older than Amanda herself. She gave a little bow when Amanda met her eyes, and Amanda hurriedly reciprocated. Amanda could see a few children standing behind the lady, looking solemn, as quiet as little statues. "Good morning, Miss Grayson. I have brought your class to you. Go inside and sit down, children." The young woman stepped aside and gestured for the children to file inside. They did so, and Amanda watched them take their seats. It was strange how the youngest Vulcans seemed to be even more grave and sullen than their elders. Perhaps it was because Amanda was used to see children in a more excitable state, so that in contrast these young Vulcans looked as somber as strict polititians.

"Thank you." Amanda said, extending the ta'al to the woman. She returned it with a nod.

"I will be here to escort them to their next class when you have completed your teaching for the day." She said, and smartly stepped out. Amanda was left in the center of the semi-circle of children, all of whom were watching her with round, serious eyes. Amanda wanted to laugh, simply out of nervousness, but controlled herself.

"Good morning, children. My name is Amanda Grayson. You may call me Miss Grayson, perhaps Amanda when we become better acquainted." Amanda could have kicked herself for that - she had no idea how Vulcan children were supposed to address their teachers. Maybe the children would be bewildered by such an informal form of address. In any case, she continued, "I will be teaching you a short class on Terran culture and language. Before I begin today's lesson, please introduce yourselves to me." Amanda nodded to the little girl sitting on the end of the circle. She felt strange using this kind of language with young children. She felt as though she should be more friendly, more flexible, but perhaps the children would give her a guide to how she was supposed to speak to them. Her questions were answered for her as soon as the little girl opened her mouth.

"I am T'Lun. I am five years of age." She said. Her eyes were as dark as Sarek's, and her gaze never moved from Amanda's face. As used to Vulcans as Amanda was now, hearing the solemn voice coming out of the little chubby face was incredibly strange to Amanda. It was like being addressed by a very serious doll.

"Pleasure to meet you, T'Lun." Amanda said, then turned to look at the little boy next to her.

"I am Tomek. I am older than T'Lun. She is my younger sister. I am six and a half years of age."

"Pleasure to meet you, Tomek." Amanda said. They continued in this fashion until they reached the end of the line of children. Amanda mentally tallied them up - four girls and six boys: T'Lun, T'See, T'Ama, and T'Diah; Komek, Aven, Emonn, Rotah, Sadrak, and Turinon. They looked at her expectantly after T'Diah had introduced herself. Amanda nodded and said.

"Thank you. I will do my best to remember all of your names." She began, but Sadrak piped up before she could continue.

"Why should you encounter difficulties in remembering our names?" He asked. His neighbor, T'See, gave him a sharp look. "You must not interrupt the teacher, Sadrak." She said. The boy beside Tomek, Emonn, offered, in a thoughtful tone "Humans do not have the same faculty of memory that Vulcans do." Amanda watched them, surprised, for a moment before she was able to pull herself together.

"I suppose you are right, Emonn, although we are not deficient." She said. "Humans have about eighty five percent of the recalling ability of Vulcans."

"What is the figure exactly?" The smallest girl, T'Ama, asked. Amanda floundered for a moment before saying "The exact figure is not important - at least, it is not relevant to the subject at hand. May I begin with the lesson now, children?"

They all looked up at her, and a few of them nodded. Oops, mistake number two...Vulcans are not good with sarcasm and teasing. Wondering how difficult this class was going to prove to be, Amanda began with her lesson.

"The first Human cultures on Earth arose around two thousand years B.C.E, and abbreviation which Humans use to mean "before the common era", which is held to be the year zero. The culture about which we have the most information is that of the Egyptians, whose first monuments can be dated to approximately the year 2150 B.C.E. ..."

Amanda worked hard with the children for the next hour, beginning with the Egyptians and ending, just in time, with an explanation of early agriculture on Earth. For the most part, the children were serious and studious in their attention, politely raising their hands to ask a question when Amanda gave pause for it. She found, with a mixture of relief and amusment, that these children were not so very different from Human children, although there were still significant differences. Amanda's class would often go into long-winded tangents amongst themselves, which Amanda could barely force herself to stop because she found them so fascinating. At one point, T'See and Turinon got into a heated argument about heiroglyphics that both impressed Amanda with its intellectualism, and amused her with its somewhat inconsequential subject matter. It seemed to her that Vulcan children were very eager to offer their own opinions, and would battle fiercely with each other in debate about them, even if their points were about something rather silly. As an observer, Amanda got the idea that Vulcan aptitude for logical reasoning and intellectual conversation came very early - "choosing a hill to die on" must come later. Amanda had to gently steer the discussions back to the Egyptians on several occasions, as the children would bring in increasingly far-flung points to support their own arguements. It was clear to Amanda, however, that there was a rapacity for learning inside each of them. This was immensely pleasing and fascinating to her.

At one point towards the end of the class, however, one of the discussions began to go sour. Two of the children were locked in a dense argument that, to Amanda's surprise, was causing more and more distress as it went on. Amanda could see Komek's face taking on a greenish flush as he belabored his point, his voice rising to a higher pitch than she had heard before. Sensing that he was about to lose emotional control, Amanda darted in to end the argument just as Komek was raising his hand to smack the other child. In a Human kindergarten, this sort of thing would be rather commonplace, and would be sorted out easily. Amanda did her best to calm them down, giving Komek a very pointed look. He quickly withdrew and soothed his expression, although Amanda could see it was a struggle. She was struck with the knowledge of how difficult it must be for Vulcans to learn to suppress their emotions. Ataur had told her that they were more violent and intense than Human feelings, and Amanda could see that in Komek's face as he fought to calm himself. Just like Sarek, she thought. It really takes an immense amount of strength and self-control to keep themselves sane.

Despite that one hiccup, the class went very smoothly. Amanda found herself truly enjoying the discussion with her students. They raised interesting questions which she was eager to answer. When the young Vulcan woman came by to pick the children up again, Amanda felt as though barely any time had passed at all.

"Thank you, children. Continue with this level of dedication to your studies and you will do very well." She said, keeping a smile inside for herself. "I will see you again tomorrow."

"Nemaiyo, sevensu!" The children chimed (still in solemn tones) in unison as they got up from their seats. "_Thank you, teacher_!" Amanda blinked - she had forgotten about that. At the end of each class, the children would say that to their teacher. She had seen other teachers receive the same thanks, but she hadn't thought that her students would say it to her. She was both surprised and pleased, privately, of course.

Her duties finished, Amanda had some time to herself. She packed up her things and wandered out into the hall, meaning to head for the main hall. She walked past many classrooms, both empty and full, hearing bits and pieces of lessons as she drifted by. A little rumble of hunger reminded her that she hadn't exactly eaten breakfast that day. Time to be a little more purposeful in her wanderings. After a few more minutes of being lost, Amanda found her way to the main hall of the Institute. It was relatively empty just then, classes being in session. The few people in the room were busy with their own work, and largely ignored Amanda. She nodded to the few who looked up at her, and turning back to face the entranceway nearly bumped into a tall Vulcan.

"I'm sorry," She said automatically, stepping back to get out of his way. She looked up and felt her heart give a little strangled hiccup. Sarek was standing in front of her, looking a little more diffident than was his norm.

"Good afternoon, Miss Grayson." He said, his expression becoming stony again. Amanda felt her spirits sink. Nothing ever good happened when she ran into Sarek. Better not let it have a chance to happen.

"Good afternoon. Excuse me." She said, trying not to sound too hurried, and moving to go around him. She was surprised when he moved to block her way. Curious but still frustrated, she looked back into his face. "Yes?"

"Miss Grayson," Sarek said again, making Amanda mentally roll her eyes. "I was planning to accompany Selek on an excursion this afternoon. As I thought that it might interest you, I would like to extend an invitation to you."

Amanda looked at him blankly for a few moments before her neurons could bundle together a reply. "Oh. What sort of excursion are you going on?" She was surprised that she managed to be so cool and collected. Normally she'd be fumbling for her words on the floor right about then. Perhaps Ataur's training was helping her, in more ways than she'd expected.

"There is a small active volcano site not far from the outskirts of the city. It is of course not dangerous. Selek has often expressed interest in going to see it. Given his apparent taste for your company, I thought perhaps you would like to accompany us." Sarek intoned. He looked even stonier than usual now, and Amanda wondered if he were fighting hard to keep a lid on himself. It certainly seemed that way. She herself was unsettled - she of course liked spending time with Selek, and a true Vulcan volcano would be very interesting indeed, but Sarek...Amanda swallowed, feeling as though her heart was trying hard to crawl its way up her throat. She had to admit to herself that this outing sounded exciting...for more reasons than one.

"Yes, I will go with you." Amanda was surprised to hear the words in her own voice. They had jumped out of her mouth of their own volition. Cursing herself for un-Vulcan-like impulsiveness, she looked away from Sarek on the pretense of picking a thread off her sleeve. "It sounds like an interesting outing."

Sarek, though still blank faced, seemed to be just as surprised as she was at her acceptance. He gave her a quick nod. "I will fetch Selek from his studies and come to your residence in one hour's time, if that is sufficient." Amanda wished she could smile at the awkwardness of his speech. It sounded even more stilted than regular complex Vulcan sentence structure. Instead, she nodded in reply. "I will expect you then." With that, she smoothly sidestepped him and went on her way again, feeling her heart bouncing and fluttering in her chest - like a mathra.

Author's Note: Hey guys! Sorry for the long delay! I went to my sister's graduation and didn't have any internet :( I also apologize for this chapter being a little shorter. I've hit a little bit of a writer's block with the next part of the story, and I wanted you to have something as quick as possible. The next chapter will come soon, I promise.


	14. Chapter 14

Amanda was once again endlessly grateful for T'Iva when she returned home from the Institute. When Amanda mentioned to the woman where she would be going that afternoon, T'Iva immediately went upstairs and arranged a new outfit for Amanda. Instead of robes or a dress, T'Iva found a simple tunic and leggings that were nevertheless very attractive. Amanda tried the outfit on, and was very pleased to find that they were comfortable but sturdy - just what she wanted for tramping around a volcano site. T'Iva also supplied her with a pair of boots that would be perfect for walking on rough rock. Amanda wondered if Sarek meant for them to be walking all over freshly cooled lava rock - she sincerely hoped not. She'd never been to a volcanic site after all, and knew nothing about the safety precautions that were vitally important for such an occasion. This worry added more strain to her already twanging nerves as she waited for Sarek and Selek to arrive. She was somewhat soothed, however, as T'Iva insisted on brushing out her hair and arranging it in a more suitable style for tramping about outside. Feeling the brush run through her hair made Amanda feel less stressed - she was reminded of elementary school mornings when her mother would brush and plait her long auburn hair.

Finally Amanda was ready for whatever outdoor activity Sarek had planned, although she felt a little bit sheepish. She didn't have to wait long for the cousins to arrive, however. Amanda lept up as soon as she heard the hovercar stop outside the house. She grabbed the little bag T'Iva had helped her arrange and hurried for the door. "Please be careful of the sun, t'sai!" T'Iva called after her.

"I will, I promise!" Amanda said, remembering for some reason the first time she had gone out with a boy on Earth. Her mother had thrown myriad pieces of advice at her, just as Amanda was trying to get out the door. The memory made a little smile tug at her lips, but she was careful to tuck it away before she met Sarek and Selek.

Sarek was halfway out of the hovercar when she came outside. He was turned away from her, looking back into the vehicle and saying "I would appreciate it if you would stop attempting to give me advice, Selek, I am perfectly capable -" He cut off, noticing Amanda approaching, and turned around quickly, almost but not _quite_ stumbling as he got fully out of the car. Amanda had to fight hard to keep from laughing at the sight, but she managed to keep her face completely blank. Sarek, looking a bit like a bird of prey that was ashamed at having been seen hopping around awkwardly on land, folded his hands behind his back and gave her a brief nod. "Miss Grayson." He said.

"Hello, Sarek." Amanda said, managing to keep almost all the amusement out of her tone. "I hope we do not have a long trip ahead of us."

"No - the hovercar is simply for your comfort, so that you may be out of the heat. The trip is less than an hour; 53.8 minutes."

For her comfort, hmm? Amanda, pleasantly surprised, nodded and climbed into the car. It was larger than the hovercar that T'Rea and T'Sana had occasionally sent her. Amanda couldn't help but be impressed. She kept forgetting that as a council member, Skon was one of the most influential - and wealthy - citizens of Shi'Kahr. Selek was already seated comfortably inside, and Amanda was pleased to see that he couldn't keep his excitement entirely out of his manner. His dark eyes were bright and round, almost like an excited kitten. Amanda knew that Selek, a wise and mature man at the ripe age of 12, would probably not like her comparing him to a kitten, but the likeness was uncanny. She sat across from him and put her bag on her lap. "Hello, Selek. It's good to see you."

"And you, Amanda." The boy said. It was the first time Amanda had seen him in anything but the uniform of the Children's Institute. He wore a tunic like Amanda had seen Sarek wear before. The young man himself was getting into the car, carefully taking a seat next to Selek. He said nothing to either of them, only signaled to the driver to start again. Amanda focused on Selek again, trying not to look at Sarek. "Are you excited to be visiting the volcano?"

Selek's eyebrows twitched. "I am interested in further study of the site." He said. Amanda felt a little embarrassed at having asked him a question with an emotional hook. "There are rock formations which -"

Sarek broke in at this point. "Selek, Miss Grayson does not possess any information on the volcano which we will be visiting." Amanda glanced at him. His dark eyes met hers, and for an instant she felt another butterfly flutter before he broke the gaze. Selek seemed to take the hint. He settled into his chair and proceeded to give Amanda a full rundown on the site they were travelling to. It was a very old, very curious place. It had been active for tens of thousands of years, and the scientists at the VSA had almost pinpointed its lifespan to be in the late 60 thousands. Amanda listened, fascinated, as Selek rattled off more facts on the volcano. She wondered what kind of core Vulcan had to allow a volcano to remain active that long. The oldest one she was aware of on Earth had only been active for about two and a half thousand years.

"It is called Khaf-Spol, _the heart_." Selek told her as the hovercar left the city to glide out over the red sands of the desert. Amanda puzzled at the name, but she realized the reason for it when they caught the first glimpse of the volcano. The sand below them had slowly changed to dark red rock that was almost black. The ground also began to slope gently upward. Amanda looked eagerly out the window, joined by Selek, all of her worries about Sarek gone as she tried to spy the peak of the volcano. It wasn't very high - the volcano seemed to be wider than it was tall. Still, there was a peak, far in the distance, wreathed in a smoky haze. Amanda was just about to ask Sarek when they would be getting out when the hovercar halted, coming to a smooth stop on a flat area of dark black rock. Selek immediately sprang out of the car, in a way that did not seem dignified enough for a Vulcan. Sarek followed him, his own movements much more graceful. Amanda tried not to think about that grace as she climbed out after them. She was relieved the struggle of pushing thoughts of Sarek out of her mind, however, as the sudden blazing heat took all other thoughts out of her mind. It was stifling. Amanda felt as though she were trying to draw breath in an oven. She gasped for a few moments, her head beginning to spin uneasily.

"Miss Grayson," Amanda looked up to see Sarek in front of her, concern radiating from him. His hand was outstretched to her, and Amanda saw that there was something small and white in his hand. "Please take this, for the heat." Amanda reached out and took the object from Sarek's palm - her fingers very slightly brushing his skin as she picked it up. It was enough to send a little jolt of electricity through her. "Attach it to the front of your clothing, here." Sarek withdrew his hand and gestured to his breastbone. Amanda, puzzled, tried to focus on the little object. It was roundish and simple, with a little blue light shining on one side. She uncertainly pressed it to her sternum, wondering what it was supposed to do. The little device fastened to her clothing and began to buzz very slightly. A wonderful coolness spread over Amanda's body almost immediately. Dumbfounded, she looked up at Sarek, whose eyebrow twitched very slightly.

"It will keep the heat from disturbing you." He said simply. "The heat energy of the air around you is sapped and repelled from your body. Quite a useful device." Amanda blinked and nodded. She was surprised, but felt as though she shouldn't be. Vulcans, although they weren't very open to strangers, were used to having them visit their planet, and as not everyone could tolerate their intense weather, it stood to reason that they would have come up with some sort of device to compensate. Still wondering, but feeling much better, Amanda set her gaze on the strange place around her that was Khaf-Spol. The black-red rock sloped very gently, and heat waves glimmered away from its surface up to the dusty sky. Selek was already far ahead of them, hurrying up the slope. He turned to look at them, impatience radiating off him like the heat waves off the rock. "Must you take so long, sa-kai, _brother?_" He turned back and scrambled up away from them, obviously eager to see the real ridge of the volcano.

The two of them set off after him. Amanda turned to Sarek, curious. "He calls you brother?" She asked.

"We are close." Sarek said, with a gesture that was almost like a shrug. That was the end of conversation between them for a while, as they climbed the dark rock up the steadily increasing slope. Finally they reached the top of the ridge, where Selek was already waiting. Amanda nearly gasped at the sight in front of them. Khaf-Spol spread out before them in a strange valley-like formation. Rivulets of brightly glowing lava pulsed down the slope of the valley on the curve of the ridge opposite them, twining together very like, yes, veins. Amanda stared, taking in the strange beauty of the place. It was strange how the glowing lava did put her in mind of a heart. Heat haze and smoke shimmered off of the lava, which moved lazily and patiently down the slope. Unlike the typical volcano that Amanda had pictured in her head, there was a sense of stillness and peace about the entire place - as though they were watching the steady churning of the gears of the planet which worked at the speed of the passing of ages. The place simply felt _old. _

Selek, unimpressed by the strangeness that had struck Amanda dumb, was already moving down the slope towards the coursing lava, moving with a child's grace over larger black rocks in his path. Sarek started after him, but when Amanda did not follow, he turned and gave her a look that said "Are you coming?"

Amanda licked her lips and stared at him. "I'm sorry. It's...very beautiful." She said, feeling rather lame. This was obviously old hat to the two Vulcans, but she couldn't help feeling overwhelmed herself. She started down the slope after him, careful of her footing, before Sarek spoke and stopped her.

"Do not apologize. It is pleasant to hear that you find Khaf-Spol beautiful." Amanda looked up and met his eyes. She saw again that strange look she had glimpsed at his Ambassadorial ceremony, when he had rescued her from Prais. An odd sort of depth, of gentleness and understanding. It was so different from the normal cold look that his eyes held, when they seemed almost black. Now, however, Amanda could see the flecks of gold she'd noticed before. Noticing that she'd been staring, Amanda abruptly looked away. "Oh, well, it is." She said, for lack of anything else to say. This seemed to satisfy Sarek, however.

"Come, let us indulge Selek of his thirst for discovery - I believe he has already found a fire salamander." There was something like a smile in his eyes when Amanda looked back, but he turned quickly and followed after Selek before she could really identify it. _It's bad enough that I'm in a very strange world,_ Amanda thought to herself as she trudged after him, _why does my mind have to start messing with me too? _

Selek had indeed found a fire salamander, which Sarek referred to as a yonal-shatarr - literally fiery lizard. It was small and spiny, with multicolored eyes that spun like a chameleon's. It hissed at Selek and tried to scuttle underneath a dark black rock. The Vulcan boy, unphased, scooted around and moved the rock out of its way. The little creature, frustrated, opened its mouth and huffed a small cloud of smoke at Selek. Amanda had to put a hand over her mouth to keep from giggling, such was the absurdity of the sight. Selek beckoned Amanda closer and together they sought out more yonal-shatarr.

"Amanda, look," Selek said after a few minutes, a hint of excitement in his voice. He pointed to a cluster of reddish eggs underneath a rock outcropping. "We have found a nest." Selek climbed closer as Amanda herself came forward to get a better look. Sarek stood a few feet away, observing with a passive expression that didn't entirely mask his amusement. Selek drew quite close to the little clutch of eggs, peering at them with an academic's interest. Amanda picked her way over to him, careful on the looser rocks by the outcropping.

Suddenly, a large yonal-shatarr, much bigger than the one Selek had been poking at, climbed over the outcropping and hissed loudly at Selek. Amanda could see four sharp teeth in its mouth, a red tongue flickering between them. "Selek!" Alarmed, she lunged for Selek to defend him from the spaniel-sized lizard. There was a rattle of rocks beneath her and Amanda felt her foot slip. She let out a gasp and scrabbled for a moment before she lost her footing completely, falling onto her hip and sliding a few feet down the slope. Thankfully, the slide stopped before she had gone far from Selek or Sarek, but there was a sharp pain in her leg just below her knee Amanda swore under her breath, trying to get back to her feet. Her leg flared with pain in protest and she fell right back onto her butt again.

"Damn damn damn..." Amanda was about to try for another go when she suddenly felt Sarek's presence beside her. She turned to see his face close to hers, a hint of concern in his dark eyes.

"Miss Grayson, are you hurt?" He asked, his gaze breaking away from hers to look at her outstretched ankle.

"I think so," Amanda said, frustrated, from between gritted teeth. "It's not bad, don't-" Before she could say anything more, Sarek was rolling back her ripped leggings. Amanda, shocked, watched as he uncovered the injury. It really wasn't bad, only a small gash just below her knee to one side. Amanda was more embarrassed than hurt, but Sarek was very grave, as well as the panting Selek who appeared a moment later.

"Your blood is red! How curious." Selek said, leaning over her to get a better look.

"All humans have red blood, smertau, _pest_." Sarek said, but there was no maliciousness in his tone. "There is a first aid kit in the car. Go and get it, Selek." His cousin hopped to it, scurrying over the dark rock with a speed like that of a young mountain goat. Feeling deeply embarrassed, Amanda shook her head.

"It's all right, I don't need first aid. I was just being stupid." She tried to get up again, but was halted again, this time by a firm hand on her shoulder. Sarek's hand. It was the briefest of touches, but Amanda couldn't help but be surprised.

"No," He said evenly, looking into her face. "You must stay seated. You are bleeding."

"Not that much!" Amanda tried weakly to protest.

Sarek shook his head. "It should be cleaned. And you are not stupid - I was remiss in not warning you to be careful on the slope." There was some chagrin in his tone. "I should have given you more information on Khaf-Spol. My invitation-"

"You forgot to tell me about the yonal-shatarr too." Amanda interrupted him, her voice dry. She did, however, manage to put Sarek back at his ease, at least a little.

"They are normally not very aggressive." Sarek looked over his shoulder at the spot where the lizard's nest was. "That one was frightened enough to flee, look." He gestured back towards the nest, and Amanda turned to look. She could just see the tip of a reddish tail peeking out from the shadow of the rock outcropping, and perhaps the shine of two lizard eyes. She smiled privately; the situation was rather funny, after all. If only she weren't so embarrassed to have fallen in front of Sarek.

At that point, Selek returned with the medical supplies, looking somewhat cowed. He handed over the med kit to Sarek, who opened it without a word and began to prepare to clean Amanda's wound. When she protested that she could do it, he only shook his head and gave her a look. Defeated, Amanda turned back to Selek instead.

"I didn't know that red blood was an oddity to you." She said as Sarek applied what she assumed was antiseptic to a piece of gauze.

"Indeed. Vulcans have green blood." Selek said. Amanda blinked, surprised. She hadn't known that, and now that she looked closely, there did seem to be a greenish tinge to Selek's cheeks from the effort of running back with the kit.

"Oh! I did not know that." She said, and hissed with surprise. Sarek had touched the antiseptic-soaked gauze to her leg, and the stinging pain was much worse than the initial injury. "Ouch."

"It is not the only anatomical difference between Vulcans and Humans." Sarek said, paying close attention to her leg. Amanda's heart buzzed in her chest - what was he getting at? In front of Selek? "The Human heart is located between the lungs. Vulcan hearts are below the lungs, to the left side." _Oh, phew._ Amanda thought,_ that sounded like a set up to a very bad penis joke. _Sarek broke his attention from Amanda's injury to look up into her eyes again. Amanda could feel her cheeks growing pink. His dark hair was falling across his eyes in a very...attractive way. Selek rescued her from herself, however, by saying "Humans are quite strange."

Sarek turned away from Amanda and began putting away the antiseptic and gauze. "In some ways, yes." He said. "Do you feel any pain, Miss Grayson?"

Amanda looked down at her leg. The cut was almost completely gone, the healing process having been significantly boosted by the liquid Sarek had applied to it. She gingerly touched the area, and noting no residual soreness, shook her head. "No, thank you. I'm sorry for having such poor balance."

"It is of no matter. Humans are known to be deficient." Amanda turned to look up at Sarek, who had stood. Did he really mean to make another jab at her for being Human? After all this? She was surprised to find, however, that there was a spark of a joke in his eyes. He was teasing her! Amanda's cheeks felt hotter than ever. She looked away from him and started to pull herself to her feet, only to find Sarek's hand at her elbow, steadying her. His touch was again brief, but reassuring, and Amanda found herself missing it when it was gone. In an effort to hide her confusion, Amanda brushed herself off and make a clicking noise with her tongue.

"I have yet to meet a Vulcan who proves Humans to be deficient." She said, glancing at him. The joking light had not faded from Sarek's eyes, but he simply made another shrugging gesture.

"This all depends on your observational skills. Shall we continue?"

They spent the rest of the afternoon roaming over the little valley of Khaf-Spol. Selek seemed to be everywhere at once, darting here and there to turn over rocks or chase after another yonal-shatarr, or gather pebble samples to take back home for study. Sarek and Amanda took a more leisurely pace, however, even though Amanda's curiosity was just as voracious as Selek's. They kept well away from the lava flows - even Amanda could tell that it was dangerous to stray too close.

"I do not have sufficient medical supplies to help you, should your foot go through the crust into a lava pocket." Sarek teased Amanda again. It was strange how she could tell it was a tease, even though his face was as calm and expressionless as ever. Perhaps she was just learning to read Vulcans better. _Or,_ she thought, with another flutter in her heart, _perhaps I'm learning to read Sarek better._

As the sun sank towards the horizon, its rays filtered through the haze that shimmered over Khaf-Spol were turned a beautiful, vibrant red. The light of the sunset seemed to blaze over everything around them, up from the lava itself. Amanda was overwhelmed by the fiery colors: the dark black red of the rocks, the glowing orange of the lava, and the purples, reds and oranges that flared in the sun's light. She and Sarek paused to sit on a flattish high point on Khaf-Spol's ridge, while Selek investigated a cluster of rocks that were tinged with the burnt blue of copper. They sat together in silence for a time, watching the sun disappear, the colors it shed growing more vibrant as it sank lower.

"Sarek," Amanda said after a time, surprised to hear herself say it. The Vulcan turned to look at her, the red light catching in his eyes and illuminating his face. Amanda paused before going on, not sure exactly what to say. "I know that we...haven't shown each other the best of ourselves in the past."

"I was cruel to you." Sarek said bluntly, surprising Amanda.

"Yes, a bit." She said, after a hesitation. "But that is over and done with, at least from my standpoint."

"And mine as well." Sarek said. Amanda's heart was beginning to beat faster, she could feel it thudding in her chest.

"What I mean to say is that I would like for us to be friends." She looked at her hands, not wanting to meet his face, and see the brilliant light emblazoned there. "I have needed a friend here."

Sarek said nothing for a moment, long enough so that Amanda wondered if he were disgusted with her offer. Finally, she turned to look at him again, hazarding a glance to try to read some reaction from him. He was looking out towards the sun, and Amanda was struck again by the elegant strength of his features. "Yes," He said, still not turning to face her. "We shall be friends, Miss Grayson."

Amanda wanted to smile, but she kept it inside for herself. For some reason, Sarek's acceptance was making her mind fizz inside her little refuge. "That's another thing, Sarek. If we are to be friends, you have to start calling me Amanda, all right?"

Sarek met her gaze again. The deep brown of his eyes was infused with the crimson light of the dying sun. "Yes, Amanda."

Author's Note: I struggled some to get this chapter out, but I'm happy with what happened in the end! Here are some quick things: for all of you who are volcanologists, or know more about volcanos than I do, I sincerely apologize for all the mistakes and crap that I made up here. My knowledge of volcanos was gained mostly from Wikipedia while I wrote this chapter. Maybe I can attribute my mistakes to creative license? ;) Also, the Vulcan dictionary online that I use is mysteriously malfunctioning, so I had to use another less-good one! I intended to have Selek call Sarek cousin, but I could only find the female form of cousin - go figure. So now they're cute and call each other brother! Take that for creative license.

Once again, love to you all for your reviews. You add greatly to the fun of writing this fic :)


	15. Chapter 15

"So you don't hate him anymore, then?" George Kirk's voice was tinged with amusement as he addressed her over the console screen. It was late evening, hours after Amanda had visited Khaf-Spol with Selek and Sarek, and, as any young woman would, she wanted to tell her friend about it. George's Starfleet duties had taken him out beyond Vulcan to protect trade routes near a cluster of planets that Amanda knew very little about. George was less than eager to let any details about them slip, either, but she didn't press the matter. The tangled details of her own life were pressing down harder on her than any curiosity she had about Starfleet missions.

Amanda sighed. "I never really hated him, George. But, you know, like I said...we're friends." The saying of it eased Amanda's stress over the matter. She was truly interested in being friends with Sarek, but what worried her were the hints and snatches of feelings beyond friendship. She thought she could detect them in him, too, but it was so difficult to read a Vulcan. Sarek himself seemed to be cold for a Vulcan in any case. "Do you think that's a bad idea?"

"No," George said, with his easy smile that made Amanda feel a bit better. "I think you're fine. It's your decision what kind of relationship you want to have with him, after all. If you don't feel good about it later, you can always say so. Vulcans are pretty understanding on that score - it seems to me like they tend to take things at face value."

Amanda nodded. "That's true. It makes some things easier..."

George finished her sentence. "And some things more difficult. I know what you mean." He gave her a wicked grin. "It sounds to me like Vulcan men are a lot like Human women. You've gotta tread carefully!" She made a face at him. George chuckled, which pleased Amanda. He looked a little shadowy under the eyes, his expression somewhat drawn. She couldn't inquire too deeply into what he was doing in his mission for Starfleet, but she could tell that it was wearing on him.

"You should get some more sleep, George." She said, voicing her worries. "You look tired. I hope they aren't working you too hard."

"Nah," George said, waving a dismissive hand. "We're just busy. I've had to pull extra shifts on the bridge. Lang hasn't been feeling his best, so I've taken on some of his duties. Don't tell anyone, though." He added. "Nobody needs to know when a Starfleet captain is feeling under the weather."

"Except for his medical officer." Amanda said pointedly. "You should pay him a visit yourself."

"Her, actually. Our CMO is a lady doctor." George winked. "Don't tell Winona, she'll be jealous."

"I won't tell Winona unless you're doing something you shouldn't, George." Amanda said primly, although the tone between them was all joking. "I'm loyal to my friends unless they're being really stupid."

"Oh good, I'm glad to hear you have my back." George said, rolling his eyes. "I'll bet Sarek is happy with the terms of your friendship, too." Amanda blushed at his mocking grin.

"Stop slacking off and do your Starfleet stuff!" Amanda said, pretending to be offended. "Shouldn't you be saving the world?"

"Saving the worlds." George corrected her, his smile softening. "But yeah, I should be getting back. It was nice to talk to you, Amanda. I've got my leave coming up soon, I'll call you from Earth and you can finally meet Winona."

"I can't wait." Amanda said with a smile in return. She gave him a little wave as he signed off of the call. George had made her feel better, as she knew he would. It was a huge relief to have him to talk to. Of course, she could always call her parents and Georgia, but there was a distance between them now that she was experiencing so much of an alien world. George had seen many planets and traveled between distant stars - not to mention, he was just good company.

There was one thing Amanda hadn't mentioned to George, though. Her dreams were becoming very strange of late. It was getting to the point where she dreamed something vivid and odd every time she went to sleep, and she was getting the feeling that not all of the memories twisted up inside them were hers. Since she had dreamt of the Vulcan country villa where the young Sarek and the mysterious young lady had been, more and more images that she did not recognize were floating into her sleeping consciousness. It was unnerving to say the least, but she didn't know what kind of advice George could offer her on that subject. Perhaps it would be better to talk to Ataur about it. As a master of meditation, wouldn't he know something about dreaming? Or was that out of his jurisdiction?

Amanda hadn't been truly worried about her dreams until the night before. She'd awoken, midway through the night, seized with a strange, aching sadness that didn't feel like her own. It was accompanied by images of the red Vulcan desert and the sound and feeling of loneliness. It was a very bizarre feeling, experiencing emotions that just didn't seem to be your own. Amanda had never known abandonment or loss like she'd experienced in that strange midnight flash. From whom was she borrowing this bone-deep sadness? It hadn't come upon her again, for which she was grateful. She didn't need any more emotions clogging her mind than she already had. It was a hard enough task trying to get rid of her own, less complex ones.

She would have to banish these thoughts from her mind, however. The next morning she would be visiting her class again, and she needed to prepare for the next lesson. She felt more confident about it now that she had met the children and learned what kind of dynamic they had with each other. Amanda grabbed her PADD and flopped down on her bed, already scrolling through her notes. She would have to make some edits if she were to teach as effectively as possible.

"I do not understand, Miss Grayson. If the Egyptians were the most technologically advanced culture, why did their ways not survive? We have held Surakian principles for thousands of years."

"They did, in a way, Emonn." Amanda said, stepping away from the large screen displaying images of Egyptian art. "Humans and Vulcans are not only different morphologically. Humans are a little bit...fickle. We are more changeable, which can both be a strength and a weakness. Our developments and ingenuity come from the turnover from age to age, of one culture prevailing over another. It is not the most peaceful of ways, and although war is always to be avoided whenever possible, it is a rather effective way of melding two cultures together. Human societies grew through division and recombination."

"Like the evolution of a species." T'Ama said, her small voice quiet. Amanda wanted to smile at her, but nodded instead. She was one of the quieter children, though her large dark eyes were always observant.

"Yes, exactly. I don't wish to give you the impression that Humans are all violence, though." She looked down at her hand, resting on the back of her chair. "We are a multi-faceted race."

After the lesson was over, Amanda gathered up her things, wondering if she had perhaps let Humans and Earth down with her explanation. She couldn't very well avoid the bloody past of the Human race; wars and fighting had been a part of civilization since civilization began. It was so difficult to explain in a way that portrayed Humanity in a positive light, especially to Vulcans. Amanda sighed. There were so many different ways to be Human. How could she attempt to make any of them clear? Perhaps she would ask T'Rea or T'Sana about it later. They might be able to shed some light on her problem. T'Rea had, after all, been working with Humans for a large part of her career. Amanda resolved to ask the Vulcan woman about it, although she wondered if it was too personal a question.

"Excuse me, T'Rea, do you mind explaining to me your thoughts and feelings on Humanity as a whole?" Amanda said to herself as she left the room, imagining that she were conversing with T'Rea. "Or is that too forward of me?" As if in answer to her question, there was a little blip from her bag. Amanda juggled with the papers in her arms until she could retrieve her PADD from the bag's depths. The message was not from T'Rea, however, but from Sarek. Amanda's heart wiggled nervously as she opened it.

Amanda,

My father has informed me that you expressed an interest in viewing the Vulcan Academy for Artistic Study. If you are available tomorrow afternoon at 13h00, I would be willing to accompany you there to tour the school.

Regards,

Ambassador Sarek

Amanda paused for a moment, standing in the middle of the Institute corridor as she stared at the note. Was Sarek asking her out on a date? No, of course not. He was offering to accompany her on an official outing, so that she could see more of Shi'Kahr. Wasn't he? Amanda swallowed and stuffed the PADD back into her bag, shoving the message away so that she didn't have to worry about it.

Nevertheless, Sarek's note would not get out of her head, even as Amanda strolled through the noon bright market streets on her way back home. She had refused a hovercar transport back after her class, even though it was a trek back to her home from the Institute. Amanda had always enjoyed walking, and she loved the feeling of being surrounded by the Vulcan language, hearing it spoken by everyone she passed. She saw people of all types and ages in the shade of the market stalls, in the thresholds of businesses, restaurants, and bathhouses. She wasn't in a state of mind to appreciate it all, though. She kept thinking of Sarek, of her duties, of her studies with Ataur. Her worries chased each other through her head like puppies chasing tails. She was so wrapped up in her own thoughts that she nearly collided with two Vulcans exiting a shop. The young man automatically reached out and took the arm of the lady by his side, pulling her out of Amanda's path. Amanda, surprised and embarrassed at her own clumsiness, muttered a hasty apology. The couple nodded at her and walked away. Amanda watched as the man's fingers dropped from his companion's arm. Their fingers touched, very lightly, but deliberately - Amanda could see that they made the sign of the ta'al as they touched. What was that all about? She had never seen Vulcans touch hands in public before, even though the gesture had been discreet.

A puzzled and worried Amanda decided to stop at a nearby cafe to have a cup of cold tea and disentangle her thoughts. When she had purchased a cool drink and found a table in the shade, Amanda finally rescued her PADD from the depths of her bag and opened up Sarek's message once more. She chewed her lip, re-reading the words. Well, they were friends now - what was the harm in spending time with him? In fact, the idea was not at all unpleasant to her. She wanted to see Sarek again, to talk with him and hear him explain something interesting to her in his slow, measured tone. It was soothing, almost. Almost. Amanda's fingers hovered over her PADD for a few moments before she began to type her reply.

Ambassador Sarek,

I accept your invitation to tour the Vulcan Academy for Artistic Study. I look forward to seeing you again

Amanda paused again, wondering whether it was wise to include the second line. Would he be offended? Pleased? Did the statement indicate an affection that she didn't really feel? Amanda stared at the words on the screen for a few achingly long moments. Finally, she decided to keep them.

Ambassador Sarek,

I accept your invitation to tour the Vulcan Academy for Artistic Study. I look forward to seeing you again. Thank you for offering to accompany me. I expect you at 13h00 tomorrow.

All the best,

Amanda

Amanda drank a large swallow of her nearly forgotten tea before hitting send. The ending was certainly informal, but Amanda kept it, for two reasons: she wanted to reinforce her first name as her preferred mode of address, and she wanted to steer away from the stiff and businesslike way that she had become accustomed to writing. Seeing the words in a message to a friend made her feel awkward and rigid, even if that friend were a Vulcan. She was worried, privately, that concealing her emotions and acting constantly with proper Vulcan decorum was masking her true personality. Perhaps Sarek would not want to be her friend if she acted more like herself. That was an uncomfortable thought. I'm not a Vulcan, she told herself, seeking reassurance. Sarek knows that; I'm worlds away from being as formal and cold as they are.

As she walked home, Amanda hoped desperately that she when she returned home, the hard Vulcan mannerisms that she'd learned would chip easily away. She didn't want to become someone that her family and friends would not know; a cold stranger in their Amanda's body.

That night, Amanda dreamed of trees.

_She was walking over roots and moss and dead leaves, the towers of ancient pines around her. These were her trees - a forest she had often explored as a child. Oregon. Amanda breathed in the scent of sap and the cleanliness of mountain air. Green surrounded her: she was sheltered by this mantle of living forest._

_ Amanda wandered further, feeling the springy earth beneath her feet. She heard the sound of a running brook, a song almost alien to her now, after months in a desert. She followed the sound, hoping to see the glass ribbon of the creek she knew was nearby. Something moved to her right, and Amanda turned to look. A deer sprang away from her, a lighter shape among the trees. Amanda watched it, puzzled. No, it wasn't a deer. It was something she'd never seen before. It was something like a deer, but definitely alien. It hurried away from her on long, thin legs, leaping over roots and rocks._

_ "What are you doing here?" Amanda asked the retreating creature._

_ "Quatill." A voice said behind her. Amanda turned. Sarek was walking awkwardly towards her, trying to give the trees as much berth as possible. He looked very out of place, in formal clothing that made him seem as suited to his environment as an octopus on a starship. Amanda smiled, which made Sarek look more edgy. He reached her after struggling to disentangle himself from a thorny thicket. As he brushed leaves off his sleeve, he said "They are herd animals of Vulcan."_

_ "I've never seen one."_

_ "I have." Sarek gazed off after the creature. "It was afraid."_

_ "Are you afraid?"_

_ "No, I am not." Sarek said, petulance in his tone. He glanced at the redwood beside him. It was more than five times as thick around as he was. "These plants are...large."_

_ "They're trees." Amanda said, wondering why she was explaining. "Why are you here? Why was that animal here?"_

_ Sarek seemed more peeved. He looked around him, at the canopy of green leaves overhead, and shifted his weight on the dark, moss-covered ground. "This is your place. You brought me here."_

_ "I did no such thing," Amanda said, bald annoyance in her tone. When Sarek looked surprised, she balled up her fists. She scowled fiercely, emotions boiling up out of the refuge in her mind and spilling over her. "I didn't ask for you." Despite her rage, Sarek was gazing at her steadily. He took a step closer to her. To Amanda's great surprise, a soft sort of sadness was written plainly on his face. _His eyes are as dark as the depths of the forest_, she thought. His hair, normally so neatly arranged, was falling across his forehead, mussed. Emotion, Amanda thought distantly as he approached, he's showing emotion._

_ "Did you wonder what this was?" he asked, holding out his hand. His fingers were parted in the sign of the ta'al. Without hesitation, he took her wrist, raising her fingers to meet his. Without thinking, Amanda copied his gesture._

_ "It is a kiss."_

Amanda awoke with the scent of the pines still lingering in her nose. She sat up. She looked around. The room was still dark. The sun hadn't risen yet. Amanda looked down at her hand. Her fingertips felt warm and tingly, as though she had touched a very gentle electrical current. She wiggled them, trying to banish the feeling, although it was not unpleasant. A kiss? She would ask T'Rea, or T'Iva. And Ataur...Amanda chewed on her lip. She had wanted to tell Ataur about her strange dreams. He could, after all, explain many things about the mind and mysteries. Now, though, Amanda didn't want to share her questions with her meditation teacher, as kind as he was. This was strange enough, and personal enough, that she didn't want to ask. At least, not yet. After all, she thought, swinging her legs out of bed, things can get a whole lot weirder than that.

Fortunately, there was much to distract Amanda from her strange nighttime adventure. She was eager to teach her class again. She'd spent a lot of time the previous afternoon looking for more information and images from early Human civilizations. There was a wealth of knowledge in the Starfleet database on Earth. Everard hadn't been lying; Earth had certainly contributed a lot to Starfleet, in their eagerness to share and receive. Too bad the receiving hadn't gone as well.

As Amanda had expected, her little class was raucous with questions and debates. There was the occasional argument, but nothing so serious that Amanda couldn't sort it out with a gentle reprimand. She was thrilled by the children's eagerness to learn. They were, in fact, ravenous, and it was all she could do to keep up with them. Vulcan teachers need to be a whole lot quicker than Human ones, Amanda mused as she listened to T'See and T'Lun debate the Phoenicians. She was pleasantly surprised, however, when Rotah toddled up to her after the class had ended and presented her with a rather lumpily made Vulcan string charm.

"We made them in our previous class, sevensu." He explained solemnly. "That one is for you."

Amanda hid her little smile with a nod. "It is well done. What sort of luck will it bring?" She asked.

"It is a bonding charm," He said. "So you can find a mate and become married." Amanda stared down at him, not sure what to say in reply. Rotah couldn't have been older than five. He gave her a very formal bow and followed after his fellows as they left the classroom. Amanda was left alone with her risqué charm. _Well_, she thought, looping the charm over the handle of her bag, _I need every kind of luck I can get. Maybe it will help me somehow. _

Author's Note: I apologize for this chapter...so much filler . I hope it wasn't too hard to bear. There will be action aplenty next chapter, don't worry! And, as always, thank you for your reviews and favorites. They make me quite happy! :)


	16. Chapter 16

Amanda had never thought of herself as a vain girl. She'd never been one to wear much makeup, and she'd never done much with her hair besides the occasional bun if she wanted to be a bit more fancy. Now, however, as she looked at her reflection in the large mirror in her bedroom, she found herself wishing she had been interested in beauty when she was younger. She didn't know any quick makeup fixes that would even her skin tone, or some fast updo to make her hair more elegant. Amanda licked her lips and forced herself to turn away from the mirror. What did it matter, anyway? Sarek was just a friend, and her appearance wouldn't have any effect on him, even if she suddenly found out how to turn herself into the most beautiful woman on Vulcan.

Amanda was saved worrying anymore when T'Iva appeared at her bedroom door. "T'sai, the Ambassador is here for you." The woman said, in her soft even tone. Amanda thanked her, and as she followed T'Iva downstairs wondered if that had been a knowing look in the Vulcan lady's eye. She hoped not.

Sarek was standing in her little living room space downstairs, apparently deeply absorbed in examining the knick-knacks on a shelf. He looked up the instant Amanda entered the room. She felt a little blush try to rise to her cheeks - she banished it. Sarek was looking as statue-like as ever, dressed in more simple clothing than she'd seen him before; a dark tunic and leggings without ornament. Far from detracting from his appearance, the simple clothes made his form seem more clear-cut and masculine. Remembering herself, Amanda extended the ta'al. "Good afternoon, Ambassador Sarek." She said.

Sarek returned the gesture with a respectful nod. "Amanda," To her own surprise and annoyance, the butterfly stirred in Amanda's chest when he said her name. "Are you ready to depart for the Artistic Institute?"

"Yes, I only need to find my bag." She said, turning away to search for it.

"What is it," Sarek said, stepping closer to her, "that compels women to constantly carry a bag?"

Amanda looked up, containing her surprise. But he was making a joke - there was a mischievous light in her eyes, the same that she'd seen when he was teasing her at Khaf-Spol. She held back a smile.

"Isn't it logical to be always prepared?" She asked, scooping up her bag, which had been hiding in plain sight on one of the elegant chairs.

"The women I have known have tended to be over prepared, in my experience. My mother, for instance, often carried many things that she did not need." Sarek said, his tone dry. When Amanda went to the door, he held out a hand to stop her. "Wait. The sun is very strong today, and we will be walking to the Institute. It is not far, but I understand that Humans are more sensitive to sunlight. Perhaps you should wear a shawl."

Amanda fought to suppress a grin of triumph as she opened her bag and pulled out a light blue scarf. That spark was back in Sarek's eyes when she wrapped it neatly around her hair. Neither of them said anything, but it seemed to Amanda that they shared the joke. Laughter was in the air between them. It was quite a pleasant feeling.

Sarek set off down the street, away from the marketplace that Amanda occasionally visited for breakfast on her days off. She hurried to keep up with his long strides. Amanda was tall for a woman, but Sarek was taller. His gait was deliberate, straight-backed and with an air of dignity. He clasped his hands behind his back as they walked. Amanda tugged her shawl forward over her brow - the sun was very strong. They proceeded in silence for a time, until Amanda saw two older men glance at Sarek and speak to each other in low voices.

"Oh!" Amanda said, more loudly than she meant to. "It had not even occurred to me..."

"That could be said about many things." His tone was teasing.

Amanda gave him a dry look. "I meant, I forgot that you are an ambassador now. I hope that I'm not making you miss anything important."

Sarek turned to look at her, that hint of amusement still in his eyes. Amanda felt her breath catch at that look, and wondered why. "I am quite busy, yes, but one must take time away from one's work." He turned to look forward again, and Amanda felt her breathing start to resume its normal pace. She had not even noticed that it had sped up. "I must confess it is a relief to get away. My duties are numerous."

Amanda wasn't quite sure what to say to that. "I'm sure you are equal to the task." She said, finally.

"I believe I am." Sarek said, his tone dry again. Amanda was amazed at how much he could tease and joke with her, without his expression or voice changing more than a tiny bit. _Or I'm reading in to him too much_. _Stop it! _Amanda chided herself, trying to reign back her attention.

They turned off of Amanda's narrow little street, onto a much larger, wider boulevard. It was lined with expensive, elegant shops that Amanda hadn't dared to venture into herself. It was surprising to her how similar Shi'Kahr could be to the cities of Earth that she'd grown up in, while still being so alien. Sarek seemed quite comfortable strolling through the street here, occasionally nodding to passerby who recognized him. Amanda felt like an intruder scuttling after him. He was such an important dignitary, and she was no one. Sarek paused at the next corner to gesture at a large building looming in the distance. "There is the Academy." He said. "We haven't far to go now."

Amanda peered at the graceful structure in the distance. It seemed to be set apart from the other buildings, although from this distance she couldn't tell why. When they got closer, however, she realized that the building was ringed with gardens enclosed by walls of smooth stone. The effect was of a place apart from the city street, but still a part of it. There was an elaborate gate facing the street, towards which Sarek strolled. Amanda followed, finding it hard to keep her eyes off the building. It wasn't as large as she had supposed.

"It was once the home of a wealthy family," Sarek explained, without her asking. "The last living member donated it to the city, and it was made into the premises of the Vulcan Academy for Artistic Study." The guard waiting at the gate needed nothing more than Sarek's name to let them inside, which made Amanda's insides squirm again. It was another reminder of how important Sarek was now. She was distracted, however, once they entered the campus of the Academy. A huge, sprawling garden spread before them, of strange plants and flowers that Amanda had never seen before. They were only a few greenish ones among them - most of the plants were shades of red or dark purple, but the flowers seemed to be of every color imaginable. Amanda's breath was taken away by the sight.

"I've never seen plants like these before." She confessed to Sarek as they started up the red stone pathway towards the mansion.

"They are not so remarkable as the plants of Earth." He replied, his eyes on the building before them. "The spruce and pine trees -" A sudden flash of puzzlement crossed Sarek's face. He hesitated, his brows furrowing. Amanda stopped as well. He had just said "spruce" and "pine"; Terran words for Terran trees._ How did he know that?_ Amanda gaped at Sarek as he shook his head lightly, as if he were trying to clear his mind. "I apologize." He said, resuming his usual composure, although Amanda could see lingering confusion in his eyes. "I have never been to Earth before."

_That doesn't clarify anything, _Amanda thought, but Sarek had already started walking again. She followed after him, wanting to frown in her puzzlement. They were silent as they went through the remaining two gardens, smaller than the first. The plants there were sparser, more elegantly trimmed, the colors less wild. Amanda marveled at their beauty all the same. She didn't have long to look, though, because Sarek's long strides forced her to hurry to keep up. They reached the entrance to the main building quickly, and Sarek opened the door, giving her a small nod to indicate for her to go in first.

The inside of the mansion was not what Amanda had expected. It was neither as clinical and efficient as the Children's Institute, nor as grand and formal as the Principle Building. It was more like Councilman Skon's home, though not quite as grand. The ceiling was smoothly domed, with a large oculus window letting in sunlight at the peak. The second floor also opened up to this room, a balcony running the circumference of the dome. Carved friezes decorated the walls above and below the balcony, depicting scenes and stories that Amanda did not know. They were as elegant and majestic as any of the sculptures of ancient Greece that Amanda had once studied. Apart from the sculpture, the walls were relatively bare, made of smooth white stone, broken only by large windows that showed views of the gardens ringing the building. Twin staircases rose to the second floor on either side of the main hall, and Amanda could see that a large wing extended beyond from each. She supposed that must be where the classrooms were.

Amanda was surprised out of her awed admiration of the room by Sarek. He had gone to speak with the young woman at the receiving desk, and was waiting for her patiently. "If you are finished staring, perhaps we could begin our tour." He said, the light in his eyes mocking once more, but warm. Amanda demurely pushed back her head scarf and gave him a little nod. "Yes, let's." She said.

"I believe classrooms are on the upper floor, while the galleries are down here. Which would you prefer to see?" Sarek asked.

"May we start with the galleries?" Amanda said, looking over towards the nearest wing of the first floor. She didn't know much about Vulcan art - it was one of the things that Vulcans shared more openly with Starfleet and Earth, but she was rather ignorant of it nevertheless. Aside from the little charm that Rokah had given her, and the lucky charm T'Iva had tried to teach her to make, Amanda had encountered little of Vulcan visual art. Sarek gave her a nod and gestured towards the closer wing. "Let us start here, then. I believe it's all student work. There is a museum in the city that holds the more famous pieces." He started off towards the gallery hall, with Amanda trailing behind him like a curious puppy.

Amanda had visited art museums back home on Earth, and admired what she'd seen there. She was more interested in ancient arts, being that sort of person who thought often about what the world was like in the past. This gallery was full of works that were both strange and beautiful, and just the thing that Amanda loved most. There were paintings fashioned out of characters from the Vulcan alphabet, more intricate and detailed than any similar piece Amanda had seen on Earth. Elegant vases rose from simple plinths, their glazes shining in metallic colors of gold and blue. There were figurative paintings as well, landscapes of the Vulcan desert glittering in precise realism and the towers of Shi'Kahr wrought in looser, broad strokes. Amanda was fascinated by a large portion of the gallery devoted to dyed and painted cloth, picturing animals and Vulcans in spiraling designs.

In the dead center of the long gallery hall, there was a grand statue carved from a marble-like stone, pale but tinted with the slightest hint of blue. Amanda wandered over to it, her mind spinning with so much color and art, seeking a respite. The placard at the base of the statue said it was an image of Surak in traditional style, made by a graduate of the Academy who had left a few years ago. Amanda looked into the cold face of the figure, trying to determine where his stone gaze was directed. It was impossible - the artist had managed to represent Surak as the guide he was, staring into a world and a future that no one else could see. Amanda, clutching her scarf around her neck, was filled with a sort of cowed awe of the majestic figure.

"Do you admire it?" Amanda turned to see Sarek standing a few feet behind her, hands clasped behind his back in his usual fashion.

Amanda glanced back at the statue, and then back to Sarek. "It is...imposing." She said.

"He is cold." Sarek said suddenly, a slight crease between his brows. Amanda was surprised. _The pot's calling the kettle black,_ Amanda thought, but Sarek was beginning to speak again. "It's said that visitors to Vulcan find our people excessively cold and harsh." Sarek's eyes flicked to Amanda's face. "I believe your experience was similar. I hope that you understand..." Sarek paused, looking away to gather his thoughts. "It is simply the way we are - the way we must be, and have been since Surak brought us his teachings. If we come across as cold, it is not meant to be offensive. It is only our nature."

_All of this I know, Sarek._ Amanda thought, but for Sarek's ears, she said "I understand. I'm not so unintelligent that I don't comprehend these things." She wanted to smile, but of course she couldn't. She hoped, however, that some of what she felt was conveyed through her eyes and her tone. "I'm not offended. In fact I find Vulcans...fascinating."

Sarek tilted his head to one side very slightly. Amanda was reminded of a dog who cocked its ears when it heard a noise it didn't understand. Another smile had to be hidden. "Is that so? Well...it is a good thing that you are here, then." He turned away on the pretext of examining another art work, but Amanda could see that the tips of his ears were a bright green. She hid a real smile with her scarf, and went back to looking at the gallery pieces herself.

The rest of the afternoon was spent pleasantly, much to Amanda's surprise. She had grown used to being wary around Sarek, ready to raise her defenses or mount a counterattack. Instead of lashing out at her, though, Sarek made insightful comments on the artwork, making Amanda see things in a different light. He explained myths for her, pointed out pieces he thought she would like, and continued making his almost-jokes that made Amanda smile on the inside. At one point, she caught herself examining his profile instead of looking at the painting in front of them. I used to think he was so frigid looking, she thought. His brows were severe, but the eyes beneath them were soft. He had a rather strong nose, but his mouth seemed gentle. His jaw was his father's, square and commanding, but also reassuringly masculine. Amanda found herself thinking of very ancient Roman statuary of their gods, the images of Zeus and Apollo. _Masculine, but refined._ She blushed upon thinking that, and turned away.

After about an hour and a half, they had passed by every piece in the galleries of the first floor. Sarek suggested that they observe the classes upstairs, and Amanda eagerly agreed. She'd never had any artistic ability herself, but teaching was teaching. She wanted to see how the fine arts were taught on Vulcan. They mounted the swirling stairs and wandered down the hallways that stood above the galleries of the first floor. The classrooms had large windows into the hallway, so they could easily see inside. Each room seemed to be devoted to a different medium. Amanda paused outside the classroom where painting was being taught. Young Vulcans, just recently inducted into adulthood, worked on large canvasses. Upon closer inspection, Amanda saw that they were not painting from life, but from imagination. A starry sky took form on one canvas, a cityscape on another. Amanda's eyes roved from painting to painting, absorbing the beautiful things forming there. Sarek seemed to pick up on her interest.

"Do you admire them?" He asked her, his voice quiet.

"Yes, I..." Amanda paused, turning to look at him sheepishly. "You know that I'd never seen Vulcan art before. Not like this." She gestured to the building at large. "It's beautiful, and such a large part of who your people are. It's wonderful to watch it being made." She averted her eyes - her ardor had been known to run away with her. She didn't want Sarek to see her as some of her classmates had in the past: a nerd who got way too passionate about things. Sarek, however, didn't say anything, just gave her a slow nod and moved on down the hallway. Amanda wasn't sure what to read from that, but she hoped that she hadn't frightened him off with her enthusiasm.

They spent the rest of the afternoon wandering between classrooms, peering in through the windows and observing the students at work. Amanda was surprised, once they had seen the painting classes, art history, sculpture, pottery, textiles, drawing, and painting, that the afternoon was gone, and it was coming on evening. "Let me escort you home," Sarek said as they left the building. "Did you find the visit interesting?"

"More than interesting!" Amanda said, then closed her mouth tightly. _Don't get too enthusiastic! _She cleared her throat and stilled her face again. "I mean that...I enjoyed the tour very much." _Out of the frying pan and into the fire _- she'd described her emotions. _Damn. _

To her surprise, however, Sarek's eyes belied amusement. "It was that entertaining? Good." They strolled together through the gardens towards the street, the late afternoon sun only just beginning to sink. Vulcans enjoyed much more light in their days than Humans did back on Earth. Their walk back was quiet, but a companionable quiet. Amanda was worn out from the day's activities, but she felt contented. Since George had left Vulcan, she hadn't spent much leisure time in another young person's company. It was nice to enjoy something with a friend.

When they reached Amanda's little house, Sarek stopped and turned to her. "Thank you for accompanying me, Amanda. I had not visited the Academy in 2.65 years - it was pleasant to see it again."

"Of course, I enjoyed it as well." There you go with your emotions again. "That is...I mean to say..."

Sarek held up a hand to stop her. "Please, it is not necessary. I understand what you meant." Amanda felt her treacherous eyes flick to Sarek's hand. The memory of an accidental touch flooded back to Amanda, of the electric feeling of hands meeting in the gloom of a forest... At once, Amanda looked away, and Sarek lowered his hand, a hurried action. "I wish you a pleasant evening." He said, his voice as blank and cold as stone, and turned away. Amanda wanted to call him back, to apologize, but she bit her lip to keep the words in. She was embarrassed at having goggled at his hand like that - it was as rude as staring openly at a woman's chest, for Vulcans. _When did I become so lecherous_? Amanda thought ruefully as she turned to go back inside.

As she was setting down her bag inside, Amanda noticed that the little charm Rotah had made for her was missing. It must have fallen off while we were walking...Amanda was saddened by its loss. It had been a sweet gift, and she had meant to cherish it, and now it was lost. She could only hope that it would return to her somehow.

Author's Note: Not my favoritest of chapters, but I hope you guys are picking up on what's brewing here ;) I'm having so much fun writing, I hope it's still fun to read! 3 I'm sorry to keep you waiting for these chapters for so long. I actually have the next 2 written already, they just need editing. It shouldn't be long until I post them though!


	17. Chapter 17

Amanda had always been good with children. She had been an only child, but all through her childhood she'd yearned for a little brother or sister, someone that she could cherish and take care of. This had translated into an excellent babysitting record when she reached her teenage years; several families in her home town had employed her for several years to play with and take care of their children. She knew, therefore, how to deal with tears. She had never expected she'd have to soothe a crying Vulcan child, however, and now she was wondering if she could use the same techniques that she had before.

On a whim, Amanda had brought in colored chalks and escorted her little charges outside to write hieroglyphics on the flagstones of one of the Institute's many little courtyards. The exercise had started out well enough, with each of the children settling down to busily draw out their names and simple words in the pictorial language. It all turned sour, however, when T'Dia, hasty in her excitement to get Amanda to look over her writing, had tripped over her own feet standing up and crashed back down to the ground. Amanda had been more than surprised to see her face crumple and tears well in her eyes as Amanda rushed over to help her. The little girl had scraped her hands and banged her knee rather roughly, and now big, wet tears were running down her green-flushed cheeks. The other children gave her wary stares - obviously this was not a common occurrence among them.

Once she had hurried to T'Dia's side, however, Amanda didn't know what to do next. She couldn't comfort the girl by pulling her into her lap, or stroke her back, or smooth her hair out of her eyes. Instead, she sent one of the other children for the first aid kit in the classroom, and administered to T'Dia's scrapes with the lightest of touches that she could manage. The little girl's tears were strange to Amanda as well. She made no noise beyond hiccuping snuffles. There were none of the wails and sobs that Amanda was used to in this situation.

"All patched up," She said, trying to sound cheerful without actually sounding cheerful. "Does it still hurt?"

T'Dia nodded solemnly, using her sleeve to dab the tears off her face. She did it with more dignity than a queen. "I'm sorry," Amanda said. "Would showing me your drawings help?"

"No." T'Dia said, looking at Amanda as if she were slow. "That action will not do anything to help my wounds to heal faster." Amanda raised an eyebrow - little scrapes were hardly wounds, but T'Dia's eyes were still wet, and a little extra drama didn't do any harm.

"I wish to see them, nonetheless." Amanda said lightly, and T'Dia resigned herself to the task, tucking her little hands against her body to protect them from any further assault from the world. Amanda gave her approval of the pictorals, needing a minute to translate them. It was hard enough to read Vulcan script - harder still to translate from Vulcan to Egyptian hieroglyphics to Standard.

The rest of the class passed without incident, and T'Dia was back to her normal stoic self once Amanda dismissed them. Amanda was still worried, though. There were many things that Amanda had taught herself about children throughout the years, and in her education courses at school. Not all of these rules applied to Vulcan children, and there seemed to be a myriad of new ones that Amanda needed to respect. She would ask T'Rea for advice, she decided. The Vulcan woman might not know about education specifically, but she could explain some of the Vulcan ideas about childhood and children. It would be helpful to have that knowledge.

Amanda saw Selek in the main hallway when she was all packed up. The boy approached her immediately, and Amanda was pleased to see his eyes were full of recognition and pleasure. "Hello, Amanda." He said. "It is good to see you."

"And you, Selek." She replied. All of the sudden, her question seized her tongue, and rattled off words without the full consent of the rest of her. "Selek, I had an incident in my class today, I wonder if you can help me with it. One of my students started to cry, and I didn't know how to help her."

Selek's brows furrowed ever so slightly. Amanda was reminded of the expression Sarek took on when he was concentrating. "Help her? I do not understand."

"I wanted to soothe her. She was upset."

Selek still looked puzzled, but after a moment he seemed to grasp something. "Oh, I see." He said. "A loss of control should be dealt with by the individual, you need not do anything. It is our own responsibility to maintain decorum."

Amanda frowned slightly. "Even for young children?"

"Yes," Selek replied evenly. "Childhood is when we learn how to control ourselves."

Amanda wasn't quite sure she agreed with this, but she knew that this was something that she couldn't understand. She wasn't Vulcan, and therefore some things would always be a mystery to her. She sighed and pushed a stray lock of hair behind her ear. "I understand. Thank you for explaining it to me, Selek."

Later that afternoon, Amanda had a meditation practice session with Ataur. She was glad to see him - they hadn't had a proper lesson for quite a while, since Ataur was confident that Amanda had the basics down. For this visit, Amanda was sure that the light was lowered in the room where she and Ataur would be talking, and lit several candles. They were her favorite scent: a clean, earthen smell that reminded her of the air off the mountains from home. When she heard Ataur's knock at the door, Amanda swept her hair up into a messy bun before going to greet him.

"Eshikh t'sai!" Ataur exclaimed when she opened the door. "Desert princess!" There was a joking expression written plainly on his face. Amanda paused, puzzled.

"What? What do you mean?" She asked as she gestured for him to come inside.

"You are wearing your hair like a lady from one of the rural desert peoples." Ataur said, the hint of a chuckle on his voice. "It is very...becoming."

With a private scowl Amanda undid the bun, letting her hair fall down to her shoulders again. "Must you always mock me?"

"I was not mocking you. Remember that I came from one of those desert tribes myself." Ataur said, walking into the little living room space. He nodded approvingly at the glowing candles placed about the room. "I mustn't lie, however. You did look a bit ridiculous."

Amanda huffed and followed him into the room, taking a seat on the floor unceremoniously. "Thank you, wise teacher." She said dryly. "I suppose you have never looked the least bit ruffled."

"No indeed." Ataur said placidly, sitting down across from her. "I am strict when it pertains to my appearance." Amanda rolled her eyes - it was nice to get away with a few things in Ataur's presence. He was not nearly so censorious as the other Vulcans. "Shall we begin, ashal-Amanda? My dear Amanda?"

Amanda was about to agree when something tugged at her mind. "Oh! Uh, not yet, Ataur. I have some questions, first." Ataur nodded, his eyebrows raised. "I wonder if you know much about dreams."

Ataur settled back, looking thoughtful. "I do. Dreams are almost as important to a Vulcan as meditation is. They are similar things. Dreams arise unbidden; they are the expressions of the emotional core that lies within us, the one thing that we cannot control through meditation or other techniques. Would you like to hear something interesting that a Terran philosopher said once, about the subconscious mind?"

Amanda blinked, curious despite her preoccupation with her own troubles. "Please."

"There is a large creature native to Earth called an elephant, correct? The idea is that the mind is like a man riding an elephant. The man is the conscious mind, and the elephant the subconscious. The elephant is much bigger and stronger than the rider, however we, in our conscious minds, believe that we can steer and direct the elephant - the subconscious. It is not entirely so. An elephant may be trained to follow commands, but it has a mind of its own, and will act according to its own will. The mind will be the most efficient when the elephant and the rider can act as one, when they are in synch with each other. An interesting thought, I have always believed."

Amanda, puzzled, tilted her head slightly. "That is...interesting. I'd never heard it described that way. I know about the difference between the subconscious and conscious, though."

"The Vulcan mind is different. Instead of a rider on an elephant, picture...let's say, a man in armor on an elephant that is very rowdy. The rider cannot command the elephant very efficiently, but should the creature throw him off, he is protected by his armor, and can climb back on again. We fashioned that armor ourselves, through meditation and controlling practices, but it does not make the elephant any more docile. Perhaps if it were not an elephant, but a sehlat..." Ataur frowned slightly, and Amanda could tell that he was about to start ranging off into the wilds of theory for quite a while. Hastily, she brought him back to the present.

"What does this have to do with dreaming?" She asked.

"Oh, of course. Dreams are creations of the subconscious - perhaps you could think of it as what the elephant thinks about what it has done and what it has been ordered to do."

"I understand about the elephant," Amanda said, waving a hand in an impatient gesture. "What I want to know is, can dreams be somewhat...telepathic?" She had been wondering this ever since she first wandered on to that unknown desert, and found the gorgeous house she'd never seen, and the Sarek she'd never known. It had felt as though she were borrowing someone else's memories and making them her own.

Ataur was suddenly all attention. "What do you mean?" He asked. "Please explain in more detail." Amanda licked her lips and did her best. She told him about the house in the desert (she'd wanted to omit Sarek's presence, but it seemed too important to leave out) and the pine forest. After a moment's hesitation, she'd told him about the strange sadness she'd felt as well. "It's...eerie, Ataur. I feel as though I'm seeing things that I shouldn't see, and feeling things I shouldn't feel. Things that don't belong to me."

Ataur looked solemn, and for a long moment he didn't speak. Amanda began to feel nervous. Had she done something wrong? Was Ataur angry with her? Maybe her strange dreams had indicated something odd about her, something sinister. She was about to ask him to say something when he finally began to speak. "Amanda, have you ever heard about the concept of soul mates? Two people who were created in perfect harmony with each other?"

Surprised, Amanda nodded. "Of course. That's not really true, though. It's all brain chemistry and endorphins, that sort of thing."

"Not entirely. Certainly not with Vulcans." Ataur said, smoothing his robe across his lap. "You see, sometimes when two minds are in such harmony with one another, they will reach out to each other -" He stopped and sighed. "Do you remember when I told you about Vulcan bonding, and how important it is to our survival?"

Amanda nodded, recalling the day when Ataur had explained the principle. She'd come to think of it like a network of dense, thick roots that held the soil in place while giving and receiving life at the same time. In all honesty she hadn't thought about it much, and hadn't ever suspected that it would affect her in any way.

"Where shall I start then..." Ataur thought for a moment. "Ah. Well. When Vulcan children reach a certain age, say ten or eleven, their parents seek out a potential spouse for them. Someone who has a mind that resonates with their own, with whom they are compatible. Some of these connections are stronger than others, but the parents will do their best to seek out a perfect match for their child. A preliminary bond is formed between the children, so that they can rely upon each other in times of turmoil or sadness. I understand that arranged marriage is sometimes frowned upon on Earth, but here on Vulcan it is a practice that has ensured the survival of our race for thousands upon thousands of years. As the children grow, the bond may become stronger, if their match is truly compatible with them. They become very close with this person, until, when they are old enough, they marry. At that point, a true bond is formed between them. This bond is stronger than any other. It is the core that keeps us strong. I understand that Humans generally marry someone that they love deeply, a true love. Marriage between Vulcans creates something deeper than love. When partners are truly right for each other, they become two halves of the same soul."

Ataur paused again to think. Amanda stared at him, unable to say anything. He had told her that the marriage bond was the strongest a Vulcan would ever experience, but she'd never imagine that it went so deep. It sounded to her like magic.

"On occasion, the childhood betrothal isn't quite perfect. The two individuals may come to love each other, they may not. If they should decided to separate, then they each seek out their own true partner in the progress of their lives. However, after a marriage bond has been formed, the two will not separate. They are devoted to each other. Vulcans are truly monogamous - it is built into our very nature. In any case, if two incredibly compatible minds happen across each other, they may start to initiate a bond unintentionally. Feelings, dreams, and thoughts can be passed over this link, although it is not as strong as a true bond. This sort of resonance only occurs between two minds that are perfect for each other - something akin to the "true love" of some ancient Terran stories. They are two pieces that are meant to become one." Ataur fixed Amanda with a pale stare that made shivers run down her spine. "If you are indeed dreaming in tandem with Sarek, and borrowing his feelings, then you and he are t'hy'la."

Amanda thought at first that he had misspoke. She didn't recognize the word, although her conversational Vulcan had grown almost to the point of perfect fluency. "I'm sorry, I don't know that word. T'hy'la?" She asked, repeating the word for herself.

"Indeed. It has...many meanings, and will not translate easily into the Standard tongue." Ataur looked around, grasping for a word. "It could mean friend, a life friend, or brother or sister, or lover...it is different in every case." He shrugged. "In essence it is a soul mate. The other half of a single soul."

Amanda's heart thudded wildly. "No, that's impossible. I'm not a Vulcan." She said, trying to convince herself as much as Ataur.

"It is very rare," Ataur said gently, "but it is not unheard of. I told you last time we discussed bonding that you were special. Now, it seems that you are very special." Ataur folded his hands in his lap, his lovely eyes showing compassion and gentleness. "It is not something to be feared. In fact, it is rather wonderful. There is not a t'hai'la in this world for all of us. It is a single, solid, true love. An undying love."

Amanda swallowed, feeling a little dizzy. "But, no, it can't be." She protested weakly. "Sarek hates me."

"Does he?" Ataur raised an eyebrow.

"...Hated me. Or...I thought he did." Amanda's throat felt very dry. "You're certain about this?" She asked after a pause. "This is the only explanation for my dreams?"

"Well, no, not exactly..." Ataur said, reluctant. "But it is the most likely, especially if Sarek is appearing this frequently in your dreams, and from what you told me I believe he has been experiencing the same anomaly..."

Amanda stood up, suddenly flooded with adrenaline and anxiety. "It has to be another explanation. I'm Human. There's no way that I could ever love a Vulcan. It's not...right." Even as she said this, though, Amanda's heart was thudding quick and fast. Excited. The strange, fluttery feeling she'd felt around Sarek hadn't been some fluke, it was really true. As soon as this thought popped up, Amanda slammed it back down again. "I refuse to accept this!" She said, the words flying from her like angry bees. "I won't!"

With that, she turned and raced up the stairs for the comfort of her bedroom, closing the door behind her and locking it shut. For a few minutes all she could do was pace her room, wringing her hands together in anxious flutters. She wasn't meant to do anything. Her destiny was her own. She would stay here on Vulcan until the end of her fellowship and then she would go home. Back home, away from all this strangeness, away from these Vulcans with their magic and mysticism, back to a world she understood. A world where she had some control left.

Amanda would deny it forever if she had to, this harmony that Ataur described. She would lock it away and keep it hidden. It would never come to the surface, and she would be safe. She would be safe, and free.

It took Amanda a while to calm down, but she managed to slow her wild heart and settle her shaking hands. She thought once or twice of calling home, or George, but she didn't want to have to explain the bombshell Ataur had broken over her. Instead, she stayed in her room and read the books and stories she had brought with her from home. Novels in Federation Standard that would distract her from her fears. T'Iva brought her some dinner a while later, only slipping in to bring her a tray before leaving with a respectful little bow. She did not ask any questions. Amanda felt wretched.

The sun sank below the horizon, slowly and laboriously, as it did on every Vulcan night. Amanda watched it make its slow arc across the sky, trying to restrain her fears like Ataur had taught her to do. It was a long struggle, as tough as the sun's journey across the sky. Finally, when the sun had long since slipped away, Amanda felt cool and clear, like a still pond under the first gathering stars.

Sleep was another matter. She was tired, weary from her anxiety, but sleep might bring dreams. Sleep would bring Sarek, and she must force him away. He was not to intrude on her any more. But still Amanda worried, unsure of what her unruly elephant might bring to her while she slept. Not Sarek, she whispered to herself as she lay in bed, her eyelids growing heavy as anvils. Not Sarek, not Sarek, not Sarek.

Despite her fears, and perhaps because of her overwhelming weariness, Amanda did not dream at all.

Author's Note: Aha! We get to the bottom of this mystery! There are some points that I'm not completely satisfied with in this chapter. I hope they aren't too jarring for you readers. But, as a special bonus, the next chapter is going to be EXTRA long and packed with some quite dramatic things. Think of it as a season finale chapter, only without a big long pause afterwards. I hope you guys get excited, because I am! I'm really enjoying writing this next one ;) It should be done soon~

ps. I was looking over the past few chapters and realized that a few of my darling beta reader's comments got left in by accident. I hope you all don't mind too much, and I'll try to extricate them when I get a moment. In the meantime enjoy her little snippets - I find them quite funny :P


	18. Chapter 18

Amanda awoke the next morning feeling groggy and unhappy. Her limbs were heavy with sleep as she pushed the covers off and sat up. She felt an ache in her joints that felt more like a mental weariness than a physical one. Still, she had a full day ahead of her, and she needed to get up and going. As she slid her legs off the bed and touched her bare toes to the floor, Amanda looked out her huge window at the cityscape stretched out before her. The morning sunlight had turned all the buildings pink and orange and purple, a myriad of colors instead of their normal dusky red. The sky itself was stained with the dawn tide, yellow and orange and pink stretching long fingers into the blue. _There must be something in the atmosphere of Vulcan to make sunrises like this_, Amanda thought to herself as she got out of bed. _Or perhaps the sun prefers to shine brighter here._

Amanda chose a simply cut lavender dress to wear. It was of a brighter color than her other casual outfits, for which reason Amanda selected it. She felt as though she needed a little color in her world today - a piece of the morning sky to carry with her and protect her nervous soul.

T'Iva greeted her in the kitchen in her normal gentle tones. Amanda responded with a half-hearted "Ha'tha ti'lu, T'Iva," before sitting down to her breakfast. There was already food on her plate; a nutty sweet bread that was one of Amanda's particular favorites. Amanda wondered whether T'Iva had purchased it as a special treat - she must have heard the ruckus last night. Whether it was intentional or not, Amanda was grateful to her.

She was just finishing her breakfast tea when T'Iva approached her again. "T'sai, Trensu - _Master_ Ataur - left this message for you yesterday afternoon." Amanda took it from her with a nod of thanks, surprised to feel the smooth texture of the rice paper between her fingers. The written word was, for most people, obsolete, although some hand-wrote personal notes or messages. Amanda had not expected a preference for handwriting from a Vulcan, but then again, Ataur was rather eccentric. She flipped open the note and read in the elegant hand:

Ashal-Amanda,

I hope I did not offend you this afternoon. I only wish to give you information that you need. Please remember: your heart and mind are your own. No one can force to you to do something that you do not yourself desire to do.

Dakh pthak. Nam-tor ri ret na'fan-kitok fa tu dakh pthak.

Yours,

Ataur

Amanda stared at the note for a long moment. "Dakh pthak." She repeated to herself quietly. _Cast out fear. There is no room for anything else until you cast out fear._ A Surakian saying, and although Amanda herself did not follow his teachings, she felt oddly comforted by the words. Cast out fear. Amanda took a deep breath and tucked the note into a pocket of her dress. She would be stronger now; there was no reason to be afraid.

Amanda spent the rest of the day with Ataur's words buzzing through her head. She was somewhat distracted in her class, and the children were rowdier than usual, although whether that was cause and effect Amanda couldn't say. Since T'Dia's little outburst, no more tears had been shed, but her class was far more argumentative, and less respectful of each other's views. Finally Amanda had to step in with a sharp word when Emonn and T'Lun looked as though they were about to file suit with each other.

Amanda was therefore rather stressed when she made it back to her home, but thankfully her weariness was due to hard work, and not any anxiety. She felt a lot better after having been with the children all day. Somehow their vehemence and dedication to learning had put her worries in perspective - there was a huge great universe out there full of choices and decisions. Nothing was determined or absolute, and she was free to forge her own way through it.

Happy in this frame of mind, Amanda settled down to read in her bedroom. She needed to do more research for her class, as her students were eating up her material with rapacious hunger. It was at once satisfying and difficult. Every time she felt as though she'd stuffed their little heads far too full of information, they came back the next day hungry for more. She was just beginning to get engrossed in her work when there was a soft knock at the door. Amanda looked up to see T'Iva waiting patiently, holding a slim package in her hand.

"A package has arrived for you, T'sai." T'Iva said, and Amanda hurriedly got up to take it from her.

"Thank you, T'Iva." She said absent mindedly as she turned the package over and over in her hands. It was wrapped in a dark green silken fabric, fastened with a ribbon of the same color. She undid it curiously, sliding the light fabric off the surface. The package was a smooth, stiff piece of card, but Amanda had to gasp when she saw it. It was another piece similar to the beautiful calligraphic art she'd seen at the Artistic Academy with Sarek, flowing golden script on a dark blue background. At first, she wondered if it was a gift from Sarek, but further investigation proved that it was from T'Rea. In an elegant flowing script on the back side, Amanda read the following words:

_T'SAI T'REA AND S'HAILE KAVONN ASK YOUR PRESENCE AT THE CEREMONY OF THEIR MARRIAGE BOND. PLEASE ATTEND AT THE HOME OF T'SAI T'YUA IN ONE WEEK'S TIME, 18H00. _

Amanda stared at the card for a long moment. T'Rea was getting married? How had she not known this? Why hadn't T'Rea told - oh. _Of course she wouldn't say anything, idiot!_ Still, Amanda was greatly surprised by the invitation, but also pleased. She would be able to see a real Vulcan marriage ceremony! Not only that, but she'd come to think of T'Rea as a friend; perhaps this invitation indicated that T'Rea thought of her the same way. Amanda beamed at the message, turning it over in her hands to look at the front side. The elegant calligraphy was beautiful and delicate, like the finest filigree Amanda had ever seen. She knew that the twining loops spelled out a word or phrase, but Amanda suspected that it was an old symbol, made out of archaic writing that she didn't recognize.

"T'Iva?" Amanda called, padding out into the hallway, her precious invitation held close to her chest. "Could you read something for me, please?"

T'Iva appeared on quiet feet, just as silent as she always was. "What may I do for you?" She asked. Amanda held out the card.

"Would you tell me what this symbol means, please? I don't recognize it."

T'Iva looked at the card in Amanda's hands, and Amanda could have sworn that a smile touched her lips. "It is a marriage blessing, t'sai. It is traditionally used to ask friends to honor the strength of their bonds in supporting the creation of a new one."

"I see, thank you." Amanda said, looking at the invitation with new wonder. T'Iva nodded to her, the smile still lingering in her eyes.

"It is for the marriage of T'sai T'Rea and Emissary Kavonn, is it not? The city is full of talk about the celebration. It has been eagerly awaited for quite a few months."

Amanda blinked and tucked a wisp of hair behind her ear. She wondered dimly how she could have missed the fact that T'Rea was engaged when apparently the entire city knew. "Ah, T'Iva...what sort of dress does one wear to a marriage?"

In the days leading up to T'Rea's wedding, Amanda did her best to keep her head down and work hard. She hadn't spoken to Sarek since their outing to the Academy, and she wanted to keep it that way. _For now, at least_. She didn't want to think too hard about what Ataur had said, and what that meant for her relationship with Sarek. Unfortunately, her mind drifted to the man and the subject far too often. She got lost in these thoughts so often, in fact, that she had to be brought back to the present several times by patient, bewildered Vulcans repeating her name, much to her embarrassment._ My elephant_, she thought sourly on one such occasion, _is being willful_.

Amanda was occupied with not thinking about Sarek when she ran into Selek at the Children's Institute after one particularly rowdy class. The young Vulcan was bright and eyed and bushy tailed...well, so much so as was possible for a Vulcan. "Amanda!" He said, with a hint of excitement in his tone. Amanda herself was about to leave the building, on her way to the market to find something suitable for her hair for T'Rea's wedding. She adored the pieces that T'Iva put out for her every day, but she wanted to find something of her own to wear to this special occasion. Selek strode up to her, making Amanda think of how his gangly form looked to be something like his older cousin's when he grew older. She scolded herself for that.

"Hello, Selek." Amanda replied, pleased herself to see him. It had been a while since she'd crossed paths with him, and he was always pleasant company, even if he was only 12.

"I have completed my classes for the day." Selek said, as if explaining. "Are you leaving?"

"Yes, I'm going to the market to buy something." Amanda said, concealing her amusement as his formal brusqueness, which was slightly comical. It seemed to her that his ears pricked up when she said this, although of course she knew that Vulcan ears were not like dog ears.

"Might I accompany you? We have not spent time together for 1.658 weeks, and I am free of obligations for the remainder of the afternoon." He said, in what seemed to Amanda to be a slightly accusing manner.

"As long as your family doesn't mind." Amanda said, relenting. It would be nice to have company on her excursion, although she was slightly worried that Selek might make fun of her choices while she shopped. On the other hand, he would be the perfect sounding board for what was actually appropriate for the occasion. Amanda had been pondering how she could make sure that she wasn't buying anything incredibly outlandish.

In response to her statement, Selek made a dismissive gesture and said "Of course not. I am sufficiently grown to manage my own affairs." Amanda had to force herself not to smile again - he sounded just like a Human twelve-year-old insisting that he was old enough to spend a night without a babysitter. She gave in. "In that case, please do come with me. I would appreciate your company."

They set out together towards the same marketplace that Amanda had visited with George, what seemed like years ago, although in truth it had only been a month. Selek walked with purpose, and Amanda found it difficult to keep up with his excited steps. She asked him about his schooling, and was soon overwhelmed with complex theorems and hypotheses of Selek's own creation. She was quick enough, however, to catch on to the few snide comments he made about his teachers in criticism of their teaching.

"I suppose it is futile to remind you to be respectful of your teachers, Selek." Amanda said, trying to throw a dam into the flow of words. Selek gave her a thoughtful look, as though he were sizing her up.

"Yes, especially in reference to the fact that you are, yourself, a teacher."

"I can't argue with that." Amanda said helplessly.

Selek looked puzzled. "Why can you not?" Amanda remembered her students' eternal ardor for discussion and debate and managed to stuff her laugh away. She was spared having to explain further by their arrival at the market. Selek stopped stood surveying the tableau, reminding Amanda of a young lion with his first fuzzy mane asserting his dominance over the savanna. "What exactly do you desire to locate, Amanda?" He asked her.

Amanda fiddled with her sleeve, a Human gesture which she would have fought harder to conceal in any other company. "I want to find a hair ornament to wear to a wedding that I will be attending."

Selek's eyes lit up, in such an enchanting way that Amanda was reminded of Sarek's dark eyes lit by the light of the setting sun at Khaf-Spol. She banished the thought as Selek said excitedly "Are you speaking of the marriage of T'Rea and Emissary Kavonn? My family will also be attending the ceremony." _Of course they will be_, Amanda thought grimly, _and I suppose that includes your frustrating cousin as well. _

"Yes," she replied. "I thought I should find something of my own - all of my clothing has been provided for me." She looked down, a little embarrassed, even in front of Selek, "I'm not certain of how to honor the couple at a Vulcan wedding ceremony, but I thought perhaps I could convey something by finding some ornament on my own." She paused - it was a rather roundabout way of thought, but as T'Rea had been such a steadfast and helpful teacher, Amanda wanted to prove to her that she had learned from her. She had originally wanted to buy a gift for the couple, but T'Iva had explained that Vulcan couples didn't accept gifts on their wedding day. Amanda tried to relate all this to Selek, who looked confused, but finally seemed to grasp her intention.

"I see. I do not know much of female clothing," The boy hazarded. "But I will assist you however I can. This seems to me to be a noble idea." Pleased, Amanda thanked him and the two of them headed off towards the section of the market where clothing and jewelry were on display. They wandered between stalls draped with beautiful dyed silks and others dripping with necklaces as Selek questioned Amanda about more of Earth's natural wonders. She tried to keep her eyes peeled for hair ornaments as she explained the varying climates of Earth's regions. Selek was especially interested in the unique landscapes of China and New Zealand, and Amanda tried her best to describe the deserts, mountains and tundraswhile still on the lookout for her goal.

Finally, as Amanda had just launched into an overview of coral reefs, they spotted a booth that boasted hair ornaments and pins. Amanda broke off her introduction to sea turtles and hurried over, much to Selek's annoyance. He was obviously enjoying the discussion more than the shopping. The shop's wares turned out to be far too decadent for Amanda's tastes - and purse - but they seemed to have found a grove of similar stands, and after a bit of searching Amanda located one with a display of simple but elegant pieces.

T'Iva and Amanda had already selected her dress, and Amanda kept the image of the lovely garment in mind while she scanned the tiaras and pins. It was a pale dusty blue that at once reminded Amanda of a twilight sky and the Pacific ocean. She inspected each piece's colors and enamel, checking them against the color in her mind. While each ornament was lovely in its own right, there wasn't one that specifically spoke to Amanda as the perfect accompaniment to her dress. She was beginning to despair when Selek called out to her from the other end of the shop.

"Amanda, does not this one remind you of Khaf-Spol?" He said, and Amanda heard the smile in his voice. She went over to examine the piece. It was a rather plain piece, made of a metal that was more bronze than gold. It was set with three stones - two were a dark crimson shot through with striations of a brighter red that caught the light with hints of gold and orange. The third was a milky turquoise that reminded Amanda of an Australian opal. Strangely, this gem also reflected chips of golden light off its surface, and Amanda could see a glimmer of red deep in its center.

"Buhfik." She announced, finally. "_It's perfect_." She glanced inquiringly at the shop's owner. He inclined his head respectfully to her and named a price that made her head reel. There was no way she could afford so much. She looked down with a wistful sadness at the hairpin, disappointed to have to abandon it, and was about to move away when Selek cleared his throat. Amanda was surprised to hear him offer a different price, knocking off a significant chunk of the asking price.

The shop keeper, a severe, gaunt Vulcan in dark clothing, straightened to his full height, glaring at Selek. Amanda expected Selek to back down, but to her awe, the twelve-year old haggled like a master, refusing to budge even an inch. He battled with the shop keeper for what seemed like an age before the man finally relented, holding up his hands in a gesture of defeat.

"As you will, young master." He said, and Amanda detected a streak of venom in his voice.

"Pay him please, Amanda." Selek said imperiously. Amanda obeyed, too surprised to say anything. The shop keeper bundled the hairpin up in dyed silk and handed it to her with a curt nod. As they exited the shop, Amanda's prize safely tucked away in her bag, she turned to Selek, unable to conceal her awe. "Selek, that was amazing."

Selek looked up at her and quirked an eyebrow - an expression that Amanda had come to learn was both mocking and appreciative. She thought of Sarek again with a pang. "If you find such things amazing, then the universe must be perpetually miraculous to you."

Amanda hid her smile, though its glow shone brightly in her mind. "In any case, thank you. I very much appreciate your help."

Selek nodded to her, a spark in his dark eyes. "It is always an honor to help a friend."

The next day, Amanda left the subject of Ancient Greece with her class and moved on to Rome. She wondered if perhaps she was spending too much time on early Human civilizations, but her pupils were furiously dedicated to the subject. Amanda hoped that, in some small way, she was helping these Vulcan children gain more perspective on Humans, and what it meant to be one. She hadn't exactly been feeling inferior on Vulcan, but she had felt certain isolation; she was only one among millions that followed certain customs, or valued certain ideals. It was exciting to be immersed in a culture that was so unlike her own, and yet at the same time she felt quite alone. Maybe this history is making me feel a little more connected to home, she thought to herself as she presented a series of photographs of Roman architectural styles.

Amanda was just clearing up her class, her head wrapped up in thoughts of home, when she received a call on her PADD. Amanda fumbled through her bag and retrieved it, surprised to see T'Rea's identification flashing on the screen. She accepted the call, and resisted the urge to smile when T'Rea's face appeared. "Hello, T'Rea." She said.

"Ko-kan," T'Rea replied, and Amanda thought there was a glimmer of a smile in her eyes. "We have not spoken in 2.34 weeks. Is your work proceeding well?" Amanda nodded.

"Yes, I have much to do, but I'm finding the experience very rewarding." She said, truthfully. "How have you been, T'Rea?"

The woman gave her a look that Amanda couldn't decipher as amused or censorious, but said "I am in good health and my own work has been quite satisfactory. Our Starfleet initiative has proved to be a success thus far." Amanda noticed she didn't say anything about her upcoming wedding, although she wasn't sure how the woman would breach the subject. She decided to give it a go herself.

"I'm looking forward to your wedding," Amanda hazarded. "I have never seen a Vulcan marriage ceremony before."

"I am well aware of the fact," T'Rea said. "Indeed, this is the reason I have contacted you. I believe you would benefit from some knowledge of the proceedings before attending the actual ceremony. I understand that Vulcan matrimonial customs and those celebrated on Earth are very different."

_Is she worried that I'll mess up her ceremony?_ Amanda thought anxiously. She couldn't detect anything from T'Rea's expression, but the lady was already beginning to speak again. "I have consulted with S'Haile Ahror, and, although the database is not strictly within his department, he has procured access for you to traditional texts on the subject of Vulcan marriage ceremony." Ahror...Amanda remembered the name after a moment - he was the head of the linguistics department at the Vulcan Science Academy. Amanda recalled that he had been kind to her, and one of the champions of the Starfleet program that had brought her to Vulcan in the first place. Amanda was instantly grateful to him again. Having access to these ancient texts was a huge honor, especially for an outsider. She wondered how many strings T'Rea had been obliged to pull in order to get this boon for her. "You understand, of course," T'Rea was already saying, "That this information is being provided for you because we who are involved with the project believe that the marriage ceremony is a significant cultural event, which you, as Earth's representative, should experience."

A little stab of disappointment ran through Amanda. Here she had thought that T'Rea had invited her to the wedding because she valued Amanda as a friend, but the truth was that T'Rea had only been thinking about her project. She supposed she should be grateful for the opportunity in any case - she couldn't think what Humans had ever witnessed a Vulcan marriage. Still, Amanda had come to see T'Rea as a mentor and friend, and it was somewhat hurtful to hear that T'Rea did not reciprocate.

"I understand. Thank you, T'Rea." She said, somewhat mechanically. T'Rea's expression softened a bit around the corners.

"There were other weddings that were suggested for your attendance, but I requested that it should be mine." Her gray eyes were kinder than usual as she continued, "It would be pleasant for the first Vulcan marriage you witness to be my own." A little spark kindled in Amanda's chest - so it was a real heartfelt invitation after all! Amanda smiled broadly on the inside.

"I am glad it will be." Amanda replied, risking the mention of emotion. She thought T'Rea was accustomed to her enough for it to be acceptable.

"Indeed. In any case, the information at the Academy will be available to you for the next two days. I advise you to research earlier rather than later, as your access is limited. It is something of a breach of protocol to allow you to see the texts." Amanda nodded in reply. She understood full well how rare this situation was. It was exciting to think that she was perhaps the only Human to be given this honor!

Amanda composed herself and nodded. "Yes, thank you, T'Rea. I will go to the library at once. I'm eager to begin research." T'Rea's eyes glinted in a way that made Amanda suspect that she was amused.

"I trust that you will use the privilege well. Farewell, ko-kan." When Amanda said goodbye in return, the connection closed, and T'Rea's elegant face faded from the screen. Amanda stood in her classroom, clutching her PADD to her chest. The prospect of T'Rea's wedding had become, if it were possible, even more exciting than it had been. She couldn't wait to tell George.

It became apparent to Amanda when she reached the Academy, however, that she might not have time between now and the wedding to call George at all. She was led up to the library by a very severe looking attendant and ushered into an alcove where a console was waiting for her, with the access already open. Amanda was disappointed at this - she had been hoping that T'Sana would, on the off chance, be the one to greet her. She hadn't seen the woman for quite a while, and was wondering how she was getting on. Still, her fingers were itching to get at the console, and she immediately sat down and began her research.

Just as quickly she was overwhelmed by the amount of information that was carefully arranged for her perusal. There were scans of very ancient scrolls and stone carvings depicting Vulcans in the marriage rites, densely worded texts on the invocations, procedures, and ceremonies, and huge drifts of information on everything else. Amanda was amazed to find a section more than three hundred pages long detailing the musical tradition that accompanied the ceremony. She had to admit that she felt overwhelmed, accustomed as she was to wading into huge amounts of archaic material. She did her best, however, and decided to start at the beginning.

This turned out to be a very old text written in High Vulcan, accompanied by pictograms in ancient style. Thankfully, there was a transcription of the words, in addition to an editor's translation of the words into more commonplace language. Amanda decided to read the original text as best she could, occasionally stopping to consult a dictionary along the way. It was difficult at first, but Amanda quickly became used to the archaic style, and as her understanding grew, so did her fascination. It was clear that this ritual of marriage was very old indeed – stretching back before Surak brought his teachings to the Vulcan people. Not wanting to miss anything important, Amanda snatched up her PADD and stylus and began to jot down notes. They read as follows:

_Preliminary "betrothal" bond formed in childhood, before puberty. Couple is officially married when one or both of the betrothed reaches __ponn farr__ (?) ceremony: man enters room first and rings gong to signify his arrival. Rings again to say he's ready. He's followed by the wedding party which is led by the matriarch of his clan. There can be other guests. Mat. performs mind meld (look this up) with him to determine if __ponn farr__ has arrived (what is this?) friends of the groom are introduced to the Mat. She asks if there is anyone to challenge the ceremony. If there is none, man rings gong again. Bride comes forward and Mat. initiates mind meld with couple. Marriage bond is formed/completed and "bonding fever" begins in couple. Wedding party exits except for Mat. and a hooded guard, couple consummates their marriage (WHAT, RIGHT THERE?)_

Amanda sat back and looked at her notes, thinking. She was fairly certain she'd read the text correctly, but it was difficult to tell. What was ponn farr, though? And she needed to research mind melding more carefully. She made a mental note to ask Ataur about each, although she wanted to scan the database for them first. This led to a complex and ultimately fruitless search for information, at least on the one part. Amanda searched diligently for any mention of "ponn farr" beyond what she had seen in the first text, but every time the words came up, they were neither translated specifically nor defined in any kind of detail. It was maddening – Amanda opened up her personal dictionary, her old textbooks, and all the notes she had taken on Vulcan thus far. She couldn't find any mention of ponn farr. _Damn._

Thankfully she was able to find a little bit of information on the mind meld. There wasn't much; apparently S'Haile Ahror had only given Amanda the bare bones of the concept in the database, for she was certain that there should be more in the Academy's library on such a significant part of Vulcan culture. She'd only heard bits and pieces about it, from Ataur's explanation of bonds, and what little she had learned back on Earth. _Vulcans are touch-telepaths: they're very sensitive to each other's feelings and thoughts when they touch._ This Amanda already knew, but she couldn't find much more information in the database beyond that. From the ancient text, however, Amanda got the feeling that Vulcans could go a lot deeper than that when they really initiated a mind meld. _Don't they trust me at all? _Amanda thought crossly as she went back to her original notes to try and piece something more together.

By the time Amanda had sorted through a few more old texts and compiled five more pages of notes, it was almost sunset and she was hungry and tired. Feeling as though she had gotten nowhere, Amanda closed down the console and started arranging her own things. Before she put away her PADD, though, she dashed off a quick note to Ataur.

Trensu Ataur,

Thank you for your helping me to understand my situation with Sarek. I apologize for my behavior, my emotions took a strong hold of me and I was afraid. After receiving your note, I am much calmer. I understand I need to cast out fear.

I have a question I need to ask you. I have been asked to attend T'Rea's wedding in a few days, and she granted me access to the Academy library's database on Vulcan marriage. I came across two terms that I do not fully understand, however. What is ponn farr, and what is involved in a mind meld? I would much appreciate your help.

With thanks,

Amanda

She sent off the message and retired from the library, yawning. She was thinking longingly of her bed as she stepped out into the cooler evening air. Amanda's thoughts drifted as she walked, thinking of this and that, of George and Sarek, of her parents, and T'Rea. The slanting sunlight was red-gold with the sunset, making everything vibrate with color.

Amanda, thus lost in her own world, wasn't aware that someone was calling her name until they'd had to repeat it several times. She looked around, blinked, and beheld Sarek walking towards her, with quick steps that indicated he'd been hurrying after her. His was wearing his regular dark clothing, although there was a silver-colored fastening at the throat of his tunic. _Formalwear, for some official function,_ Amanda thought. As he drew nearer, Amanda's brain finally kicked itself into gear, and she felt her heartbeat increase in panic. She had to get away from him! Now! Amanda took a step back, the urge to flee rising in her. He was close enough now for her to see his expression, and he hers. A flash of concern passed through his eyes.

"Amanda," he said, "wait. Where are you going?"

"I'm walking home." Amanda said bluntly, the words coming to her lips as an immediate reaction. _No, stop it! You shouldn't talk to him! _"I have to go." She turned away, but was stopped by the lightest of touches on her shoulder.

"Please don't." He said, his voice as steady and even as ever. Amanda bit her lip and turned to face him again. They hadn't seen each other since she'd spoken with Ataur, and although her fears had calmed somewhat since then, her nerves were still twanging at the sight of Sarek. He seemed to sense that something was wrong, and stayed silent for a moment, as if marshalling his thoughts.

"Sarek," Amanda managed to say. "What do you want?" The words came out colder than she'd intended, but perhaps that was all to the good. If Sarek left her alone, then she wouldn't have to worry about all the t'hy'la business, and she could live her life as she wanted. _I can't be controlled if he never gets to me! _Sarek was saying something now, but Amanda wasn't listening. She was just looking at his face, and thinking about what Ataur had told her in his message._ My choices are my own. No one can make them for me, not even Sarek. I am the keeper of my heart._

Strangely, once that thought went through her mind, Amanda felt a lot calmer. Just because she and Sarek were compatible didn't mean that they were fated to be together. It was an option, an option among a myriad of options that were available to her. Amanda wanted to smile, but remembering herself, she kept it inside, tucking away its secret glow. She realized, though, that Sarek was looking at her, puzzlement obvious in his dark eyes. _Perhaps only obvious to me, _she thought.

"I'm sorry, Sarek, my mind was wandering. What did you say?"

Sarek quirked an eyebrow. "Please let me know if you feel inclined to wander again. Repeating oneself is frustrating."

"Yes, thank you, Ambassador, I shall certainly inform you." Amanda replied dryly, feeling much more like her usual self. Perhaps this strange banter they exchanged was helping her regain her composure. "But in any case, what do you want?"

Sarek drew himself up to his full height - a considerable gesture, Amanda noted - and reached into the inside pocket of his buttoned tunic. "I came across something of yours, and sought to return it to you."

"I haven't lost anything," Amanda said, puzzled, but when Sarek drew the item out of his jacket, she recognized it immediately as Rotah's bonding charm. "Oh!" She said, surprised but pleased. "I did lose that, I had forgotten."

Sarek held it out to her, his eyes looking steelier than usual as he commented "I wonder how you should come across a charm such as this. I did not think you had any Vulcan suitors." Amanda took the charm from his hand, feeling a little jolt of excitement as her fingers made the lightest of touches against his. She drew the charm close to her chest, trying to hide her suspicious look.

"What? No one is...I don't have any suitors." She said, her confusion mounting. "One of my students gave it to me." At her words, amusement shone in his eyes. He almost seemed as if he might smile, or even start laughing. Amanda frowned ever so slightly, looking from the little red charm to the nearly-laughing Ambassador.

"I see. One of your students. Did he or she tell you what sort of charm it was?" He asked, clasping his hands behind his back in his usual fashion.

Amanda blinked. "Yes, he said it was a bonding charm. To bring luck in..." She searched for the right word. "Tersayek. _Courting._"

Amanda could have sworn that one of the corners of Sarek's mouth twitched in amusement. "Indeed. I fear he did not tell you the entire truth - that particular charm is a traditional favor that an interested party gives to the object of his or her affection. One could say that it is a declaration of intent." Amanda stared at him for a moment. One of her students had a little crush on her, then. It was a common enough occurrence in Terran schools, but Amanda had never imagined that one of her Vulcan pupils would take to her that way. To her annoyance, she felt a blush creep into her cheeks. She tried to seem nonchalant as she tucked the charm away in her bag.

"Oh, I see. I'll have to tell him that while his gift was very thoughtful, it was inappropriate." She turned slightly as she said this, starting to walk again, but hoping that Sarek would take her slow pace as an invitation to join her. The sun was sinking lower now, and while she didn't mind walking in the evening, she was getting rather famished. Thankfully, Sarek stepped neatly in line with her, and they made their way down the walk towards Amanda's home.

"It is good that you are not in the habit of courting your students. In future, perhaps, it would be better not to accept such tokens unless you intend to reciprocate." Sarek said, placid as ever. Amanda glanced up at his profile. He was looking straight ahead, but when he sensed she was looking at him, his eyes moved to meet hers. Amanda looked away hastily.

"Thank you for the advice. I'll try to follow it, in future."

"I believe your Lieutenant companion would not approve."

Amanda stopped in her tracks. "Who, George?" She said, staring at him. Sarek stopped and surveyed her cooly, his expression unreadable.

"Yes, I believe Lieutenant Kirk's first name is George. Allowing any such advances from other men would certainly upset him."

Amanda felt like laughing, but of course, she kept the feeling to herself. "George isn't my...lover, Sarek. He's only a friend. He has a fiancee, a Human from home. From Earth." She watched him closely for any reaction. In fact, she was surprised that he hadn't mentioned George until now, especially after the incident at his Ambassadorial ceremony. Sarek, however, let nothing slip. There was no relaxation in the tension of his shoulders, no look of relief in his eyes. For some reason, however, she did feel an easing of tension in herself, a relaxation of an anxiety that had been present for a long time now...but Amanda could think of no reason for it.

"I see. I was mistaken." Sarek said finally. He turned and began walking again, and Amanda hurried to catch up with him.

"Next time, ask before you do anything," Amanda said, quietly. She felt Sarek tense beside her. Perhaps that hadn't been the kindest thing to say to him, but it needed to be said. She heard Sarek take a deep breath.

"Yes, Amanda, I shall do so. I apologize."

"It is of no matter." Amanda replied, using one of Sarek's own well-used phrases, a little playful gesture. Sarek relaxed, and they walked together toward her house, mostly in silence, but speaking every now and again. Sarek seemed to be in a pensive frame of mind, and Amanda was grateful for the time to try and untangle her own thoughts. So much was happening, and all so quickly, but somehow Amanda didn't feel anxious about it. She felt as if things were going the way they ought to be. When they reached Amanda's door some ten minutes later, Sarek turned to her and raised the ta'al in farewell.

"I'll try to be more careful about what tokens I accept from now on," Amanda said, playful once more. The glint of gold shone in Sarek's eyes for a moment. He leaned a little closer to her, and Amanda felt a slight touch of his warm fingers on her elbow.

"Please do; although I must admit it was pleasant to present you with the charm myself. I look forward to seeing you at T'Rea's marriage ceremony." He drew away, leaving Amanda feeling a little shell-shocked and pink in the cheeks. With a courteous nod, Sarek bid her goodbye and took his leave. Amanda remained at the door for a long moment, waiting for her heartbeat to slow, and to forget the mischievous tone in Sarek's voice, and the touch at her elbow. She found herself wishing that Vulcans were more accepting of physical interaction. Such a light touch was only a tease.

Amanda was awakened the next morning by the beeping of her PADD. She sat up groggily and ran a hand through her hair, tangled as it was by her restless sleep. She fumbled around for the device on her bedside table, wondering to what sort of communication it was trying to alert her. She flicked on the screen and stared down at the notification, although it was a few moments before her sleepy brain managed to line up the words in a way that was comprehensible. Ataur had replied to her message from last night. Her sleepiness banished, Amanda opened his reply, eager to see what he had written in response to her questions.

Ashal-Amanda,

It is good to hear that you are doing well, and that I was able to help you in any small way. I am afraid I cannot explain all you wish to know now, however. Ponn farr is a phenomenon very private to our culture. Even I am uneasy about giving you the details of this process. However, I will try to satisfy your curiosity to the best degree that I am able: ponn farr is a biological process that all Vulcans experience in their adult lives. It occurs every seven years in those who are healthy, and many marriages take place during its cycle. That is all the information I can relay to you at this time. I hope that you will forgive me.

As to kash-nohv, _mind melding, _it is a particular ability that our people, as touch-telepaths, often exercise with those with whom they share the closest bonds. It is a joining of minds – essentially a broadening of the link that binds two bonded individuals. More information, memories, feelings, and thoughts can pass between those performing the kash-nohv. It is most frequently practiced between bonded and married couples, but it is also essential to ceremonial purposes, as well as medical procedures. Our healers can mend a soul as they would a body through this process.

I hope that this has cleared your confusion to some degree. I apologize that I could not be of more aid. I look forward to seeing you at the marriage celebration of T'Rea and Emissary Kavonn.

Your friend,

Ataur

Amanda frowned at her PADD. She had never known Ataur to be…squeamish in explaining things to her. What was so special about ponn farr that even Ataur was reluctant to tell her about it? She would have to find out about it somehow. If it was so important to Vulcan culture, she couldn't truly complete a full survey of the Vulcan people without an understanding of it. Amanda set her jaw and climbed out of bed. She would discover what ponn farr really was, even if she had to embarrass a whole legion of Vulcans to do so.

Amanda had to admit that she wasn't as focused as usual in her classroom that day. Her students were, thankfully, more focused, which more than made up for the absent-mindedness of their teacher. Amanda ushered them out with more relief than she usually felt when the class was over. She watched them as they marched down the hall to their next lesson. Four little girls and six little boys, and all as serious as elderly judges on Starfleet's council. Amanda felt a surge of fondness for them as she watched them turn the corridor. Her first class – and, if she was lucky, there would be many more in the future.

After class Amanda proceeded to the Academy's library to finish up on her research. She worked diligently all afternoon, well aware that she only had that one day left to read as much as she could. Her PADD steadily filled up with notes; scribbled script, pictograms, and ancient verses of poetry and songs pertaining to marriage. Amanda couldn't help it – she was fascinated. For once, she felt as though she were getting a genuine look into the private history of a culture that was far more ancient than her own. It was as though she were reading the treatises that the sun had written as it watched the planets collide and form around it…although perhaps not so very monumental and archaic.

With all this work, the day passed quickly. Amanda found herself returning home just as late as she had the previous day, although thankfully she did not encounter Sarek on the walk home. T'Iva had a large dinner waiting for her which she gobbled down hungrily. T'Iva watched approvingly, and as she was clearing up the table, told Amanda lightly that she needed a good night's sleep.

"Why?" Amanda asked her.

"T'sai is attending a wedding tomorrow. You will need rest if you are to appear as beautiful as you are capable." Taking that as a compliment, Amanda went up to bed. She was tired enough to sleep for a week, but even so, excited thoughts of the ceremony the next day were buzzing around her head. Finally, as she imagined walking into the hall and astonishing everyone with the beauty of her dress and tiara, she fell asleep.

Amanda wasn't entirely prepared for the deafening boom of the gong when it came. Unable to see Kavonn as she was, she hadn't expected the huge noise, and her body had not adequately prepared her it. It seemed to rattle her very bones, the columns of the hall, and perhaps even the sky outside. Amanda wanted to put her hands to her ears, but she gritted her teeth instead, imagining that the noise was only a ripple passing over the smooth surface of a lake.

Loud or no, the noise was immensely impressive, and Amanda immediately felt the gravity of the opening act of the ceremony. She could see the ramrod straight back of T'Yua, the Matriarch of Kavonn's house, at the head of their group, her silver hair bound up in an artful twist at the base of her neck. Amanda couldn't help but be in awe of the old woman, even if she hadn't yet seen her face. Her thoughts were disrupted, however, by another earth-shattering boom of the gong. The second ring, that truly announced the beginning of the ceremony. T'Yua, without any indication or signal, immediately began to walk towards the curtained entrance to the hall. The rest of the guests followed after her, as silent and dignified as a procession of soldiers in their military best. Amanda tried to be as stalwart as her fellows, but she couldn't help but be excited. She hadn't yet seen T'Rea, and was wild to know what exactly a Vulcan bride wore to her wedding.

Amanda herself had taken great care with her grooming that afternoon. She'd pulled on the elegant, gauzy dress that she'd picked out with T'Iva, a beautiful thing of dusky blue that perfectly complimented Amanda's auburn hair and blue eyes. It was low cut, but Amanda was able to wear it comfortably, not having an incredibly significant bosom. Gold-colored ornamentation covered the sleeves from her wrists to shoulders, glittering in the light of the grand hall. Amanda couldn't help feel immensely proud of her jewelry selection to match the dress – her wonderful tiara, which gleamed like Khaf-Spol in the sunset.

Finally Amanda entered the main chamber. The ceiling was very high, a masterwork of carvings in ivory-colored stone, supported by pillars inlaid with gold and red-violet striated marble. T'Yua was taking her place at the top of a flight of low steps which ringed the hall all the way around. Kavonn was standing in the center of the room, which was lower than the edges, beside the largest red-gold gong that Amanda had ever seen. He was dressed in robes of a dark color: Amanda couldn't decide if they were dark blue or dark green. The sleeves were edged with silver designs, as well as the collar and hem. He himself was handsome enough, with lighter hair than most of the Vulcans Amanda had seen. His eyes were a corresponding hazel, and Amanda smiled on the inside. He seemed a good match for T'Rea's own dark beauty.

Once the wedding party was all arranged on the steps surrounding Kavonn, he began to approach T'Yua, his long robes trailing over the steps like a beautifully flowing puddle of dark water. T'Yua looked rather similar to him in feature – her eyes were the same shade of light hazel, although hers were somewhat faded by age. Amanda wondered how old she was; Vulcans lived for a considerably longer time than Humans, and T'Yua could have seen at least an entire century. Kavonn held out a broad hand to his matriarch, extending the ta'al. She returned it, her own hand as slim and frail looking as if it were made out of glass. Kavonn knelt before her, his head bowed. T'Yua lifted both her hands, forming the sign of the ta'al, and placed them on either side of her relative's face.

The silence in the hall was so deep that Amanda could have sworn the others could hear her breathing. Amanda wondered what could be going on between the grandmother and her prodigy. What thoughts and feelings were they exchanging there? Finally, T'Yua released Kavonn, and he sat back on his heels. T'Yua raised her light eyes to the crowd, her expression as imperious and severe as that of an empress. She began to speak, her voice as clear and sound as that of a woman 50 years her junior.

"Ra tu ak gla-tor tev-tor s'wak t'Palikaya. Nam-tor u'khaf-spol Vuhlkansu - nam-tor u'katra Vuhlkansu - nam-tor u'sha'yut. _What you are about to see comes down from the time of the Beginning. This is the Vulcan heart, this is the Vulcan soul - this is our way._" Amanda felt the hairs on the back of her neck and her arms prickle. The words instilled a great awe in her, and she knew her eyes must have been as wide as saucers as she watched the elegant figure of the Matriarch. She raised her hands again, including the whole room in her gesture. "Kali farr! _Time of challenge!_"

Amanda held her breath. Would someone come forward to challenge Kavonn's claim to T'Rea? As archaic and slightly misogynistic as it was, Amanda couldn't help but be reminded of the ancient tales she'd heard of knights and chivalry, of ladies and high courtly love. Should any other Vulcan come forward to challenge Kavonn, man or woman, he would fight them to defend his right to be with T'Rea. Apparently, as Amanda had read the previous day, there was also a chance for anyone to come forward to fight T'Rea for the honor of Kavonn's hand, but that had been before the ceremony. _I suppose it must work for them. They've used the same ceremony for thousands of years._

As Amanda's thoughts rattled on, the hall remained as silent as ever. No one seemed to want to dispute Kavonn's desire to marry T'Rea. Amanda was pleased at that – she didn't want to see any blood shed, especially during such a special occasion as a wedding. She glanced at the crowd once or twice, guiltily wondering where Sarek was among the crowd. Finally, T'Yua lowered her arms and nodded to her grandson. Kavonn stood and returned to his place by the gong, picking up the hammer once more. Amanda braced herself this time, and the noise was not nearly so bone-shattering as it had been the first two times. She was immediately distracted from the noise, however, because T'Rea had just come forward.

Amanda had never seen the woman looking so lovely. Her dress was, actually, rather plainer than the ones Amanda had seen her in before, but it looked incredibly beautiful on her slender body. It was a dark gray in color, and slightly shining, smooth straight cloth falling from her chest to trail on the floor and follow behind her like a trail of molten silver. T'Rea's dark hair was pulled back in a simple but elegant style, to match her dress: pulled back from her face with two large silver clasps to cascade down past her shoulders in a smooth black sheet. Amanda's breath caught in her throat at the sight.

T'Rea approached the dais where T'Yua stood. Kavonn was coming up to join her, and together the couple knelt before the Matriach. T'Yua held out her hands in the ta'al before bringing them down to lightly touch the faces of the couple at her feet. Once again, the room was filled with the heaviness of silence, and Amanda's heart thudding in her chest seemed to be the loudest thing she had ever heard. T'Yua's eyes closed. Standing on the dais, she looked like some ancient goddess of truth, or perhaps war, Amanda wasn't quite sure which.

After what seemed an age, a figure stepped forward to stand beside T'Yua on the dais. Amanda couldn't tell if it was a man or a woman. It was clothed in a completely obscuring dark robe, which hid all evidence of its form from its feet to its face. Amanda's mouth opened slightly – so the text had been right about this part, and that meant…

"Ponn farr." T'Yua said, her tone quieter than before. She removed her hands from Kavonn and T'Rea's faces, folding them in front of her. The two remained motionless in front of her, and Amanda heard the sound of shifting feet behind her. The wedding guests were exiting the hall, moving back through the curtain to the secondary chamber. Amanda followed after them, feeling a little blush color her cheeks. If she could trust her reading, Kavonn and T'Rea, once everyone was out of the hall, would consummate their marriage, right there in front of the Matriarch and hooded guard. Amanda, to her shame, felt embarrassed about that. She had been able to accept all other Vulcan customs easily enough, but it was rather pathetic to feel squeamish about this one. After all, several Human cultures had observed marriage in the same way.

These thoughts were banished from Amanda's mind when the wedding party entered the next chamber. The dim hall that they had been waiting in was alive with light now. It was styled in much the same way as the ceremonial chamber had been, although here huge windows showed grand stretches of the darkening blue sky. Crimson and violet drapery decorated the columns, and was spread over long tables holding food and drink, delicacies reserved for a wedding celebration. Quiet music echoed from one corner, a soothing, lilting tune. There were many guests beside herself. Amanda saw S'Haile Ahror, surrounded by a retinue of quietly talking Vulcans. There was Councilman Skonn, who gave her a respectful nod when their eyes met. T'Sana extended the ta'al to her from her spot near the windows. Finally, though, Amanda spotted Ataur, and she went to him at once, happy to see her friend.

"Amanda," Ataur said, a smile in his voice when he saw her. "You look beautiful."

"Thank you," She said. "And you, as well – I mean, you're very handsome tonight."

There was a look in Ataur's eyes at that which Amanda couldn't mistake for anything but a grin. "Nemaiyo. Please, Amanda, I'd like to introduce you to someone." Ataur turned slightly and called to a man who was speaking with another small group. He looked over, nodded, and dismissed himself from the others. He was taller than Ataur, and much darker, but Amanda could see a flicker of Ataur's same cheer in his deep eyes.

"Amanda, this is Nakor, my telsu. _Bonded mate_."

Amanda quickly hid her flash of surprise. She hadn't suspected that Ataur was gay, but then again, Vulcans were very accepting of homosexuality. From what Amanda had learned in her classes and research, Vulcans had found bonded mates in the same sex since the beginning of their civilization. She had found that quite refreshing when she first discovered the fact. "It is an honor to meet you," She finally said. "Trensu Ataur has been an invaluable guide to me during my stay on Vulcan."

Nakor inclined his head. His courtesy seemed easy and relaxed, somewhat different from that of other Vulcans. "And you, Miss Grayson. Ataur has spoken highly and often of his new pupil from Earth." Amanda tucked a smile away. She was glad to hear that her teacher was proud of her.

"Are you a master of meditation as well, Nakor?" Amanda asked.

"No, I am an advocate. I believe the profession is more commonly known on Earth as 'lawyer'."

This sparked an interesting conversation on the practices of Vulcan courts and laws. Amanda, who had never seen any judicial proceedings, or in fact ever thought about their significance on Vulcan, was fascinated by the subject. She, Ataur and Nakor found drinks and refreshments as they continued their discussion. Their conversation eventually veered away from laws – Ataur hinted to Amanda that Nakor, when invested in discussing his profession, could become very dull and technical, even for a Vulcan. They spoke instead of Amanda's classes, her impressions of Vulcan, and other pupils that Ataur had taught during his stay in Shi'Kahr.

Amanda saw, at one point, that Ataur and Nakor once lightly brushed fingers in the gesture that Sarek (strangely enough, in her dream) had explained to her was a kiss. Amanda found herself staring, and hastily tried to look away, but Ataur noticed her interest. When Nakor excused himself to speak to another acquaintance, Ataur leaned a little closer to her. "Do not be ashamed. Humans are often curious about our Vulcan methods of affection. The gesture is called an ozh'esta, _finger embrace._ Humans often think that we never display any affection for one another, but they do not suspect that those small touches are, in fact, like Human kissing for us. It is an acceptable gesture between bond mates in public."

Amanda bit her lip. "So, do Vulcans kiss…with their lips, as well?"

There was a laugh in Ataur's eyes. "Of course. We have many of the same erogenous zones as Humans do." Amanda's blush surged back in earnest, which made Ataur's laughing expression grow. "Any reason in particular that you wish to know this?" Amanda cleared her throat and began talking loudly about the weather, but Ataur's eyes kept chuckling. She suspected that he knew the reason why she asked.

That reason, however, had not yet made his appearance at the wedding party. Amanda found herself scanning the crowd at one point, and then chastised herself for it. What would she do if she saw Sarek? She couldn't exactly flee from him like she had the other day, not here among all the guests. Amanda sighed and looked down at her lap, fiddling with the ornaments on her sleeves.

"I must leave you now, but please, have another cup of k'vass, Amanda. A wedding is something to celebrate." Ataur said finally, ending their conversation. As he handed another glass to her, Amanda could have sworn he winked at her, his light eyes flashing, before he disappeared into the crowd. A Vulcan winking…well, perhaps there was more to see in this universe than even the scientists said.

Amanda found that the k'vass did calm her down somewhat, though. She wandered amongst the guests, admiring the robes and tunics, dresses and gauzy scarves. The colors and cuts were all beautiful, the jewelry shining and eye-catching, but Amanda still felt a little put out. Even with this beautiful spectacle all around her, there was something missing. She caught sight of Selek and his parents at one point, and extended the ta'al, but he did not come to her. His parents had him flanked, and Amanda could see that the boy was getting bored. He couldn't come and talk to her, especially if his parents truly did disapprove of her, as he had told her on their first meeting.

Amanda drifted to the windows, looking out at the night before her. Shi'Kahr was a maze of dark purple shapes in the gloom, spires and roof tops silhouetted against the sky, where a slim moon was just rising. _A_ _desert night, cool and dry_, Amanda thought, leaning against the window frame. There were lights in many windows, and Amanda wondered what kinds of lives were going on behind them. Lives so different from ones she had known back on Earth. How long could she linger here as a stranger among aliens?

"Are you searching for an escape route? I would advise against leaping from the windows- we are quite high off the ground and such an egress would likely shatter your frail Human body."

Amanda's heart surged into her throat as she turned. Sarek was standing behind her, as neat and severe as ever in a dark colored tunic with a high collar. His face betrayed nothing, no emotion or thought. Amanda met his dark eyes, fearing for a moment that she would feel a flood of his emotions and thoughts, but no strange gate opened that way. Amanda set her glass down on the window sill and extended the ta'al to him. "No, Sarek, I was simply enjoying the view." She said.

He came forward to join her at the window, surveying the landscape before them with a critical eye. "Yes, it is beautiful." He said. "One grows tired of the same cityscape every night, however. I feel the need to travel to new cities, sometimes." He looked down at her again. "And then I remember that I have duties here."

Amanda swallowed. The light from the ballroom was glittering in his eyes, highlighting the gold flecks that were buried deep within the brown. Her treacherous eyes strayed to his lips, just for a moment, before flicking back up to his eyes. She could tell her face was hot, and wondered if it was the effect of the k'vass, or Sarek's presence.

"Are you going to remain mute?" He asked, and Amanda realized that she hadn't said anything for more than a minute.

"Oh, no, I apologize." Amanda said, looking away, back to the blue and purple city. She rallied, trying to think of something clever to say. "You are very spoiled, if you're growing tired of this city. I'm amazed every day by how beautiful it is."

"Do you think I am spoiled?" Amanda's fingers tightened on the windowsill; he had drawn closer to her. She could feel the warmth of his body close to her own, quite close, in fact. She swallowed again.

"I think that you can be rude," She said, wondering how she was insulting him when her heart was thudding so fast in her chest, just from the closeness of him. "…when you are careless. Whether or not that means you are spoiled, I cannot say." She felt a touch at the small of her back – his hand. Panic flooded her for a second before she realized that the gesture must have been hidden from the view of the other guests by Sarek's body.

"There is a balcony there. Would you walk with me on it? We will be able to see the landscape better from there, and you can show me what I must have been missing." He asked. Even though his voice was still a monotone, Amanda's pulse jumped just to hear it. She nodded wordlessly, and felt his touch withdraw from her back. She turned, and he was all formal and proper again, his hands clasped behind his back. He indicated with his head the glass door a few feet away from them that led to the balcony. Silently they went out together, Amanda's heart still racing, and Sarek seeming as cool as ever.

The wind was stronger than Amanda had expected. Loose wisps of her hair danced about her face, and the flowing fabric of her skirt picked up, flowing out like a sigh. Sarek walked out ahead of her, strolling down the narrow balcony, as if he were perfectly at ease. Amanda felt both a surge of envy at his coolness and once again that fluttery feeling at his figure. He really was quite handsome, and the backlighting of the ballroom certainly enhanced that fact. He turned to look at her again, half over his shoulder. "So then, point out to me what I am overlooking in this cityscape. Use your keen observational skills." He was teasing her again, but Amanda was too nervous to rise to it. Why did she feel as though all of her bones had been replaced with jelly? She tried, anyway.

"How can you be so b-blind?" Amanda asked, trying to sound joking, but only stuttering. "Look, the outline of the Principal Building, isn't it majestic?" She described the shape with her hand, tracing the black cutout of the monument against the sky.

"I see it every day. I no longer find it majestic."

"The Public Gardens, then, on the south side. Can't you see the lights hanging in the trees? They look magical." She silently cursed herself for saying something so stupid as 'magical'.

Sarek made a noncommittal gesture. "I have been to the gardens approximately 90 times. I no longer see the lights as…magical."

Amanda peered at the skyline, trying to find something that would inspire Sarek. How could she pick one thing out of such a huge number? She herself found every building interesting, every spire and twist and column. The streets were still filled with mystery, the markets still exotic, the sound of the Vulcan tongue still fascinating. She gave up. "I can't do it, Sarek. How am I supposed to make you see the city through my eyes?"

She heard the sound of his boots on the stone of the balcony as he walked back to her. He stood beside her, leaning his hands on the balcony and joining her in looking out at the cityscape. "It is of no matter, Amanda. I do not need to see the city as beautiful. I don't feel the need to look at it."

"Why is that?" Amanda felt as though it took an age for the words to tumble out of her mouth.

Sarek turned to look down at her, his face now half-shadowed by the darkness of the night. The light was bluish, and she could see his cheekbones and the curve of his strong jaw in stark relief. His hair was falling into his eyes, obscuring them further from her view. "It is enough that I may look at you."

Amanda let out a little gasp that was more a choke and half a sob. This seemed to startle Sarek. "Are you well?" Amanda swallowed and repressed another noise that would have been a laugh.

"I'm fine." She said.

They stood there in silence for a long moment. Amanda could hear people speaking inside the ballroom, heard the low tones of the music, even the hush of the wind as it flew over them. She couldn't think of anything to say, or anything to do._ I am frozen in place, like a dumb, bumbling mammoth in the ice, _she thought grimly. Sarek's sudden voice broke her wandering thoughts. "May I kiss you?"

At first, Amanda wasn't certain how to reply. She wanted to say no, and then to say yes, and then it was just better to close her eyes, lean forward, and press her mouth against his.

**Author's Note:** Oh dear. I fear I've given you guys a chapter that is more than three times longer than usual. I only meant to make it a little longer, but then I got carried away! Needless to say I had a lot of fun writing it. I hope that the links I included go through as well – I really wanted to share my inspiration for the dresses, and of course I really needed to credit that Rituals and Ceremonies website. ANYWAY, FINALLY THE SLOW BUILD IS OVER! OR AT LEAST COMING TO AN END! I hope you people are _happy. _No really, I hope you are 3 Your reviews and comments have been the most wonderful and best inspiration to keep me writing.

And a huge word of thanks to Lis, who has been so helpful and fun, and humored me when I wanted to giggle over plot points with her. Ilu bb 3

*Go here to see Amanda's dress! Imagine it in blue instead of that lovely pink. It is Elie Saab Haute Couture. http:/25.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_m72540bf9P1rsdyc4o1_500.jpg I found this image through Game-of-Style, a tumblr blog that tracks fashion appropriate for characters of the Song of Ice and Fire series (if you haven't read it or watched it, DO.) Link to Game-of-Style: http:/game-of-style.tumblr.com/

**You didn't think I would only give you Amanda's dress, did you? Here is the inspiration for T'Rea's gown, also found on the Game-of-Style tumblr. http:/sphotos-a.xx.fbcdn.net/hphotos-snc7/582007_3478336245333_715795105_n.jpg The dress is Talisa - Bottega Veneta Pre-spring 2013.

***After quite a lot of looking, I found a great resource that described the Vulcan marriage ceremony. The Vulcan text was taken from that website, I am very grateful to its creator! http:/www.stogeek.com/wiki/Vulcan_Rituals_and_Ceremonies


	19. Chapter 19

_ I would never have suspected when I left home, that six months later I would be kissing a Vulcan._

The kiss was chaste, and very gentle, and Amanda drew away from Sarek after only a few moments. She was suddenly embarrassed, biting down on her lower lip in an attempt to banish the feeling of Sarek's brushing it. He, on the other hand, looked as stoic as ever. As blank as a statue, and nearly as cold. _Perhaps he's regretting it_, Amanda thought, a little surge of panic rising in her. _Oh dear_.

Instead of rebuking her, however, Sarek leaned into her and kissed her again, more firmly this time. He tasted like spices, with a slight hint of k'vass. Amanda shut her eyes, allowing herself to relax into the embrace. It was so nice to abandon herself for just a moment, to feel Sarek's slightly elevated Vulcan warmth against her skin. He smelled nice, too.

Amanda was just wondering if Sarek was going to, er, "press his suit" further when he broke away from her. Amanda opened her eyes to see him looking at her with a curious, softened expression in his eyes. His mouth was slightly open and his cheeks were darkened green. _He's blushing?_ "Amanda..." He seemed to be fumbling for words, embarrassed. Amanda was both surprised and amused. "That was...improper. I apologize."

Amanda raised her eyebrows. "Sarek, I don't mind."

"Nevertheless..." Sarek looked away from her, folding his hands tightly on the balcony before them. Amanda frowned slightly; why was he so nervous? It wasn't as though they'd done anything illegal. "We are not bonded." He said, in a mumbly tone. Amanda stared.

"Oh." Amanda had always known that Vulcans were private, and very sensitive about physical touching and all that fell in that category, but she had never imagined that they were _this_ prudish. She cleared her throat and smoothed out her dress, feeling her own cheeks redden. Suddenly, though, she remembered. "Sarek," She said, hesitantly. He looked up at her again, and Amanda noticed as he turned that the tips of his ears were green, which she found, privately, adorable. "Ataur - I mean, my meditation teacher - he told me about bonding. And compatibility." She felt supremely awkward saying this to Sarek, but it was something that needed to be said. Sarek's jaw moved, as if he were clenching his teeth.

"The dreams." He said quietly.

"Yes, that, and other things." Amanda replied. She felt as though she were dreaming now - the whole world was so supremely strange that it couldn't actually be happening. She swallowed. "Perhaps, for the time being, things should stay as they are. For now."

Sarek seemed to relax slightly. Amanda wondered if he'd kissed her out of a moment's impulse, and the worry that he was regretting it sprouted anew. "But, I may kiss you again?"

That brought relief to her as well. As strange as it was, kissing Sarek had been...nice. Very nice. She didn't want to give that up - they just needed to figure things out. Just not right at that moment. She nodded, and felt Sarek's hand at the small of her back, the very lightest of touches, as he drew her in to kiss her again. Amanda closed her eyes as their lips met, her nervous butterfly finally stilled, its wings moving gently, calm and sweet. This embrace lasted longer than the last, although the kiss was just as gentle and undemanding. Sarek's arm around her made her feel feminine and small, even though she had always felt clumsy and indelicate around men. After far too short a time, Sarek broke away from her again, and Amanda took a deep breath. She knew that her cheeks must be pink now, but it didn't matter.

"...Thank you," Sarek said after a pause. Then, after a longer pause, he continued. "I care for you, Amanda." She wasn't sure what to say in reply to that, she could only stare at him, her mouth still tingling with the remembrance of his. He dropped his hand from her back, and with a last calm look that nevertheless conveyed affection, he turned and disappeared back into the golden light of the ballroom.

The rest of the night was a bit of a blur for Amanda. She remembered drifting back into the ballroom a few minutes later, and somehow managed to locate Ataur again. He gave her a very curious look when she joined him. "I had begun to wonder where you had gone. I did not see you in the crowd."

Amanda made some vague noise about wanting to see the cityscape from the balcony. Ataur's green-blue eyes were frustratingly knowing as he nodded. "Ah. I see." He lifted his drink to his lips, watching the crowd with a seemingly interested look. "Perhaps I shall have to tell you about ponn farr after all."

Amanda had opened her mouth to inquire further, but Ataur interrupted her. "Look, the couple is coming to greet their guests." He gestured with his glass to the hall's entrance; an arched portal that was hung with gauzy curtains. They were parting to allow Kavonn and T'Rea through. They were still dressed in their finery, to Amanda's relief, and looked just as perfect and unruffled as they had been in the ceremony hall. T'Rea's slim arm was slipped through Kavonn's. Their guests were crowding around them with quiet words of congratulation and good wishes. Amanda watched as T'Rea inclined her head to one guest. _She looks as regal and beautiful as a queen, _Amanda thought. She said as much to Ataur, who gave her one of his not-smiles.

"T'Rea is a truly excellent woman. She has been a great friend to me. She has also spoken very highly of you. But she deserves this happiness - she is incredibly diligent in her position. Her marriage to Kavonn gladdens me, as it does all her friends."

Amanda agreed with him, watching the lady glide through the crowd to the center of the room with her husband at her side. _She does look happy_, Amanda thought. Even though T'Rea's outward expression was of perfectly composed calm, Amanda could sense happiness radiating off her, and whenever she met her new husband's gaze, it increased. _I wonder if I'll ever have that, _she wondered. _Perhaps I will, maybe with Sarek. Perhaps with someone else. _

"Amanda," Ataur said at her side. Amanda turned to look at him, and found an expression of affection and understanding in his eyes. "You deserve happiness as well." Amanda gave him the tiniest of smiles, trying to convey it mostly with her eyes. She turned and saw Sarek across the room. He was greeting the married couple, but for an instant his gaze moved to hers.

"Thank you, Ataur. I think maybe I do."

Over the next few days, Amanda had to admit that she was happy. Although she had greatly enjoyed her stay on Vulcan, much of the time her mind had been buzzing with concerns and worries, about her work and other things. In the days after T'Rea's marriage, though, a sort of calm had descended on her. She felt lighter, as if propelled by a little balloon of good feeling that bounced after her wherever she went. She only had to remember Sarek's kiss, and the balloon re-inflated.

"You're infatuated." George told her when she told him about the wedding. He was trying to sound solemn, but his eyes were laughing. He broke down and let the rest of his face convey his pleasure. "It's pretty cute."

Amanda made a motion as if to punch him playfully, but obviously she couldn't do so, when he was on Earth and she was on Vulcan. "Don't make fun of me. It's really not a big deal! We only kissed, it's not like we slept together or anything." _Except it kind of is_, Amanda thought to herself. Vulcans took this sort of thing so gravely that in Sarek's mind, it was as if they'd spent the night together, and more.

George shrugged, but he was still smiling. "I get it! Hey, I'm happy for you."

Amanda chewed on her lip. "I still don't know if it's going anywhere, or if I want it to go anywhere." It was true - as happy as the incident was making her, she still wasn't sure about what she wanted to happen from then on. Vulcan relationships were serious. Really serious. She had to be sure of what she wanted before anything else happened...and that was a little scary. George seemed to sense where her train of thought was going.

"Listen, Amanda, you can stop whenever you want. I don't care if he is a Vulcan. You're a Human, and you're your own person." He said, earnestly. Amanda grinned and shook her head at him.

"I know, George! You don't have to hover over me like I'm a baby bird. I'll figure it out. But I won't do anything stupid, I promise."

"Hah, don't let him get you pregnant."

Amanda balked. "What? That is _not_ going to happen. It's not even possible. At least, I don't think it is." _Is it possible_? She shooed her thoughts away from that area and asked "When are you going to see Winona, anyway?"

George looked pleased. "She's coming to pick me up at the hangar in an hour or so. I'm going to stay at her place while I'm on leave." He looked so wistful that Amanda laughed.

"Yeah, talk about infatuated." She teased. "Well, I hope you have a good time. Tell her I say hello - give me a call if you want to take a break from 'visiting' with her."

George laughed. "Hey, give me a break, we haven't seen each other in ages. But I will call, I do want you to meet her." He said, more sincerely. "I should go, but take care of yourself, Amanda. If I hear that His Grace the Ambassador has done anything to you, I'm going AWOL and taking a ship to Vulcan myself, just so I can knock his teeth out."

"His Grace the Ambassador will behave himself. I promise." _I think. _"Bye, George."

George saluted her, Starfleet style, with a mocking gleam in his eye before signing off. Amanda sat back in her chair and sighed. She missed George, and wished that they could have had the conversation in person. At least he was going to see his fiancee. Amanda wondered vaguely as she browsed through her new messages whether or not she could ask for time off of Vulcan to go to their wedding...assuming she was still on Vulcan when it occurred. It had been about six months since she'd arrived, and the fellowship was only for a year. That had seemed like such a huge amount of time when she left home, but now she felt as though the time was slipping away far too quickly, especially since...well, she could take time to think about that later. She had to get to work on her lesson plan for the next day.

Before Amanda could get started, however, she noticed a new message in her inbox, from none other than S'Haile Ahror, the head of the linguistics department at the VSA. Curious, and a little nervous, Amanda opened the note. There was nothing to be afraid of inside, though. The Vulcan elder was simply extending an invitation to take tea with him in a few days. Amanda felt a mixture of curiosity and a little anxiety as she sent the elder her reply, thanking him and accepting the invitation. She was confident now that she could hold her own against T'Rea or Ataur or the children in her class, but it was nerve-wracking to think of spending an afternoon with one of Shi'Kahr's most respected elders. He would certainly be more imposing than T'Dia or Turinon.

Amanda thought about sending T'Rea a message to ask for her advice, but then she remembered what Ataur had said to her at the conclusion of the wedding reception. "I would refrain from contacting T'Rea for a few days, Amanda." He had said lightly. "She will be intensely occupied for the next three days or so."

"Why is that?" Amanda had asked.

"Ah, well, after a Vulcan wedding ceremony, the couple spends a few days in the privacy of their own home." Nakor told her, not meeting her eyes as he said this, instead looking into his almost empty glass.

"They take the time to copulate." Ataur supplied helpfully.

"For three days straight?" Amanda asked, incredulous, while Nakor nearly choked on the remnants of his k'vass.

"You'll find that Vulcans have much more stamina than the average Human, Ashal-Amanda." Ataur said kindly, before sweeping his stricken husband away, leaving Amanda blushing furiously.

Amanda's embarrassment was not at an end, either. Two days after the wedding, Amanda was back to teaching at the Children's Institute, and she had run into Selek again. He had started seeking her out after he was finished with classes for the day, and they often shared some juice or fruit from the market in the shade of the Institute's garden. Normally they discussed Earth, or Vulcan, or volcanoes, and sometimes lizards. Today, however, Amanda was finding Selek's curiosity a little trying.

"Why will you not tell me, Amanda?" Selek said, speaking through a mouth full of a peach-like fruit that they had purchased from the market.

"Because," Amanda said, swallowing her own bite and trying not to convey her embarrassment, "the relationship between your cousin and I is not your business."

"But he is my cousin, and you are my friend." Selek pointed out, gesturing with his snack.

"That doesn't exactly give you the right to know." Amanda teased. "Wouldn't you prefer to continue our discussion on Earth's poles?" She hoped to distract him with some interesting Terran facts, but the boy was not to be dissuaded.

"No." Selek replied bluntly. "Sarek will not say anything to me about it, and that is quite unlike him." Amanda despaired. Normally she was pleased and amused by Selek's ravenous curiosity, but today she was finding it singularly frustrating.

"Why are you so interested in knowing, Selek?" She said, fiddling with her scarf in a nervous gesture. "It's not as if there is much to tell, anyway."

Selek gave her a piercing dark eyed stare. Amanda wondered whether he actually knew more than he let on. "When I was with him at the conclusion of the wedding reception, he smelled like you." He finally said, in a matter-of-fact voice. Amanda's eyes went wide. She had forgotten that Vulcans had keener senses than Humans. Selek seemed to take her surprise for anxiety, because he continued "Do not worry, Amanda. Neither my parents nor Toz'ot (_uncle_) Skon detected it."

Amanda stopped nibbling at her fruit and lowered her hand. "Why should I worry if your parents or Councilman Skon noticed anything?" She asked slowly.

Selek seemed surprised, then puzzled. "Because you are not his betrothed," He explained, as if she were a child. "And because you are a Human." A little bubble of panic sneaked into Amanda's happy balloon. She licked her lips and watched Selek's confused, honest face.

"Is..." Amanda cleared her throat, trying to collect her thoughts. "If there were a relationship between your cousin and I, not that I am confirming or denying that scenario, would Councilman Skon be angry?"

Selek chewed a bite of his treat, watching her with a thoughtful expression. "I do not know. Sarek does not have a ko-kugalsu, _a fiancee, _but I think Toz'ot Skon is making arrangements."

Amanda felt as though her chest were filling with cold, icy water. "But," She protested, "I thought that Sarek was old enough to seek out his own, um, ko-kugalsu."

Selek made a noncommittal gesture that Amanda had come to recognize as equivalent to a shrug. "He is. But after his first one left, he never got a new one, and so Toz'ot Skon is looking for him."

After that, Amanda's happy balloon felt as though someone had stuck a few lead pellets in it. It was still bouncing after her, but her worries were keeping it hovering just above the ground. She hurried home, chewing the inside of her lip, even though she knew that Vulcans on the street could see her, and would not approve of this outward display of anxiety. Selek had unintentionally given her several worrisome things to think about. First, Councilman Skon. Amanda had completely forgotten about him in her little happy daze. Obviously he was very involved with his son's life, although Amanda was certain now that Sarek had achieved his honors on his own steam. If her relationship...or whatever it was...with Sarek proceeded any further, would Councilman Skon disapprove? How fierce would the disapproval of such an important man prove to be?

Secondly, Amanda was tying herself in knots over the other thing Selek had let slip. _After his old fiancee left, he never got a new one. _Sarek had been betrothed once before - of course he had. Amanda had known this in a sort of abstract way. All Vulcan children over the age of 10 or 11 were bound to be betrothed, as loose as the contract was. Ataur had told her that such a link was very important to the maturation of an adolescent Vulcan. The bond was formed so that the young Vulcan would have someone to rely on in times of trouble. Ataur had also said that such bonds might be dissolved if the match wasn't exactly right. She had vaguely assumed that such was the case with Sarek, and would not have been worried about it, had not Selek said "he never got a new one." That horrible, overwhelming feeling of sadness and abandonment had indeed come from Sarek, and now she knew why.

The smart thing to do, Amanda knew, would be to talk to Sarek about this. There was so much to talk to Sarek about. Before she'd spoken with Selek, she'd been nervous to broach the subject of their relationship with Sarek, but now she was dreading it. This new information had turned a little tangle into a Gordian knot.

And so the days went by without any contact with Sarek. Amanda neither sent nor received any message. As much as she tried to focus on her work and put her thoughts of him aside, Amanda kept hearing Sarek's parting words in her mind. "I care for you." She wanted to see him, and yet she didn't. It was maddening. Thankfully, she had come to find Ataur's meditation practices incredibly useful. She took to spending 20 minutes or so brushing her worries off and reinforcing her emotional barrier. She always felt refreshed and stronger afterwards. _I am stronger than I look. Dakh p'thak. _

Amanda was repeating these words to herself as she mounted the steps of the ornate building that was the home of the Vulcan Science Academy's linguistics department. It was a smaller building, set apart from the others, down a walkway of pale stone bordered by spare but elegant foliage. Amanda herself was dressed in an outfit that she would have described as "Vulcan business-casual" - a light dress of a pleasant ochre color, with dark sandals that laced up her calves.

"Dakh pthak. Er, I mean, hello." Amanda said to the attendant at the door, who gave her a queer look as he ushered her inside. "I am here for a meeting with S'Haile Ahror."

"Indeed, Miss Grayson." The attendant replied. "Please follow me."

Amanda did so, trailing after him through a small but elegant entrance hall. She looked around eagerly. Linguistics had always been the subject closest to her heart, and she was curious to see in what way it was taught on Vulcan. The VSA was the most famous educational center in the known universe, and it lived up to its reputation. Amanda was well aware of the honor it was to be asked by one of its heads of department for tea, and that awareness was making her somewhat jittery with nerves.

Finally, the attendant led her to what she assumed must be S'Haile Ahror's office. It was a small room, but made larger by the big windows in three of its walls, which looked out over the campus of the academy. The sunlight coming through them gave the room a cheery attitude. There was a large desk, and Amanda was surprised and pleased to see a bookshelf filled with books against one wall. An antiquated form of information storage that she hadn't thought Vulcans would favor.

The elder himself was so unobtrusive in the room that it took Amanda a moment to notice that he was there. He was seated in a comfortable looking chair by one of the windows, across from a little table and another similar chair. He turned to look at Amanda when she came in, and she saw a welcoming light in his somewhat faded eyes. His face was as lined as an old wrinkled piece of leather, but there was a softness there that Amanda had not seen in other elderly Vulcans she had met. Ahror gestured to the seat across from him. "Please sit."

Amanda did so, feeling a little nervous. She'd met him before of course, but that had been in a very different situation. It was more difficult now when she was expected to have a conversation with him, instead of just standing there and looking respectful. "Trensu Ahror, thank you for asking me to see you. It is an honor."

"Indeed," He said, in his voice like the rustling of fallen leaves. "At the moment, however, I am more interested in your accomplishments than in my own. I apologize for not contacting you to meet with me earlier - I have been intensely occupied in other duties and arranging such a meeting was difficult."

Wondering how much of her inner nervousness was apparent to this dignified man, Amanda inclined her head. "I understand. I am most grateful for your influence in granting me access to research material. Much of what I'm trying to accomplish would be impossible without it."

Ahror made an acknowledging noise. "Yes, you are of course welcome to it. But I had other motives in asking you here today, other than hearing myself praised." Amanda stared at him, but there was that same joking light in his eyes that Sarek got when he was teasing her. "I am more interested in hearing your impressions of Vulcan. My work with Starfleet's initiative has been on background operations and negotiations. I desire now to become acquainted with the young woman who has been the focus of all our work."

For a moment, Amanda didn't know what to say. She had expected Ahror to be severe, cold, and clinical: an elderly Vulcan of steel shod principles and even more rigid personal skills. Ahror was turning out to be more like a retired English professor than the stolid pillar of Vulcan principles that Amanda had expected. Instead of being thrown by it, however, she was feeling more refreshed. Before she could say anything in reply, however,

Ahror's attendant was back again, carrying a tray of steaming tea that filled the room with its bitter fragrance.

"Ah, tea." Ahror said. "Thank you, Takan." The younger man withdrew almost immediately, and Amanda and the elder were left alone once more. He set about pouring tea, beginning to speak again. "You are surprised that I am not more like S'Haile Karek. There are many ways to be a true Vulcan, as Ataur has often told me."

"Ataur?" Amanda asked, now truly puzzled.

"Indeed. Ataur is my nephew - my adoptive nephew."

_That explains some things, _Amanda thought. She accepted the cup that Ahror held out to her, managing not to grimace at how burning hot it was. She set it down immediately without drinking, and a glimmer of a smile appeared in Ahror's eyes. "Forgive me. Humans are more sensitive to the heat, as I recall. Let it cool a while and it will suffice." He started drinking his own tea, looking perfectly at ease. "So, tell me your thoughts about the program, and of course, about Vulcan."

That was easy enough. Amanda recounted, as coherently as she was able, her time on Ahror's home planet. She left out the more racy details, such as anything at all about Sarek, but Ahror seemed pleased with her assessment, especially when she mentioned her lessons with Ataur. "I was aware that my nephew was coaching you, but it is pleasant to hear that he has proved to be such a valuable teacher. Please, continue."

And so Amanda did. They had been speaking for a little more than an hour before Amanda even realized how long she had been there. Ahror was a good listener, and an even better guide. When Amanda expressed her concerns and questions about her little class, Ahror explained more about Vulcan childhood, and how children were expected to behave. It was both fascinating and incredibly helpful. Amanda was itching to take notes, but thinking that this might perhaps be rude, she left her PADD in her bag. Nevertheless she was feeling much more confident about her class when Ahror finally mentioned that he had other duties to attend to.

"This has been a most informative and enjoyable conversation, Miss Grayson." He said. "I trust that you will contact me have you need of any more information, although please do send me a message if you desire some more discussion and tea. Perhaps we shall delve a little deeper into the Romulan language as well." There was something like a smile in the old man's eyes as he said this, and Amanda felt as though she had passed an important inspection. Even though Ahror was more flexible than other Vulcans, his intelligence and logic was razor-sharp. She could see why he had risen to such an honored position in the Academy.

"Thank you, S'Haile Ahror." Amanda said, with a small bow.

Ahror regarded her for a moment, his pale eyes pensive and sharp. "Yes, Miss Amanda Grayson. I believe that there are great things to come in your future, both for you, and for Vulcan." With that, he escorted Amanda to the door and showed her out, without giving Amanda time to reply. She stood outside the door after the elder had shut it for a long moment. What could that possibly mean?

Amanda puzzled over the elder's words for a long while as she made her way home. She was still so engrossed when she came home, in fact, that T'Iva had to speak to her twice before Amanda heard her.

"Oh, excuse me, T'Iva, I was...thinking." Amanda said, embarrassed.

"Of course, t'sai. I wished to tell you that the Ambassador was here earlier, looking for you. I told him that you were out, and he left this message." There was no need to say _which_ Ambassador. Amanda's heart jumped - Sarek had been there to see her? She swallowed her nerves and thanked T'Iva, taking the little note and scurrying upstairs to read it. She didn't trust herself to open it in front of T'Iva. Sarek seemed to be able to incite emotional reactions from her with even the slightest interaction. When she reached her room, Amanda sat down on her bed, and without even removing her scarf or overcoat she opened the note to read it.

Amanda,

I came to your home today in hopes of seeing you, but your maid told me that you were out on a work-related visit. If it would not inconvenience you, I request to see you tonight at my home. I wish to speak with you.

Attached is the address of my residence.

I look forward to your visit.

Ambassador Sarek

Amanda picked up the little information chip that Sarek had included, turning it over and over in her fingers. Her heart was thumping in her throat with the thought of seeing Sarek again, but she couldn't help thinking of what Selek had told her. She had no idea what to expect, and she had to tread carefully. _This is turning out to be more complicated than I thought, and I hadn't expected it to be easy in the first place. _

**Author's Note: **Another slightly longer chapter ;) I went away for the weekend and had tons of time in the car to write, so expect another chapter quick on the heels of this one! If you enjoyed it, drop me a review, I do so love getting them.


	20. Chapter 20

Amanda wasn't exactly sure what she had been expecting of Sarek's home. She had always vaguely assumed that he lived with Councilman Skon - the mansion that she'd visited was probably big enough to house two families of five children each. The address Sarek had given her did not correspond with his father's, though. Nevertheless, his residence was on the rise that Amanda had christened "Palatine Hill", as it was the wealthiest part of the city, and the houses that studded the hill were as elegant as they were giant.

As her little hovercar mounted the rise, Amanda was secretly worrying that Sarek's house would be huge and grand and intimidating, just like all the others there. To her surprise, though, the car turned off the main road where most of the opulent mansions were. This little side street led up to the northern side of the hill, which was higher than the rest, and craggy. The houses were farther apart and smaller, like town houses in a Terran city. Amanda's car stopped outside one set behind a low stone wall. It was narrow and made of pale stone. To Amanda's inexperienced eye, it looked more modern than the other houses on the rise, but Vulcan architecture was so alien to her still that she couldn't be sure.

Amanda stepped out of the car and surveyed the building, feeling her heartbeat quicken. She had changed out of the dress she'd worn to visit Ahror, opting instead for something more casual: a tunic of billowy fabric that settled loosely on her, and a pair of dark leggings. Amanda hated to admit it to herself, but she always felt more confident when she thought that she looked pretty. It wasn't quite working that evening - Amanda's hands trembled slightly as she went through the gate and up the walk to Sarek's door. She rung the bell and stepped back, forcing herself to slow her breathing. After what felt like no time at all, the door opened, and a young woman that Amanda didn't recognize opened the door.

"T'sai Grayson," She said, ducking her head, and Amanda realized with relief that the young lady was a maid. She'd never gotten used to wait staff, and still felt slightly awkward around T'Iva, but she supposed that Sarek's father's wealth had provided the servant. Amanda allowed herself to be ushered inside, and managed with difficulty to suppress her surprise.

Sarek's home was beautiful, and in its way just as opulent as his father's. The decor was spare, but lovely; furniture in neat, simple shapes; wall hangings in muted shades that glimmered here and there with ornamentation; ample windows providing natural light. The first floor was completely open, a plan that included a small sitting room, kitchen and dining area. Amanda noticed a bunch of thin-stemmed flowers with purple-gray petals tucked into an alcove.

There was a slight noise behind Amanda, and she turned to see the maid servant patiently waiting at the foot of a slim staircase. Amanda realized she'd been staring - the maid had evidently been waiting for some time for Amanda to notice her. Feeling a little blush rise on her cheeks Amanda thanked her and went up the stairs, her sandals making soft noises on the stone.

The young woman didn't accompany Amanda upstairs, and when she reached the top, Amanda found herself wondering where to go. The second floor was divided into rooms, and the doors that led off the hallway were all identical. Amanda wondered if she should start just peeking into each when she noticed a door to the outside. The hall led out onto a deck where a few chairs were arranged. Sarek was sitting in one of them, but not in his usual stoic manner. One leg was looped over the arm rest, and he was sprawled in a position of repose, scanning a PADD that was propped up against his leg. He didn't seem to have noticed Amanda's arrival. He had a finger pressed against his lips, a look of deep concentration on his face as he read. Amanda couldn't help a little smile. It was the most relaxed she'd ever seen him, and the way his bangs were falling into his eyes was quite endearing.

Finally, Sarek seemed to take notice of the world around him, and looked up. When he caught sight of Amanda, he hastily scrambled out of the chair, almost dropping the PADD in his haste to get out of such an indecorous position. Amanda opened the door and stepped out onto the deck as Sarek straightened his jacket, a tinge of green on his high cheekbones.

"Hello, Sarek." She said, unable to keep her amusement out of her voice. "You were catching up on some reading?"

"I...yes." Sarek said, looking uncomfortable. He clasped his hands behind his back, a posture that Amanda had learned was his standard attitude. "Forgive my lassitude."

Amanda shook her head. "No, don't worry about it." When he looked far from relaxed, Amanda wanted to smile to reassure him, but refrained from it. Instead, she went to the railing and looked over into the garden. "Your house is lovely," She said, turning back to look at him.

"Thank you," Sarek replied, somewhat mollified. "The evening is cool, will you sit?" Amanda did so, and Sarek resumed his seat, although not as comfortably as before. Amanda felt her nerves begin to twang again, induced by the slight awkwardness of the situation. Sarek seemed to be feeling it keenly, and said nothing. _What are we going to do? _Amanda thought miserably. She cleared her throat.

"I've, um, learned a little bit about Vulcan relationships," She offered. When Sarek remained silent, she continued. _Why would he ask me here to talk when he has nothing to say? _"My meditation counselor told me...it seems as though we've formed a preliminary bond."

"We have," Sarek said, quietly. "It is, of course, still weak. It would not be difficult should you wish to sever it."

"Oh, no!" The words rushed immediately to Amanda's lips. Sarek blinked at her, surprised at her vehemence. Amanda sat back and bit her lip, although she was aware of the indecorousness of such a gesture. "I meant that I...I don't want to sever it."

Sarek shifted in his seat, moving a little closer to her. His expression was calmer now, free of the underlying agitation that had disturbed it before. "Should we choose to leave it, however," He said, watching her face, his eyes as dark as the gathering night, "it will continue to strengthen...in which case, I would ask your permission to court you."

It felt to Amanda as though a flower were blossoming over her heart. Sarek's closeness, the hint of his scent, his hair still slightly mussed from his stumble, was all making her excitement grow. But then, a sudden stab of doubt made her withdraw from him. "But..." She began, feeling her face redden, "what about your father? I mean, I'm a Human." _Oh, how cliche!_ She scolded herself. _A forbidden love?_ _Just suck it up and kiss him, it doesn't matter! _Amanda had nearly convinced herself and begun to retract her question when Sarek looked away from her. _Damn, look what you've gone and done._

"I cannot deny that the situation would not be...favorable to my father," He said, and Amanda saw a current of frustration run through him. His brows drew together in a slight frown. "Nevertheless I am a grown adult. My decisions are my own." He looked back at Amanda. "Should these concerns disturb you, however..."

"No. I was only worried for you." Amanda said, cursing herself as soon as the words left her. She sounded like such a ninny. Sarek didn't seem to mind, however.

"Your concern is kind." He said. "There may be difficulty, but I tend to be in favor of pursuing you despite complications, instead of refraining to do so for fear of them." Amanda's heart purred, and she struggled with the urge to smile.

"Thank you," She said. They had drifted closer to each other again unintentionally, but Amanda did not draw away again.

"Should I interpret your thanks as acquiescence to my intentions?" Sarek asked. _His voice really is attractive when he speaks quietly like that_, Amanda thought. She swallowed and nodded, finding it difficult to say anything when his eyes were fixed on hers. What could she do but say yes, especially when every part of her was urging her to agree?

"Good." Sarek's eyes flicked to her mouth and back again, and Amanda saw the green flush darken on his cheeks again. _I really just want to jump his bones, _Amanda thought, surprised. _I've always found him attractive, but..._

_ That would not be displeasureable._

Amanda started. Just as that thought had entered her mind, she'd _felt _Sarek's answer, a different strain of thought in her own head. It wasn't as though the other thought had spoken in Sarek's voice - after all, Amanda wasn't sure that she heard her thoughts in her own voice. Sarek's feeling had truly been strange though, as if it were in a different color. Amanda sat back immediately, feeling as though someone had just come up and rattled her brain.

"Are you all right?" Sarek asked, his tone laced with concern.

"The...I felt something." Amanda said, stumbling over the words in her nervousness. Sarek blinked at her for a moment, then cleared his throat gently, looking just as embarrassed as she felt.

"The bond," He answered, and then, after a hesitation, "Does it frighten you?"

Amanda's brows furrowed and she swallowed. "It's new," She said. "I've never...it's strange." When Sarek still looked unsettled - rather like a cat that has had its fur rumpled the wrong way - Amanda tried to reassure him. "It will take some getting used to, but," The corners of her mouth twitched in a smile, "I want to get used to it." In a rush of boldness, Amanda reached out and laid her hand on his forearm, very gently, and only for a moment before removing it. Amanda's palm and fingers felt warm with the Vulcan heat of him, and tingled strangely. It had only been for a second, but still, that one gesture was surprising enough to Sarek that he gaped at her for a moment before regaining his composure.

"Amanda, you are quite...extraordinary." He said.

"For a Human, you mean?" She asked, teasing.

"No. For a woman." And he kissed her.

Amanda's head felt well and truly fluffy when she left Sarek not long after. She had been nervous that there would be more...interaction between them that night, but it seemed that Sarek had only meant to talk to her and perhaps steal a few of those kisses. Once again they had only been chaste - grade school kisses - but Amanda still felt as punch-drunk as if they'd spent the evening hard core making out. There was another feeling as well, a sort of taste of Sarek left on the edge of her mind. If she reached out to feel it, it responded warmly. It was a sort of remnant connection between them. That was the only way Amanda could describe it. Was that the bond? In any case she felt a bit like a baby deer on her way back, with brand new legs that were still wobbly and awkward.

It was much the same for the next few days. Amanda worked with her class and did research just as she had before, although now she was armed with new information for Ahror. She was kept busy by her work, and that made her happy. It was always reinforced, however, by the little corner of herself that felt like "Sarek". She couldn't help examining it when she had a spare moment, just giving it a little prod, like a tongue poking at a new tooth growing in. Amanda had no idea that her exploration ever reached Sarek until once when, curious, she had given the corner a particularly hard poke and received a rebuke, in the weird not-Amanda "color" that meant it was from Sarek. _Busy! _

Shocked and a little embarrassed but pleased none the less, Amanda tried to project "sorry!" over the little link, but she had no idea whether it reached him or not. _It's as though we have a very bad PADD connection and only little bits and pieces can go through, _Amanda thought. This newness raised another question, though: what to tell Ataur.

As her teacher and friend Ataur had brought Amanda understanding and reassurance on more than one occasion. Amanda, while excited about her new...whatever-it-was with Sarek, was still anxious. She knew next to nothing about Vulcan bonds and telepathy, and she couldn't very well ask Sarek to explain it to her. It was one of those situations where one needed an external source of support, and Amanda wanted that source to be Ataur. She had told no one about her interactions with Sarek, thus far, and was therefore nervous the next time she met with her teacher. She had a feeling that he would be helpful and pleasant, and probably happy for her, but the anxiety still remained.

It shouldn't have surprised her, then, that the instant Ataur walked in the door he recognized that something was different. His blue-green eyes were slightly suspicious as he took his customary seat on the floor. "There is something different about you, Amanda. You should know by now that it is quite difficult to conceal secrets from me."

Amanda sighed and joined him on the floor, tucking her legs underneath her in the meditation position that she had finally mastered. "Yes, Ataur, you're right." She paused, uncertain, before continuing. "Sarek and I are...courting."

An almost-smile crossed Ataur's face, a bright flash of sunlight. "I see. I had hoped that you would." Amanda gave him a suspicious look, and he made a casually dismissive gesture. "Ashal-Amanda, you know that I consider you deserving of love, and I have known Ambassador Sarek for many years. At the first when you told me that he was, well, unkind, I believed a courtship was a viable possibility. In fact, quite a probable possibility. And now it seems that I have been proved right."

Amanda didn't know whether to smile or scowl at this. She had to admit that Ataur was right, but it did take some of the fun out of revealing her secret to him. It was like telling someone she was pregnant, and having them reply by saying "oh, I did notice you were getting fat." "Congratulations," She said dryly. "I'm so pleased that your prediction came true."

"No need to be disgruntled." Ataur said pleasantly. "I am simply relating to you my thoughts on the matter. Was there anything in particular you wanted to ask me about?" Once again, Ataur had guessed what she was thinking, but she couldn't be frustrated with him for long. His advice was too useful to ignore because she was grumpy. Amanda nodded.

"Well yes," She said, putting aside her slight annoyance. "I know we've had discussions about bonding before, but as I appear to be forming one myself I'd like to know a little more about them." She allowed herself a sheepish look. Whenever she thought about the little bond, she was aware of it, and now she felt a sort of glow filter from its source.

"Indeed," Ataur leaned forward, interested. "Truly, it was wise of you to ask me about this, as I am perhaps the only Vulcan in your acquaintance who can describe the formation of a bond. Most of my fellows formed their current bonds in childhood, and have little memory of how they came about. But, as I have told you before, I did not make any successful bonds until I was 16 years of age." A little tinge of sadness passed across Ataur's face. "Although our experience of the formation of bonds must be very different. Humans are said to feel the bond as an intruder at first, but for me it was like learning finally to breathe." Ataur shook his head very slightly. "I apologize; I should not speak so freely of my feelings."

Amanda was certainly taken aback by this admission, but she was not offended. When she said as much to Ataur, he gave her a rueful look and simply folded his hands in front of him. "No, it is of no matter, let us not speak of it. I will advise you to the best of my ability. Will you describe to me what you are feeling?"

Amanda did so, although it was difficult. It felt to her exactly like trying to stumble through describing abstract concepts in a language she was just starting to learn. _I must build my vocabulary_, she thought. "It's nothing very...intense." Amanda said. "There just seems to be a little corner in my mind that somehow reminds me of him." She licked her lips. "Once, I sort of gave it a poke, and I think he responded. That's as far as I understand it."

Ataur nodded. "Of course - that is the very rudimentary beginnings of a bond. The connection will not be incredibly significant until you are formally bonded. Little feelings, memories, and dreams will be the only things that will pass between you for now. Is it at all alarming to you?"

When she took a moment to think about it, Amanda realized that the answer was no. The little connection was far from alarming. "It feels almost natural," She said.

"Excellent." Ataur said. "I am impressed, Amanda. You are the most telepathically receptive person I have met outside of the Vulcan species. It is quite fascinating."

"Please don't turn me into a scientific experiment." Amanda said with the hint of a smile.

"I would never do such a thing." Ataur said placidly. "In any case, your bond with Sarek is in its very early infancy. The more time you spend with him, the stronger it will become. It will not be a proper bond, however, until it is officially made." He cleared his throat. "That can happen in a number of ways. One is for a skilled bonder to meld with you both and, well, 'link up the loose ends', if I may use such a phrase. I believe that the Matriarch of Sarek's own house is a master of the art."

The name came to Amanda's mind immediately. "T'Pau." She said, and a little shiver went down her spine. She didn't like the idea of the Grande Dame of Sarek's house learning anything of her relationship with Sarek. "But that isn't the only way?"

Ataur's eyes took on a warm look, like sunlight on the bright blue-green ocean waves. "Well, for two minds who very well suited to each other, say for instance, t'hy'la, the formal bond can often form on its own. Before our people learned the skills of mind-joining to create bonds, this was the only way that they formed. Now the process is not so easy, and almost all bonds are cemented with the help of a third party. But, as I say, it is not always necessary." Amanda let out a sigh of relief without really meaning to. This earned her a raised eyebrow.

"I don't suppose it will shock you to learn that I'm hesitant for anyone else to find out about my relationship with Sarek." Amanda said. "I came to understand that the match isn't exactly orthodox."

"Not in the least." Ataur said brightly. "Vulcans very rarely bond with Humans. Your case is not the first, of course, and certainly won't be the last, but the incidences of such a relationship are few and far between."

Amanda could feel her heart sinking, a balloon slowly being drained of air. "People will not approve."

Ataur considered her for a moment. "Amanda, I will not tell you that it will be easy. But if you wish to be with Sarek, you must both be willing to fight for it. I know, and I'm sure that Sarek knows as well, that you are an incredibly special individual. Your connection with Sarek is irrefutable; however, there will be those among my people who will object. Not all Vulcans are happy with our relationship to Humankind, as cordial and distant as it is." Ataur's eyes became clouded again. "Your love may garner hate."

Amanda looked down at her hands in her lap. She had hated Sarek for a long time because she believed that he looked down on her for being Human. Should anyone find out about her relationship with him, it seemed that she would be subject to far more abuse and hatred. She would have to fashion armor for herself, a suit of armor stronger than steel, if she were to survive. Now that she had admitted her attraction to Sarek, however, she could see no way that she could ever give it up. She only had to picture him, and the light taste of him on her lips, for her feelings for him to surge up strong. To her surprise, as soon as those thoughts passed through her head, she felt a reassuring warmth from the little bond, as though Sarek were enveloping her in a hug. Amanda felt her tension lessen and her shoulders relax. Soothed, she looked up to see that Ataur was watching her closely.

"It is amazing, Amanda. I can sense what you are experiencing. The first blossoming of a bond, and in one such as you...it is a wonder." Ataur's face was as calm and smooth as ever, but Amanda felt his affection and happiness. She risked a smile, which seemed to please him more.

"Thank you, Ataur."

When her teacher had taken his leave, giving her a little more advice as he left, Amanda wandered back into her sitting room and collapsed on the couch. She felt a little dazed, but in a good sort of way. Tentatively, she reached out across the bond again, just to see what she could feel on the other side. Immediately she felt the sense of _Sarek_, a pleasant coolness and calm that was both soothing and invigorating. Amanda enjoyed the sensation for a moment, her eyes closed. The memory of Sarek's scent was there, as well as the feeling of their kisses, and the depth beyond them that waited to be explored. _Sarek, _she thought.

_Amanda, t'hy'la, _she felt in return.

**Author's Note:** So it turns out explaining Vulcan bonds is more difficult than I'd imagined. I hope my attempts at explaining them aren't too bungled! I hope also that you guys are enjoying the heating up of the relationship ;) God knows I'm enjoying writing it. Seriously though, this has been so much fun, and don't worry...I have so much more planned. I intended to have the entire plot wrapped up after 18 chapters, but then I was like "lol nope" so now it's going to be more like...30. Or so. I'm not sure yet.

On another note, sweet ForeverHate sent me an image edit that they did for Amanda's dress from Chapter 18. They quite skillfully changed the pink fabric to blue! Thank you very much ForeverHate 3

See it here a : / / twitter TheHatIsHere/status/225319677537161216/photo/1 (obviously without all my spaces and whatnot.)


	21. Chapter 21

T'Rea looked much the same as she always did when Amanda next saw her. It was only a few hours after she'd said goodbye to Ataur. T'Rea had asked if she could stop by for tea and conversation, and Amanda had happily agreed. She was excited to see T'Rea after her wedding – excited until she realized what she would have to do when T'Rea arrived. Telling Ataur had been easy. Telling T'Rea would not be.

Nevertheless, Amanda was pleased to see her friend. T'Rea's countenance was as calm and still as ever, but she seemed to Amanda to be radiating a sort of peace. Amanda thought it must have come about from her marriage to Kavonn. Amanda had never met T'Rea's new husband, and knew very little about his personality, but he made T'Rea happy. That was plain to see, even through the Vulcan armor that surrounded T'Rea, just as it surrounded all her other Vulcan friends. Amanda had wondered why she felt as though she could read her friends relatively easily. Of course, they were nowhere near as expressive as Humans, but Amanda was never truly unsettled around her Vulcan friends. Perhaps this was what Ataur meant when he said that Amanda was more "telepathically receptive" than other Humans. She could see the heart of a Vulcan while her fellow Humans could not.

_And they can all see straight to the heart of me_, Amanda thought glumly. As soon as T'Rea had set eyes on her, she'd pursed her lips ever so slightly and said "Well, ko-kan, it would save us both a lot of fuss if you were to tell me now." Amanda grit her teeth, but she knew T'Rea would have it out of her soon anyway. "T'Rea, I'm involved with Ambassador Sarek. Um, romantically."

Amanda knew right away from T'Rea's expression that if the woman had been Human, she would have been laughing loudly. Just the slightest twitch of T'Rea's eyebrows conveyed it all. Amanda looked down at her tea. She knew – she hoped – that T'Rea's mirth was only in the spirit of friendship, and she wasn't actually mocking Amanda. T'Rea cleared her throat and said in her even, smooth voice, "This is an unexpected turn of events, Amanda."

Amanda let out the tiniest of sighs. "Not exactly, T'Rea. Ataur said he suspected it from the beginning. I do wish that you wouldn't mock me for it, though. I can't control how I feel." A stupid thing to say to a Vulcan, but she had to say it anyway.

"Ko-kan," T'Rea said gently, and Amanda looked up. "I do not wish to mock you. I congratulate you, truly. Ambassador Sarek is a strong, intelligent man. I had thought that you two were perhaps well suited to each other, and now I see that I was correct. But something else is preying on your mind."

T'Rea was right. Even though Sarek had told her not to worry about what his father or others might think of them, Amanda still felt a knot tighten in her gut whenever she thought of anyone besides her friends knowing of her relationship with him. "I am worried, T'Rea." She said in a quiet voice. "Ambassador Sarek holds an important position in the Vulcan government, his father even more so. Should anyone discover our relationship, I fear that it would lead to trouble for them. I'm not exactly the paragon of women for Sarek to enter into a relationship with."

T'Rea thought for a moment, her clear gray eyes focused on some far off possibility, her long elegant fingers steepled. Amanda was glad to see that she had stopped "laughing", but her pensiveness was making her worry just as much. What awful outcomes could her friend be analyzing? Was Sarek doomed because he had risked his heart on a Human woman? Amanda's emotional refuge felt as though it would burst with anxiety before T'Rea finally spoke. "Amanda, had I known the extent of your relationship with Ambassador Sarek, I would have cautioned against it. You must not forget that you are here because of the Starfleet program which is still in its infancy – your romantic involvement with a Vulcan official has the potential to endanger my work, and the work of countless others, both Vulcan and Human. Many Vulcans will be offended by your conduct, and I cannot imagine that there will be no humans in opposition. This situation could become an immense crisis between Earth and Vulcan. Alliances could be destroyed. It is worrisome."

Amanda could feel the color drain out of her face. She stared at T'Rea, her mouth slightly open. This was all that she had feared – T'Rea had brought to light the severe consequences for her actions. _And all I did was kiss him_, Amanda thought, _could everything be brought to ruin because of a kiss? A touch? _She tried to speak, but her voice was shaking, and her trembling lips made her stammer. "I apologize T'Rea, I did not realize…"

"However," T'Rea cut across her with all the smoothness of a frigate sweeping a little dingy out of its path, "there is also the possibility that your actions could positively influence Vulcan Human relations. Two lovers breaching the cultural gap could very well lead others to do the same." T'Rea turned her eyes on Amanda, as gray and glittering as a winter sky. "You have either destroyed my work, or completed it. As of yet, I cannot say which. I advise you to be careful, Amanda Grayson. As careful as you are able to be."

From that moment on, Amanda's insides roiled with worry. She found herself starting to cry over her dinner that night, which horrified her almost as much as it must have T'Iva. She did her best to hide them from the maid, and forced herself to keep her eyes dry for the rest of the meal. When she fled upstairs to her bedroom and was able to escape to cool silence of her own space, Amanda felt something tugging at her consciousness. She sat down and tried to think clearly, to identify what exactly was trying to get her attention.

_Amanda. T'hy'la. My Amanda._

Amanda felt her heartbeat quicken, a little thudding drum between her ribs. So this was the true power of the bond – Sarek had felt her distress, and he had answered it. He was sending her comfort. It seeped into Amanda's consciousness with the gentleness of a first snow and the warmth of a hot bath. _Don't worry, Amanda, don't worry_. Amanda let out a little sob of relief and collapsed on her pillows. It was as if Sarek were beside her, pulling her into his arms and shutting out the world of uncertainty around her. He sent her comfort and affection, a warmth that she had never felt before, and it soothed her anxiety as easily as if he had been there, reassuring her. She was amazed at the strength and integrity she sensed in him, and so close. _The bond is getting stronger_, she thought, before she drifted off to sleep, safe with Sarek's affection to guard her.

_"Why do you worry so? I felt it."_

_ Amanda recognized the place. She was back in the mansion she had seen once, where she had met the young Sarek and the thin, fragile girl from his past. Now, however, she was sitting with Sarek, on an elegant chaise on the patio. The panorama of the desert was stretched in front of them, a sunset painting of reds and purples and iridescent gold. Amanda leaned back, and felt Sarek's warmth behind her._

_ "I am still a stranger here. I don't belong." Amanda heard herself say._

_ "Here," Sarek said, "you belong. I thought it strange when I first saw you at this house, but now I understand."_

_ Amanda shook her head. "Not _here_," she said. "On Vulcan. Among Vulcans. I am a Human, and I am weak and emotional and insane." She laughed. This didn't seem to bother Sarek. Perhaps it was all right to be as she really was inside the walls of a dream. _I would never speak or act this way if dreaming didn't dispense with everything but the truth_, Amanda thought. When her laugh had spent itself, she continued. "I worry that I am wrong for you; that I'm…disrupting something that was intended for you. Your ko-kugalsu."_

_ Now she felt Sarek stiffen. "That has already been disrupted, and not by you. That future is not what is intended for me." Amanda turned to look at him, for the first time. Sarek was not fifteen, as he had been when he saw him here before. He was himself, the strong jaw and dark eyes, which held a depth that she could never hope to fully explore. "That was a broken pact, and nothing which concerns my feelings or intentions towards you." He said._

_ "Shouldn't you have a Vulcan woman?" Amanda continued, the anxiety in her breast pushing her forward. "A proper lover, who will act the right way, and always understand and always do what is correct? I don't know how to be your lover. I can't be a Vulcan bride."_

_ Sarek drew her closer to him, and Amanda inhaled his spicy scent, her face pressed against his collarbone. It was realer than any dream-scent she had experienced before. There was something that fascinated her about the captive power of his body, the strength in his muscles and the force that drove his heartbeat. His fingers were in her hair, stroking away wild auburn curls. "Has it not occurred to you," He asked, in his quiet voice that sent chills down Amanda's spine, "that I prefer what you are to what a proper Vulcan woman may be? I don't want perfect, Amanda; I want you." And Amanda knew it was true – a dream could deceive, but not one that he was dreaming too. And then, Amanda knew that she didn't need to worry, not as she had done, at least. She could rely on him, as well as she knew him._

_ "It's interesting," Amanda commented, wrapping her arms around his waist. "That this is going so fast. Humans always think that Vulcans are prudes." She felt his momentary confusion over the word "prudes", but he understood it through her quickly. She was surprised to hear something like a laugh from him, not exactly something that a Human would do, but a laugh nonetheless._

_ "That is just the way of things, Amanda." Sarek said, tilting her face up to his._

_ "I suppose it is," She said. The rest of the dream was a tangle of images and feelings, things that made her pulse quicken. Nothing was identifiable; there were no true images, only a shared expression of desires and thoughts. At first it was strange, and it took her a while to realize that the other powerful force she encountered was Sarek's own desire and libido, but once she did, it spurred her on. But it was only a tangle, a whirl of colors and projections and wonderings that Amanda had kept secret. It didn't feel wrong, letting these things mingle and mix with Sarek's own. In fact it was…_

Amanda woke breathing hard. Her heart was hammering in her chest, and there was a tingle going down her spine that was undeniably familiar. Amanda felt her face go hot with embarrassment – _at what? _She put her hand up to her forehead and groaned. Dawn light was just beginning to filter through the window, an obnoxiously cheerful reminder that the day still awaited her. Amanda rolled onto her back and stared at the ceiling. Yes, that dream had definitely evolved into something…sexual, but was that really surprising? She knew that she found Sarek attractive, and she'd supposed that he thought the same way about her. It was just a new sensation to be imagining those things in a dream, and feel the desired party reciprocate…Amanda took a deep breath and drew the covers up over her head. Just another aspect of the bond that she would have to get used to...but there were definite possibilities.

Deciding that she should get up and get dressed, now that she was awake, Amanda wondered what the sexual aspect of Vulcan relationships was really like. She knew that Vulcans had sex, because how else would they make more little Vulcans? The thought of a screaming green baby with pointy ears made her smile. Amanda wondered briefly if there would be anything in the VSA or Principle Building's libraries that would enlighten her on the subject, but it was only a brief thought. As private and severe as Vulcans were, there was bound to be absolutely nothing to do with their reproductive habits in a library – at least where _she _could access it. Did male Vulcans even look the same as Humans…down there? Amanda was suddenly struck with a shock of horror. Vulcans and Humans were relatively the same, anatomically, but what if beneath all those heavy robes they were hiding something really, really different? What if there were _tentacles_?

Amanda forced herself to calm down. Her reasoning went thusly: one, tentacles were ridiculous. She had never heard of any alien race that had tentacles intended for reproductive purposes. Secondly, if she and Sarek weren't sexually compatible, it didn't matter. She could either exclude that factor from their relationship (not likely) or she could say no. After all, she didn't _have _to be with Sarek, no matter what Ataur said about bonding and compatibility. She would always be able to make her own decisions. It would be horribly disappointing, though, if she and Sarek weren't able to…well. It would just be disappointing.

Amanda had never been one to group love and sex together. It had been abundantly clear to her, just through information gained from friends and the world around her, that the two weren't mutually exclusive. She wasn't a virgin, but she wasn't exactly experienced either. There had been a few nice, clumsy boys that she'd invited to spend the night with her, but after them she hadn't really been sold one way or the other on sex. It had never been horrible, but it had never been amazing, either. Amanda was vaguely aware, though, that her ideal man, off drifting in the nebula somewhere, would be a good sexual match for her as well as romantically. She didn't exactly know what she wanted, but she didn't expect to find out without some more practice, either. She'd imagined that she'd have plenty of time to discover those things with a man who she loved. That was, after all, the point, wasn't it?

Throughout the day, though, Amanda kept thinking back to biology lessons that she'd had in high school. She had been particularly interested in the unit on genetics, just because it was so fascinating. So many species had risen and fallen just on Earth, during the tiny chunk of the universe's time in which Earth had existed, that she couldn't help but be amazed. Genetics were so very complicated, and even after scientists had devoted themselves to the question for so long, there were still mysteries that lay completely beyond them. In any case, what was really preying on Amanda's mind was the concept of species hybridization. She'd learned about it as a matter of course, but her musings about Vulcan sexuality had brought her to wonder about the subject. Some species were able to hybridize, like dogs and wolves, or many other of their canine cousins, but there were lots of obstructions to successful hybridization. The first, and most important, of those was simple mechanical incompatibility. Amanda wasn't sure whether she minded if she would be able to produce a half-Vulcan child, but if, for instance, Tab A wasn't able to fit into Slot B, then that would be a problem. If only she had some way of finding out these things before she would have to confront Sarek about them!

The answer to Amanda's unhappy questions was presented to her that afternoon. She had finished up with her class, who had thankfully been quite sweet and peaceful, and was headed to the main lobby in order to meet up with Selek. They were going to have their habitual outing that afternoon, and Amanda was pleased to be able to spend some time with him. Selek was uncomplicated, as far as that went, and Amanda was able to enjoy his company as a friend, even if he was only 12 years old.

"Good afternoon, Amanda," Selek said, cheerful as always, when he caught sight of her in the lobby. "I thought perhaps we could spend some time in the garden today. My parents do not want me to stray too far from the Institute." There was an attitude of glumness about him when he said this, leading Amanda to ask him whether Sarek was coming to fetch him or not. "No. My parents allow me to go where I like when Sarek agrees to take me home from the Institute. He is too busy today, however." Selek seemed to slump even further at this, and so Amanda launched into a scientific question before he could become much more miserable.

Amanda managed to keep Selek in good spirits for the rest of their visit. The garden of the Children's Institute was pleasant, and cooler than the street outside, and so Amanda was able to relax comfortably with Selek while they talked about Earth, Vulcan, and other natural wonders. It was nice to get away from her own complicated problems and simply amaze Selek with descriptions of Earth's varied geological and biological wonders. Amanda was surprised that these discussions never made her homesick. Selek's interest was such that she never found herself with time to dwell too much on her home, though. He kept her talking, and amused her on more than one occasion with witty remarks or stubborn refusals to believe facts. ("How could there possibly be a plant that is able to digest insects? Amanda, I believe you are fabricating.")

So relaxing and pleasant was Selek's company that Amanda felt slightly guilty about downloading information off of his PADD when he went to speak with a teacher. She tried to convince herself that it was a crime of necessity. Selek had let slip that they were embarking on their own study of genetics, and that made Amanda wonder: what if Vulcan children were given the same health class treatment that Human children had to suffer through? Her curiosity was sufficient to make her sneak the data chip out of Selek's PADD and quickly copy the information onto her own. She borrowed only from the "Academics" section – she didn't want to spy on Selek, quite the contrary. All she wanted was the same basic knowledge of Vulcan reproduction and anatomy that any twelve year old would receive at school. After all, Vulcans had teenage years just as Humans did; there was no way that Vulcans escaped elementary and high schools without getting some embarrassing information flung at them by an awkward teacher.

Still, Amanda's insides burned with shame when she departed from Selek. She tried to keep the feelings from reaching Sarek, although she had no idea how to do that properly. She only hoped that he would be too busy to react to her thoughts before she had managed to figure out what she needed to know. When she had reached home, Amanda got herself a glass of juice and settled herself on the floor of her bedroom (she had found that the meditation posture really was more comfortable than a chair or her bed) and opened up the files she had sneaked away from Selek.

Selek's genetics curriculum, for the most part, was very dense. Amanda had to pick her way carefully through the texts, although she was surprised and a little proud that she could still remember the basic concepts of genetics. It appeared that the same laws held true on Vulcan as they did on Earth, although the actual construction of genetic material was somewhat different. Amanda found herself more absorbed in the text than she had expected to be, but it was amazing to be reading about a system of heritance and genetic diversity that worked differently than that of Earth's creatures. It was different, but it worked. Just like the different cultures and societies of the ever-expanding universe, the genetic code was just as stable and complex as the one Amanda knew, it only worked in a slightly different way. When she took a break to finish off her juice, Amanda looked out the window at the sky, where the first evening stars were emerging, and marveled not for the first time at the strange beauty of the universe, that was at once so diverse and so unified.

Finally, Amanda found what she was truly looking for. And not only did she find that, she also found _illustrations_.

Oh.

Amanda powered down her PADD, leaning back against her bed and feeling, not for the first time since she'd arrived on Vulcan, like a complete idiot. Vulcans, it seemed, were very much the same as Humans, when it came to the bits underneath their robes. The women had two breasts and one uterus, although only one ovary; as well as two arms and legs and all the other pieces. Vulcan men had one penis, and, bizarrely, two nipples, just as Humans did. Amanda puzzled at that – it was strange enough to have these vestigial things on Humans, but seeing it mirrored in another species many millions of light years away was quite strange. _Perhaps they just demand to be there_, Amanda mused. But, as far as she could tell, Vulcan men were much the same as Human men, although they only possessed one testicle instead of two. That didn't have an effect on Amanda either way. _Well, they look the same, and it seems like the, er, reproductive process is pretty much the same too. So there was nothing to worry about, you big idiot. And now that you understand the theoretical, you should have no problem with the practical. _

Unfortunately, the key word in that sentence was "should".

Still, armed with this reassuring knowledge, Amanda felt more at ease. Not so much at ease, though, that she was completely soothed. There were still things preying on her mind, and try as she might Amanda couldn't banish her thoughts about Sarek's previous fiancée. She had glimpsed the girl once, back in that dream, but seeing the frail slip of a girl was very different than seeing the woman. Who had she been, to leave Sarek and bring about this crushing sadness that Amanda had once tasted? Amanda felt that she both wanted to know, and didn't. _It should be enough for you that he's yours now, stupid_, Amanda told herself over and over again. But that depth of loss that she had felt once before was still hidden in her new lover somewhere and Amanda couldn't help but be as curious for its cause as she was eager to banish it. She wanted to heal that empty space.

Amanda was working on a report when she received her next invitation from Sarek. It had been a few days since they'd seen each other – what with her work and his there was little time for them to see each other in person. Amanda's pulse jumped when she saw his name on the little message alert blinking on the screen of her PADD. "AMBASSADOR SAREK" it read. She tapped on the alert and the message opened for her, neat little block letters spelling out Sarek's words for her.

Ashayam,

I apologize for not getting in contact with you sooner. I have wished to see you, but my duties keep me busy and I have not had any time for my own concerns. I hear from Selek that your work at the Children's Institute continues to detain you as well, but I hope that you will have the opportunity this coming Friday to visit me at my home. I would like to have the privilege to prepare a meal for you. Please contact me with your availability at your next opportunity.

Sarek

Amanda looked down at the note with a mixture of surprise and pleasure. It was the most informal note he had ever sent her. He had signed his name as simply Sarek, not Ambassador Sarek, or any of his other titles. The term of address he had used for her was what Amanda's heart skip, though. Ashayam. A term of endearment that meant "beloved".

"Ashayam," Amanda said aloud to herself. "Ashayam, ashayam." She closed her eyes and sought for Sarek in her mind, looking for the little corner that belonged to him, and giving it a tug. _Yes, I will come to dinner. Yes, Friday, _she said to the corner, hoping that somehow the thought would travel through to Sarek. She didn't really expect it to work, and was even opening up a reply on her PADD, when she felt the warmth and color that meant "Sarek".

_Good. Abi'yi. _Until then.

**Author's Note: **Oh thank god. I was having the worst writer's block – I was really not sure what was going to happen in this chapter! I have a plan, but it doesn't start until a bit after this…and so I was stuck. But I know what I'm going to do now! Aren't you all excited? I am! 3

Ps. Reviews make me so happy. That's both thanks for past reviews and an encouragement for future ones! :)

Pps. A few people have told me that I've given Sarek the wrong age - thanks for the correction! My question to you is, though: is he around 60 and looks 25 ish, or around 60 and _looks _60?


	22. Chapter 22

Amanda smoothed a stray piece of hair out of her eyes and scrolled through the contacts interface on her console. Her heart was beating quickly. _Funny_, she thought, _to be so worked up over calling George. _This was to be a special call, though. George was with his fiancee Winona, and had asked Amanda over message to give them a call, so that she could meet the girl back home that George had sighed over. When she found George's contact info, Amanda opened a video communication and settled her fingers in her lap. Her nervousness was annoying but she hoped understandable - George had become such a dear friend to her that she was anxious that his fiancee would like her. She knew how much the Lieutenant cared for his fiancee, and she didn't want to throw any wrenches into those works.

The call rang for a few moments, answerless, before someone on the other side, Earth-side, picked up. Amanda was surprised to see not George, but a pretty girl with honey-blonde hair and a sprinkle of freckles across her small nose. "Oh!" She exclaimed, looking rather flustered. A blush was gathering beneath her freckles. "You must be Amanda!" She turned away from the screen and called over her shoulder. "George! Amanda's calling!"

Amanda could hear muffled cursing in the background, unmistakably George. Winona's blush was darkening, and Amanda could only assume that she'd caught them in a rather intimate moment. Soon enough, though, George was squeezing in next to Winona, his blonde hair ruffled, but his eyes just as bright and blue as ever. Amanda couldn't help smiling when she saw him in such disarray. "Should I call back later?" She asked, trying to sound severe through her amusement. George laughed and rubbed the back of his neck, looking just as charming and awkward as she remembered him.

"Oh, no, that's okay." He said. "I'm glad you called! I can see that you've already encountered Winnie." He grinned at the young woman affectionately, and she returned it with just as much sentiment. Amanda could see how much she cared for George, but there was also a strong mischievous quality in her light hazel eyes. She turned them on Amanda, who instantly felt as though Winona were including her in some raucous practical joke.

"Don't mind him," She said. "He's an idiot. I am Winona, though. It's great to meet you, I've heard so much about you." Winona brushed her mane of blonde hair out of her face, revealing a broad grin. Her teeth were slightly over large, but the effect didn't detract from her beauty at all. It made her seem cheeky and charming.

"Is that true?" Amanda said, laughing. "I hope it was only good things."

"I do know you too well to think you're perfect, Amanda." George said. "But don't worry, I haven't spilled any of your secrets to Winnie."

Winnie punched him cheerfully and turned back to Amanda. "No, George says you're very smart and can hold your own against a Vulcan. That's a good report in my book, I wouldn't have a clue how to survive out there like you have."

Amanda shrugged, suddenly shy. She wasn't used to getting compliments so directly from people her own age. "It was hard at first," she said. "It's a lot easier now."

Winona, or perhaps Winnie, leaned forwards on her elbows and gave Amanda a wide-eyed, excited look. "That's right! George says you have a Vulcan boyfriend now." Amanda's eyes flicked to George's face, who looked suddenly mortified. She smiled at him - after all that had happened, she didn't mind if George's fiancee knew a few things about Sarek. She trusted George, and as she hoped to be friends with Winnie she wanted to be able to trust her, too.

"He's not exactly my boyfriend," Amanda said, with a bashful smile and another glance at George. "But...well, they do things differently here."

"I'm sure they do!" Winnie said, her hazel eyes round with appreciation. Their conversation, to Amanda's relief, veered away from her doings with Sarek. Winnie was happy enough to talk about how what was going on on Earth, and other bits and pieces of girl nonsense that Amanda found very pleasant. She hadn't had a girl friend to talk to since Georgia, and they'd drifted somewhat apart after Amanda had taken off for space and Vulcan.

"How did you two meet?" Amanda managed to interject while Winona stopped to draw breath. George had been smiling bemusedly at his fiancee while she talked, and now he turned back to Amanda.

"Winnie works as a waitress in my hometown," He said. "I met her the day before I went off to start training at the Starfleet Academy. Fell in love with her then and there, too." George grinned sheepishly. "But it wasn't until I was back home for a week's leave that I managed to talk to her."

"It's been mostly a long-distance relationship since then," Winnie added. "But we've made it work so far!" She turned her wicked hazel eyes on George. "But I've got him home for a few weeks now, and I'm going to do whatever I want to him." George and Amanda both laughed. It was both pleasant and strange to watch Winona and George together. Every time they exchanged a smile, or Winona touched George's hand or arm, Amanda felt a little pang of jealousy. Not over George, but over how open he and Winnie were together. Amanda had never tried to be as affectionate with Sarek as Winona was with George, but she had a feeling that it would confuse and alarm him if she did. Amanda gave a little sigh. _Perhaps I have something better, though. Sarek and I share a bond, and how much closer can two people be?_

That thought comforted her a little, and even more so when Amanda sought out contact through the bond. Sarek's presence was immediately there with a reassurance of warmth and affection. She smiled at her friend and his fiancee on the screen, happy in the knowledge that she could be as close and happy with Sarek as Winona was with George. _Only in a different way._

After their conversation, Amanda and Winona were fast friends. This both surprised and delighted George, who said in a sorry tone of voice that soon he would be cut out of the picture entirely. They poked fun at him for that, but when George and Winona signed off, Amanda had Winona's contact information in her PADD, ready for any spontaneous message or call. That comforted Amanda in a way that Sarek had not - she could still make friends and still delight in Human interaction, even after such a long while on Vulcan. _I still have a Human heart, _Amanda thought to herself, _and that will never change. _

Amanda had other concerns of her heart to worry about in the next few days, though. Her evening with Sarek was still two days off, but she was wild with anticipation for it to hurry up and get there. Her work was still engaging and interesting - her class had moved on, finally, from the Romans to cultures of the European continent after the fall of Rome - but she couldn't help but be excited to see Sarek again. Their little snatches of communication over their infant bond was only fuel to the fire, and she had the feeling that Sarek felt the same way, too.

And so Amanda forced herself to pay attention to her daily life, exchanging messages with Ahror, having tea with Ataur, working on her class curriculum, drafting reports for Starfleet, and visiting with Selek. She still worried about T'Rea, though, and the warning she had given Amanda on their last meeting. When Friday actually came, though, Amanda's anxiety on the subject had melted away in the heat of her excitement. It was great enough that Amanda had trouble hiding it, forcing herself to be as calm and cool as a still lake. Even Selek picked up on it when she ran into him after teaching class that morning. He gave her a look that was as sly as could be while still only being the expression of a curious twelve-year-old.

"You have a secret, Amanda." Selek said, while Amanda wondered where he had acquired his sneakiness powers. "It would help you to inform me of it, so that your stress over concealing it does not tax you any further."

"It would, would it?" Amanda said dryly. "While you present a logical argument, I happen to believe that my business is my own."

"Not," Selek said imperiously, "when you insist on projecting your feelings about it so openly." Amanda gave him the tiniest of frowns, which he returned with the most cherubic of glances. "I only inform you of the fact because I am your friend, and am interested in your welfare."

"Selek, have you ever heard the phrase 'too smart for your own good'?" Amanda asked, making her way towards the door and drawing the young Vulcan along beside her like a magnet with an iron filing. They fell into step together, making their way off the Children's Institute campus and towards the street.

"I have not," Selek replied gravely. "Although it is illogical. Intelligence is never a negative factor in one's person."

"You'd be surprised," Amanda replied. "But since you are being so persistent, I'll tell you, as long as you promise to keep your mouth shut." Selek immediately looked puzzled, and Amanda rephrased. "Refrain from telling anyone what I am about to tell you." When he nodded, Amanda had no choice but to continue. She'd hoped that he'd raise some protest about it being illogical to withhold information, or something of the sort. "Your cousin Sarek and are courting. I'm going to see him tonight."

"Oh, that." Selek said, projecting crossness. "I already knew that."

Amanda found it hard to conceal her surprise. "Did he tell you?"

"Yes, but only because I asked him about it. He often smells like you, and you of him, you know. And he told Toz'ot, _uncle_, Skon that he does not want him to continue searching for another woman for him to marry." Selek seemed quite oblivious to the distressing news he was relaying to Amanda, as smart as he was. Amanda wanted to groan, but she couldn't in the presence of so many Vulcans.

"How could he be that stupid?" Amanda said. "Didn't your uncle ask him why?"

Selek blinked large dark eyes at her. "Of course."

"And what did he say?"

"Sa-kai, _brother_, told him that he was too busy with his new duties to be married. Of course, I knew what he really meant, but as being an Ambassador has taken up so much of his time Toz'ot Skon agreed, although he told Sarek that he must find a wife before the next cycle of his ponn farr." Amanda stared at him for a moment, breathless.

"Where do you learn all of this, Selek? Are you spying on your family?" She asked weakly.

"No, Amanda, they spoke of it at dinner." Amanda resisted the urge to bite her lip in anxiety. Selek was turning into quite the little espionage resource for her, and that made her nervous. She should really stop taking advantage of the information he gave her, but it was proving so useful that she didn't quite know how to stop. "Perhaps you shouldn't tell me what your family says in private, Selek." She forced herself to say.

Selek looked non-plussed. "As you say, Amanda."

They said their goodbyes not long after, Selek departing to speak with his school friends and Amanda heading home. Selek had once again laid a lot of worrisome information at her feet. If Sarek had told his father that he didn't want to search for an eligible match for him, did that mean that he intended to marry Amanda? They hadn't been together long enough for that to make sense, not by any stretch of the mind. _Of my mind, maybe, _Amanda thought ruefully, _but maybe not of his. _When a Vulcan made a romantic commitment, they Made A Romantic Commitment. Their reverence for love and marriage completely merited the capital letters. Amanda's insides roiled as she made her way home, but her worries were borne along mostly by the rushing tide of her excitement, and soon they had melted away again.

That only left Amanda with the stresses of selecting an outfit for the evening, which turned out to be easier than Amanda had imagined. She chose a light dress of pale forest green that came down just below her knees. The neckline bared her shoulders, and there was a simple pattern of diamonds stitched around it, accented with a shiny black bead at the vertices of every shape. She completed the outfit with black sandals with a low heel, and pulled her hair up in a simple but pretty style. Once she was fully dressed, Amanda regarded herself in the mirror. She was happy with the result, but happier in the knowledge that Sarek would be glad to see her no matter what she looked like. She could feel it in the little space taken up by the bond.

As the sun was already setting when Amanda set out from the house in her hovercar, she only covered her hair with a light scarf. The Vulcan custom was becoming second nature to her, she realized as the car pulled away from the house. _I wonder how many other little things I've picked up since I've been here_, Amanda thought, feeling the familiar worry creep back to her. _When I come home, will my family know me? Will my friends? _She managed to quell her fears, though, by remembering her lessons with Ataur. She had built a fortress around herself in her mind, to keep the real essence that was Amanda safe and secret. No Vulcan customs that she'd adopted would hide it. She would never lose it, although Amanda wondered why she had to keep reminding herself of that fact.

Sarek's house was edged in gold from the setting sun when Amanda reached it. Her heart skipped a beat when she climbed out of the car and saw it. It was still as elegant and rich, just as austere as she'd once thought Sarek to be, but now she felt a surge of affection when she looked at it. _It's because of Sarek, because I can see him here, _Amanda thought. _It's funny how places can become just as dear as people._

Amanda let herself in at the gate, shutting it behind her as quietly as she could. As she passed through the garden a flowering plant caught her eye. It was the same as the one outside her own house, with big sprawling leaves and dark plum-colored blossoms. On a sudden impulse, Amanda went to it and picked one of the smaller blossoms, careful to select one that wouldn't detract from the beauty of the bush if she stole it away. She reached up and took off her head scarf to tuck the flower neatly into the twist of her hair. The color was nice with her green dress and auburn hair, and she was happy to find that the scent lingered with her when she turned away. _Like a little bit of perfume to follow me around._

The door opened almost before she had finished knocking. Amanda was surprised not to see a servant there, but Sarek himself, looking handsome if a little somber in a dark gray tunic, with the faintest pattern in darker gray on the sleeves. Amanda wasn't paying attention to his clothing, though, because his eyes had met hers, and they were full of a smile. She was about to say hello when he leaned down and kissed her soundly, a more eager gesture than the kisses they had shared before. Amanda's surprise was nearly as strong as her pleasure, especially when he reached up and gave her cheek the lightest of touches. When they broke apart, Sarek's cheeks were blushing green, and he looked contrite.

"I apologize, I should not have done that." He said, although Amanda was already shaking her head.

"Be quiet, I don't mind." She said, stepping inside, and fighting hard to keep from smiling. It was difficult when she felt as light as air.

Sarek shut the door behind her. "You misunderstand. I meant...it was not exactly private." Amanda turned to look at him, puzzled.

"You're ashamed?" She asked, feeling a weight gather in her chest.

"Not at all." Sarek said quickly. "It is only that such gestures are only acceptable in privacy. It would be offensive for anyone who happened to see."

"I've seen Vulcans kissing in public before. You...you showed me." Amanda said, hesitating when she remembered that Sarek had extended the finger kiss to her in a dream. _But a dream that we shared. _

Sarek's blush deepened. "That is the one public display of affection that is considered polite," He said. "The ozh'esta."

"Oh, I understand." Amanda said, and then, buoyed by another rush of impulsiveness, "Will you show me again?" She held out her hand. Sarek stared at her for a moment, his lips slightly parted, before clearing his throat.

"If you wish." He said, although she could hear the tiniest of tremors in his voice. _I'm making him nervous! _She thought, delighting. Sarek held out his hand to meet hers, his fingers spread in the ta'al. Amanda copied the gesture, and their fingers brushed ever so slightly. A pleasant buzz raced from Amanda's fingertips up her arm. It was as though she had just touched a very gentle, friendly electric current. Curious, she let their fingers touch again, this time more deliberately and lingering longer. Her fingers were just beginning to trail down his when Sarek yanked his hand away, as quickly as if she had burned him. Amanda looked up, concerned, wondering why he had withdrawn from her so quickly. Was he offended? Had she done something wrong?

"What? Did I hurt you?" She asked. Sarek shook his head curtly, but Amanda could see that his eyes were over bright. His jaw was clenched and the high color on his cheeks had darkened yet further. Through her own confusion, though, Amanda could just sense what was wrong, could feel the pounding of his pulse through the bond. "What is it?" She asked again.

"That is..." Sarek swallowed. "That gesture is very erotic." His voice sounded somewhat strangled. As soon as he said it, though, Amanda could feel it - the surge of his desire and the shame brought about with it. Amanda felt herself blushing now.

"I'm sorry!" She said, bringing her hands up to cover her mouth, and then instantly dropping them in case there was some other erotic connotation with that. She settled for hiding her hands behind her back, just in case. "I didn't mean to. I didn't know."

"It is of no matter," Sarek said, and Amanda could see that he had composed himself again. There was a tint of laughter in his expression, as though he found his own fumble amusing. "How could you have known? Come, let me get you something to drink." Sarek led Amanda further into the house, into the open plan that included the foyer, living and dining areas, and kitchen. There was an enticing scent coming from the kitchen, but Amanda could see no one tending to the meal. Sarek went to a sideboard near the seating area and began preparing drinks. Amanda wandered in and perched on the arm of a chair, wondering why the house was so quiet and empty.

"Are we alone?" Amanda asked, looking around the room.

"Yes. I asked my servants to take the evening off." Sarek said, returning to her with a small glass full of dark amber liquid. When Amanda gave it a wary look, he said "It is only juice of sash-savas, _acid fruit_, although I can add some k'vass if you like." Amanda sipped it. The juice was tangier than it was sweet, but it reminded Amanda of oranges and pomegranates. She shook her head. "Perhaps a little later, I want to make sure I can keep my wits about me with you." She tried to smile as he did, only with her eyes. "I believe you once told me that a sharp tongue is not an indicator of a sharp mind, and I tend to lose my sharpness when I have alcohol."

Amanda felt a twinge of remorse from him, the gold speckles in his eyes flashing for a moment. "Amanda, I have many faults, and pride..."

Amanda cut him off by shaking her head. "Sarek, I was only teasing you. Don't you remember how venomous I was to you? We're both horrible people and we can only reconcile it by being nice to each other now." Sarek looked truly taken aback by this, and was opening his mouth to say, probably, that he thought Amanda was not a horrible person, when she let out a cough that was more than half a laugh. "Don't you know what teasing is?"

A little crease appeared between Sarek's eyebrows. "No." He said.

"I suppose you wouldn't," Amanda said. "It's a Human thing...we will say things that are a little bit mean but meant in affection..." She paused, because this explanation was sounding ludicrous, even to her, "It's a way to show someone that you know them and care enough about them to appreciate their faults as well as their good qualities." She held back a grimace when Sarek still looked blank. "Would you prefer it if I stopped?"

Sarek drew a little closer to her, sweeping a strand of hair out of her eyes without actually touching her skin. "No," He said. "You are quite fascinating to me, especially when you display your Human lack of logic."

"That," Amanda said, trying to smile with her eyes again, "was teasing. Do you see?"

"No, but I'm sure that you will teach me."

Something warm and fluffy stirred in Amanda's chest. She wanted to kiss him again, to convey her affection and pleasure in the gesture, to show him that she loved his way of teasing her without actually teasing. Sarek, however, turned away and headed for the kitchen, leaving Amanda to hop up and trail after him. The tantalizing scent of dinner danced around her, and Amanda found that she was hungry. Sarek, to Amanda's surprise, busied himself with pulling things out of the oven and arranging other things.

"You made this yourself?" She said, blinking. Of course he did - he'd sent his staff away, hadn't he?

"Yes," Sarek said, glancing up at her.

"It smells delicious." Amanda said, truthfully.

"My mother taught me to cook." Sarek said, waving away steam from something that looked crispy and yummy. Amanda remembered that Sarek had mentioned his mother before, when they had been to the festival at Kamteh together. He'd told her that his parents had taken him to the festival when he was younger, but that they had not been back since his mother died. Amanda wondered how long ago that had been.

"Were you close to your mother?" Amanda asked. The question had lept out of her just as soon as the thought reached her mind. Amanda cursed herself - she didn't want to offend Sarek, or bring up any memory of the festival where she had been so rude and thoughtless.

Sarek nodded, and for a moment he looked very far away indeed. "Yes. She was a wonderful woman. My father said that she coddled me too much." Sarek's voice was bitter-edged when he said this, but his expression softened again when he said "Her name was T'Mir. She fell ill when I was thirteen, and died not long after." Sarek looked up, and his eyes met Amanda's, the dark color of old oak meeting with sea-blue. "I believe she 'teased' my father quite a bit."

"Do you miss her?" Again, the question sprang out of Amanda like an over excited frog. She could've kicked herself for it.

Sarek regarded her for a moment. Amanda could see his jaw clench and unclench. "I do." He said finally, and Amanda felt relieved. She took such liberties with Sarek. Was she overstepping her bounds? Was she being unknowingly offensive and hurtful and clumsy?

"You are not." Sarek said, as if he were replying to her thoughts. Amanda's breath caught in her throat. She bit her lip and looked down at her glass of juice. That was the bond working - Sarek could sense her nervousness. She heard him set down a plate and move around the counter to stand beside her. There was the lightest of touches at her waist, Sarek's long, elegant fingers. "Do not worry, ashayam." She heard him say. "I do not want perfect."

Amanda looked up, startled to hear him use the same words that he had in the dream she'd had a few nights back. "I do not mind sharing these things with you." He said, more quietly. "I want you to know me. I want to know you, as well." Amanda blinked and licked her lips, suddenly shy. "You need not try to be Vulcan for me."

Amanda felt herself relax, her shoulders unclenching and her heartbeat slowing to a more regular pace. "I've been underestimating you, it seems." She said, with the ghost of a smile. She didn't know whether more than that would be acceptable, but she ached to really show it. It was so difficult to hide away her feelings - Ataur had shown her how, and she was skilled at it now, in the company of Vulcans she didn't know, but it was so difficult to restrain herself with Sarek. How could she be with him without really being herself?

"Smile, if you want, Amanda," Sarek said, his voice once again in the low tone that made her spine tingle. "Or frown. Cry, or laugh. I would prefer laughter. I can feel it strains you, to hide - I want you to be comfortable. I want you to be yourself, with me."

After that, Sarek politely disentangled himself from her and served the meal he had made. Amanda wasn't sure whether to be confused or delighted, and contented herself with just being. The food was delicious, as her nose had predicted; delicious enough to amaze Amanda. How could Sarek be such a good cook, when he had so many other things to do? Sarek told her about the lessons his mother had given him, and Amanda related a few stories of her own, of baking cookies, and of burning them. Sarek seemed amused at her tales of her erratic childhood, although she tried to ask for as many out of him as she gave.

"My father is a very sociable person, by our standards." Sarek told her. "I'm sure you've noticed that my father throws parties as often as others sneeze - he has always been generous with his wealth and his home." Sarek swirled the juice in his glass, which he had spiked with k'vass just as Amanda had done of hers. "My mother was not as jocular," (Amanda was privately amused at hearing any Vulcan called jocular) "but she was generous with her heart. She was well loved, by her family and her city. I believe my father has devoted himself more to public matters than private now that she is gone. He often prefers speaking with dignitaries over speaking with me."

Amanda's heart gave a little twinge. Sarek's eyes had darkened when he made his last comment, and she wanted to rush forward and hug him. He seemed to notice her distress, however, because the light of a smile was back in his face when she met his eyes. "Do not worry yourself, Amanda. My father and I have no ill will between us." He tilted his head to one side, regarding her. "I believe you share some qualities with my mother. There was compassion in her, just as there is in you."

Amanda could feel herself blush at that, but it was such a happy blush that she didn't mind showing it. After Sarek had reassured her, she didn't mind showing a lot of her feelings. She allowed herself a few small smiles, an almost laugh, a passion in her tone of voice. Sarek's attitude did not change when she became more expressive. In fact, he seemed to enjoy it, and that pleased Amanda all the more. They finished their dinner, engaged in intense conversation that ranged over many subjects. Amanda teased Sarek occasionally, and he teased her just as often, in his dry, Vulcan way. Amanda loved it. She couldn't help but admire Sarek's profile in the low light of the room, or enjoy the way his eyes laughed when he found her amusing or clumsy or both. She found herself enjoying just the shape of him, his gestures, the crease that formed between his eyebrows when he was puzzled. He was genuine and sweet, and it was for her.

"I would like to show you something, if you would permit me." Sarek said, when they had cleared away their dishes and had refilled their drinks. Amanda, puzzled but curious, said she'd like to see, and he directed her back to the little seating area. Amanda perched on one of the chairs, her mind slightly fuzzy around the edges due to the k'vass. As Sarek went to fetch whatever he was going to show her, Amanda felt a deep contentment spread out from her center. She relaxed into her chair, and was sitting with her legs crossed demurely over each other when Sarek returned.

Sarek was holding a large black case, which he set down on the low table and opened. Inside was a slender wooden instrument that looked to Amanda to be half violin and half mandolin and half something she didn't recognize. "A ka'athyra, _Vulcan lute,_" Sarek explained, when her questioning eyes met his. "I play on occasion...I thought perhaps you might like to hear it. I am not so skilled -"

Amanda cut him off. "Please play," she said. "I've never heard one before, so I won't be able to tell how skilled you are no matter what you think." She allowed herself a small smile, and Sarek's eyes lit up once again.

"I will do ask you ask, t'sai," He said, regally, and picked up the instrument. Without any preamble he began to play, a soft, gentle melody. The sound reminded Amanda of instruments from Earth, traditional ones from ancient Asia. It was richer than a violin and as round and clear as a clarinet. Amanda was fascinated - for all of Sarek's protestations, his fingers moved as deftly over the strings as a dancer, enticing out the sad melody. Amanda watched his face while he played as well. His eyes were closed, and the slight crease was between his eyebrows again, a sign of his concentration. Amanda wondered what the melody was called, what story it illustrated, where and when it came from. It was so lovely that when Sarek brought it to a close, Amanda was sorry that there wasn't more.

"That was beautiful, Sarek." She said. "You sell yourself short."

"I...what?" Sarek said, thoroughly puzzled.

"It means you underestimate yourself." Amanda said through the hint of a smile. "Thank you for playing for me." Sarek inclined his head in thanks and set the ka'athrya back in its case. He stood and folded his hands behind his back, in his 'official' pose, looking a little embarrassed still. Amanda stood and went to him, her smile grown into a genuine one now. Sarek's hair was falling across his eyes, partially obscuring them from view, but Amanda could see that the tips of his pointed ears were green. Amanda reached up and brushed his hair away, her fingers ghosting over his skin. Sarek's eyes half-closed, but he still watched her face intently. Amanda kissed him, very gently and briefly, and Sarek's eyes fully closed. Somewhat tentatively, he drew her towards him, his hands on her waist. Amanda's heart was in her throat, not with nervousness, but excitement.

"You smell of svai, _flowers._" He said, his voice as low and resonant as the ka'athrya had been.

"Selek says I smell like you."

Sarek's eyes opened and met her own, and there was a new sort of depth there that Amanda did not recognize. _It's desire, _she realized. _He wants me. _His gaze traveled to her mouth, and Amanda's pulse began to race. "You should smell like me," He said, "as you are mine."

"I am."

He kissed her, and Amanda felt herself go ever so slightly weak. His kiss was as chaste and polite as ever, but Amanda could sense eagerness behind it. Desire for her, to taste her. _Oh, fuck it. _Amanda opened her mouth and slid her tongue past his lips, brushing his with the gentlest of touches. She felt the shock run through him, freezing him rigid. Amanda drew away, worried that she had gone too far. She bit her lip and looked away. "I'm sorry, I didn't-"

Sarek's mouth was on hers again, his tongue pushing insistently against hers. Amanda's gasp was swallowed, but her surprise was soon flooded over with desire. She made a slight noise halfway between a squeak and a moan, sliding her arms around him and pressing up against his chest. Sarek pulled her closer still, his arms encircling her like she had often imagined. His kiss was rapacious, feverish, seeking as much contact with her as possible, but Amanda found herself responding with just as much eagerness. She could feel his pulse spiking as he kissed her ever more deeply, tongue tasting hers, constantly needing more. Suddenly Sarek was grabbing her, whirling her around to press against the wall. Amanda clung to him, the heat of his body seeping through her arms, into her body. His lips left hers, already swollen with the intensity of their kisses, and he bit down gently on her neck. Strings of warm fire lanced down Amanda's body from the contact and she moaned again, her fingers digging into the muscle of his back. Sarek shifted, pressing closer against her, and Amanda could suddenly feel how hard he was. She let out a little gasp and ground up against him, her own body flooding with heat and desire.

Just then, though, Sarek stopped. He braced himself against the wall, breathing heavily against Amanda's neck. Amanda could see his other hand, which had so recently been buried in her hair, clenching into a fist. Alarmed, she wiggled a little bit away from him, tilting his head so she could see into his eyes. His jaw was clenched shut and he was breathing through his nose, deep ragged breaths. She could feel his pulse raging just beneath her hand on his neck. His eyes were shut.

"Sarek?" Amanda asked, her voice more tremulous than she'd expected.

"I'm sorry," He said, not opening his eyes. "I'm sorry. I shouldn't have - I can't..." Sarek drew away from her, pushing her hand aside. When he opened his eyes they were stormy and dark, but he didn't meet Amanda's gaze.

"What's wrong?" Amanda asked, her heart in her throat. And then, her chest filling with the black sludge of dread, "...You don't want me?" She glanced down. That couldn't be it. Sarek's arousal was clearly visible, straining against his trousers. Sarek followed her gaze and a dark blush crept across his face. Amanda could sense the agitation through their bond, hot and dark and ashamed. "I'm sorry," she said, taking a step away from him.

"Do not be." Sarek said, still breathing hard. "It was not...your fault..."

Confusion was rolling off of Amanda like fog off the sea. She didn't understand - first he was practically ready to take her right there against the wall, next he was fighting to get away from her. Amanda stared at him, taking in his distress. What could it -

"Sarek," Amanda said suddenly, realization dawning on her like a thunderbolt, "are you...have you never had sex?" The words got tangled in her throat and stumbled out all in a rush. Sarek looked up at her, half-aghast, half-ashamed.

"No, of course not," He said, dark eyes wide, "You are the only woman I have...There has been no other..." Amanda staggered back and sat down heavily in one of the stylish chairs. She should have realized. Vulcans were so very solemn about their marriage ceremonies, so strict on their customs...Had the wedding really been the first time that T'Rea and Kavonn had had sex? Right there? Amanda felt her cheeks reddening. "Vulcans don't do pre-marital sex," She said, her voice flat. Sarek gave her a look like she was crazy, reminiscent of the looks he'd given her when they first met.

"No," He said. "I had supposed that you knew."

"Of course not!" Amanda practically wailed. "Where would I have learned that? You're all so secretive I would have had to pry it out with a crowbar!" Her voice was becoming too frantic for even Sarek to hear.

Sarek looked grieved, shame and unhappiness in his voice as he said "I am to understand, then, that you are not..."

"No. Humans don't do it that way, not since the 20th century. Before then, even." Amanda felt weary and embarrassed and unhappy herself.

"Oh."

"Does that bother you?"

Sarek seemed to be regaining himself. He straightened his collar with an anxious gesture. "It does not. It would be ridiculous to impose the restrictions of my culture on you." He was still tousled, his cheeks tinted green and ears even more so, dark eyes full of shame and apology. _He is still dear to me._

_Am I?_

"Yes, you are." Amanda said, standing. She risked putting her arms around him again - she needed contact, even if it made him flinch. It did not, though, and he seemed to relax in the comfort of her touch. "It's all right, Sarek. I don't mind about...about this. I only wish you'd told me beforehand." He smelled of clean spice and the resin off the ka'athrya. "Although, if you get that intense, I don't know how long -" She was joking, but he cut her off with a look.

"Please." He said, and she subsided.

"Sorry. Another Human thing." Amanda said. She realized that it was the first time that she had seen him so vulnerable. Sarek had always been strong, either strong in his malice towards her or strong in his courtesy. She wanted to hold him all the closer for it. "Ashayam," She said, resting her head on his collarbone. It was strange for a moment that she could hear no heartbeat, but she soon realized she could feel it against her own side. She placed her hand over the steady thrum, feeling the beat slow to normal again. It felt good to stand here, breathing in his scent and feeling the strength of him. _You are dear to me. I care for you, _she told him through the bond.

_And I you. Forgive me._

_There is nothing to forgive. _

**Author's Note: **Bonus longer chapter! I honestly didn't intend to make it longer, but I forgot to check the word count so...here you go! I apologize to all of you who were expecting sweet sweet lovin'. Don't worry, it's coming, Amanda will break him down soon (and I rated this M for a reason) ;) I should really put "slow build" in the synopsis.

Thanks for everyone who gave me help on determining Sarek's age. I'll fix it eventually, although for now I'm just powering through these chapters. I've plotted out everything from this chapter until the end, and there are going to be many, many more chapters. I'm not going to give you any hints! But there's much more fun to come.

Thanks so much for your wonderful reviews, reading them always makes me smile.


	23. Chapter 23

"He just stopped? Right there?" Winnie's eyes were round with shock. "But…even though you guys…"

"I know," Amanda said, sighing. "But Vulcans are sensitive about this stuff. I feel guilty, like I provoked him to lose control! Or at least, almost lose it." She twisted a lock of hair between her fingers nervously. "And now I don't really know what to do."

"It's not your fault, I'm certain of that. It was an accident." Winona said.

Amanda shrugged. "Thanks for saying so. It's just so frustrating; I haven't had to deal with this problem since I was a teenager. And now I'm frustrated, and I feel bad for feeling frustrated, because it's not something that Sarek can help."

Winona snorted. "It doesn't sound that way to me. You're an adult, he's an adult, and there shouldn't be a problem." Amanda smiled at her. Winnie's stubbornness was bone-deep, and she didn't mind letting it show.

Amanda was perched on the end of her bed. She had thought of calling George and asking for his advice, but she didn't feel particularly comfortable discussing her sex life with Sarek with George. There were some things that male friends were good at, and some things that they weren't. Amanda hadn't been sure about calling Winnie either, but she was glad now that she had. It wasn't so very late on Earth, and Winona was more than happy to discuss Amanda's problem with her. Amanda felt some of her tension ease from the conversation – it was a relief to have a woman her own age to talk to. She didn't think that T'Rea would be very open to discussing the subject.

"You'd be right, if he were a Human. But Vulcans and romance and marriage…it's complicated." Amanda said, wishing she could provide a better explanation. How could she tell Winnie about bonding and t'hy'la and have the girl understand? Amanda herself had struggled to grasp it, and she had first-person experience to rely on.

"Okay, I get it, they're delicate flowers." Winnie grinned. "The problem is, though, how much does it bother you that you won't get any action unless you marry him? I don't think I could survive that. It's been hard enough with George away all the time!"

Amanda chewed her lip. Honestly, she didn't know. Sex had never been especially important to Amanda, but being in a romantic relationship without it really sounded dismal. She cared a lot about Sarek, for his personality and his intelligence and sweetness, but how far would that take her? Here was another situation in which she had to act like a Vulcan: she could either stay with Sarek and have the prospect of marriage to him constantly looming on the horizon, or she could give it up completely. There were no half-measures. "There's no casual dating here," Amanda said, slowly. "You either love someone and intend to marry them, or you don't do anything at all. I still don't know what I want to do when this fellowship is over. I haven't even though about what will happen to Sarek and me when I have to leave."

"You wouldn't stay for him, then?"

_Stay on Vulcan? _"But that would practically be consenting to marry him!" Amanda wailed, wringing her hands. Back on Earth, Amanda had known what she wanted out of her life. Suddenly, though, there were all these obstacles appearing in her way, changing the course of her path. There were new decisions that she had never expected to make. But they had to be made.

"Would that be so bad?" Winnie said, with her wicked smile appearing as suddenly as summer lightning. "How long have you been together?"

"Not long at all." But Amanda knew that didn't matter. She knew Sarek better than she'd known any man before. They fit together – it felt right. Amanda considered the prospect of leaving Sarek, of ending their relationship. Her stomach instantly tied itself in a worried knot. And, even then, at her sudden rush of anxiety, Amanda felt Sarek's presence in the bond, ready to reassure her. He had sensed her worry, and was immediately there. "This is crazy." She said, more to herself than to Winnie.

"Crazy," Winona said, tucking her blonde hair behind her ear with the air of a lecturer delivering his thesis, "Is not always wrong. Amanda, I think you should give it a chance. See where things go. Hell, maybe you'll decide that you do want to marry Sarek someday. Do you love him?"

Amanda blinked. She had never even thought about that. Of course the question of love had always danced around the edges of the situation, but Amanda hadn't really wondered whether what she felt for Sarek was love. She knew that she cared a great deal for him, and felt comforted by his touch. She was excited to be near him. She wanted to be close to him. "…I don't know." Amanda said finally, and then in a smaller voice, "I think maybe he loves me."

"I think that's pretty clear, Amanda." Winona was smiling again. "Just let yourself feel what you feel. It'll all turn out right in the end."

When Amanda finally fell into bed that night, it took her a lot longer than she'd expected to fall asleep. _I hope you're right, Winnie, _she thought. _I really hope you're right._

Amanda was afraid that the awkward incident would make put a strain on the relationship between her and Sarek, but the next time she saw him, she knew she needn't worry. Sarek had invited her to tour the private gardens of his father's estate with her. At first Amanda had been worried that Councilman Skon would be suspicious of the invitation, but Sarek told her that his father had been the one to suggest the outing.

"I believe he wants to encourage friendship between us." Sarek commented as they strolled through an arbor shaded with bluish leaves. The garden around them was gargantuan. Amanda hadn't imagined that the large house that belonged to Sarek's family also included such a large estate. Their arbor encircled the garden, a confection of bizarre and beautiful fountains and flowers, but there was also an orchard and ornamental pond. Amanda was quite taken with the place, but somewhat to her embarrassment, she was more focused on Sarek than on the beauty around them.

She steered her thoughts away from that subject, turning to the puzzling one of Skon's suggestion. "Why?" Amanda asked, watching an oddly colored butterfly laze past her face. It landed on the arbor and moved its wings slowly, as if it were trying to imitate a flower opening and closing. "I'm not all that important, am I?"

"Not exactly," Sarek conceded. He was looking especially handsome to Amanda's eye, in a light blue gray jacket over a black shirt and pants. "But I think he esteems you rather highly. You have done very well in the fellowship. Starfleet has decided to open it officially to other applicants. No, it is my understanding that my father wants to use us to further strengthen the relationship between Vulcan and Earth. The fact that you show great promise leads my father to seek to establish a solid contact in you. He is, and always will be, a political animal."

"What about you, are you a political animal?" Amanda asked, brushing her fingers over the petals of a plum-colored blossom. It was the same kind as the one she had put in her hair the night they'd had dinner together.

Sarek said nothing for a moment, and Amanda looked up to see if he were still paying attention. He was gazing down the length of the arbor with a faraway look in his eyes, as if he were trying to see someone at the end. "I am not certain," He said finally. "My position as Ambassador is rewarding and challenging, if occasionally frustrating. I do not believe I could ever function as my father does, however. I do not his gift for strategy or…cunning. In the political atmosphere of Vulcan at the moment, one must often do unethical things in order to ensure the good of the public. My father has never had qualms about that – I do."

Amanda paused and watched him for a moment. She had a vague understanding of the political situation on Vulcan at the moment. The High Command and the High Council were constantly battling each other over policy, and neither party seemed to know whether it was the supreme authority. From what she heard, though, the High Command was far less scrupulous than the Council. She pictured Skon. Was he able of doing the questionable things that the High Command was rumored to do?

"But enough about my work. I spend enough time every day worrying about it.," Sarek said, turning back to her. He had wandered off a little way, and was now standing in a patch of dappled shade, the pattern of sunlight settling on him like a spotted cloak. "I believe I have a proposition which would interest you."

Amanda went to him, a little smile on her lips. "What sort of proposition is that?" She asked, and too late realized that there was too much seduction in the question. It was so difficult to rein herself back when she was around him! Sarek was just as bad as she was, of course – the time he had touched her fingers through her scarf, for instance - but for his sake she wanted to restrain any suggestive behavior. Now a little spark ignited in Sarek's eyes, and he put one hand at her waist. It would have seemed an innocent gesture had he been Human, but it was certainly a promiscuous one in the Vulcan Body Language Codex.

"Nothing untoward," He said, smirking without smirking. "I believe that you should have as broad an experience of my planet as possible. Are you at all interested in the fauna of Vulcan?"

"Animals?" Amanda asked, puzzled.

"That is what I meant by fauna, yes."

Amanda frowned at him, half-teasing. "Yes, I know what fauna means, Sarek. So what does this proposition have to do with animals?"

"You have realized by now that my father is rather eccentric. When I was a child, he had a park installed on the estate to house exotic animals. Thankfully my mother curbed him on that venture, and instead there is a small herd of quatill and a few other species that live there. If the suggestion is pleasing to you, I would offer to take to you see it." Sarek said. His fingers were still warm against her back - he hadn't yet drawn away from her.

"You mean your father built a shi'aushfa, _a menagerie_? You're right, that is eccentric." Amanda replied with a smile. "I'd like to see it, though."

Sarek leaned close to her and ghosted a kiss on her cheek. His lips were as warm as the rest of him, and Amanda's heart skipped a beat at the gesture. As restrained as his touches and caresses were, Amanda reacted to them as if they were the most seductive and tantalizing gestures possible. _A good thing too, _Amanda mused as Sarek stepped back from her, _or I would be constantly embarrassing him trying to get more physical contact. We're suited in more ways than one, I guess. _

"Good." Sarek said, bringing Amanda back out of her own thoughts. "I used to enjoy visiting the place when I was a child. It was peaceful - I would go there to think. And," Sarek folded his hands behind his back in his usual manner, but there was a mischievous look in his coffee-dark eyes. "I have a surprise for you."

"Are surprises logical?" Amanda asked, feeling herself flush, although she wasn't sure if it was from excitement or bashfulness. She had never expected to have a surprise out of Sarek, except for the every day sort that he'd sprung on her already. She was already wild with curiosity about what the surprise could be, although she kept it secretly tucked away. Sarek didn't have to be privy to all her emotions.

"In certain circumstances." Sarek replied evenly. "I am attracted to you. I have a biological imperative to please you. Surprises, it has been established, especially in a romantic situation, can often please the significant party. Therefore planning a surprise for you, my significant party, is quite logical." Amanda couldn't help but laugh at that.

"Only Vulcans could explain romance logically." She said. There was a warm glow rising in her heart, pleasure at Sarek's cleverness and his ability to make her smile with his strange Vulcan teasing. Sarek looked down at her, and Amanda imagined that his eyes were displaying exactly what she was feeling.

"Where you are concerned, romance feels logical." He said.

"I shall choose to take that as a compliment." Amanda said, and with a sudden rush of boldness, tucked her arm in his. Sarek froze for a moment, but relaxed just as quickly. Amanda smiled again, feeling her cheeks grow hot. Sarek's own were very slightly tinged with green, but he squared his shoulders and led her off towards the end of the garden. The flowers and gravel paths gave way to a slope of short reddish grass, studded with little flowers of the most delicate light purple. "I'm surprised that your father had space to put in a menagerie, even if it is a small one." She commented as they made their way towards the base of the slight hill, where a cluster of dark, spare trees were casting their shade.

Sarek seemed very slightly uncomfortable. "Our estate is the largest in Shi'Kahr. There was space enough." Amanda chewed her lip and said nothing. She knew that Sarek's family was wealthy, but she didn't imagine that they were very much above the other wealthy families of Shi'Kahr. Their wealth was impressed on her further when they reached the trees. There was a little dark fence beneath their shade that stretched far away across the garden, so far that Amanda couldn't see the end of it. Sarek held the gate open for her, and Amanda went in, wondering what exactly she was going to see inside the enclosure.

The answer to that, at first, was nothing. The landscape was much the same as it had been outside the enclosure, except that there were more of the little scrubby Vulcan trees. Amanda caught glimpses of more flowers in the grasses as well, showing tiny faces of purple, red and gold. "There is somewhere in particular I would like to take you," Sarek said. "Follow me, please." Amanda did as he asked, feeling her curiosity flare up again. She supposed that whatever her surprise was to be, it would be where Sarek was taking her.

"I've never heard of anyone having a private park at their town home," Amanda said as they walked, bending the grass in a trail behind them.

Sarek brushed his hair out of his eyes distractedly. "Yes, well, there is another at our home in the country. You'll find that this is quite a small park, especially in comparison to that one. Most of the animals were transferred there, where my father could entrust their care and keeping to another party. He was very in favor of the idea of the park, but the practicalities of maintaining it bored him."

"I didn't know that Vulcans were suceptible to boredom." Amanda said.

"Indeed we are." Sarek turned to look at her. They were passing underneath a small tree, and Sarek's face was once again cast into the dappled pattern of light and shadow. "I myself experienced a great amount of boredom, before I met you." Amanda blinked, unsure of what to say to that. She tried out several replies in her head, all of which sounded ridiculously stupid, but Sarek rescued her by turning back to look ahead of them. "There is something here which the other park does not have, however, and that is what I wish to show you. We have arrived. Haurok-kraisek, _the mews_."

Before them, in the shade of two larger trees, was a stable little structure made of wood. It was only slightly taller than Sarek, and consisted mainly of roosting boxes for birds. Amanda could see the edges of nests poking out of the boxes, little fluffs and feathers clinging to the twigs. Sarek approached the structure and flicked a little piece of fluff off one of the nests. "I apologize for the state that they are in - I did request that one of my father's staff should visit and clear them up."

Amanda shook her head, puzzled. "I don't mind. Where are all the birds?" She was vaguely aware that one found large birds of prey in a mews, and certainly these boxes were large enough to house hawks or eagles. Amanda was not up on her ornithology.

"I shall call them." Sarek was stooping down to get something out of a shelf below the roosting boxes. When he straightened up again, he was holding two large gloves that Amanda assumed must be reinforced, and a little bag. He held out one of the gloves to her. "Put this on." Amanda did as she was told, although she wasn't sure why Sarek was offering a glove to her. She would have been happy enough to watch him with the birds. Before she could ask him, however, she heard a high-pitched noise: Sarek had produced a little silver whistle. Amanda blinked and looked around. Sooner than she had expected, the noise of large-wing beats was in the air. Amanda stumbled back in surprise as the birds descended towards them, and suddenly they were everywhere, perching on the roosting boxes, settling in the trees, and a few were even circling Sarek, vying for the spot on his arm and shoulders. When he turned back to her, two small silvery birds were perched on either shoulder, and there was a huge bird settled quite comfortably on his arm. Amanda knew her mouth was open. She shut it.

"This," Sarek said, indicating the large bird on his arm, "is Tau. He is a shavokh." Amanda had heard of shavokh before. They were giant predatory birds that lived in the wild deserts of Vulcan, with wingspans of two and a half meters or more. She had never seen one before, though, and the sight was incredibly impressive. His great wings, tucked up and slightly hunched, were mottled black and brown, although his body was completely covered in fluffy plumage of a dark golden color, fro his beak to his gold talons. His short tail feathers were dark like his wings. His coloring was not what caught Amanda's eye, however. His eyes were bright silver and red, shining with intelligence and curiosity. They were each ringed in black, and a trail of slightly longer feathers traveled down his face and across his wicked beak.

"Are you afraid?" Amanda was brought out of her awe by Sarek's voice, which was laced every slightly with worry. Amanda shook her head, although she didn't smile.

"I'm not. He's beautiful, Sarek. He's huge!"

"Indeed, Tau is large for a male." Sarek said. As if in response, the bird preened the fluffy feathers on his chest. Amanda chuckled. Tau clacked his beak, making a sound not far from laughter himself. The smaller birds on Sarek's shoulders departed, fluttering back to their nests. "Would you care to hold him? He is not so heavy. Avian bones are hollow."

"Yes, I know that, Sarek." Amanda said with a little smile. "Would he allow me to?"

"Of course. He is quite tame. Shavokh are not often domesticated as pets or hunting companions, but they are very loyal and will be friendly and tolerant with people if they are raised from the egg. Hold our your arm, Amanda, and offer him one of these." Sarek was holding something out to her. It was a little treat from the bag that Sarek had gathered up before calling the birds. She took it from him, and holding out her gloved arm as Sarek had told her, offered the treat to Tau. He considered it with shining silver eyes for a moment before hopping to her arm without more than a little shrug of his great wings. Despite Sarek's reassurances, Tau _was _heavy, and Amanda had to adjust her balance when he alighted on her. The treat was presently winkled out of her fingers, and Amanda giggled at the flick of Tau's bird tongue over her fingertips. He swallowed the treat, most satisfied, and fluffed his feathers.

"I have owned Tau since he was a chick," Sarek said. "He is quite fond of people now. And I am fond of him." The bird moved his head in the jerky manner of all birds and began to preen his feathers now. "Do you like him, Amanda?"

"I do." Amanda said. Up close, she could see the delicate detail on each of his feathers: gold speckled with brown, black tinted with red. _He's like Sarek's eyes, _she realized, and smiled. Sarek extended his arm again and clicked his tongue. Tau immediately left Amanda and sprang for Sarek's arm.

"I haven't won his heart, though. He still prefers you." Amanda said, laughing.

"I believe it is time for my surprise, then." Sarek said. He made a smooth gesture with his shoulder, and Tau launched from his shoulder, spreading huge wings to raise himself into the air. With only a few wing beats he was far into the sky, above the short little trees, wheeling about with his wings spread open like a giant black fan. Amanda gasped at the sight, momentarily forgetting that Sarek had mentioned the surprise. She watched Tau's form make great curving circles in the dusty blue sky - Vulcan's sky was never the true cerulean she knew on Earth.

"Amanda." Realizing that she had been staring up at Tau, Amanda turned back to Sarek. He had another bird on his arm, this one smaller than Tau, but not by much. It was colored similarly to the shavokh in the sky, though in place of gold, this bird's body was a bright vermilion red. The bird turned its curious silver and red eyes on Amanda and tilted its head. "A gift, for you. She is still very young, and is quite gentle. Will you take her?"

Amanda stared from the bird to Sarek for a few moments. "Sarek," she breathed, "she's mine? You're giving her to me?" The shavokh ruffled her feathers, and the tip of her wing caught the sunlight. Amanda couldn't help but be entranced by the beauty of her - all muscles and bunched energy like Tau, but sleeker, smaller, and, as it turned out, lighter. She perched on Amanda's arm and re-arranged the feathers on her shoulder, as regal and lovely as a princess.

"Do you like her?" Sarek asked. Amanda couldn't tear her eyes away from the bird, nor could she wipe the smile off her face.

"I do. She's beautiful. Thank you, Sarek. But I have no where to keep her..." Amanda started to say, but Sarek cut her off.

"She will be housed here. If you should ever like to take her away, she is yours." Amanda could feel him at her side now, placing one hand gently at the small of her back. Amanda turned to look up into his face, and she could see the gold shimmer in his eyes, just like that of Tau's feathers in the sun. "She must have a name."

Amanda looked at the fiery plumed bird for a moment, watching her shuffle her curved golden talons. The bird turned to look at her and cocked her head to one side. "I'll call her Kaht." Amanda said, making up her mind. "_Garnet._"

"It suits her." Sarek replied. "Shall I teach you to cast her off, so that she may fly with Tau?"

Amanda nodded, but Sarek's fingers were already at her elbow, showing her the way to flex her arm so that Kaht would know when to spring into the air. Kaht, catching on quickly, took to the air and beat up after Tau, her feathers shining pomegranate-red in the sunlight. Sarek's hand remained on her forearm after the bird departed, and Amanda could feel the warmth of it through her clothing. She turned to look up at him again. "Thank you," she said. "She is a wonderful surprise."

"Good." Sarek replied. "I used to spend much of my time with Tau and the other birds. I wanted to share it with you."

Amanda didn't reply, only stood up on her tiptoes and kissed him. He smelled slightly of spice, and the sunlight on his skin. To her surprise, he drew her closer to him and deepened the kiss, making a shower of tingling run down Amanda's back and across her shoulders. She was given the impression again of the strength of him, the power of his body and of his arms, holding her. It made Amanda feel incredibly safe.

When they finally broke away, Sarek did not move to step away from her, only continued to hold her close to him. Amanda sighed and rested her head against his collarbone, revelling in the sensation of peace that surrounded them. Nothing could come between them here, nothing could bother them - they stood alone and safe in a garden full of sunlight, with Tau and Kaht shining in the sky above them. "Amanda," Sarek said, suddenly. Amanda could feel the vibration of his voice in his chest. "Taluhk nash-veh k'dular. _I cherish thee. I love you."_

Amanda's heart leaped. For a flash, she felt rattled, as if the protective bubble she felt around her had suddenly been shaken very hard. That moment was gone in an instant. Her surprise melted away as if it had been a very thin layer of ice on a hot stove - because she did feel warmth. A deep warmth and security was flooding her, down deep to her bones. She could feel Sarek's care for her, his affection for her, his love for her. In the depth of the bond she felt _love. _It was both familiar and strange at the same time, making her feel peaceful and excited at once. Amanda took a deep breath, feeling as warm and safe and _strong _as she had ever felt. "Sarek, I-"

"Well hey kids!"

They broke apart from each other with the quickness of a lightning flash. Amanda whirled around, her heart pounding and face flushed, to see Captain Vincent Prais strolling towards them, his hands in the pockets of his Starfleet uniform trousers. The look on his face was just as cheerful and deceptively well-meaning as ever, but Amanda could see the smirk dancing behind his smile. _What is he doing here? How much did he see? How long was he standing there? _Amanda swallowed. _He knows._

"Your dad told me you were out here Sarek - oh, sorry - Ambassador Sarek. He wants me to fetch you back to the house. Hello Amanda, nice to see you here." Prais' smile was as shiny as glass, and just as brittle. "Been keeping yourself busy, hmm? I'm sure Councilman Skon will want to hear all about your...work. Shall we?"

_I'm doomed. Sarek's doomed and I'm doomed. We're doomed._

**Author's Note: **Well that took forever, didn't it? I'm so sorry that this chapter was so long in coming. I've been away from home and visiting friends, and if that wasn't enough, I re-wrote this chapter twice before I was happy with it. I'm still not so pleased, but I really wanted to get it done. I'm sorry it's such a train wreck, but at least birds and love, right?

I also want to quickly say here that I really appreciate you guys helping me out with the canon Star Trek stuff. However, I am gonna take a few liberties here and there (the birds, for instance) because...I can, and I'm more interested in making the story interesting than making it absolutely accurate, so I'm fiddling with timing a bit, as you will come to see. Hopefully this doesn't throw you guys too much. I will of course do my best to keep it within the lines of J. J.'s universe. 3

In conclusion, thank you for being so patient, more are on the way, and I hope you enjoy this chapter. ps. i liek reviews :3


	24. Chapter 24

Amanda shut her eyes and took a deep breath. Her heart was beating in her throat, and no matter how much she tried to calm its frenzy, it continued to race. She felt as though her veins were filling up with hot water, and at any moment she would explode, or steam would start pouring out of her ears.

"I assume you realize how grave an accusation this is." Councilman Skon's voice was hard and cold, as deadly as an icicle. Amanda knew she was trembling, but she couldn't keep her body under control. Not like Sarek. He stood by her side, as grave and stoic as the statue of Surak that they'd seen together at the art school. "I am offering you a chance to prove Captain Prais wrong. Please tell me the truth."

Amanda should have realized that Prais wouldn't keep his mouth shut. She had been hoping that perhaps he wasn't as bull-headedly cruel as he seemed to be, but her hopes were in vain. Just as soon as she and Sarek had returned to the house, the Councilman had descended on them, demanding an explanation. "Captain Prais has just told me that he observed you two...embracing in the garden. Come to my study and tell me that he has been mistaken."

And there they stood now, shoulder to shoulder in front of the Councilman's desk. Sarek's father, and one of the wealthiest, most powerful men in Shi'Kahr. He was practically calcifying with the force of his rage. Amanda could see that his knuckles were white as he clasped his hands in front of him on his desk. She tried to take another steadying breath, but no words would come to her.

"Sarek," Skon said. His black eyes were on his son, as terrifying as twin voids. "I demand that you tell me what has happened." Amanda saw a muscle in Sarek's jaw twitch. _He's just as scared as I am_, Amanda realized. _I wish I were as good at hiding it as he is._

"The Captain was not mistaken." Sarek's voice was perfectly even when it finally came. Amanda regarded him with surprise - besides the clench of his jaw, Sarek looked as calm as he ever did, although there was a film of frost forming over him. "Miss Grayson and I are romantically involved."

Skon shut his eyes for the briefest moment, and Amanda thought she could see the disappointment overtake him for just that second. Then he was all brittle and businesslike again. "I am extremely disappointed and shocked, to say the least. I should have thought, Sarek, that you knew better than to engage in such a relationship with - with someone in Miss Grayson's position." His eyes flicked to Amanda then, as hard as flint. "Miss Grayson. You understand that your actions reflect on the integrity of the Starfleet fellowship to which you have been admitted. This is extremely inappropriate behavior. You are visiting our planet through a fellowship that has taken years to construct, representing Starfleet, your people, and the fellowship itself." His tone lowered to a dangerous level. "You are a Human visitor on the most tentative of alliances, and my son is Ambassador to your home planet. I am afraid I was mistaken in you; I had thought you had more sense than to engage in actions that are certain to bring about a scandal. Furthermore, as a Human, your seduction -"

"Father, I must interject." Sarek said, as Amanda's eyes stung with the tears that she denied. "Amanda has not seduced me. She is my match. We are t'hy'la. You should know that there is no greater bond which may be established. You cannot find fault with it."

Spots of high color - green, of course - rose on Skon's sharp face. He half rose out of his seat, and for a moment Amanda wondered if he were about to yell. When he did speak, however, his voice was no louder than it had been, but it sounded significantly strangled. "You are _foolish_," He took a breath, as if trying to steady himself, "foolish if you believe that you have established such a bond with a Human. It is not possible. Your audacity in profaning the bonds of t'hy'la is deeply shocking. You cannot think that it would _ever _be acceptable for you to attach yourself to a Human."

"Amanda is Human, yes, but she is extraordinary. We have formed a bond. She is my mate, father." Sarek's tone was growing as ice-laden as his father's. Amanda, in a far off way, realized how very similar Sarek was to his father in appearance. Furious black eyes met equally furious brown ones. She could feel the anger rolling off Sarek in waves. It was all she could do not to be overwhelmed by it.

"And what should you do with her when you reach ponn farr?" Skon spat. "How could she -" He broke off and shut his eyes again. A moment later he resumed his seat. "Miss Grayson, you must leave. I am putting your work at the Institute and with the research associations on suspension. You will be informed when there are developments. A car will take you home. Good bye."

The tears in Amanda's eyes burned as hotly as if they were boiling. Somehow she managed to square her shoulders and bow to the Councilman. He wouldn't meet her eyes. She said nothing, only turned and left the room. She seemed to detach at that point. Presumably she went down the stairs and got into the car and drove home, but it was as if she wasn't truly there. Amanda drifted out away from her body, only loosely tethered to the cluster of shame and fear that had taken over there. It came as a surprise to Amanda when the car pulled up outside her house. She got out and wandered inside, up the stairs, and collapsed on her bed, face down into the covers. She lay there for a few minutes, just breathing in the scent of her coverlet and the candle fragrance that always lingered in her bedroom.

_He gave me a shavokh. Sarek gave me a beautiful bird and I ruined his career and his relationship with his father. _Amanda pictured the red glow of Kaht's feathers, and the golden look in Sarek's eyes when he saw how happy the gift had made her. She wondered what would happen to Kaht now. What would happen to Sarek? Tentatively, she reached out across the bridge between them that was the bond. It was like catching hold of his hand - instantly she felt strengthened, less afraid. She could sense that he felt the same way too. _I'm sorry, _she tried to tell him. _I'm so sorry. _

What Amanda got in return was a wash of regret and reassurance that nevertheless said _do not be sorry. _After that, however, there was no more. She suspected that Sarek was busy arguing with his father, and couldn't devote much attention to her. Still, even after the horror that had overtaken her, Amanda could sense his love for her, buried away inside her. A little golden nugget tucked into the chest she kept secure in her heart. That was another thing - when Prais had interrupted them, what was she intending to say? Was she going to tell Sarek that she loved him, too? Amanda rolled onto her back and stared at the ceiling, thinking. Yes, she had compiled a big bundle of affection for Sarek, compiled of all the little things she enjoyed about him and his company. It was a significant bundle, too, but she wasn't sure if it meant _love._

_If only, _Amanda thought, _I could open a field guide and find the entry for 'love' and compare what I've got to the picture and the entry. Everything would be much simpler if I had a field guide like that. _Unfortunately there was no such thing. _How could there ever be, when no one seems to know what love looks like or sounds or smells like, exactly_? Amanda thought about calling her mother, or Georgia, or George (yes, that was strange, that her two best friends had practically the same name), or Winnie, but found that she didn't have the energy or desire to do so. Instead, Amanda curled up in a little lump on her bed and found a children's cartoon from home to watch on her PADD. Sometimes, one just needs the most basic of creature comforts in order to recover.

It wasn't until after T'Iva had provided her with some really excellent, comforting dinner than Amanda decided to approach the problem logically. She drew a bath for herself: water incredibly hot, with a few bath salts she'd picked up at the market (their smell reminded her of raspberry), and climbed in. Wreathed in the steam of the water and the scent that was not quite raspberry, Amanda settled down to think. She was still angry, and worried, and scared, but she had to sort this out before she let it consume her.

Councilman Skon had quite a few reasons to be upset with both her and Sarek. For one, Sarek was his only child, and the heir to his estates and wealth. It was a rather close minded, brutish parent who would limit their child's marriage prospects because of that, though. Loss of a point for Skon. Secondly, Sarek and Amanda were both involved in politics, although Sarek was far more involved than Amanda. A relationship between them would be sure to cause comment, and very likely a scandal - a legitimate reason. One point for Skon. Thirdly, Amanda was the poster child of a program that Skon had championed. If she was caught doing anything remotely untoward, the fragile new program would take a serious hit, and potentially collapse. Needling people would cite Amanda's relationship with Sarek as a legitimate reason to close the program. Skon now had two points.

On Amanda and Sarek's side, however, was the fact that they were, as far as Amanda knew, t'hy'la. She suspected that this should count for more than one point, but awarded them just the one for now. Skon 2, Young Lovers 1. Counting against Amanda, though, was the fact that she was still a Human. A fumbly, crazy Human with emotions leaking everywhere and the respectability of a little trick dog at the circus. She was a definite disruption in the life that Skon had intended for his son. Did that count as a point for Skon? Amanda wasn't sure. Not to mention the uncertainty of the 'royal succession'. Vulcans were very serious about relationships, Amanda knew, and both Sarek and his father must be thinking about the potential for children, which once again brought up the problem of Tab A and Slot B. What was it now, Skon 3 and Young Lovers 1? Or was it the other way around?

Amanda sighed and slid farther down into the bath. There was still one point left unconsidered, and it was the third time that Amanda had encountered it without receiving an explanation. Ponn farr. Skon had said "What will you do with her when you reach your ponn farr?" Apparently ponn farr was something to worry about. Amanda could gather from context that it was some Vulcan-specific process that Amanda would potentially not be able to participate in. She'd seen it in the marriage texts, Selek had mentioned it, and now Skon was worried about it. Amanda desperately wished she had _someone _who would explain to her what ponn farr was, but it didn't seem likely that any Vulcan, even one of her friends, would be willing to tell.

And then Amanda thought of Prais. An overwhelmingly burning anger swept through her. Since she had arrived on Vulcan the smirking devil had been poking and prodding at her, teasing and mocking, all the while hiding it behind that horrible smile. Amanda had never met a person she hated more. She wished that she had simply commanded Kaht to rend his face when he came upon them in the garden - although of course she didn't know how, or even that Prais would betray them. Amanda wondered what he could possibly gain by snitching on her and Sarek, if only the satisfaction of having ruined them. Amanda was so angry that she buried her face in her hands and clenched her teeth until they ached. _I hate him, I hate him, I hate him. _Soon, however, the fury began to die down, leaving Amanda feeling as burned out as a house burnt out by fire. _Am I simply turning him into a scapegoat? I'm worried. I'm not sure._

There was one thing she was sure of, however. She would not leave Sarek. He loved her, and she wanted to have enough time to figure out whether she loved him back. _That is a chance I shouldn't be denied._

_ You will not be. _

Amanda shut her eyes and leaned against the back of the tub, feeling the familiar feeling of 'Sarek' join her. It was immensely comforting, and washed away the ashes of her anger over Prais. _It's settled then, _Amanda told him. _I stay with you. The rest of it may be complex, but this is simple, and the only thing I need really worry about._

_ You are correct, t'hy'la, Amanda. Everything will be set right._

As she climbed out of the bath a little while later, Amanda thought in the privacy of her own head about the last problem. _I may not be out of a lover, but I am out of a job. I need to make that right myself. _Even so, Amanda dried her hair and got into bed, feeling calmer and sweeter than she could have hoped. For now, she didn't need to worry. She fell asleep wrapped in the bond, as secure as though she had been holding Sarek's hand.

Amanda's dreams were confused and full of turmoil. Anxiety and anger and guilt roiled together, blurring between Amanda and the distant Sarek. Always there was worry - Amanda had assured herself in her waking hours that she would not lose Sarek, but how could she be certain? She was only one girl, and what could she do if the world turned against them? When Amanda woke for the second time with tears on her face, she curled up into a tight ball and hid beneath her pillow. _I'll do what I can, _she resolved. _I will speak with T'Rea tomorrow, about Sarek and about my job. And I'll call Ataur and George. And my mother...my parents should know._

Having decided these things, Amanda fell into an easier sleep, and didn't wake up again until dawn was stretching towards her through her window. She lay still for a few moments and watched the sun creep up from behind the cityscape of Shi'Kahr. _There is a lot that I have to do, but I can handle it. I made decisions, and I have to suffer the consequences - and I know I made the right decisions. _Amanda got up and dressed with care. Instead of twisting her hair up into an elegant Vulcan style, she pulled it back in a french braid. Why not reinforce the fact that she was Human, after all? She chose simple clothing as well, opting for a blouse and leggings rather than a dress. _Armor for the battle, _she told herself. There was one last thing she added to her dress, however. A simple chain necklace with a red stone - as red as Kaht's feathers.

After she had eaten breakfast, Amanda sent out two messages on her PADD. The first was to Sarek; she wasn't entirely sure about the strength of communication through their bond yet, and she wanted to make sure that he was all right. She kept it short, but expressed her worry for him, and asked what his father had said after she'd left. The next message was harder to write. Amanda selected T'Rea as the recipient and then sat staring at the screen for a long while. T'Rea would know about the situation by now, there was no doubt. She didn't know whether T'Rea would be angry. _Will she call me ko-kan or Miss Grayson, I wonder? _Finally Amanda forced herself to type out a message, although she was less than pleased with the result.

T'sai T'Rea,

I ask permission to meet with you concerning the incident with Ambassador Sarek and Councilman Skon. I wish to express my apologies in person. If there is anything that I may do to rectify the situation, please tell me. I want nothing more than to fix the problem that I have caused.

Whatever the consequences of my actions, I will accept them, but I dearly hope that a solution may be reached wherein I remain on Vulcan.

Yours faithfully,

Amanda Grayson

Amanda stared at the message for a long while after she had written it out. Even with her apologies, it sounded far too bold. She did want T'Rea's forgiveness, but she was worried about what price her friend would demand for it. If T'Rea told her she must leave Vulcan, and Sarek, Amanda didn't know what she would do. Trying not to think about it, Amanda swallowed and tapped the 'send' button. A feeling of relief flooded her - the ball was in T'Rea's court now. All Amanda could do was wait.

In the meantime, she could call home.

"Hi Mom." As glad as she was to see her mother's face, Amanda couldn't make herself smile. Not a real smile, anyway. Her mother seemed to detect the problem at once.

"Hello dear," she said, her brown eyes worried. "What's wrong? You look out of sorts. Did something happen?"

Amanda sighed and fidgeted with the end of her braid. "I have kind of a confession to make, Mom. I'm...involved with someone, here on Vulcan." When her mother said nothing, only looked stunned, Amanda hurried to continue. "His name is Sarek, and he's the new ambassador to Earth. He's - well, he's about 60, but in Vulcan years that's really my age - and he's really smart and kind and funny, too, in a Vulcan way. His father is a member of the High Council, they're like the cultural leaders in the city, and he has a little cousin named Selek who is really cute and smart and wants to know everything about Earth." Realizing that she was babbling, Amanda stopped and bit her lip. "...Mom?"

Amanda's mother swept her dark hair out of her eyes. It was lightly tinted with gray, and Amanda noticed that it had grown more so since she'd left Earth. "Well, sweetheart, that's...quite something. I wish you had at least mentioned this boy earlier."

"It didn't seem all that important," Amanda said, her brow furrowing, "at least, not at first. I'm sorry I didn't say anything."

"That's all right." Faye Grayson gave her daughter a smile, which immediately warmed Amanda's nervous heart. "I'm glad that you've met someone. But he's a Vulcan?"

Amanda tried a nervous smile. "Well, yeah, obviously."

"Oh, right." Faye blinked. "Is that really...possible?"

"Yes, of course it is!" Amanda said, feeling herself blush. "It's happened before. Vulcans aren't _all _that different from Humans. At least, not where it matters. They're just as capable as loving as we are, they just don't show it as much. I've learned a lot about Vulcans, Mom. They can be very expressive, in their own way, you just need to learn how to read them."

Her mother put up her hands in defeat. "All right, I believe you! You said he was the ambassador to Earth? That's a pretty big deal."

Amanda shrugged. "I suppose it is. Apparently I'm sort of a big deal here, too. That's actually why I've got a bit of a problem." She bit her lip again, wondering where to begin. "Our relationship was a secret...for the obvious reasons. I didn't want to jeopardize the program, and as the ambassador he has obligations. It would have caused a scandal if anyone knew." Amanda sighed. "And we've just been found out."

"Oh." Faye was silent for a moment. "I don't understand, why should anyone object to you two being together?"

Amanda twiddled some more with her braid. "Not all the Vulcans are pleased about me being here. A lot of traditional Vulcans still aren't sure about Humans. Sarek's family is pretty prominent in the city - they're actually pretty wealthy. It wasn't really in his life plan to get involved with a Human, at least not according to his father. He's a bit of a helicopter parent, if you get my meaning."

Faye raised an eyebrow. "He hovers?"

"Yeah," Amanda said, and couldn't resist rolling her eyes. "That together with the fact that Sarek holds a very important political position makes things complicated. Not to mention that I really have to be on my best behavior, as the poster child for this new Starfleet program. It's going to cause a big stink if people find out that I've been messing around with a Vulcan - not that I am messing around. I really like him." Amanda added hurriedly. "But critics of the program will exploit the issue. They'll say that it's a waste of resources if the candidates can't keep it together. To say the least, it's making a really big problem for the people who worked hard to set up the program."

"I see," Faye said. She furrowed her brow and leaned her cheek on her hand, as Amanda knew she did when she was concentrating. It made her feel a little better to see this familiar action of her mother's. "It seems to me like all you can do is keep your head up. If you really care about him, Sarek, then you're going to have to be strong." Her mother gave her a worried glance. "But sweetie, I really hope that you won't let him take the place of all your ambitions. You have such a lot ahead of you, don't throw it away on some man. Promise me you'll think of your own plans first?"

Amanda watched her mother's worried expression, and realized what a mess it must sound like to her. She had gone away to learn and advance her career, to make connections, and out of the blue she calls home and describes this huge wrench she's thrown in the cogs of her own progress. "I know how this must sound to you, Mom," She began, trying to think of a way to make the situation clear, "but believe me, I haven't abandoned any of my plans. No matter what, Sarek won't get in the way of what I want to do - in fact I think he'd like to help me. Vulcans are...really choosy about who they date. They don't get into it unless they're ready for the long haul."

Faye's eyebrows shot up at that. "Are you telling me that you're planning to marry him?"

Amanda shook her head immediately. "No! Of course not. I'm saying that...he's planning to marry me. Maybe. I haven't really decided what I want to do about that." Immediately feeling sheepish, Amanda gave her mom a half-helpless, half-pleased look. "He loves me, Mom."

"Geez, Amanda, you've dropped a bomb on me and that's no mistake." Faye said, sitting back in her chair, but she didn't look upset or angry. "Do you love him?"

"I don't know." Amanda said thoughtfully. "But I'm willing to find out. But either way, if I decide to love him it won't mean that I love my goals any less."

A smile made her mother's brown eyes twinkle. "That's all we can hope for. I've always wanted you to find someone who will love you as much as your father and I do. And I guess as an ambassador Sarek is a good person...although your father will take some time to adjust to you having a Vulcan boyfriend no matter what he's like."

Amanda grimaced. "Don't tell Daddy just yet," She said. "I'd prefer if...well, can we just keep it as our secret for now? I promise I'll tell him soon, just not yet."

Faye shrugged. "All right, sweetheart, but don't keep it a secret too long. You know that he'll sulk if he finds out that I knew before he did. And about this problem - obviously it's not ideal, but you've always been strong, Amanda. I know you can weather any storm, just hold on to the things that are important to you and everything will come out right. You can call whenever you need to, though, day or night. And if worst comes to worst and they send you home, there are plenty of fellowships and jobs that you can get on Earth. Even if that happens, your father and I wouldn't object to having a Vulcan visitor for a while either." She added with a wink.

Amanda couldn't help smiling at her mother. "Thank you, Mom. Thanks a lot. I knew you would help me feel better. I love you."

"I love you too, dear. Very much. And no matter what happens, your father and I are proud of you."

Armed with the happy, calm feeling that her mother had given her, Amanda didn't panic half so much as she might have done when she recieved T'Rea's reply, twenty minutes after they'd said goodbye. T'Rea's message was frightfully short, which made Amanda bite her lip with worry. Was she just being Vulcan concise, or was she truly angry with Amanda? That was the peril of communicating through text other than speaking.

Miss Grayson,

You may visit my home at 17h00 this evening. We shall discuss the situation and I will inform you of what is to happen. The address is included below.

Sincerely,

T'Rea

Amanda knew her hands were trembling when she finished reading the message. After checking to see if there was a reply from Sarek, she set her PADD down. Sarek was silent, and she had to face T'Rea on her own. She thought of calling Ataur and George, but there was a black lump in her chest that was growing larger. _If I have to explain this to anyone else, I'll scream, _she thought. But, knowing that she would want their council in the future, she forced herself to dash out a quick message to both of them.

_Sarek and I have been discovered. Prais saw us together. Councilman Skon is furious, and potentially T'Rea is too. I'm going to see her this evening. I can't write any more, but I will call soon, if I survive. - A. _

**Author's Note: **It feels so good to be back in the swing of things. I've got the next chapters in progress already, at least in my head, so expect more soon! Chapter length has become quite variable, it seems, but I'll do my best to give you a good chunk of action every time. Thanks for being patient for the last chapter guys, I'm sorry if it seemed I was dead! 3


	25. Chapter 25

The evening was hot and muggy and generally unpleasant as Amanda headed out for T'Rea's house, and her potential doom. Amanda gave a little shiver, despite the heat, and pulled the shawl that covered her hair and shoulders more securely around her. Councilman Skon's wrath had been hard to take, but Amanda dreaded T'Rea's anger more. Since the beginning Amanda had been a stumbling little chick under T'Rea's indulgent wing - and Amanda knew it was indulgence, now. She knew enough about Vulcans now to know that T'Rea had been a champion for her and a kind guide. _And what have I done to repay her?_

The facade of T'Rea's residence didn't do much to lighten Amanda's fears. It was an elegant building, in an older style than most of the homes in that part of the city. Amanda wondered vaguely as she approached whether it had belonged to T'Rea originally, or Kavonn. The door was answered by a man that Amanda assumed must be a butler or valet. Amanda allowed herself to be politely ushered into the house. It was a grand and open home, with glass partitions separating the different living spaces. Amanda had expected it to be rather spare, like Sarek's house, but it was sumptuously furnished, although not in excess.

The servant led Amanda to a smallish room at the back of the house that opened onto the garden. It was empty. Without a word, the servant vanished, leaving Amanda alone in the room. Pale blue curtains fluttered in a warm breeze that wandered in. Beside a row of large, french-door style windows was a low white table and chairs. Amanda sat, having nothing else to do, and looked through the windows out into the garden. Although the house was close to the city center, no sound intruded over the garden walls. It was as though Amanda had followed the servant into a perfect pool of silence. This made her feel vaguely uneasy. It wasn't as though T'Rea were going to murder her or anything, but the fact that the place was so secluded made Amanda feel out of her element. She sighed and fiddled with her scarf in her hands.

After Amanda had been waiting for a few minutes, musing on the nature of her doom, another servant brought in a tea tray and set it down on the table. She barely looked at Amanda and, like the man, departed without saying a word. Amanda waited for a while, but when no T'Rea appeared she poured herself a cup of tea and relaxed into her chair. A butterfly floated past the window, its jewel green wings blurring and clarifying as it passed behind the diaphanous filter of the curtains. Amanda sipped the bitter green tea and waited.

It seemed as though Amanda waited an eternity, although one that she passed in peace. She set aside her anxieties, brushing them away like Ataur had taught her. She was almost beginning to feel sleepy when she heard a soft footstep behind her. She half expected another servant, but it turned out to be T'Rea, revealing herself at last. She was dressed more simply than Amanda had ever seen her, in a day dress that was not quite silver. Her hair was pulled back into a shining bun at the base of her neck. Despite her relaxed appearance, though, T'Rea's face was as hard and blank as an ivory carving. Amanda felt a shudder run down her spine. T'Rea was clearly _upset._

"Amanda," T'Rea said, taking the other seat at the little table. She did not touch the tea. _Well, not Miss Grayson, that's something at least. _T'Rea's gray eyes were as shrouded as a sky choked with clouds. Amanda could not read her at all.

"Hello, T'Rea," Amanda said, her own voice sounding strangely tremulous. She hesitated for a moment, but decided to cut right ahead to the point. T'Rea had never been one to beat about the bush, and she wouldn't appreciate any mincing attempts to cushion the blow from Amanda. "I wanted to apologize...for my behavior. I've been foolish," _You are _foolish _if you believe you have established a bond with a Human, _"and I have no excuses, only that I care very much for Sarek, as he does for me."

T'Rea's eyes locked on Amanda's, now piercing gray daggers instead of banked clouds. "That may be," she began, her voice just as smooth and even as ever, "but the situation is causing considerable trouble for both Councilman Skon and myself. I do not know what to say to you, Amanda." Amanda started - she hadn't expected anything like that from T'Rea. Wasn't she supposed to be the one who didn't know anything, the bumbling child-like Human girl? "Councilman Skon has informed me that his son believes you to be his t'hy'la." Amanda felt her cheeks grow hot, and knew she was blushing. "I am not certain whether or not I shall give this belief credence. If you are t'hy'la, then I wish you joy, and will make no protest to your relationship. If this proves, however, to be a mistaken entanglement, then I shall have years of work to repair. In the meantime, I have no opinions on the matter, nor words for you."

Amanda stared blankly at the other woman. She felt strangely sluggish, as though her thoughts had slowed in their tracks. She had no notion what to say, let alone what to do. Finally, feeling as though she were coming out of a daze, Amanda licked her lips and said, not meeting T'Rea's eyes, "I understand. I'm sorry to have intruded on your time - I'll go." She stood up, suddenly desperate to get away. "Until...until you are satisfied that Sarek and I do share a bond, please believe that I never meant to jeapordize you or Councilman Skon, and that I am deeply sorry." Before she could lose her composure and burst into tears, Amanda fled. It had been stupid to call on T'Rea. She should have left the woman alone, and allowed her to fix the damage that Amanda had so clumsily caused.

Amanda didn't wait for a servant to escort her out. She hurried through T'Rea's elegant home, getting turned around once before she managed to find the front door. Once out into the open air again, she began to breathe again, taking huge gulps of air and trying to calm down. An unfamiliar panic was creeping up on her. She felt very much alone, stranded in a city of strangers. Amanda stood in T'Rea's front garden and hugged herself, trying not to hyperventilate and willing her heart to stop skipping so fast. She longed for comfort and solitude and a caring embrace...she wanted Sarek. Without thinking, she reached into her bag and yanked out her PADD, her fingers fumbling on the screen as she sought Sarek's contact information. Finally she managed to initiate the call, and stood trembling by the gate, trying to hide from both the street outside and the members of the house within.

"Amanda," Sarek's voice was tinged with concern, but Amanda had never heard anything so welcome in her life. "Are you all right? Why have you called?"

"Sarek," She said, her words stumbling, "please, can you come get me? I'm at T'Rea's house, I just spoke with her and...I want to see you...please come. I'm afraid." She knew she sounded like a little girl, but so great was her desire to be _away from this place _that she didn't care. It was as if the meeting with T'Rea had been _particularly _traumatic, but suddenly Amanda felt as if the world were crashing down around her. All of her worries had ganged up on her and pounced. Sarek, T'Rea, Skon, Prais...she may have destroyed everything, and that knowledge was pressing down on her with crushing weight.

Sarek was clearly alarmed by her distress. She could hear it in his voice on the PADD, but Amanda could also feel it through the link. "I will be there soon," he said, his voice clipped with worry, "Remain calm, Amanda. I shall retrieve you."

"Okay," Amanda said, feeling a wash of embarrassment flood her already tension-ridden body. She didn't want Sarek to hear her like this, to see her like this - but at the same time she craved the comfort and relief that only he could grant her. They closed the call, and Amanda slipped out the gate to stand waiting by the road. She was shivering, despite the heat that swamped her, and she arms wrapped tightly about herself. To her further mortification, tears were stinging her eyes and blurring the street around her. When Sarek's car finally arrived, she couldn't exactly make it out, so much did they impede her vision.

"Amanda, I am here," Sarek was climbing out of the car, hurrying to her. She gulped and wiped her eyes with the back of her hand. Sarek's face was pale, and she could clearly see the worry in his eyes. "Amanda." He said again, raising a hand to lightly touch her side. It was a far more familiar gesture than any Vulcan would have risked in public, but Amanda knew he couldn't help it. Her worry was bleeding into him, but all the same she hated herself for making him lose his decorum again.

"I'm fine," she lied, scooting away from him. "Just take me away from here. Please." Sarek hesitated, but steered her gently towards the car in any case. Amanda curled up in the passenger seat, bringing her knees up to her chest. She'd done enough crazy Human things today that she didn't care any more. Sarek joined her in the driver's seat quickly.

"Shall I take you home?" He asked as the vehicle whirred into life again.

"No." Amanda said, her voice quiet. "I don't want to go home." _Not to my house in Shi'Kahr. I want to go home to Earth. _

"Very well." Sarek accelerated and pulled away from T'Rea's home. Amanda felt relieved the instant the building was out of sight. It was as though the walls were wrapped with her anxiety and fear, and it lessened as soon as they were away. She sighed and rested her forehead on her knees, listening to the car's engine and her own breathing for a while. It soothed her somewhat, rhythmic noises that asked nothing of her. _All I have to do now is sit here,_ she told herself. _There are no demands on me right now. _That thought was immensely reassuring, and even though the car ride was not very long, Amanda felt a lot better when it was over. She looked up when Sarek stopped, and was surprised to see that he had brought her to his house. _Well I did tell him I didn't want to go home. _The sight was another balm on her worn nerves, however, and she gave Sarek a weak smile.

"Thank you," she said, "for bringing me here." Sarek's face was Vulcan calm, but she could tell that he was still very worried about her.

"Come inside," he said. "I will bring you water, and you can rest." _He must be ten times as freaked out as I am, _Amanda realized as she got out of the car and was herded towards the house by Sarek, _Vulcans do not have nervous breakdowns. He must think I'm losing my mind. _

"Sarek, I'm okay now, at least I think I am," Amanda protested as he opened the door for her and led her inside. Sarek said nothing, only pulled her over to a low couch and gently pushed her down to sit. Despite her protestations, it was nice to sit, and nicer to lay her head down. She snuggled against the back of the couch when Sarek left to get her something to drink. In the wake of her fears, she felt oddly calm, if a bit lethargic. Coming to Sarek's house was like retreating to a fortress. Who could touch them here? What could bother them? There would be a time to sort out those problems, but that time was not now. She could rest.

Amanda must have dozed off, for the next thing she knew was Sarek's gentle, warm touch at her shoulder. She blinked and sat up, feeling fuzzy and disheveled.

"Here - it is only water." Sarek said, handing her a glass. Amanda took it gratefully and sipped at it - she wasn't very thirsty, but Sarek seemed to think that it would calm her down. Amanda sighed and rested the glass on her leg, relaxing back into the couch. Sarek took a seat beside her, and Amanda could sense how tense and worried he was. She wanted to say something to reassure him, but she didn't know quite what to say.

"I'm going to be all right now, Sarek," She said. He gave her a dubious look, and Amanda smiled a little. "I just...we're in a rather big mess. And I got overwhelmed." She looked down at the glass in her hands and ran her thumb over the smooth glass. "T'Rea wasn't angry with me. I thought she would be, but she really just refused to talk to me. That was worse, somehow."

"T'Rea is a very clear-minded individual." Sarek said. "She will do what is right."

"But does that mean she will send me home?" Amanda glanced at him. His face still seemed very pale. "If we were on Earth, this would never be such a problem," She said, without really knowing why she said it. "On Earth it isn't so..._dreadful _to do what your instinct tells you to do. If we were in love on Earth, no one would care." Amanda's stomach twisted - she hadn't intended to say that, but the words had just jumped out of her mouth. _In love? What will he think? I never said..._

"I am not a Human, Amanda." Sarek said, and his voice was gentle.

"I know that," Amanda said, fiddling more with her glass. She was feeling embarrassed again, but it was the familiar fluffy kind of embarrassed, not the gut-wrenching horrible thing she had just escaped from. "I only wish that things were simpler."

"It will never be simple, for us." Sarek said, and Amanda knew that was true. Neither of them spoke for a long moment, and then finally Sarek said something that made Amanda's heart freeze in her chest. "Would you prefer to end our courtship?"

It was unthinkable. Not for Amanda, although she certainly didn't want to end it, but Vulcans mated for life. Sarek had practically pledged his undying soul to her, and assumed she meant the same. How could he say that now? Did he really think that she was that...unfeeling? "No," Amanda blurted, the word leaping straight from her heart to her mouth without pausing at her brain. "Of course not. I..." she stopped. "I know what a relationship means to you, Sarek. I wouldn't have gotten into this without considering that." She met his eyes and then quickly looked away again. "I hope you know that."

"I do." Sarek said, and Amanda felt the lightest of touches as his hand brushed hers. A blossom of warmth and tingles spread from her fingers where he had touched them. "I do not wish to cease. But I do not wish to keep you bound to me if you would prefer to..."

"Well, I don't prefer to." Amanda said, suddenly stubborn.

"Good." Sarek gave her an almost-smile, but Amanda could see weariness etched on his face. She wondered why she hadn't noticed it before - he looked almost as haggard as she felt. She reached up and brushed his cheek very lightly. His lips parted and he sighed, eyes closing.

"You're tired," Amanda said. "Was your father horrible to you? I'm so sorry I left you, but I couldn't-"

"It is of no matter, Amanda. My father and I quarreled, yes. I do not know what he intends to do. We did not reach a solution upon parting." Sarek's eyes opened again, and she could see re-kindling anger there. "I had thought that my father would listen to reason, but he believes I have betrayed him." Amanda chewed on her lip. She hated to cause more strife between Sarek and his father, but she had a feeling that this was the straw that broke the camel's back, even though Vulcans were not familiar with camels. Wildlife aside guilt was rising in Amanda, and she felt it hard to brush it away.

"What did he say?" She asked, dreading the answer. _More horrible phrases and insults about me, _she supposed. Sarek passed a hand over his face, brushing dark hair out of his eyes and leaving it somewhat discheveled. The tousled effect was endearing, but it made him look even more weary.

"I could tell you," Sarek said, "but...perhaps you would allow me to show you instead? Recounting the arguement would...I don't wish to say the words he used myself." A green flush had crept across his cheeks, but Amanda knew it was from anger, and not embarrassment.

"Show me?" Amanda asked, puzzled. "How?"

Sarek turned to look at her again, straightening his broad shoulders. "Kash-nohv," he said. "_A mind meld._" Amanda looked at him blankly. Of course, she had heard the term before. It was a particular ability of Vulcans that they chould share thoughts and memories through a mind meld. Amanda had heard that it was a profoundly intimate experience, and the participants had to be careful to guard certain thoughts and emotions that they did not want to be discovered. How this related to her, however, Amanda did not know.

"But I am not Vulcan." She said.

There was a spark of amusement in Sarek's eyes. "You need not be Vulcan to participate in kash-nohv, although it is helpful to the process if one is not psi-null." He said. "And you, Amanda, are very far from psi-null." Amanda knew that term as well - Humans were practically psi-null, as they could neither send nor recieve telepathic information. She'd heard that Vulcans found them rather dull because of it. "Do I have your permission, Amanda?" Sarek continued.

"Uh, yes." Amanda replied, after hesitating for a moment. "What exactly will happen, though?"

"I apologize, I should have explained." Sarek said. "I shall place my hand on your face, like this," he demonstrated, his long fingers moving to touch very lightly on her forehead and by her nose and mouth. His touch was abnormally warm and tingled very slightly.

"It tickles," Amanda said, with a little smile.

"Indeed," Sarek said gravely. "Does it bother you?"

"No," Amanda said. It was quite pleasant, really, and Amanda felt as though their bond had become more narrowed and focused. It was difficult to think about anything but Sarek, but she often had that problem in other situations.

"When I initiate the meld, our minds will join. I shall be able to share memories and thoughts with you directly. I will not intrude any farther upon you or hurt you. Do you trust me?" Sarek's dark eyes were focused directly on hers. Amanda felt a shiver run down her spine.

"Yes," she said quietly. She was suddenly nervous, but excited as well. To share so closely with him was...arousing, she had to admit it. _A different sort of sharing, but one just as intimate._

"Then I will begin. Naph, hif-bi yu throks. _Give your thoughts to me._"

At first, Amanda felt nothing, and she wondered if she were doing something wrong. Suddenly she felt an odd little poke. It was similar to the feeling when she missed a step going up the stairs, or ran into something by accident, although this was not as jarring. The prod came again, and then Amanda felt a sensation of...blending, of the edges of her mind going fuzzy and interweaving with another. The sensation stole over her slowly, but suddenly she wasn't alone. Amanda couldn't help giving a little gasp. Suddenly it wasn't just her in the blackness behind her eyes. It was an indescribably strange sensation - she felt openness and the sensation of _space_, but she wasn't alone. Sarek was with her, as definitely Sarek as he was through the bond, but increased tenfold. She felt the beat of his heart and breathed with his lungs, while at the same time experiencing the same sensations of her own. Amanda was fascinated. She wanted to jump into the new space and explore, to hear Sarek's voice the way he heard it, to know the world the way he knew it. She pushed against his presence, revelling in the connection and the _joy _of being so close to him that they were one and the same.

As she ventured forth, however, Amanda felt Sarek's heartbeat quicken, and took in a gasp of air with his body. _Amanda, _she heard Sarek's voice say, _I promised I would not intrude, but I should have asked the same from you. _He was pleased, she could feel his amusement, but she backed off. _I'm sorry! I didn't realize._

_Do not be sorry. I was worried that I would frighten you, but it appears that I did not._

_ No. _Amanda curled around him, feeling as contented as a purring kitten. _It is amazing to be with you. _Sarek reciprocated, and for a moment there was nothing wrong in the world. It was only them together, and nothing else was important.

_May I show you? _Sarek asked after a moment, and Amanda felt the sensation of slight disentanglement. She was confused for a moment, but then remembered. She had forgotten everything after the first moment they had blended together. _Oh! Yes._

What happened next was both strange and fascinating. Amanda saw images forming before her, collecting and becoming more solid, as though someone were painting with watercolors on very wet paper. It was only a few moments before everything came together, and she was in Councilman Skon's study. She recognized the room, but not in the way she knew it. Sarek's memories and thoughts and rememberances were all over the room, displaying it in a very different light than Amanda had seen through her own eyes. The desk that had once been taller than he was, the window that overlooked the garden, the chair where his mother used to sit when she came in to speak with his father.

The Councilman was there, not seated at his desk, but standing before it. He did not stand still, but paced, his hands clasped behind his back in the way Sarek had learned from him. Amanda saw it and knew it at the same time. It was a bit distracting to be seeing and feeling everything with the many layers of Sarek's experience covering it all. Amanda tried to focus, as Skon was beginning to speak.

"I am greatly displeased with you, Sarek." Skon's voice was more expressive than Amanda had ever heard it. Of course he would not be as reserved before his son. "This is the most unsuitable match you could have made. I do not deny that Miss Grayson is a capable young woman, but this is not...right."

Amanda, through Sarek, felt anger glow hotly in her chest. It threatened to consume her, but she knew how to contain it. "Then what objection could you have? Amanda is intelligent and far above psi-null. She would be remarkable even if she were not Human, but as it is she is perfectly suited to -"

"A Human," Skon said, acid burning in his voice, "is no equal to a Vulcan in these matters, no matter how remarkable she may be."

"We are bonded!" Her voice raised, she fought to control the anger raging in Sarek's mind. "Must I have a Healer attest to it? Would you believe it if T'Pau saw it for herself?" Skon's rigid face went white - Amanda knew through Sarek's memories that T'Pau was the Matriarch of their family, a woman of powerful telepathic capabilities and even more powerful convictions.

"T'Pau must not learn of this," Skon said. "It is not the bond, Sarek -"

"Tell me, Father," Sarek interrupted, "with what reasons you believe you can defend yourself. Tell me."

Skon's own fury flared at this, like a low fire suddenly fed with gasoline. "How can the objections not be apparent to you? You know I harbor no ill will towards Amanda, but there is no possible future for the two of you together. She may have telepathic capability, but what shall happen to her when you enter ponn farr? You will _hurt _her, Sarek. Her body will not be strong enough to endure you, nor will she be able to defend her mind. You will leave wounds that cannot heal."

Sarek's heartbeat - her heartbeat - sped up. He looked away from Skon, clenching his teeth together. Sarek knew the danger, knew how much he could hurt her, but he would not. He would not allow himself to hurt her, no matter what the cost. "I will not," he said. "Amanda is strong, she can protect herself. I will not hurt her."

Skon's face contorted into something like a sneer. "You are too young, Sarek," he said. "The blood fever has not truly taken you yet. I assure you that no Human woman could stand up to you when it takes control of you. What shall you do if you kill her, or break her mind beyond repair?"

"Vulcans have taken Human mates before," Sarek said, his voice coming out strangled. Amanda felt the tension in his shoulders, the rapid thrum of his heartbeat. His anger was now mixed with a degree of fear. Fear for her.

"At great risk," Skon said. "It is _dangerous_, and she does not even know."

"She will know." Sarek forced himself to even his breathing, to calm his heartbeat. Amanda felt him bend his will on his body, and it complied. "I shall tell her. Amanda will be free to leave me if she wishes, but I will not allow you to separate us. Our bond is made. We have shared dreams. We are t'hy'la...it is undeniable."

Skon passed a hand over his face. His anger was cooling rapidly, he only looked weary now, and grave. "Sarek, I worry for you. If you are correct, and Miss Grayson is your t'hy'la...have you considered what kind of life it would be? You would never have children. There is no possibility that she could bear you any."

"There is possibility," Sarek said. "And perhaps I do not want children. How could I deny the bond I have with her, Father? You know it is not possible. I shall never want to leave her."

"Humans are not so strong, Sarek. Even with your ponn farr approaching, she could destroy you far more easily than you could destroy her."

Amanda felt as though she was waking up from a dream. The memory faded as smoothly as it began, becoming shadow and then fog, and then nothing. They were in the present again, together, and Amanda could feel their hearts beating again, very slightly elevated.

_I have shown you. _Sarek's anguish was deep. She enveloped it and banished it, giving him instead her affection and comfort. _Why are you afraid? _She asked. She touched him, gently, smoothing away the worry. _I am here, I am yours._

_ You do not know all._

_I'll learn. Stay with me, just for now. I want to be close to you. _Amanda ventured a little further into him, and this time he did not send her away. He reciprocated in kind, and Amanda felt a thrill as he blended farther with her. She felt as though her soul were open to him, and his to her. She couldn't resist the desire to explore, to learn all their combinations and patterns and weaves. It was like being held tight in his arms, but so perfectly and completely that it made her want to cry. Amanda practically glowed, in soft colors of light and shadow.

And Amanda felt Sarek glowing, too, in different colors that were the perfect companion to hers. She welcomed them, carressing, and a bright flare of something different awoke in her. She knew Sarek felt it too - a deep feeling. Desire. At first Amanda pulled away from it, knowing she shouldn't push Sarek too far, but he caught her and drew her back. And the feeling of being _wanted _was too powerful for her to resist. Suddenly, she felt warmth and pressure on her physical limbs, and Sarek was leaning into her, kissing her.

Very slowly the link between them faded, shifted and changed into physical connection. Sarek's kisses were gentle at first, soft and slow as they had always been. Once again, however, every part of her egging her on, Amanda slid his mouth open and her tongue against his. This time, though, Sarek didn't suddenly pounce on her, unrestrained. Without any timidness, he met her kisses, pushing further until they were locked together, and every touch of his lips and tongue made melting heat travel down Amanda's spine.

Without really knowing why, Amanda reached down and found Sarek's hand at her waist. Before he had time to react, she had pulled his hand away and interlaced her fingers with his. Sarek's reaction was delicious. His breath caught in his throat and he made a little groan. Amanda, feeling a rush of playful wickedness, drew her hand away and stroked his hand, sliding her fingers across his in the most sensuous manner she could manage. That got more of a response than she expected. Sarek caught her hand in his, and she could feel him breathing hard against her cheek. He drew back and his eyes met hers - but instead of shame or anger, Amanda saw lust burning hotly there. She felt a jolt of arousal travel down her spine. The intensity of his stare was enough to make her shudder.

"I should like to take you upstairs, to my bedroom," Sarek's voice was dark and slightly hoarse. "Do you consent?" Amanda would have giggled at his phrasing if she wasn't so intensely turned on. She simply nodded, still staring into his overbright eyes.

Without letting go of her hand, Sarek pulled her gently off the couch. She couldn't help glancing down as he led her up the stairs - he was clearly just as ready as she was. It was hard to tear her eyes off his erection. Amanda knew she was blushing hotly, but her body was flooded with such a joyous excitement that she didn't mind in the least. When they reached his bedroom, Sarek shut the door behind them and immediately pulled her to him. His kisses were hungry now, although not overwhelming. He pushed her gently back to his bed, and Amanda happily fell back onto the covers.

Sarek hesitated for a moment, but then unbuttoned his collar and pulled his shirt over his head. Amanda bit her lip, smiling in appreciation - Sarek was well built, but not overbearingly muscular, and Amanda admired the swell of every muscle. There was a fine cover of dark hair across his chest. She pulled him down to her again, exploring the smoothness of his skin, although one of her hands was still clasped in his. Her palm and fingers were tingling in a very pleasant sensual way, and Amanda wondered what the feeling was like for Sarek.

_It is incredbily arousing. _Amanda started, but grinned into his kiss, before reaching over and running the fingers of her other hand across his knuckles. Amanda felt him stiffen against her as another little moan escaped him. The noise went straight through Amanda - her mind was beginning to get fuzzy with desire. She gently let go of his hands and undid the fastening of her blouse. Before she could pull it off, however, Sarek had brushed her hands away and did it for her. Suddenly shy, Amanda looked up at him. His eyes were on her breasts, and when he slid his hands over them Amanda nearly shuddered.

It wasn't long before they had both shed the rest of their clothes. Sarek knelt over her, his cock rigidly hard and tinged green with the color of his blood. Amanda had wondered, before, if that would bother her - but she was certain now that it didn't bother her in the least. Sarek was hesitating, though, she could sense his nerves. Amanda propped herself up on one elbow, reaching out to stroke his erection. It was wonderfully smooth beneath her fingers, and she heard Sarek's breath catch again. "We don't have to," She said, ceasing her caress. "We can stop."

"No." Sarek leaned down and kissed her, his mouth soft and warm against hers. "I want to. Taluhk nash-veh k'dular. _I love you._" Amanda sighed as she felt the tip of his cock brush against her lips. She helped guide him to her entrance, feeling her heartbeat flutter faster and faster. In one smooth movement he entered her, and Amanda whimpered as she felt herself open for him.

Amanda's experience with sex had not been quite extensive. She hadn't met anyone who had really made her enjoy sex. Most often she left feeling rather sore and disappointed. It was clear to her from the beginning, though, that it would be different this time. Sarek began slowly, pulling himself nearly all the way out before thrusting into her again. Amanda couldn't help letting out a little moan every time he entered her - each thrust was smooth and slow and wonderful. Sarek gazed down at her, his lips parted and his hair falling into his eyes. His face was more open and expressive than she had ever seen it.

Soon Sarek began to pick up speed, his thrusts deeper and longer. Amanda felt herself tightening around him, her pleasure mounting. She had expected Sarek to be as quiet as the grave, but not so - he began to make little, almost desperate noises as their speed increased. Amanda arched her back and sighed with pleasure; every time Sarek's cock entered her a jolt of ecstasy washed through her. She reached up and slid her hands beneath his, interlacing their fingers. Sarek groaned aloud and pushed deeper into her, making Amanda tense deliciously. She could feel his pleasure, too, soaking into her through the bond. It was intoxicating - feeling his intense arousal at how wet and open she was.

"Amanda," Sarek gasped, "I want...to join with you," He couldn't have said anything more erotic. Amanda grabbed his hand and brought it up to her face, her own breath coming ragged and hard.

"Do it, please," She said, her voice half a whisper. Sarek had barely touched her before she felt him flooding into her. She gasped with the intensity of the feeling. They entwined and tangled together, and Amanda could feel every racing beat of his heart as Sarek got closer to climax. She cried out and dug her fingers into his arm, overwhelmed by pleasure and wanting more of it , needing more, needing him. Her orgasm flooded through her and she clung to Sarek, feeling her muscles tighten and tense around him. But she had barely enough time to breathe before Sarek was coming too, and she felt all of it: the intense, hot rush as he pumped into her.

For a long moment afterwards they just lay there, Amanda listening to the steady rhythm of their breathing as it slowed. Weariness was creeping over her, but it felt good, a descent into sleepiness and warmth. Sarek's mind gently pulled away from hers, and while she instantly felt the loss of him, it was not a painful loss. Sarek shifted and drew out of her, but he drew her close into his arms. Neither of them said anything - there wasn't any need to. Amanda could feel Sarek's content and peace just as she felt her own. Tangled up with him, in his bed, made Amanda feel as safe as she had ever felt in her life. Sleep began to creep up on her then, like a dog sniffing around something tasty. Amanda buried her face in Sarek's collarbone and inhaled his scent.

Amanda knew that there were many questions left unanswered - many things that she needed to think hard about and possibly worry about. The world outside was a chaotic mess, all snared wires waiting to trip her up. Right now, though, she was safe, protected, loved. _Screw it, _Amanda thought as she began to descend towards sleep, _I'll deal with that crap tomorrow. Right now, this is where I belong._

_I agree, Amanda._

**Author's Note: **Ta-dah! Your patience has been rewarded! I hope it was everything you dreamed it would be...this was my first ever sex scene. I realize that it's like, super duper long. I hope that's okay :( Anyway, this was a very fun chapter to write, although it did take longer because I kept having to pause to think of a synonym for 'pleasure'.

Just a heads up - I'm currently away from home, spending a little vacation time with the significant other, so chapters are going to be a little slower in coming. And, in two weeks, I'm headed off to Italy to spend three months studying art. I'm not quite sure what that will do to this story - as far as I can tell right now, I'll be just as happy to write about Vulcans in Italy as I am in the States. Should the situation change, I will let you guys know and go on a formal hiatus rather than just leaving everyone in the lurch!

Thanks so much for reading, I hope you enjoyed it 3


	26. Chapter 26

When Amanda woke, she felt strangely cold. It took her a few moments to realize that this was because Sarek was no longer beside her. The room was dark and silent, with one window open to the night that had fallen while she slept. Amanda felt a breeze touch her skin and wondered how long she had slept. Sarek's absence was beginning to gnaw at her, however, and she soon sat up and tried to locate her clothes. It took her a little while to find all of her garments - they had been scattered far afield, and the light of the moon outside wasn't quite enough to see by. Once she had pulled her dress on - without bothering about undergarments, she didn't feel like giving up the entirety of her relaxation - she padded outside and glanced down the hall.

Sarek was sitting on the deck where she had once seen him reading in an un-Vulcanly state of repose. He was fully dressed, watching the darkening sky with a thoughtful expression on his face. Amanda slid the door open and joined him there, her bare feet making no noise on the deck's surface. He turned to look at her, and Amanda suddenly felt slightly self-conscious. She wrapped her arms around herself; the air was slightly chilly. "You left me alone," she said, with a half-smile. Sarek stood and went to her, placing his hands lightly on her waist.

"Yes, I apologize. I do not require as much sleep as you do." Sarek's voice was quiet, and at his touch Amanda could feel the buzz of his consciousness strongly. There seemed to be an extra element to their connection now, an added strength that hadn't been there before. He brushed her hair aside and kissed her neck lightly. "You can feel it as well. Our bond is nearly complete." Amanda smiled and slid her arms around him, enjoying the pleasant sensation of both his body and mind close to hers.

"I like it," She said. Just then, something tugged at her mind, and she drew back from him a bit, searching his face and the surface of his emotions for any sign of distress. "Are you all right? I know Vulcans...what we just did..."

"I am perfectly sound," Sarek said, as though he were slightly surprised by the fact. "I feel no misgivings or discomfort. I am simply pleased that we engaged in intercourse." Amanda had to laugh at that intensely Vulcan turn of phrase. He was unfazed by her amusement. "However, I believe there is something bothering you, Amanda."

_Ah, the dark side of the bond...he notices things even when I'm trying to hide them. Perhaps because I'm trying to hide them. _Amanda sighed. "There are some things I need to ask you about. When you fought - er, had that discussion with your father, you mentioned a few things that I don't understand. I need you to explain them to me, or I won't feel right about this."

Sarek's calm expression became grave. "Of course." He said. "I should have told you earlier. Before we-" Amanda cut him off.

"No, it's all right. Let's just talk about it now." She said, giving him a reassuring smile, or at least what she hoped was reassuring.

"Very well. We shall go back inside, the night air is too cold for you." Sarek gently steered her back into the house and shut the door behind him. "Do you require food or drink? It is past the normal dinner hour."

"Perhaps some juice," Amanda said. She wasn't quite hungry, but she knew that she would be soon. Her anxiety to get her questions answered was more powerful, however, and she didn't want to slow down Sarek's answers for food. Sarek gave her an amused look, and Amanda knew that he had sensed this, and understood her. They went downstairs and Amanda snuggled into a comfortable space on the couch while Sarek poured out some juice for them. When he handed Amanda her glass, she noticed it was the same kind as he had given her when they'd had dinner together. The taste made her smile.

"Now," Sarek said, joining her on the couch, "we shall talk." Amanda noticed that his feet were as bare as hers. Seeing him in this relaxed attitude made her feel another little wave of affection for him. "What is it you want to know?"

Amanda set her glass aside and drew her knees up to her chest. "Your father said that your "ponn farr" was coming. And that you would hurt me." She couldn't suppress a little shudder. Skon's words had been frightening, let alone that they were charged with fury. _You will leave wounds that cannot heal_. She looked up into Sarek's face, and she could feel the worry that was immediately present within him, invisible to anyone but her. "Why was your father so worried? What is ponn farr?"

Sarek looked down at his juice for a moment. Amanda could see the machinery working in his mind, trying to come up with an answer for her. She could tell that ponn farr, whatever it was, was something very personal, and very taboo. Unfortunately this only made her worry and curiosity rise. "Ponn farr is part of the Vulcan mating cycle," Sarek said finally. "Every seven years of adult life, Vulcans experience a neurochemical imbalance that outwardly presents as a kind of madness. The imbalance can only be counteracted by bonding and mating with a suitable partner...or, in extreme cases, by killing." Amanda knew she had gone pale. When she was unable to say anything, Sarek looked away from her. "It does not matter how much control we have over ourselves. The savagery always remains." His tone was so defeated that Amanda reached forward and put her hand on his leg, trying to convey some sort of reassurance while she herself was still reeling from the information.

"What do you mean by madness?" She asked, trying to banish the horrible images she was forming in expectation of his answer.

Sarek still wouldn't meet her eyes. "Our emotional barriers are completely demolished. We become beasts. Until our urges are met, we are unable to control ourselves, physically or mentally."

"Oh." Amanda clenched her teeth. Well this was certainly a huge bomb to drop on her, although Amanda supposed she should have expected something of the kind. She couldn't help the fear that was flooding her now. She had seen Sarek act on an impulse before, and it had been frightening...very frightening.

"There have been cases," Sarek was speaking again, and Amanda forced herself to cut through her sudden fear to focus on him, "where an individual has harmed his or her prospective mate with excessive force." He finally turned to look at her, and there was a fear in his eyes that made Amanda's blood run cold. "Vulcans are approximately three times stronger than Humans, on average. My father was expressing anxiety that I would grievously harm you, should we be together when my ponn farr overtakes me. It is a fear that I also share."

"Sarek-" Amanda began, but Sarek raised a hand to stop her.

"Please, I must tell you all. I am experiencing a considerable amount of guilt for not having informed you of this earlier. In addition to being physically forceful, I would also be disregard your mental barriers. Should you be unwilling to mate with me at any other time, I would respect your wishes, as it is your right to refuse me. However, under the influence of ponn farr, I would...not be able to resist. In Vulcan society there have been instances of rape associated with the blood fever brought on by ponn farr, both physical and mental."

Amanda withdrew from Sarek, feeling her body grow cold. Amanda thought herself very fortunate to never have been the victim of any molestation, but she had known people who had. A girl in her high school, a young man in her Political Science class in college. In all her previous relationships she had been careful to protect herself against any sign of abuse. But Amanda knew that no one could be held accountable for being a victim of abuse or rape - it could happen to anyone. And here she sat, beside a man she was more than half in love with, and he was telling her that he might rape her. Amanda couldn't think of anything to say. She could dimly sense Sarek's distress, but she couldn't meet his eyes, or do anything to reassure him. One little, brazen thought rose in her mind, battling off all the others: _how could he have done all this, said he loved me, slept with me, if he knew? How could he have been this...irresponsible? _Amanda looked up and met Sarek's eyes, and she knew that he had heard that thought. He looked as if he'd been stabbed between the ribs.

"Amanda," Sarek's voice was quiet. "I will not ask you to stay if you do not wish to. You are free to leave me. I would never willingly hurt you."

Amanda licked her lips, watching his face. She could feel the depth of his fear, his dread of harming the woman he loved...of harming her. "There have been other relationships between Vulcans and Humans." She said, her voice almost a whisper. She felt like she were clinging to the tiniest, flimsiest little piece of hope left to her.

"Yes," Sarek said, and Amanda could see a hint of desperation in his eyes as he continued, "In Vulcan relationships, ponn farr often arrives for the different partners at different points in their lifetimes. However, rapes and abuse are very rare because the fever is communicated through the bond. When one partner enters ponn farr, the other follows them, and neither is harmed." He paused and began to speak more slowly. "It is possible, although less likely, that the same sort of communication can happen between a Vulcan and Human partner. The only successful relationships between Vulcans and Humans are achieved because their bond is strong enough to support the transference of the fever. I believe that...because you are my t'hy'la...I believe that I would not harm you in my ponn farr. I believe you would join me." Amanda could see Sarek's jaw clench when he was done. She watched his face; the strong, dark features, the beautiful curve from his jawline to his collarbone to his shoulders. _This could be my undoing, _Amanda thought, _this could be where it all goes wrong and where I make a horrible mistake. _But she could feel the current that ran between them, the harmony between her pulse and his, and she made her choice.

"Yes," she said, moving back into his embrace. "We're together - I'll join you." Amanda could feel his grief and pain subsiding and he pulled her close to him, and she buried her face in the warm hollow of his neck and collarbone.

"I need to talk to you," Amanda said through the console to the slightly worried face of Ataur. "I have a lot to tell you, and I need your advice." It was the following day, and Amanda was back at her own home, fully dressed in fresh clothes, with her auburn mane successfully tamed. Her worries, however, had not been fully tamed, despite the wonderful night and morning she'd spent with Sarek, tangled in each other's embrace and sharing warm, slow kisses. She blushed to recall what they had done together after their discussion the previous night - but it was a pleased, happy blush. Now, however, Ataur seemed to sense that there was something wrong - Amanda wondered if her relaxed attitude with Sarek was seeping through into her behavior with other Vulcans, and sincerely hoped not.

"Of course, Amanda." He said. "Shall we meet at your home?"

Amanda chewed on her lip. "The public gardens," She said. "I need some fresh air." Her emotional vacillations between anxiety and joy over the past few days were wearing on her, and Amanda felt as though she could absorb some peace from the quiet, expansive gardens at the center of the city. Her assumption was not in vain. When she arrived at the gardens an hour later, Amanda was immediately struck with the deep, calm silence of the place. Despite the garden's location at the center of Shi'Kahr, the noise of the surrounding city was completely dampened. There had been some modifications to the climate in the gardens, of course - Shi'Kahr was far too dry to support such lush greenery, and Amanda assumed that there had been some sound proofing involved in that as well. She wandered down a shaded path, enjoying the plant scents in the air and lost in her own thoughts. She was so lost, in fact, that Ataur had to call her name twice before she realized he was there.

Ataur was sitting comfortably underneath the spreading canopy of a bone-white tree with dark leaves. As he stood and gestured Amanda over, he said "It is a wonderful specimen, is it not? Local to the mountainous regions north of Shi'Kahr. It is called the igen-fo-dan, colloquially, _sky shield._" Amanda took a seat on the bench Ataur had been sitting on, and he joined her. "Now please Amanda, tell me what is bothering you, so that I may do my best to assist you."

Amanda nodded. "Thank you, Ataur. I assume you got my note about me and Sarek." Her meditation teacher nodded, and she could see the concern in her eyes. It made her feel a little better to know that her friend cared for her so. "We still haven't resolved the issue with Councilman Skon," She continued. "He is determined not to accept us, and T'Rea is..."

"Yes, I know of T'Rea's reaction." Ataur said gravely, and Amanda felt her heart sink.

"I went to see her yesterday. She was so angry..."

Ataur shook his head. "T'Rea is not angry. She is concerned, both for her project and for you, Amanda. The Councilman is a very powerful man, and should he decide to act...improperly, you could be in significant trouble. You may be in significant trouble should the Councilman decide to do nothing, in truth. There are many in the city who do not approve of your presence here at all. If they should learn of your relationship with the Ambassador you would be less in trouble than in danger." Amanda looked away and sighed.

"This is turning out to be far more complicated and worrisome than I assumed at the outset," She said.

"Do you regret it?"

Amanda paused. "No. Sarek is...well, I'm willing to withstand everything else for him."

Ataur gave a near-smile. "So it is with all t'hy'la." He said. "You are a remarkable young woman, Amanda. But all of this I know already - what is it that you wanted to talk to me about?"

_Well, here goes. _Amanda took a breath. "Sarek explained ponn farr to me."

"Ah." Ataur's face immediately changed, becoming more closed off and serious. Amanda hoped she hadn't broken a serious code of conduct with her teacher, but she had to continue, now that she had started. After all, who else could she ask?

"I'm not worried...not really worried. I just want to know how probable it is that I'll, er, be able to receive the fever. I know it's happened before in Vulcan Human relationships. Is there any way to know whether we'll be..."

"Safe?" Ataur asked, and Amanda could see a glimmer of his normal self behind his eyes. "I had wondered about this, Amanda. Between Vulcans, the bond of t'hy'la can withstand anything. I can't imagine that it would be much different for you and Sarek. You have shared dreams, which demonstrates to me that your bond runs very deep. Beyond that, however, I cannot say. I have never heard of a situation exactly like yours, therefore I cannot give you an absolute answer. If you need to know, of course..." Ataur trailed off, his brow furrowing.

"What? What can I do?" Amanda asked. She wasn't sure if she needed a solid answer. She wasn't quite sure of anything, except that she wanted to stay with Sarek, despite this danger.

"It is possible to induce ponn farr, if the individual is close enough to that turn of the cycle. With the help of skilled mind healers, of course. It has been useful for individuals who are scheduled to go on long journeys away from their mates. It does not always work, of course. It depends on the nature of the bond and of the individual wishing to induce ponn farr." Ataur gave Amanda a sidelong look. "If you are worried, you may ask Sarek to do this for you. That way you can know."

"But what if it doesn't work?" Amanda asked, twisting her hands together. "What if we aren't compatible? Won't I just end up getting..." She trailed off, but Ataur got the message.

"You would be in a controlled environment. Sarek's needs would be seen to without your help, assuming you do not fall into sync." Ataur seemed uncertain. "At the present time, however, I would advise against such a venture. It would require the help of a trusted healer, and a compatible individual waiting to mate with Sarek should things go wrong. The matriarch of his family -" Amanda cut him off.

"Sarek would...with someone else?" She asked. The idea grated against her, and she felt as though there were a bad taste in her mouth. "No. I don't...no." She couldn't explain to Ataur why. It was too personal to say to a Vulcan, in public. She shook her head. Ataur looked relieved, however.

"Yes, I thought perhaps this idea would be disagreeable to you." He said. "In any case, now is not the right time for such considerations. You have time."

Amanda fiddled with the end of her scarf, not meeting Ataur's eyes. "Um, I apologize for asking you to tell me about this. I know Vulcans do not like to discuss it. There was no one else I could ask."

"I understand, Amanda." She looked up into his eyes and saw that he did. Ataur's face was open and relaxed again, he was her affable teacher once more. "May I offer you some more advice?"

"Please do." Amanda said, resisting a smile.

"Do not worry about Councilman Skon and T'Rea, or your position in the program. I believe that you will be reinstated soon. In truth, this is not as much of a scandal as some would make it out to be. In my opinion, it is a reflection of the success of the program, and not a failing. Marriage between our peoples, on such a visible level, will promote good will between Earth and Vulcan. Even to Vulcans, a good love story is appreciated." There was the lightest hint of a smile on Ataur's face. Amanda, however, couldn't help squirming.

"What if it doesn't end in marriage, Ataur?" Amanda asked, her heart starting to skip oddly. "What if we break up?"

"Hmm. I believe there is a saying on Earth...'we will cross that bridge when we come to it.'"

**Author's Note: **Hello again! Have you missed me? I apologize for my long absence. Settling into Italy is taking time...but I had a free afternoon and I realized that I missed writing this thing, whatever it is. I'm sorry it's a short chapter. I thought you would appreciate getting an update even if it was kind of a dinky one. I will attempt to keep updating regularly, but if I may disappear suddenly :( I will try not to though! 3


	27. Chapter 27

Amanda had only just said goodbye to Ataur and left the gardens when she received a message on her PADD. To her very great surprise, it was not from Sarek or T'Rea or George, but from Councilman Skon. An unpleasant electric shock traveled through her upon seeing the name. _What could he want with me? Is he apologizing? Or maybe he's telling me that I have to pack up and leave. _Amanda's finger hovered above the "read" button on her PADD screen, held back by her dread for what the message might contain. Finally she powered the screen off and shoved the thing back in her bag. She would read it when she got home - she didn't want to get bad news where she was so visible.  
Amanda felt jittery for the entirety of the walk home. She desperately wanted to stay in Shi'Kahr, even if she didn't get her position back. Being sent home in disgrace would break her heart, for more than one reason. Her distress screwed itself up into a little ball and sat heavily on her mind like a paperweight. It wasn't long before she felt confusion and concern ebbing from Sarek, but she couldn't do much to reassure him. She couldn't explain to him over the bond when they were not in direct contact with each other, so she just tried to calm herself instead. She could still feel his worry skirting around the edge of her, but he would have to wait.  
When she reached her little home, Amanda paused underneath the giant flowering shrub outside her door. The purple flowers were beginning to curl, and Amanda wondered if the plant had reached the end of its flowering season. She brushed a half-bloomed bud with her fingertips, and the touch of the silky petals seemed to fortify her. Amanda went inside and sat down on the little couch with resolution - she would take whatever news the message conveyed with strength.

Miss Grayson,  
I wish to speak with you on the matter of your relationship with my son. Please attend me at my home at 11h00 tomorrow morning. Your suspension from the Institute is still in place. You will not be returned home for the time being.  
Councilman Skon

Well, it was short and to the point. Amanda swallowed and set her PADD down on her lap. So Skon was planning to have it out with her...and from his words, Amanda assumed that her fate would be decided at this meeting. Perhaps he was giving her a chance to stand up for herself. On the other hand, he could just be summoning her to make her dismissal nice and formal. Amanda frowned and licked her lips, thinking. If anyone was going to dismiss her, it would be T'Rea, right? She was, after all, head of the fellowship program. _At least I'll hear my sentencing from T'Rea, then, assuming she'll speak to me. _  
Amanda sighed and flopped back on the couch. It was terrible to get in so much trouble for _loving _someone - or at least, being in a relationship with someone. She knew Sarek loved her, and she certainly...cared for him. Shouldn't that be enough for his father? Unless Skon was sincerely concerned for what might happen to her when his son entered ponn farr, although Amanda suspected that he was more worried about what Sarek might do than what would happen to her. Being in control was so important to Vulcans - was it as much of a horror if a Vulcan lost themselves during the fever of ponn farr? Or was it worse?  
_It's time, _Amanda decided, _to call George._

"Aww, Amanda, that's a bunch of bullshit." George was back on his ship now, and once again looking tired. It was strange how much of his vivacity receded when he was away from Winona...or perhaps it was the stress of his work. In any case, his expressive face was full of concern, and Amanda felt the same warmth she'd experienced when she'd noticed Ataur's worry for her. _I have people to rely on, even out here. _"They aren't keeping you from seeing Sarek, are they?"  
"No, they don't really have the power to do that. But I do have to go speak with his father tomorrow, and I'm pretty worried about what's going to happen." Amanda said, fiddling with a stray lock of hair. "I don't know if they'll banish me or put me in jail or what."  
"They won't put you in jail," George said with a hint of a smile. "And if they do, I'll come bust you out, with all the Starfleet colors blazing. It sounds to me like they don't have any reason to be angry with you, they're just being hypersensitive. You know, like Vulcans usually are." Amanda gave him a look and he laughed. "I'm sorry. It's just...I don't know, nothing like this would ever happen on Earth. Tellarites run off with Andorians and Humans couple up with Orions, and no one cares. It's only Vulcans who are so chilly about it."  
Amanda sighed. "I know. You have to understand, though, that it's a huge part of their cultural identity - the bonding thing. I think Skon is _insulted _that his son has bonded with a Human. I get the feeling that he's always expected perfection from Sarek. No matter how good I am, I'm still a Human, and I can't make up for that. It's like Sarek has betrayed something essentially Vulcan, you know?"  
George frowned and shook his head. "Times are changing. Relations with Vulcan were wildly different last generation, and they'll be even more so next generation. Who knows, our children might go far beyond what we ever imagined was possible. We have to adjust - all of us have to adjust."  
Amanda chewed her lip. "If only everyone thought like you, George."  
George shrugged, his smile returning. "That wouldn't be any fun. I like being the only one who can think like me."  
And Amanda had to laugh. When they hung up twenty minutes later, Amanda felt heartened. Even that simple, short conversation with George was enough to bolster her for the rest of the day. In her bath that night she reflected on how important his friendship had been to her. She had made the most important relationships of her life in these past months. Amanda picked up her bar of soap and stared at it for a long moment without really seeing it. _Even in the middle of this mess, I feel lucky,_ she realized. A great wash of affection for Sarek and her friends settled on her, and Amanda smiled to herself. _I'm just a conduit of love, _she thought, _I give it and receive it, and that makes everything worthwhile._  
Something tugged at her mind, a little insistent urge that made her heart give a funny jump. Did she...should she tell Sarek? Her former calm was now instantly replaced with a half excited, half terrified energy. But what if she didn't _really_ feel it, and it was a lie? It would be horrible to tell that lie, especially since...But, then again...  
In a surge of recklessness, Amanda pushed these thoughts aside and barrelled ahead. _Sarek? _She poked at the bond in her mind, the causeway that connected her thoughts to Sarek's. Almost instantly, she felt his reply, a general curiosity and slight hint of worry that didn't need words to be explained. She tried to line up how to say it, how to tell him - and suddenly lost her nerve. _Um. Nevermind._  
_Are you certain? There is something troubling you._  
Amanda froze, scrambling for some plausible answer. But she didn't have to come up with a lie - something was troubling her, apart from the wild urge to confess her feelings that had suddenly possessed her. _Your father wants me to come see him tomorrow. I think he's going to make a decision about me._  
As distant as they were from each other, Amanda felt Sarek's anger flare as though she had been able to read it on his face. It took a moment before the feeling receded. Amanda blinked, trying to reconcile an emotion that hadn't been her own. _I was not aware of this, _Sarek's communication was still edged with anger, but he managed to get a hold on it. _I must speak with my father. _There was a pause. _Amanda._  
_Yes?_  
_My father's decision means nothing. You shall stay here on Vulcan if you wish to, and I will not abandon you. _Amanda felt the sudden sting of tears behind her eyes. She hadn't considered what would happen if Skon decided to send her away, not really. It was clear to her now, however, that there was no alternative. _I will stay._

Amanda wished that she could say that she was no longer afraid after that, but her worry chewed at her throughout the rest of the night. It took her much longer to fall asleep than usual, and anxieties chased their tails in her head while she fought to get comfortable. Needless to say, it was a rough night, and when Amanda finally gave up and got out of bed, she felt tired and cranky. The upside of getting up early was that she had plenty of time to get ready, and to get her thoughts in order. Amanda paid careful attention to her toilette, selecting a modest dress in moth gray and pulling her hair back in a simple Vulcan style. _I've finally figured out how to do this without T'Iva's help,_ Amanda thought as she tucked in another pin, _and now I'm not sure if I'll be able to use it._

After lingering a little too long over her makeup, Amanda descended to breakfast, although there was a surprise waiting for her there. Sarek was standing in her living room, looking agitated, as though something were burning beneath his skin. His expression relaxed when he caught sight of Amanda, who was both surprised and pleased. "Hello," She said, going to him and pressing a kiss to his cheek - she felt his heart skip as her lips brushed his skin. "What are you doing here? I didn't expect you."

"Good morning, Amanda. My father has forbidden me to accompany you on your visit," Sarek said, some of the stiffness melting off him. "However, I desired to be with you, and I shall be by your side until he formally summons you." Amanda gave him a genuine smile, touched that he was so determined to protect her.

"Have breakfast with me, then," She said, sounding more cheerful than she actually felt, "And then we'll go together." Nevertheless, her mood was significantly improved, and they enjoyed a nice meal together, even though Amanda had to force herself to eat. Her stomach was tying itself in a little nervous knot, and it was only Sarek's presence that encouraged her to eat. She kept trying to reassure herself that whatever Skon said, it didn't matter - she and Sarek were both adults and could make their own way. The only thing in the balance here was her job, and if Skon was determined to take that from her, then there was nothing she could do, and no reason to worry. Sarek noticed her tension, Amanda knew, but both of them were aware that there was nothing more to be said. Their decisions had been made, and it was only Skon who was left to make his verdict.

Whether any of the Councilman's household was surprised to see their young master was beyond Amanda's powers of observation. As soon as they arrived at the grand house, Amanda was whisked away upstairs, barely able to say goodbye to Sarek before Skon's secretary ushered her away to the Councilman's study. Amanda turned for a last look at Sarek before she entered the lion's den, and there was such a look of love and concern in his eyes that she felt bolstered. Soon, however, Sarek was out of her sight, as the secretary had led her up to the second floor of the house. The Councilman's study was near the back of the house, where Amanda knew it had a wonderful view of the gardens. The antechamber that she was shown into, however, did not. Amanda sat alone and uncomfortable in a luxurious chair, wondering if Skon was keeping her waiting because he was busy or because he wanted to intimidate her. Whether it was his intention or not, it was working.

Finally, the door ahead of her opened. Amanda stood immediately, clenching her hands to keep them from shaking. She would not show any signs of her nerves in that office - she would not show any signs of anything. Resolute, but privately wondering how long it would take her brittle armor to break, Amanda advanced into the study and shut the door behind her.

Councilman Skon was not seated behind his desk, as she had supposed he would be. Instead, he was standing at the window, looking out across the gardens, his hands folded neatly behind his back in the same attitude she had seen Sarek use a hundred times before. He appeared not to notice her, and Amanda, puzzled, tried to determine what he was looking at. A small dark shape wheeled across the sky visible through the large window. It took Amanda a moment to realize what it was, but when she did, her heart thudded harder in her chest. It was Tau. Sarek had gone out into the gardens to see the birds. Amanda felt a pang of longing to see Kaht, and watch the two birds together in the sky. It was at that moment, though, that Sarek's father seemed to notice her presence.

"Miss Grayson," He said, turning to look at her. His deeply lined face was set in a severe, grave mask. Amanda remembered its usual, pleasant calm, and felt her spirits sink to see his attitude towards her so changed. "Please take a seat." He gestured to a chair in front of his desk, and Amanda sat, feeling as though she had no choice in the matter. Skon remained standing, surveying her from his considerable height like a king looking down on a subject. Something about this irked Amanda - she stood. She didn't want to be looked down on like that.

"No, thank you, I don't think I will." She said.

"Very well. I would like to speak to you about my son, now."

"Yes?"

_So far, so good, _Amanda thought as Skon paused to martial his thoughts. She stood as straight as possible, her eyes fixed on his. She wouldn't waver - what happened in her future was her choice. Skon hesitated for a moment, and finally looked away. As he did, something seemed to drain out of him, and there was little energy in his voice as he said "I believe I shall sit, in any case." He crossed to his desk and sat down, then turned his gaze back to Amanda.

"I would like to begin by saying that I am not at all concerned for you. In cases of Vulcans and Humans engaging in romantic relationships, there is considerable danger to both individuals. However, I believe that in this situation, there is a far greater danger to my son than there is to you. I have always paid careful attention to his welfare. Since his mother's death, Sarek's upbringing has been solely my responsibility, and I have taken my duties seriously." Skon steepled his hands in front of him, and Amanda wondered if this was a posture he assumed when he was concentrating on a problem. "Sarek has informed me that you are now aware of the nature of ponn farr?"

Amanda blinked, and nodded, somewhat taken aback by the question. "Yes, I am."

"You must, therefore, be aware of the risks that your relationship places on my son in this matter. Were he to kill or damage you, as lamentable as that occasion would be on your account, it is Sarek whose health would be more seriously compromised. I have determined, through speaking with him, that you do indeed have a strong bond. That is to say, I am certain that he has attached a strong bond to _you; _whether or not the attachment is reciprocal is out of my knowledge. My observations have led me to this conclusion: should he injure you, Sarek would suffer. Should you abandon him, Sarek would suffer. In order for me to endorse this match, I must place a great deal of faith on you. While I am certain of your stability in terms of Human capability, I am not assured of your ability to function in Vulcan capabilities. A Vulcan's mate is not only his romantic partner, but also his protection - against the darker aspects of his nature. You must forgive me when I say that I am not confident in your ability to protect my son."

For a moment, Amanda could do nothing but stand there and blink. Skon had just rattled off such a long statement, charged with so much information that Amanda had to take a few seconds to process. "With respect, sir," Amanda said finally, the words coming slowly, "isn't your son more suited to determine the strength of his mate than you are?"

Skon's eyes narrowed almost imperceptibly. "Under normal conditions I would say yes. However, Sarek has seemed to have developed a mild case of insanity, and I do not believe he is quite capable -"

"Pardon me for interrupting," Amanda interrupted, "but I believe, sir, that you should stop worrying about having faith in me, and have faith in your son. He is intelligent and responsible and, I should think, knows his own soul better than you know it." A small part of Amanda's mind was banging on the walls and shrieking, scared witless by the words that the rest of her was producing. She just had to ignore it - she was in too deep to stop now. "If you don't trust me, trust your son. He loves me, and that should be enough validation for you."

Skon's reply came as swift and sharp as a snake bite. "I am aware of that. Do you love him?"

Before Amanda could think, before she could put up any barriers to hold back the words, she said "Yes. Of course I do." It was as though she had drawn back the curtains and flooded a room with blinding sunlight. She stood there for a moment, amazed by her own words, and yet Skon was reacting to her statement with very little astonishment. _He doesn't realize that I've just found that out, _Amanda thought vaguely, her thoughts now as thick and fluffy as cotton candy. _How funny. _

"Nevertheless," Skon was saying, while Amanda still stood there steamrolled by her own realization, "It is impractical - you are too great a risk." Finally Amanda marshaled herself. She drew herself up to her full height and fixed Skon with her best stare.

"That," she said, her voice as even and cool as a polished river stone, "is a risk you will have to live with. No matter your opinion, or your decision, we'll be together. It's just going to happen." Amanda's eyebrows knit very slightly, the only show of emotion she would permit herself. "I have been wondering, actually...Sarek and I are t'hy'la. You _know _we are. That is the best validation we can have, the strongest a bond can be, and you still don't want to accept it. Why?"

For a long moment, Skon said nothing, his dark eyes watching Amanda's face as inscrutable as the depths of night. Finally, he let out a deep breath and placed his palms flat on his desk. "I have no excuse other than that I only desire what is best for my son," He said, in a warmer voice than he had yet used. "I have spoken to Sarek, and I have spoken to you, and it seems that have been given no choice. Can I put my trust in you, Amanda?"

"Yes," Amanda replied. "You can trust me." She wanted to smile, but let it reach only her eyes. Looking into Sarek's father's face, she thought maybe she could see a smile in his eyes as well. And outside, two birds, one gold and one crimson, spun in the sky together.

**Author's Note: **I appear to have hit a bit of writer's block. I know what I want to write, but getting it out onto paper has proved difficult recently. I hope you'll forgive the time this chapter took, and the shortness of it. I promise that there will be better chapters in the future. I give this one about a C+. Let's see if I can get it back to A again :)

ps. I recently found a ton of factual errors in the previous chapters. Eventually they'll be fixed, but for the time being I'm going to write new stuff instead. When I'm finished I'll go back and make everything as it should be 3

oh pps. Can you guys see the cover image? Is it legible? I drew that myself, so I hope you can. I've been meaning to ask about this for ages but I kept forgetting!


	28. Chapter 28

"You are reinstated to your post, Amanda, and shall begin your work again this coming Monday. Despite the complications, I am satisfied with this state of affairs. You will, of course, complete any backlogged reports that you have yet to file with Starfleet. We shall expect work from you from the interim days."

Though T'Rea's words were as marble smooth as ever, Amanda got the idea that she was pleased. She accepted the cup of tea that the woman offered her and sat cradling it in her hands. "Thank you, T'Rea. I am so grateful to you."

"There was no possibility that they would keep you away long," Ataur said, settling back into his chair. They were together in T'Rea's garden, this time seated among the flowers. Sarek, seated at Amanda's side, gave her a calm look that nevertheless conveyed his pride in her. Amanda felt quite pleased, and just as warm through and through as the cup of bitter tea in her hands. She felt as though she had come through the turmoil of the past few days and was now resting in the calm left behind by a storm. It was exceedingly pleasant, especially when she could clasp Sarek's hand under the table as often as she liked. There was no need to be secretive any more - besides the rules of Vulcan courtesy, of course.

T'Rea gave Ataur a sharp look. "You make light of the matter, Ataur." The accused folded his hands in his lap and presented her with a look of innocence that Amanda couldn't possibly miss.

"I apologize, T'Rea. I say it only because I was aware that you were doing everything in your power to keep Amanda in her position - and your cleverness and influence are formidable." Ataur's voice was calm and meek, but Amanda smiled inside to notice that strange brand of Vulcan humor. T'Rea ignored him and turned instead to Amanda.

"It is good that we shall not lose you, Amanda. The project is still fragile, and the loss of our protege would have been extremely detrimental to its continued stability." Amanda read between the lines to understand that T'Rea was happy she was not going home. _I am good at this Vulcan-reading. But not quite good enough._

When she and Sarek left T'Rea's home, Amanda felt oddly nauseated, and not because of the strong tea. Only a day had passed since her meeting with Sarek's father, but she still had not told Sarek what she had told his father. For some reason, telling the severe councilman that she loved his son was far easier than telling the son himself. Amanda had never been in love with anyone before - at least, she had never admitted it, and now whenever she thought about telling Sarek, the words seemed to stick in her throat.

Amanda glanced at Sarek as they walked along - they had chosen to walk, as the journey was not too far and it was a pleasant day. Sarek had just come from an important meeting with the High Command, and was looking official and somewhat severe in an excellently cut tunic with a high collar. He was explaining a political tangle that he had been obliged to sort out, and was gesturing with one hand while he held the other at the small of his back. _I do love him, _Amanda thought, watching his face, the slight crease between his brows as he unwound the complex anecdote. He glanced over at her, and his dark eyes met hers.

"Amanda, your mind is wandering." He said, his face relaxing into one of his not-smiles. Amanda blushed and looked at her feet.

"I'm sorry. I was...distracted."

Sarek raised an eyebrow, and Amanda was surprised to see a spark of something mischievous in his eyes. "Yes, I know. You did not seem to notice that we have arrived." He turned and opened the gate - Amanda blinked. They were indeed standing in front of her house. She had completely lost herself in her thoughts. Again. "May I come inside?"

Amanda gave him an odd look. "Of course," she said. "I had assumed you were going to anyway." She took his arm and gave him a small, private smile. "You need me to assure you that I enjoy your presence?"

"No, I know that you enjoy my presence," Sarek said flatly, although his eyes were still smiling. "That is perfectly clear to me both through the bond and your body language. For instance, you are currently holding yourself against my arm. Seeking contact with another individual is an indication of sexual interest."

Amanda stifled a laugh and rolled her eyes. "Come on, before we offend someone on the street." She gave his arm a little tug and led him towards the door. "Can you take time off from your ambassadorial duties this afternoon?"

"I have cleared my schedule," Sarek said. "It is my intention to spend the entirety of the day with you." The unspoken words at the end of his statement came to Amanda through the bond - _and perhaps the entirety of the night as well. _Amanda felt herself blush. They had reached the door and were standing beneath the exuberant fronds of the purple-flowering plant. A hint of scent drifted down to Amanda, the almost spicy perfume of the flowers. _I have to tell him! _Her heart gave a weird little somersault of excitement and nerves. Sarek paused, halfway towards opening the door, and gave her a questioning look. "There is something on your mind, Amanda."

She swallowed and brushed a stray lock of hair out of her eyes, suddenly very aware of all her arms and legs and awkwardness. Sarek's face was half in sunlight, half in the shade of the flowering plant's fronds. Amanda felt singularly tongue-tied, looking up at him. "Sarek, I..." She swallowed again. Why was this so difficult? "I...love you." There. Finally. Amanda felt a sudden flood of relief. She felt weak and drained with the effort of it, but she had finally gotten the words out.

Sarek, on the other hand, seemed nonplussed. "I know." He said, his brows drawn together in puzzlement. Amanda blinked. This was certainly not the reaction she had been expecting. Perhaps she had imagined that Sarek would be surprised, but at least pleased, and perhaps kiss her.

"How do you know?" She asked, still buoyed by the tide of her anxiety turning into relief. "I haven't told you yet...had I? No, I'm sure I didn't."

Sarek seemed to realize something, and an amused tinge entered his expression. "Amanda, we are bonded. I have always known."

For some reason, Amanda felt the prickling of tears in her eyes. She clasped her hands together uselessly, feeling like a shy child again. "Well...but...I didn't." She managed to say, looking into Sarek's dark eyes and feeling a total fool.

"And now, you do." Sarek said, taking her in his arms and pulling her close to him. Amanda rested her head against his collarbone, feeling little swirls of confusion and happiness dance around inside her. She could just feel the thrum of Sarek's heartbeat, low beneath his ribcage. It was a reassuring, soft kind of noise, that made her feel wonderfully safe. Strange, how you could be comforted simply by the feel of another living heartbeat near your own.

After a moment, Amanda stopped leaning on Sarek and looked up into his face. "Sarek, what happens now?"

"I believe," Sarek replied, in a warm tone, "that we should go inside, and I will kiss you, repeatedly." And that seemed like a fine idea to Amanda, but it didn't quite answer her question.

"All right, but, I meant now that we're truly together." Amanda felt a blush creeping over her cheeks, but she had to ask. So far their relationship had been defined by its secrecy, and Amanda had no idea how Vulcans proceeded with a typical romance. Somehow she couldn't picture herself and Sarek going for horseback rides on the beach at sunset.

"Of course. Might we discuss it indoors? The heat is not beneficial to you. You appear to be sweating."

Amanda blushed in earnest now and wiped her forehead with the back of her hand as Sarek turned to open the door. "It is _hot_," She mumbled as she followed him inside. "Stupid Vulcans and their non-sweating bodies."

"The fact that our bodies do not produce perspiration has no effect on our intelligence, Amanda." Sarek commented, but Amanda could tell that he was amused. She stuck her tongue out at his back and collapsed onto the sofa as Sarek took off his heavy ambassador's coat and hung it by the door. Amanda watched him, content for now to just watch the lines of his body as he moved. _Love makes you think so strangely._

Sarek joined her on the sofa as Amanda removed her shawl and let her hair out of its pinnings. It was nice to release her mane from the tight arrangements T'Iva had made that morning, although Amanda felt slightly guilty for destroying her maid's fantastic work. She was about to set the pins down on the low table beside the couch when she felt Sarek touch her hair. "Your hair is beautiful," He said, gently running his fingers through it.

"It's a mess," Amanda said, somewhat awkwardly - Sarek's touching her hair was rather erotic, due to the sensitivity of his hands, and Amanda found it...provoking.

"I noticed it, even the first time we met." Sarek was saying, still looking at her hair as if fascinated. "No Vulcan has hair like yours, Amanda."

Amanda smiled, turning slightly so that she could see him more clearly. "I can just imagine what you were thinking - 'look at that girl with the pretty hair, I should go and be mean to her'?" She said it as a joke, but she could see the guilt on his face the moment the words left her mouth.

"I am ashamed of how I acted. I should never have spoken to you in that way." He looked away from her, and Amanda felt like a heel for having mentioned it. Of course, Sarek had been rather awful to her, but she had been awful in return - their debt to each other was paid. "I was very...confused by you."

"So I gathered," Amanda said. She reached out and tilted his face back towards hers gently. "That really doesn't matter any more, Sarek. Neither of us is perfect." She leaned forward and kissed him, softly, but Sarek was soon pulling her to him and deepening the kiss. She relaxed into his embrace, and for a long moment there was only the softness of Sarek's mouth and the warmth of his arms around her. A little purr grew in Amanda's chest, and she intensified the kiss, sliding her tongue more eagerly against his - and felt him withdrawing from her. Puzzled, Amanda opened her eyes and looked up at him. There was a green blush darkening on his cheekbones.

"What's wrong?" Amanda asked, her brow furrowing slightly. Sarek would not meet her eyes, and she could feel his elevated heartbeat, both through the bond and in his chest. She could sense that there was anxiety hiding behind his calm Vulcan expression, although his green cheeks certainly gave that away as well.

"Perhaps we should not." He said, voice somewhat hoarse. "The last time we engaged in intercourse...I relinquished control."

Amanda blinked, truly frowning now. "You...do you think it was a mistake?" She felt a strange sensation of panic flooding her; she had wondered, very briefly, if perhaps Vulcans went about bedroom matters differently - if she had not done what Sarek had been expecting. The sensation of having those fears potentially realized was like ice creeping over her body, rime forming on her heart. "Did you not like it?"

"No." Sarek met her eyes, and there was a mixture of worry and desire in the dark depths there. "I enjoyed it...very much. I simply..." His jaw clenched, a sign of distress that Amanda had come to know well. "You know that Vulcans do not have premarital...relations of that sort. This incident with my father has reminded me that I have not acted as I should. There was always the possibility that I would truly lose control and...potentially hurt you." He spoke stutteringly, with anguished pauses that half amused, half distressed Amanda.

"It's all right, Sarek." She said, reaching up and brushing his cheek with one hand. "We don't have to, if you don't want to." Unfortunately, a guilty little cloud of disappointment had descended on her, and before she could stifle it, she knew Sarek had sensed it. With that slightly unnerving Vulcan quickness, he reached up and grasped her hand, looking into her eyes. She was surprised to see the depth of desire in his, a smoulder only partially banked.

"I do want to." He said, in that low voice that made a shiver run down Amanda's spine. "Please do not mistake me." Amanda couldn't help it. How could she resist, when he looked at her that way? She glanced at his mouth - the almost delicate curve of his lips was just too tempting. She leaned forward caught his mouth with hers in a passionate, unrestrained kiss, her wrist still held in his grasp. Sarek did not respond, at first. Amanda could sense his concern battling against his libido - and, feeling slightly like a dirty fighter, she broke her hand free of his grasp and interlaced her fingers with his. A cheap trick, but one that worked wonders. Sarek shuddered and his breath caught as Amanda felt his arousal surge. _Gotcha._

This time, once she had safely shut the door to her bedroom behind them, Amanda felt a sudden urge to take control. She had never been particular adventurous in her sexual activities, being somewhat less than bold. Now, though, feeling her pulse racing in her throat and knowing that Sarek was just as engaged as she was, Amanda wanted to vent her desire a little. There was something incredibly reassuring in being so connected to Sarek that she knew she couldn't make a mistake here. He wanted her, however he could get her...that was certainly apparent to Amanda by the significant bulge in his trousers, and the slightly feverish look in his eyes. Amanda pulled her blouse up over her head and dropped it on the floor. She couldn't help a little smirk when Sarek's eyes immediately left her face - it was nice to have such a strong effect. She pushed him down onto her bed and climbed into his lap, straddling him in a manner that she had never tried before.

It took very little time to get them both divested of clothing, although Amanda found it very difficult to stop kissing Sarek. Every time their lips met she felt as though an electric shock had travelled to her core. That feeling only intensified when Sarek's hands found her bare breasts. She could feel his pulse jump at the smoothness of her skin beneath her fingers. That was enough for her - Amanda felt a sudden, intense desire to feel him inside her, huge and hard as he was.

Amanda put her hands on Sarek's shoulders and, hesitating a bit, slid onto Sarek's cock. She bit her lip; it had been enough time that the sensation was very slightly painful, but the gasping grunt that Sarek made more than enough made up for it. His fingers dug into her back, and she could feel the intense surge of excitement that hit him at the sensation of filling her.

Amanda had never tried being on top before. She had feared that it would be awkward and difficult, and for the first few moments she had a bit of trouble finding a position that was comfortable. Sarek grasped her hips and, to Amanda's surprise, helped her find the right angle. Amanda gasped - she had been wetter than she realized, and once she tried hesitatingly rocking against him, a jolt of pleasure ran through her.

It was at a slower, more sensuous pace than Amanda had ever experienced, and so delicious that Amanda dearly wished it could last forever. Sarek started kissing her neck, breasts and collarbone, his breath hitching every time she sank down onto him. Amanda arched her neck back, sighing, relishing in the sensation of being so closely tangled with him. It was wonderfully intimate and at the same time intense. When she could no longer resist it, Amanda took Sarek's hand in both of hers, stroking his palm and the long, elegant fingers. Sarek didn't _exactly _cry out, but the strangled noise he made sent a huge wave of pleasure down through Amanda's body. An idea occurred to her, and Amanda brought Sarek's hand to her mouth, running the tip of her tongue lightly over his fingers.

Amanda had not yet had the occasion to experience Sarek's elevated speed and strength, and so she was intensely surprised when Sarek seized her around the waist and brought her down with him onto the floor. They hit the ground with a thump, Amanda on her back and looking up at Sarek with surprise. His lips were slightly parted, his eyes as dark as she had ever seen them. He lifted her hips again and began thrusting into her, the angle deep and slightly harsh. Amanda didn't care - her heart was beating furiously with excitement, and she gasped with pleasure at the new fast pace. She didn't relinquish his hand, either, but experimented with kisses, licks and nips at his palm and fingers. Sarek moaned - actually moaned - at each one, his breath coming ragged and desperate.

"Amanda...may I..." Sarek panted, when Amanda could sense that he was nearing the end of his tether. She nodded eagerly and brought his hand to her cheekbone, her heart rate already spiking in anticipation. Sarek laid his fingers surprisingly gently across her face, a caressing gesture...and they were one again. Amanda was nearly overwhelmed by the intensity of his ecstasy. Within moments her body was deliciously seizing up as she climaxed, her fingers digging into Sarek's arms as she felt both her own orgasm and Sarek's deep pleasure at feeling her contracting around him. He thrust into her more urgently, groaning as joined her. Their shared climax hit Amanda like an earthquake, and she was insensible until, ages later, they began to come down.

Sarek collapsed on top of her, breathing hard, and for a long moment they simply lay there together, tangled up in both body and mind. Amanda's eyes fluttered closed. She felt incredibly peaceful and quiet, like reaching a still pond after a storm. She thought only of breathing in and out, and the sweet comforting presence of Sarek's being interlaced with hers. Amanda ran her fingers over Sarek's back, just delighting in feeling the smoothness of his skin, the tenseness of his muscles underneath. How wonderful it was to lie there, in the embrace of a body she found so beautiful. After a long while, Sarek eased off of her and lay down beside her instead, immediately wrapping his arms around her and pulling her close.

Amanda considered telling Sarek that she loved him, but that would be as obvious, just then, as saying that the sky was blue (on Earth, at least). She thought of all the times, though, that she could have said it, and didn't, and was about to voice her thoughts when Sarek propped himself up on one elbow, kissed her neck, and said "I know. And I you, Amanda." And that was that.

Amanda wasn't sure how long they lay there, disregarding the discomfort of the floor. After a while Amanda felt Sarek stroking her hair, smoothing it away from her face. She sighed, utterly content. _I wish I could always be here, _she thought vaguely. _This is perfect. _

Such was her tranquility that when the communications console in her bedroom began to chirp the alert that signified an incoming call, she jumped so violently that Sarek was shocked. "Amanda? Are you well?"

Amanda sat up and looked around, slightly dazed. In her surprise, her mind-link to Sarek faded, tearing gently like tissue paper parting. "Oh, I'm fine, it just startled me..." Amanda brushed her hair behind her ears and hopped up, looking around desperately for something to pull on. The most immediate article of clothing was Sarek's shirt - she grabbed it and pulled it over her head. It was far too large on her, but it smelled so deliciously of him that Amanda paused to cuddle in it before dashing over to the console in the corner. "It's George!" She exclaimed, more for her own benefit than for the befuddled Sarek, who was still on the floor.

Amanda hastily accepted the call, despite Sarek's protest of "Amanda! I'm not dressed!" George's face flickered onto the screen, wearing a smile so large that it threatened to spring off his face and run away. "Amanda!" He said, his blue eyes laughing. "I have the best - oh, what's up?" He blinked a few times, and Amanda realized how mussed-up she must look, with her hair more mane-like than ever and sporting a shirt that was clearly a man's.

"Uh, nothing!" She said, grinning herself. "Nothing, really. I was just...uh, what were you saying?" She could hear Sarek trying to discreetly get up and find what articles of clothing she had left him.

"Oh, well," George said, his smile becoming bashful. "I just wanted to let you know, before you got the invitation...Winnie and I have finally set a date! February third!" Forgetting herself for the moment, Amanda squealed and covered her mouth.

"That's wonderful, George!" She said, dropping her hands to reveal a smile nearly as big as George's. "I'm so happy to hear that."

"Yeah, Winnie wanted a summer wedding but I convinced her to settle for February. I've got some leave coming up and I can't wait any longer! I told her to get over it and marry me, and she finally agreed." His expressive eyebrows quirked into an expression of slight worry. "I hope you can come out for it - I know two months isn't far away, and I guess you'll still be on Vulcan. Maybe you can get a dispensation to leave for a few days?"

"I'm sure I can." Amanda said, then glanced over her shoulder at the half-dressed Sarek. "I can get a few days leave, can't I?" She asked him. The Vulcan's face flushed dark green - he was only half-into his trousers. He was, thankfully, out of George's view, but apparently it was the principle of the thing. Before he could answer, however, Amanda turned back to the console. "Sarek is here, sorry, I should have mentioned that."

"Oh! Uh, hello, Ambassador." George said, blinking in surprise and giving Amanda an amused look. Amanda could feel waves of indignation and embarrassment coming off of Sarek, but she only gave him a smile.

"Lieutenant," Sarek mumbled, finally managing to fasten his trousers.

George's smile was distinctly wicked now, and Amanda felt a blush of her own color her cheeks. "Later..." she said under her breath, and George shrugged, although Amanda had the impression that he was hiding his amusement. "I think I should be able to get time off, anyway."

"Good. I'm really hoping you'll be able to make it. Winnie is too! I included a plus one with your invitation, by the way." George winked at her, and Amanda had to stifle a sheepish giggle. She felt incredibly giddy, even though she could tell Sarek was beyond confused. "I'll let you get back to your guest, but give me a call later." George continued. "I'm not on active duty for a while tonight."

"I will. Thanks for calling, George." Amanda said, giving her friend a smile and a wave. In typical George fashion, he smirked and gave her a smart salute before closing the connection. Amanda bit her lip to hide her smile and turned around, brushing her hair out of her eyes. Sarek was standing in the middle of the room, holding his jacket and exuding an air of thorough confusion and just a tinge of annoyance.

"I'm sorry about that," She said, sheepish again. "But um, do you want to maybe go to a wedding with me?"

**Author's Note: **Blah! I started writing this almost immediately after uploading the last chapter, and it's taken me this long to get it finished. I think I'll have an easier time of it now that the whole Skon thing is out of the way...or is it? Anyway, I hope you enjoyed this chapter, and keep watching for the next one. It'll be here soon, I pinkie promise!

As always, thank you so much for your kind reviews. I love reading them - and you guys have actually given me a lot of great suggestions for things to include, so thanks!


	29. Chapter 29

"It feels just a bit like a set-up." Amanda said, sighing and gathering her hair up. She looked at herself critically in the mirror, turning this way and that, before letting the auburn mass fall. "He's accepted that you and I are going to be together, but now he wants to parade me around like a show pony - _and _I'm sure he expects that I'll trip up."

"I highly doubt that, Amanda." Sarek said. Amanda saw him raise an eyebrow in the mirror. She smiled, and shrugged. They were in the little sitting room in her home, the one opposite her bedroom. Sarek had brought work with him, and was apparently studying it diligently...when he wasn't watching Amanda. "Remember, it would not be seeming for him should you embarrass yourself. Personally I do not believe that you will, although you seem to be convinced of it." Amanda sighed and tucked her hair behind her ear as she sat down heavily beside him.

"I'm not expecting to be an idiot," She said. "But showing any humanity in front of your father's guests would be construed as idiocy. See what I mean?"

"You have never before given cause for alarm," Sarek said evenly, perusing something on his PADD. "Perhaps you have forgotten that most of my fathers acquaintances have a positive view of Human-Vulcan relations."

"How positive?" Amanda asked dryly. "Enough so that they won't be appalled if I do this?" She reached out and brushed the back of Sarek's hand with her fingers. The slight tensing of his muscles was almost imperceptible, but Amanda noticed it. She grinned.

"That would be inappropriate in any company," Sarek said. He didn't look up, but Amanda could tell that there was a greenish tinge creeping over his cheeks. "Please refrain from doing that."

Amanda gave a melodramatic sigh. She was getting more comfortable in Sarek's presence - enough so that she could be just as expressive with him than with any of her Human friends or relations. "Of course I won't. I'll be on my best behavior. Still, inviting me to a fancy dinner so soon after we mended fences seems a little...suspect. Mending fences means, uh, adjusting after a conflict." Sarek raised an eyebrow.

"I'm perfectly able to determine the meaning of Human phrases, Amanda." He said.

"You had a lot of trouble with 'putting one's foot in one's mouth'."

A little crease appeared between Sarek's eyebrows. "The meaning is not precisely _logical._" He said, and Amanda could detect the exasperation in his voice. She laughed.

"Of course not. Humans aren't logical!"

Sarek gave her a very dry look, but there was affection in his eyes that Amanda could not mistake. "I am aware of that."

"And so is your father," Amanda said. She was unable to get the nagging feeling of uncertainty out of her head. The invitation had come as a surprise to Amanda. She knew that Skon had accepted the idea of her relationship with Sarek, but acceptance was not approval. Nevertheless, a few days after her meeting with Skon, Sarek had told her that his father was hosting a large dinner party, to which she was invited as his companion. "It's strange," Amanda continued, "I seem to go to a lot of parties and dinners and events here. Much more than I did at home."

Sarek made a noncommittal gesture, looking down at his work again. "You have entered a wealthy circle," He said, "Social and political events make up the majority of our schedules." Amanda raised an eyebrow at him, but he had already been re-absorbed into work. Feeling that she shouldn't bother him again - he was an ambassador, after all, and she'd been distracting him from his work rather a lot lately - Amanda glanced at herself in the mirror again. She was going to have to don impenetrable armor for this event. She would be damned if she did anything to embarrass herself, or for that matter, Sarek. Amanda smoothed her hair back again. "As regal and unshakeable as a queen," She said under her breath. She felt a touch on her leg - Sarek had placed his hand there.

"Always." He said, without looking up, and Amanda smiled.

In the days leading to the party Amanda and Sarek spent as much time together as was possible with their schedules. The one thing that worried Amanda, besides the upcoming party, was that Sarek was beginning to be harassed by his work - negotiations between Earth, Starfleet and Vulcan were strained over a trade agreement that couldn't be agreed upon. Amanda herself, reinstated to her class, designed activities with the children on important Earthen inventions that had been vital to society, although the children were often skeptical about how important they were. Despite that, Amanda was happy.

She was even happier when she saw the dress that T'Iva had found for her, although she was a bit puzzled when she saw it. It was a flowing confection in dark gold, sleeveless and with a high soft neckline - but it was really rather fancier than Amanda had imagined. "This dress is lovely, T'Iva, but isn't it a bit, er, elegant?" There was a tight feeling at the pit of her stomach. She anticipated T'Iva's answer, but she didn't wince when it came.

"I was informed that your dress should be highly formal, t'sai." T'Iva said, and Amanda felt her heart sink. Not that she didn't _enjoy _fancy-dress parties, but the fact that this dinner was practically white-tie was just another strain on Amanda's frayed nerves. Oh well, at least she would be able to wear a nice dress...and perhaps she would make Sarek blush again. And so she got dressed.

On the occasions that Amanda had visited Skon's estate in the past, she had seen enough of it to get a good impression of its size. She realized now, though, that she had been underestimating. She and Sarek were among the first to arrive, and together they were conducted through what seemed endless parlors and sitting rooms to the back of the house. Amanda couldn't help staring, and she could tell that Sarek was amused at her wide-eyed expression, but it really was amazing. _How wealthy _is_your family?_

_ Very, I'm afraid. _Sarek quirked an eyebrow at her and gave the tiniest hint of a shrug. Amanda wanted to smile, but restrained herself - she had entered the war zone, albeit an odd, sparkly one full of luxury and elegant clothing. She had been amazed at her appearance when T'Iva had finished with her. T'Iva had spent the best part of a patient hour arranging Amanda's hair in auburn loops and curls, artistically studding the design with golden pins until it was so firmly anchored in place that Amanda couldn't have dislodged them even if she tried. Sarek, too, was in elegant regalia: the traditional floor-length Vulcan robes in rich cloth of gray-green, with embellishments of gold at the shoulders, cuffs, and hem. Thus they were dressed to enter the fray: a long room at the very back of the house, complete with gold-burnished vaulted ceiling - rather intimately low - and a line of windows that perfectly displayed the estate's gardens in the gloaming.

Skon himself was at the far end of the room, where there was a small sitting area. Strategically placed servants watched Sarek and Amanda as they approached him. The older Vulcan stood up, and for the first time in a while Amanda saw the regal geniality - if one could call it than in a Vulcan - that she had once known him for. "Na'shaya, Sarek, and welcome to you as well, Amanda."

Amanda gave him a polite nod, not sure what else to say to him. Sarek was of course completely at his ease - but that was truly helpful to Amanda. His calm was lending her strength. "The other guests shall be arriving shortly. Would you care for something to drink?" A servant was immediately at Skon's side, poised to receive their orders. Amanda asked for one of the few Vulcan drinks whose ingredients she knew and liked, and they arranged themselves to wait for the other guests. It wasn't a long wait, for which Amanda was grateful. Both she and Skon were keeping a masterful container on their true feelings, but she wanted to avoid as much one-on-one contact with him anyway. It was somehow unnerving to have to interact with him now, after seeing him vent a degree of emotion to her. It was as though she had seen him in his underwear by accident and now had to get along with him as if nothing had happened.

_An interesting image, if rather disturbing, Amanda. _Sarek glanced at her, and Amanda saw a reassurance there as well as a bit of amusement. The moment was brief, as Sarek had to get back to listening to what his father was saying to him, but Amanda felt bolstered all the same.

In any case, the other guests were not long in coming, and Amanda was introduced to each of them in turn. She fought desperately to keep their names in her head, but as always happens when meeting a large group of people, their titles evaporated as soon as she had heard them. If worst came to worst she could always borrow the names off Sarek, as he would be certain to know them all by heart. The group wasn't large - four men and three ladies, all of whom had something to do with either the High Council, High Command, the VSA, or Sarek's ambassadorial office. Amanda imagined herself as a Vulcan princess throughout the entirety of the introductions, which helped. It was hard not to feel like a princess in that dress, of course. Shortly after these guests came in, Amanda was surprised and pleased to see Selek and his parents enter the room. She saw him perk up when he saw Sarek and she together, but from the look on his parents' faces, the tether they were keeping him on was very short indeed. Amanda had no opportunity to go and say hello to him, either, for just then dinner was announced, and they were all shepherded over to the table.

The long table had been meticulously arranged with all sorts of dishware in shades of gold and bronze. Each place had a name assigned to it, and Amanda was somewhat distressed to find that she had been placed between two strangers and across from Sarek. The table wasn't wide, but she wouldn't be able to talk to him all that easily. Amanda built up another layer of armor for herself as they took their seats.

"This opportunity to meet you was welcome to me, Miss Grayson," One of her companions said as he sat down next to her. "My son Rotah has been under your tutelage at the Children's Institute." Amanda blinked - Rotah had been the one who presented her with the "may-I-court-you" charm that Sarek had returned to her. He was one of her favorites, though, as much for his quiet intelligence than anything else. The other children tended to be more vocal about their opinions, which was lovely, but noisy.

"Rotah is an excellent student," Amanda said, poker-faced, although usually she would have smiled. "It's pleasant to meet his father." Amanda watched the man's face for a moment, trying desperately to remember the name that had zoomed past her less than fifteen minutes ago, but came up with a blank. A tug on Sarek's mental sleeve provided her with _Osu Namaur, a distant relative of my house and a baronet. _

Namaur inclined his head to her. "He has told me much of his lessons with you. I approve of the curriculum - it is essential that our children learn from as many teachers as possible, especially those who come from foreign planets." _Ah, so this one is a good guy_, Amanda thought to herself.

"I agree," Amanda said, taking a sip of her tangy drink. "Cross-cultural education has always been a dream of mine. I find working at the Institute very rewarding."

"You must be grateful to be reinstated, then." The woman on the other side of Amanda said. Amanda turned and tried to put the face to a name. This woman was very pretty, not much older than Amanda - at least it seemed that way. Vulcan age and appearance did not correspond in the same way than that of Humans did. Unbidden, a pang of jealousy for the woman's very dark, very sleek hair and equally dark almond-shaped eyes arose in Amanda. She squashed it successfully, managing at the same time to remember that this sylph-like woman was called T'sai Theleia. She looked...oddly familiar, actually. Amanda felt a slight edge of anxiety that didn't belong to her, and wondered why Sarek should feel uncomfortable around this woman.

"Yes, I am." Amanda replied, once she had lined her mouth and brain up again. "There has been little interruption between my classes, and I have been able to continue without any problems."

"That is commendable." Theleia said, her dark eyes completely blank. "I am impressed that you were able to maintain order." A slight feeling of irritation buzzed in Amanda's mind like a fly bumping against a window pane. Wasn't it rather rude to bring up Amanda's...incident so early in their acquaintance? Who did this Theleia think she was? Fortunately, their conversation was cut short by the first course being brought in.

As Amanda has suspected it would be, the food was delicious. Skon spared no expenses, she knew, and clearly he had not been merciful with these ones either. There were salads, soups, breads, strange creations with nuts and spices and all sorts of other things. Some were completely alien to Amanda, but she did her best to try everything, although she realized eventually that if she tried every dish she would burst a seam of the lovely dress. There was a huge amount of food. There was also, thankfully, a lot of wine. This compensated somewhat for Amanda not being able to talk to Sarek easily - she spoke easily with Namaur, who told her about his children at length (apparently parents are parents everywhere, no matter what their species). As Amanda was quite fond of children, their conversation was pleasant, and Amanda found that she liked the baronet. The occasional incursion by Theleia, however, was unwelcome. She reminded Amanda strongly of how Sarek had acted towards her when they first met - condescension dripped off her words, enough to make Amanda grind her teeth to avoid saying something nasty in reply. She could sense, also, that Sarek was keeping a close eye on her interaction with Theleia, but Amanda couldn't pinpoint the reason. He was not forthcoming with information on her, so Amanda just had to guess the reason for the woman's presence there.

"I am pleased to see, Miss Grayson, that you have taken to Vulcan fashions very well," Theleia commented as their main course was being taken away.

"Yes...thank you," Amanda hazarded, not sure where this comment was leading.

"I had expected for you to appear in Terran garb, which would of course been rather unsuitable." Theleia was holding her wine glass in one elegant white hand and peering at Amanda over the rim. There was something unpleasant in her eyes that Amanda didn't like.

"T'Rea was kind enough to advise me on Vulcan dress when I first arrived here," Amanda said, attempting to make her words a little less brittle, although they still came out more like glass than cloth. "So I have been wearing Vulcan clothing for several months now."

"Oh yes, several months." Theleia said thoughtfully. "Your fellowship is nearly over, then. How pleasant it will be to finish off with a success and return home. I expect you are looking forward to it." A little shock of cold went through Amanda, and she wondered for what felt like the fifth time that night was Theleia was getting at. She didn't like being reminded of the fact that her fellowship would be ending soon - especially since she was still not on sure footing with what exactly she and Sarek would do when that time arrived.

"I have enjoyed my stay on Vulcan very much, yes." Amanda said, avoiding responding to Theleia's exact statement. Thankfully, Theleia was drawn away by her other neighbor and Amanda was able to escape from her. The rest of the meal went pleasantly. Amanda spent most of her time listening to the conversations of the other groups around her, but she didn't mind. She enjoyed listening to Vulcan conversations on law, politics, culture, and she even heard a few snatches of religion. Amanda went along happily in this mode for quite a while, until Skon held up his glass.

"I would like to suggest a toast in honor of our Human guest, Amanda Grayson." He said. Amanda looked up, shocked, and met his gaze. There was nothing to be read there, and Amanda did her best to echo his expression. "It is a great success how far we have come since I first welcomed you to Vulcan all those months ago."

"...Thank you, Councilman." Amanda said, trying to quash her confusion and embarrassment back down into a manageable package. "It has been an honor to be here." And so her health was drunk, Amanda feeling slightly dizzy from something other than the k'vass. Sarek caught her eye, and there was a glint of pride in his expression - pride and relief. _He's happy that his father has finally accepted me, _Amanda realized, and that made her feel happier, too. Still, there was something lurking in the back of her mind that made her feel unsettled. Perhaps it was only Theleia.

When the meal was finished, Skon suggested that they all go through into the next room for after-dinner tea. Amanda herself would have preferred coffee, as she was feeling slighty weary by then, but she was glad of the chance to escape Theleia and find comfort by Sarek's side again. Namaur graciously accompanied her into the next room, adding his own comment of appreciation to Amanda. The adjacent room was just as lovely as the dining room, although it was somewhat more cozy, with delicate curtains on the windows and another sitting area that was partially sunk into the floor. Without exactly meaning to, Amanda made a beeline for Sarek, who seemed relieved to have her there as well.

"Are you enjoying yourself?" He asked her, and there was a hint of anxiety behind the question.

Amanda wanted to smile to reassure him, but that was Very Not Allowed. Instead, she nodded and said "Yes, this has been very nice. Osu Namaur was very interesting to talk to, but I was a bit confused by the woman sitting next to me, Theleia -"

"Oh, she is not very pleasant." Amanda looked down to see Selek trotting up to them. He was dressed in the most formal outfit she'd ever seen him in, and looked uncomfortable in it.

"Hello, Selek!" Amanda said, more brightly than she meant to. "I'm glad to see you - I feel as though I haven't spoken with you in a long time."

"Yes..." Selek said vaguely. "Hello, sa-kai," He said to Sarek, who gave him an almost-smile and nodded. "But you are right, Amanda, Theleia is -"

Selek was cut off by the arrival of the very person he was about to denounce. She descended upon them like the most elegant, beautiful bat ever, and Amanda did not at all like the look she gave Sarek upon arrival.

"Hello, Sarek, it is good to see you." She said, her voice as smooth as glass. "I have been wanting to greet you all evening. Amanda and I had a most interesting conversation at dinner." _Interesting for you, insulting for me, _Amanda thought, and by the slight tensing in Sarek's shoulders she knew that he had heard that. Or perhaps he was tensing for some other reason.

"Good evening, Theleia." Something was stirring behind Sarek's words, but Amanda couldn't quite figure out what it was. There was a hint of familiarity about it, though, but it was something that she hadn't felt from him in a long time.  
"Sarek and I have long been in one another's acquaintance," Theleia said, turning to Amanda. It was as though the woman had turned on her Intimidation Ray; Amanda suddenly felt very sloppy and underdressed under the scrutiny of Theleia's dark eyes. And strangely small, even though Theleia was shorter than she. Petite, really. Delicate. Amanda felt gangly.

"Yes, we have known each other since childhood." Sarek said, not looking directly at Theleia, his voice somewhat strained. Amanda glanced at him - the familiar crease was between his eyebrows. He was agitated, and Amanda didn't know why.

"I was also his ko-kugalsu at one point," Theleia continued, with the air of someone adding a mildly interesting fact to the conversation. Everything fell into place for Amanda - she glanced down at Selek, who nodded almost imperceptibly. Sarek seemed to have frozen, himself, and Amanda was left to scramble for something to say.

"Oh, how nice," She managed, finally. She was saved, strangely enough, by Skon - or at least, one of his guests. The two of them were standing a little ways away, and the man standing beside Sarek's father raised his glass and his voice to address Sarek.

"Ah, I had meant to ask you, Sarek, have you decided upon a date yet?"

"The betrothal has not been officially announced," Skon said before Sarek could reply. "Sarek's schedule has been quite busy as of late, and there has been no proper time."

Amanda felt like a bug frozen in amber. She turned to look at Sarek, whose face was slightly paler than usual. He looked back at Amanda. "Betrothal?" She asked, shakily, for the moment - and to her chagrin - forgetting that she could have asked him privately through the bond.

"Ours." Sarek spoke the word as if it had been forced out of him. Amanda blinked. She opened her mouth, then shut it again. _Nope, I can't do this, _she realized. _I need to get out of this room. _Without actually saying anything out loud, she turned and went out of the room, her heels clicking on the polished floor of the dining room. Over their noise, however, she could hear Theleia's unpleasantly delicate voice.

"Oh my, I wonder what that could be about."

**Author's Note: **I'm not sure how I feel about this chapter. I think in the future it will have to be re-written. Possibly by someone else. I realized I had loose ends to tie up that I forgotten about completely, ie. Theleia, so...here she is.

I was feeling rather horrible about not having a chapter out in two weeks, so I wrote this. I apologize that it's not...awesome, but there will be more forthcoming that will hopefully make this chapter seem like a bad dream xD I am far more certain of what's happening in the NEXT chapter, so that one will be better. I promise! Love as always


	30. Chapter 30

_That wasn't good. That wasn't good at all._

Amanda attempted to gulp down some air, hugging herself tightly. Betrothal? What betrothal? She and Sarek had never - well, never _really _- talked about it. Not seriously. Not as if it were a done deal already. But here was Skon and Skon's friends and that awful Theleia just chatting about it as if their wedding invitations had already been embossed and were ready to be sent in the mail!

In her flight, Amanda had chosen a random, unoccupied room and collapsed into a chair. It seemed to be some sort of parlor or library, not as elegant as some of the others, but it had one quality that made Amanda prefer it to all the others: it wasn't currently full of confused Vulcans. Amanda sighed and snuggled deeper into the chair, which was comfy, and tried to settle her thoughts.

It wasn't that she didn't want to marry Sarek. Quite the contrary. In the distracted, daydreamy kind of way of all girls, she had imagined a few times what it would be like to marry him. Living with him on Vulcan, making dinner and sharing a bed and enjoying boring afternoons together. Maybe even starting a family, if it were possible. All of these things had occurred to her. So, the problem wasn't that she didn't want to marry Sarek - it was that the option had never been formally discussed. Certainly not formally enough for some random friend of his father's to casually ask Sarek when the blessed day was to occur. Amanda put a hand over her eyes. She needed something to distract herself, just a little, just before she had to go and talk to Sarek about all of this.

Amanda got up and began to wander around the little room she had chosen. Paintings lined the walls, all of differing subjects. Amanda ran her gaze over them without paying much attention, using them only as an excuse not to think about the matter at hand - but just as she was thinking that she needed to stop being such an idiot and go find Sarek again, something caught her eye. It was a portrait, not very large, of a Vulcan woman. For a moment, Amanda wondered why it had snagged her. There wasn't anything particularly special about the technique or setting or color. It was just a portrait of a woman. A rather nice looking young lady with pretty hair and a nice gown, but that was about it...until Amanda examined the face more closely. Those features were Sarek's features. It was a portrait of Sarek's mother.

Suddenly, for some unexplained reason, Amanda was fighting to swallow down tears. She stood there, trembling slightly, overwhelmed by the torrent of emotion that was roiling up inside her. Of course, this was the worst place possible to break down...and so her body had chosen just that point to do so. Amanda tried to calm down her breathing, but it was pointless. A hiccuping sob spilled out of her.

"Amanda?" Sarek was standing in the doorway, looking whiter than ever and distinctly worried. Amanda didn't say anything, just hurried over to him and buried her face in his shoulder. Sarek's arms were immediately around her - and Amanda found that she didn't need to cry anymore. She gave a half-hearted sniffle, feeling much of her anxiety drain away now that she felt safer.

"I'm sorry," She said, withdrawing slightly to look up at him. "I shouldn't have run out like that."

Sarek shook his head. "That is not important. I am concerned only that the...news disturbed you." He reached up and brushed a heroically escaped wisp of hair out of her eyes (it was heroic for having fought its way out of T'Iva's masterful pinning). "After your meeting with my father, he believed that we are betrothed. He has informed most of his friends already." Amanda felt as though her legs were turning to jelly. The feeling must have shown up in her expression, for the worry in Sarek's eyes became more intense. "Is this...not what you want?" She could sense deep anxiety coming off of him. She thought about Skon's concerns, and Sarek's past with Theleia. _This is why Skon thinks I'm dangerous. I could break Sarek's heart. But...I don't want to. It would break mine, too._

Amanda wasn't sure why, but she suddenly felt...relieved, and not simply because of the comfort Sarek brought her after the incident that had just occurred. It was a relief of a worry that she hadn't realized was pressing on her. Amanda looked up at Sarek, and thought of how her heart had squeezed painfully when Theleia had mentioned her going home. How she had dreaded the end of her fellowship on Vulcan, and leaving to go back to Earth. It seemed to her...it seemed to Amanda as if she were trying to tell herself something.  
"What if I want to be betrothed to you?" Amanda heard herself ask. Sarek's surprise was almost as clearly written on his face as it was through the bond. _It isn't the most romantic of proposals, but it will do, _Amanda thought, and smiled. "Want to marry me, Sarek?" It was worth it just to see the green flooding his cheeks and the mix of incredulity and excitement in his eyes.

Sarek cleared his throat. Then he cleared it again. "I...do. Yes." He said, almost hesitantly. "But I know that you had...doubts."

_Okay, let's consider. Sarek is intelligent, kind, and thoughtful. He has great integrity and is honest, even when it makes him look bad. He admits to his faults - those that he has - and helps me with mine. He's gentle and sweet, even when he doesn't mean to be. He's a gentleman without thinking about it. He's got a temper, but then again, so do I, and even though we started out hating each other it doesn't have any affect on how we love each other now. _

_Granted, you've only known him for a few months, but already you have a deeper connection with him than with any other person you've ever met. You would never be with anyone like him again. And, on top of that, you don't want to. Sarek is the kind of man you've always wanted, even if you didn't really know what that was until now. In your short time with him, you've already learned so much - aren't you excited about what you could learn from an entire life with him?_

"...Shall I interpret that as a yes?" Sarek asked, the tint of a smile coloring his words. Amanda laughed.

"I'm sorry, sometimes I forget that you can feel what I'm thinking." She said. "Yes. Take that as a yes." And he kissed her.

_Skon was right, _Amanda thought, some time later. _He knew what I hadn't realized yet. That's interesting. _Somehow she could tell that Sarek's father knew what had transpired between them after her flight. After they returned to the party, a little pink (and green) cheeked, Skon had taken on some extra pomposity. _He's exalting in his triumph, _Amanda thought with a secret smile to herself. _He's happy that he won - and I am, too. Congratulations, Skon, I'm going to marry your son, and I don't know if I've ever been happier. _

And so the rest of the evening passed in a bit of a blur for Amanda. Theleia was little more than a fluttering moth on the edge of her vision, too insignificant to be bothersome. Amanda had to work hard to repress the smile that was trying to shine out on her face - and every time she met Sarek's eyes it was harder to do so. She wondered briefly how appropriate it would be to drag him out of his father's lounge on some pretext so that they could finish what they started earlier, but decided against it, even though the k'vass was urging her to. Later, she decided, she would channel a little of her excitement and happiness towards making his eyes roll back in his head again.

When the entire glittery affair was over and done with, the guests all departed (Amanda gave Theleia a very smug look when the lady herself left, and even though it was a show of emotion, Amanda deemed it appropriate for the situation) Skon retired to his proper study with a vague good night. Sarek and Amanda were left alone in the grand lounge. With a happy sigh, Amanda took of her lovely slippers and collapsed sideways into a chair. Sarek gave her a look that was both reprobating and loving, and Amanda simply gave him a smile in return.

"May I tell you something?" Amanda asked him. He went to her and ran the back of his hand along the curve of her shoulder. Amanda shivered a bit. Her appreciation for the eroticism of hands had grown immensely throughout her acquaintance with Sarek.

"Please do." He said, in a soft tone.

Amanda blinked, trying to gather her words. "I've never really felt...in all my life, I've been sort of...drifting. Do you know what I mean?" She looked up at him, blue eyes meeting his dark ones.

He nodded. "I believe I do." There was a strange look in his eyes that she didn't recognize.

"Even when I've been with you, I've felt rather uncentered." This caused an eyebrow to go up. Amanda shifted in her seat so that she could see him more clearly. "I mean that I was just never sure of what I wanted, or where I wanted to go. The opportunity for the Vulcan fellowship came up and I thought, 'this is a defined plan, much better than what I'd arranged for myself'. But now I feel different." She reached up and touched his forearm lightly. "When we got together, I was still unsure. I didn't know where to put my feet or what to say...does that make any sense?"

Sarek gave her a quizzical look, and opened his mouth to say something, but Amanda cut him off. "I want to marry you. I didn't realize that at first, which I think must have been...painful for you. I was being a bumbling Human when I should have been something else...not a Vulcan, but...I should have listened to what I wanted. And I have, now. And I feel as though I've become something better." Amanda sighed. "That doesn't make any sense, I know..."

Sarek got down on his knees, so that they were at eye level. Amanda swallowed - there was something intense in his gaze that made her feel both hot and cold at the same time. "Strangely enough, it does make sense. You are convoluted and irrational and illogical, but you are perfect. I cannot explain. Perhaps it is because of those things that you are perfect."  
"Nevertheless..."Amanda swallowed again. "I want to be better, for you. I've never really known what I wanted, but with you, now, it all seems...clearer. I think I can be what I need to be."

"All you need to be is Amanda Grayson, and you will be all I require."

Amanda felt a tear hit her cheek, and she hastily brushed it away, feeling embarrassed and elated all at once. "No one's ever asked me to be that before," She said, giving a laugh that was only half a sob. "Not really."

"That is odd," Sarek said, reaching up to stroke her cheek. His fingers were warm against her skin, and Amanda's eyelids fluttered. "Amanda Grayson is a most beautiful and wonderful thing."

Amanda hiccuped and put her hand over his, biting her lip hard to try to keep herself from breaking down and crying. "I'll never hurt you. I don't ever want to."

"No," Sarek said. "There was never any possibility that you would."

"You know me better than I know myself. Doesn't that bother you?"

"Why should it? Is that not what a lover is for? To aid you in understanding yourself?"

Amanda shook her head and managed a little laugh. "A lover maybe, but not a husband."

"Perhaps, but I shall not stop being your lover just because I am to become your husband." Sarek leaned closer to her and kissed her temple gently. Amanda's heart stuttered.

"I think I'm trying to make this more complicated than it actually is." She said, closing her eyes. Sarek's scent and warmth were close and intimate and comfortable, so much so that she wanted to lose herself in them.

"Yes. You are. Stop." Sarek said, and kissed her. Amanda was happy to oblige.

The next few weeks were, for Amanda, a strange combination of heaven and hell. Wedding preparations swamped her the instant that their engagement announcement was officially made public. Amanda was dumbstruck with the amount of work that she had to do now - T'Rea had taken it upon herself to instruct Amanda in the Ancient Vulcan Art of Getting Married, which was apparently a lot more complicated than the Human version. T'Rea had given her a bit of information before her own wedding, but that was nothing with what she expected Amanda to read in preparation now. There were protocols upon protocols for Amanda to memorize, and all of this on top of her duties as a teacher was beginning to make her brain creak. On the other hand, every moment Amanda spent with Sarek seemed to bring them closer. She lived for the afternoons they could spend together - as few and far between as they were, what with Sarek's busy schedule and her own perplexing tangle of work. They visited the public gardens, took Selek out for more Nature Adventures, visited with Sarek's family members and friends, and visited temples and museums in the city. Sometimes they would just spend time in Sarek's house or hers, both absorbed in their separate work, but occasionally glancing across the room at one another. Amanda didn't think she had ever been more comfortable and at peace with a person in her entire life.

And that peace was welcome. Skon and T'Rea - especially Skon - were determined to hammer a suitable bride out of the raw material that was Amanda. It was supremely frustrating, but Amanda did her best. Despite the age it seemed to take for each day to pass, the weeks sped away, and Amanda was soon reminded that she and Sarek had a visit to Earth coming up. Her excitement and relief were almost palpable when she glanced at the calendar and realized that February third was not so far away. Sarek was surprised that she had forgotten, and said so.

"I am surprised," He said from Amanda's bed, "that you had forgotten. You seemed to be consumed with excitement at the news, when you received it." He was sitting among tangled sheets, shirtless, with tousled hair and slightly green tinted cheeks, left over from a brief but intense lovemaking session - another reason that Amanda was enjoying their time together so much. She herself was seated on the edge of her bed, pulling on a sock and looking thoughtful.

"We'll have to arrange for travel," She said. "I hadn't even thought about it."

Sarek gave her a look and cleared his throat. Amanda turned to look back at him. Late evening light was filtering through her window, rendering his body in orange and purple. She was struck with how the reddish light on his face was just like the sunset on Khaf-Spol, when they had finally agreed on a truce. _Similar, but a lot different, too. _"I have, of course, already arranged a shuttle to convey us to Earth," He said. "Almost a month ago, I believe."

Amanda gave him a puzzled look, then grinned. "I was forgetting how carefully Vulcans plan things," She said, clambering back into the bed to snuggle up next to him. "When are we leaving, then?"

Sarek absently rested his hand at the small of her back, a touch that would have been alien to him only a few months ago. "We will depart on March 28th - that will bring us to Earth on March 31st." He glanced down at her. "I assumed you would want to spend a little longer on Earth than is necessary for the wedding celebrations. You have not been back since you came to Vulcan."

Amanda blinked up at him. "That's...yes, thank you, Sarek." She said. "That was very thoughtful of you. Maybe we could..." She trailed off, not sure of how to form the question. Sarek quirked an eyebrow at her. Amanda frowned slightly.

"Well, the thing is, I haven't really told my parents about you, yet. I've been so busy, it's been difficult to..." Amanda shook her head. "I really should have told them ages ago. With George and Winnie, I wanted to surprise them in person, but with parents..."

"Is there some objection to you sharing the announcement with your parents in person?"

"George and Winnie are having the wedding in San Francisco - my parents are in Portland. I really do want to see them, but I don't know if it's really possible."

Sarek gave her a quizzical look. "There is no problem," He said. "I can easily arrange transport from San Francisco to Portland."

Amanda bit her lip. "Won't it be expensive?"

Sarek gave Amanda one of his not-smiles, an expression that filled her with both surprise and warmth. "Amanda, have you forgotten? I am the Ambassador to Earth. We shall have any transportation we require."

And so, later that evening, Amanda steeled herself to call up her parents and tell them, a. she was marrying a Vulcan gentleman who she had known for less than a year, and b. she was bringing him by to visit and could they possibly stay for a few days. Amanda had always been close with them. She'd tried to keep in contact with them while on Vulcan, but she could be rather absent-minded in these matters, and it was difficult to remember people waiting and home when you were trying to juggle so many things in the here and now. Amanda stared at her console, feeling guilty. They couldn't possibly be angry with her for calling, even if she hadn't done so in a while. Amanda sighed and brought up her parents' contact information, engaging a call to their home console. With the time difference - she hoped she had calculated correctly - it would be just before dinner, when they were both home. Of course, it would be just before dinner _yesterday_. Interplanetary time difference was difficult to calculate, even if you were trying to contact someone who shared a sun with you.

The console gave a few cheerful rings before Amanda's mother appeared on the screen. Faye Grayson's face lit up when she saw Amanda through the screen. "Hi honey! We weren't expecting a call from you, how nice to see you!" She waved, and Amanda beamed. This was really a lot easier than she had prepared herself for. "Your father is around here somewhere. I'll go get him, he'll be so happy to see you."

After a moment, Faye returned, pulling Evan Grayson behind her. Amanda's father did indeed look pleased to see her, although a little sleepy. "Your mother caught me napping," He explained, "Much to my embarrassment. What's up, sweetheart? How are you?"

"Uh, listen, you guys were married when you were both 28, right?" Amanda asked.

Amanda's parents looked at each other. "That's right," Her mother said. "Why do you ask?"

"Remember how you always joked with me that I couldn't get married until I was at least the same age as you two were?" Amanda hazarded a shy grin. "I'm afraid I have to break your rule, if that's okay."

There really was nothing like parental joy to bring your spirits up. Amanda had been nervous about their reaction, but in all honesty, she didn't need to be. Faye and Evan were, of course, surprised, but their excitement at Amanda's news far outweighed that. Amanda couldn't stop smiling as she tried to recount, with minimal loss of accuracy, the circumstances that had brought she and Sarek together, and their engagement. The chat went on for an hour, with much happy chattering on both ends, and Amanda came away from it feeling both relieved and cheerful - with one caveat. Amanda's father had, once the situation had been thoroughly discussed, given Amanda a slightly worried look.

"I'm just wondering, sweetie...can we ever expect grandkids? I mean..."

Amanda tried hard to keep a frown off her face. "_Dad_, it's a little early to be thinking about that." She said. "As far as I know...no one's ever really tried before..." She looked a little uneasy. "I really don't know. But even if we can't have children, I'm going to marry this guy." Faye shot Evan a look, and he shrugged.

"All right, as long as you're happy - that's all we want for you."

"That's right." Faye smiled. "And if you ever _do _want children, adoption is always possible."

Right, adoption. Amanda tried to imagine what it would be like to raise a Vulcan child, once she had said goodbye to her parents. She was really fond of Selek, but he was so different from a Human child. All of her young charges were. She'd have to learn a whole new set of rules, and that wouldn't be easy. And adopting a child from Earth...she could just imagine the look on Skon's face if his son presented him with a little Human baby and asked him to call it his grandchild. Amanda shook her head, letting these thoughts gather up and blow away like cobwebs. She had to think about packing, and T'Rea was demanding to go over the ceremonial procedure with her _again _tomorrow.

_I can't wait to get back to Earth, _Amanda thought ruefully as she scanned her PADD for the huge file T'Rea had given her to study, _just to get a break from all of this planning._

**Author's Note: **Okay guys, I'm super sorry to say this, but I think I've gotta go on hiatus.

It's been harder to get these things written, I've been busy and I've had actual work to do (I know, amazing right?) I thought it would be worse to keep you guys waiting for something that wasn't coming for at least a month or so than to officially announce hiatus. So...that's what I'm doing.

My main reason for this is that NaNoWriMo started yesterday, and as both my mother and sister are participating, they want me to as well. Unfortunately having two stories going at once will drain me like nothing else - so for at least the month of November I'm going to focus on the NaNo.

Thanks so much for your reviews, likes and follows, I appreciate it immensely. Keep an eye out - I will do my very best to pick up this story when I have time again! Love to all.


	31. Chapter 31

It was a strange feeling when Amanda realized that she had made this journey with Sarek once before. That time, of course, he had been a silent, sullen young man who had been a mystery to her, but one that she couldn't devote any attention to, in her excitement to arrive on Vulcan. Now, of course, it was an entirely different story. Amanda was still excited, though. It wasn't the same kind of excitement - instead of leaving her familiar home to discover something new, she was bringing something new back to share her home. Amanda couldn't help but cherish the feeling. Even though she and Sarek were bonded, sharing everything between them, she still had much to show to him. Amanda hadn't ever felt the real happiness that comes from being able to introduce the person she dearly loved to the places and people that had become a part of her. Yes, she was going home, but it felt so much more _like_ home now that Sarek was with her.

When Earth first came into sight through the shuttle's windows, Amanda felt her heart leap in her chest. She and Sarek were together in his room, an elegantly furnished apartment that was much nicer than the one Amanda had stayed in on her first space voyage. Of course, she and Sarek were _not _staying in the same room, although Amanda's wasn't far away. Now she hurried to the window, pressing her hands against the cool reinforced glass and staring through the void of space that was the small blue dot of home.

"It is pleasant to see you so excited," Sarek said, coming up behind her and running a hand through her hair. Amanda smiled, tearing her eyes away from the little planet that was getting bigger all the time.

"I can't wait to show you everything," She said, leaning against him and glancing back out the window. "There are so many places we have to go." Sarek looked down at her and raised an eyebrow.

"I have been to Earth before, Amanda." He reminded her. "One does not get to be Ambassador without having actually visited the planet."

Amanda made a face at him. "I know that. You've been to Earth before, but you've never been to my part of it." This illogical statement seemed to cause a little confusion on Sarek's part, but Amanda just shook her head. "I know, illogical Human speak, but trust me. You'll see what I mean when we get there. And of course, I'm excited for George and Winnie's wedding."

To tell the truth, Amanda was a bit nervous about the upcoming event. In the week before her and Sarek's departure to Earth, T'Rea and Councilman Skon had increased the bridal pressure on Amanda. She had assumed that she'd gotten on rather well in suppressing her emotions in the company of Vulcans, but now it seemed like she hadn't been anywhere close. There were many more restrictions on how Amanda was to act, now that the wedding was drawing closer. It had become a spot of anxiety on Amanda's conscience, and although she really was happy for George and Winona, their upcoming ceremony was a nagging reminder of all the things she herself had to do. It wasn't that Amanda wasn't happy to be getting married. She truly was - every moment that she spent with Sarek was reinforcement to that fact, but the prospect of the actual event was beginning to terrify her. All of this, though, she had kept carefully hidden from Sarek. He didn't need her complaints, and she secretly suspected that she was just being a silly, soon-to-be bride. Didn't everyone go through this when they were about to be married? The fact that Amanda was marrying a Vulcan, at a Vulcan ceremony, in front of hundreds of Vulcans, only intensified the problem. But she would get through it - she had to.

The three day journey from Vulcan to Earth went by relatively quickly for Amanda. She and Sarek had both been incredibly busy in the week before the journey, and it was a welcome respite to be together without the worries of work pressing down on them. Amanda used the time to learn how exactly she could torment Sarek into throwing her down on his bed using just her mouth on his fingers.

When they finally landed on Earth, Amanda was nearly bouncing off the walls with excitement. Sarek looked a little dazed - apparently the transference of Amanda's happy anticipation was bleeding through their link and disrupting his own calm. Every time she caught his eye, however, there was the slight smile that she had learned to read. When the shuttle had completely docked and was entirely secure, Amanda had to resist dragging Sarek off the ship onto the landing pad. Finally, though, the doors were opening, and Amanda stepped outside to take her first look at Earth since she had left almost a year ago.

It was raining.

As soon as Sarek joined her outside, he gained a hunted look, like a cat that was trying to avoid something. Amanda was puzzled at his discomfort at first - it wasn't raining hard, only a kind of misty drizzle that was normal weather for San Francisco in the early spring. The air wasn't cold, only slightly chilly. The light rain was gently soaking Amanda's hair and plastering it to her forehead, but it felt good. It had never rained on Vulcan during her stay, in fact - "You don't like the rain, Sarek?"

Sarek gave her a baleful look. "_Water_ is coming out of the sky. Vulcans do not enjoy being wet." Amanda couldn't help grinning at that. He looked so sullen that she took his arm and led him off the landing pad towards a stand of trees. Trees - real, Terran trees. Amanda didn't realize how much she had missed them. She reached out and touched the bark of one slim trunk.

"You are glad to be back on Earth." Sarek said. There was no inflection in his voice - of course, there never was, but even to Amanda's keen detection abilities his tone was flat. Amanda blinked.

"Yes, I am." It was odd, but she felt that she could detect a hidden current of something unfamiliar in Sarek. Was he upset about something? Maybe it was just the irritation caused by the rain. They didn't have to stay out in it for long, though, because the taxi that Sarek had previously arranged arrived quickly. Driving through the shiny wet streets of San Francisco was like going through a dream world for Amanda. Everything that had been so familiar and boring to her a little less than a year ago was suddenly new again. She pointed out landmarks to Sarek, who looked and listened patiently, all the while wearing an expression of slight amusement.

The room Sarek had booked for them were in what had to be in the most luxurious hotel Amanda had ever seen. She supposed she should have suspected as much - Sarek was the damn Ambassador. And, to her happy surprise, he had reserved only one. One room, one bed, and they would be spending three nights there. Amanda was especially pleased when she saw what the room looked like. Very modern, but elegant and sumptuous. Amanda sighed happily and collapsed onto the bed. Space travel really was draining, and the cloud-soft bed was a welcome relief.

Amanda allowed herself on a brief doze, though. Sarek, blessed with his natural Vulcan energy, didn't need a rest. Instead he unpacked their belongings, while Amanda watched him with half-open sleepy eyes. It wasn't until he had finished that Amanda realized she should get in contact with George to tell him that they had arrived safely. She sat up suddenly and scrambled around for her PADD. Sarek quirked an eyebrow at her, an expression she knew well now. "I forgot to send a message to George," She explained, making a face at him. Sarek came towards her as she began to type out a quick 'hi, we're alive!' message, but she had barely managed to hit send when Sarek had gathered her into an embrace, making her drop the PADD back on the sheets.

The reply that came from George fifteen minutes later found Amanda a little breathless and ruffled, and Sarek with a distinct green tinge to his cheeks. Amanda straightened her dress and grabbed her PADD to read George's message. The words of welcome and excitement made her smile. "How do you feel about going out tonight? To meet up with George and Winona?"

"I don't believe I've met Lieutenant Kirk's fiancée." Sarek said, sitting up. His normally sleek dark hair was a bit disheveled, which completely negated the look of calm on his face. Amanda reached out and smoothed down the wayward strands.

"Would you like to? She's nice. I like her very much, actually." Amanda paused to think. "She's a little...uh...Human." Winona was incredibly vivacious and chatty, a quality that Amanda quite liked about her. How Sarek would react, however, was another question.

Sarek gave her a look, dark eyes gaining a mischievous glint. "Do you mean she is insane?"

Amanda tried to look disapproving, but the smile kept tugging at her lips until she let it go. "Yes. Incredibly insane. Just like me." Sarek leaned in to her and pressed a kiss to her cheek. The slight over-warmth of his skin made Amanda's tingle.

"No other individual is insane like you, Amanda. Not even other Humans."

Amanda was familiar with the bar that George had picked. She'd been there often while she was in school, and had been hit on there a few times, although mostly unsuccessfully. Amanda had hoped, actually, that Georgia would be in San Francisco at the same time as she and Sarek, but she was on a fellowship of her own in Africa. Amanda didn't much mind, though, because her excitement to see George drove anything else out of her mind.

Amanda was slightly dismayed, however, to see how packed the place was when they arrived. She'd cautioned Sarek on what sort of outing they would be going on, and encouraged him to dress appropriately. Sarek didn't seem to have an understanding of the world 'casual', though, and while Amanda was wearing a pair of jeans and colorful top that she'd brought along to Vulcan (in the mistaken idea that she'd get any use out of them), Sarek was dressed in his typical high-collared dark jacket and trousers. He did, of course, look quite attractive, but also incredibly out of place.

Once they were inside, the bar proved to be full of relaxing students from the various institutions that were clumped so thickly in the city. Amanda saw red Starfleet cadet uniforms among the throng - the place was obviously a preferred hangout for the Starfleet-inclined. She managed to elbow a path through the crowd to a relatively clear spot (a very strange experience, after having been around no-touchy Vulcans for such a long time), but upon reaching it found that she was alone. Amanda looked around in puzzlement, but she soon saw Sarek. He was making his way through the press of people at a much slower pace, taking care not to touch anyone beyond an innocuous brush. Amanda bit her lip and hunched her shoulders a bit. "I'm sorry," She said, when he reached her. Sarek looked a little tense, and she could feel the vibration of his discomfort through the bond.

"It is of no matter," He said, reaching up to brush something fluffy off his sleeve. "As I've said...I have been to Earth before."

Amanda raised her eyebrows at him. "I'm sure you've never been to a bar like this before, though." She was unable to follow up on the 'wouldn't-you-like-to-know' look that he gave her, though, when she heard someone calling her name. She turned around, scanning the crowd for a familiar face, and privately rejoiced when she saw George waving at her from a booth across the way. Winona was at his side, laughing, a drink in her hand, and when she saw Amanda her eyes lit up. Amanda glanced at Sarek, who made a 'go ahead' gesture. This time, as she pushed her way through, Amanda was careful to make a wider path, elbowing people a little bit more roughly so that they got more definitely out of the way. Sarek seemed to find this easier going, and they reached George and Winnie without incident.

George immediately pulled her into a hug when they reached him. He was still tall and smiling, still incredibly blue-eyed and boisterous. As soon as he released the laughing Amanda, Winona swooped in to snag a hug too, giggling herself. "Ooh, Amanda! It's so nice to meet you in person, finally!" She said, words tumbling out of her like bubbles. She was rather shorter than Amanda, and she'd gotten a haircut since Amanda had last seen her. The shining waves of blonde hair now reached only to her shoulders, but the effect was just as pretty and somewhat spunkier, which suited her.

"I know! I'm so excited for the day after tomorrow!" Amanda said, laughing through her words as she hadn't done in several months.

"You and me both," George said, grinning bashfully. "Damn, it's good to see you, Amanda, and in one piece."

"George worried about you too much," Winona said, giving her fiance a playful chuck on the arm. "I told him you're a strong woman and can handle yourself!" Winona's attention finally turned to Sarek, who had been standing somewhat rigidly in the face of so much Human affection. She beamed up at him, and, without preamble, said "So this is the guy, huh? Wow, he is handsome! You weren't kidding."

Amanda felt herself blush, but she couldn't keep from smiling at the stricken look that flashed over Sarek's face. It was like watching a tiny, adorable kitten approaching a severe old dog and causing him intense panic. "Yeah, Winona, this is Sarek...er, Ambassador Sarek."

Winona's hazel eyes widened. "Oh, I forgot you're the Ambassador! Geez, I'm sorry, I should have greeted you better than that. Nice to meet you, Ambassador Sarek, I'm Winona." She squared her shoulders and held out a slim hand to Sarek - Amanda groaned internally. The look on Sarek's face was only slightly less alarmed than a cat's when it's about to fall into water.

"Win, Vulcans don't shake hands," George said, beating Amanda to the punch as he put a hand on Winona's shoulder. Winona immediately withdrew her hand, a blush coloring her freckled cheeks.

"Oh. Oops." She said. Amanda shook her head.

"No, it's okay, everyone makes that mistake -"

"Please do not worry yourself, Winona." Sarek said, his voice a little stiffer than usual, but Amanda could tell that he wasn't being unkind. Winona didn't seem to pick up on this, though, and looked cowed.

"Uh, c'mon, let's sit. Do you have drinks?" George said, nudging Winona back to the booth to sit down. When Amanda shook her head, he took a step towards the bar, then hesitated. "Oh uh, what would be...?"

Amanda opened her mouth, then looked back at Sarek. She'd never had any alcohol of Human make on Vulcan, and didn't know if they actually _had _any, on the entire planet. Would this bar have k'vass? Maybe, as it was frequented by Starfleet types...

"Bourbon, please, Lieutenant." Sarek said. Amanda looked at him in surprise for a moment. Amanda saw a quick flash of his smiling look as he said "One does a considerable amount of drinking with dignitaries, as an ambassador." Amanda grinned at him, and she felt a slight ease of his tension through the bond. _You're amazing, _she told him, and in reply she received only another smiling look, but it was accompanied by a rush of warmth and affection.

"Just a beer for me, George, thank you," Amanda said to George as she slid into the booth beside Sarek. That left the two of them alone with Winona, who still seemed a little off-balance. Amanda wondered how many Vulcans she could have met, and decided it probably wasn't many. She decided to steer Winnie off the path of awkwardness and engaged her in conversation about the wedding. Winona was happy enough to oblige, although she occasionally shot Sarek a wary look. Thankfully, George returned soon - Amanda assumed he had some sort of arrangement with the bartender to be able to fetch them drinks so quickly. She felt her heart beat begin to pick up as he set down the drinks and sat down next to Winona. As soon as she and Sarek had arrived on Earth, Amanda had been full of excitement about announcing her own engagement to her friends.

George gave Amanda a puzzled smile as he slid her beer towards her. "What's up, Amanda? You've got a look on your face." Amanda did her best to repress her smile, but when she remember she didn't need to, she broke into a broad grin and glanced over at Sarek.

"Okay, well, I know we only just got here, but I've been waiting to tell you for ages and I can't keep it a secret any longer. Not that I want to steal your thunder, of course, I mean you guys are getting married in a few days. But I still need to tell you."

George laughed. "So get on with it already! What's this big news?" Winona, however, had started to smile too. Amanda could tell from the wicked gleam in her eye that she had picked up on exactly what Amanda was trying to say.

"All right!" Amanda said, laughing too. "Well, Sarek and I are engaged."

_There's nothing better than sharing exciting news with a friend. _George's reaction was immediate glee, exclaiming in surprise and reaching across the table to give Amanda a hug. Winona giggled, clasping Amanda's hand instead, as she couldn't reach. "That's wonderful news, you two! Congratulations!" George said, grinning as he sat back.

Amanda looked at Sarek, still a little breathless and pink cheeked from her excitement. He glanced at her, dark eyes soft in the dim light at the bar. Something felt off, though. Sarek wasn't displaying anything to her - there was a significant blank feeling where she had been accustomed to the warmth of his presence. Before she could say or do anything, though, Sarek had turned to George and Winona again. "Thank you. We would, of course, appreciate your presence at the ceremony."

The other two, of course, didn't realize anything was wrong. George kept grinning and said that they'd love to. "Although it might be difficult, with my Starfleet schedule. I'll try to get some leave, though! Or maybe we'll be back around to Vulcan by that time anyway. When were you thinking for the date? Or haven't you decided?"

"Uh, we haven't decided yet." Amanda said vaguely, her eyes still on Sarek. She felt a distinctly cold, a very unpleasant sensation. Sarek met her eyes for a moment, and she felt his leg gently nudge hers, a gesture of reassurance. What was going on, though? Amanda forced herself to turn back to George and Winnie and smile. "I think we've got a while yet. In the meantime, we have you guys to celebrate!"

"How about a toast, then?" Winona piped up, her hazel eyes dancing. "To you, and to us!"

"You can't propose a toast to yourself, sweetie." George said, grinning and clasping Winnie's hand affectionately.

"I'm not, not really. It's for us _and _Amanda and Sarek. Ambassador Sarek. What should I call you?" Winona looked over at Sarek and bit her lip, a perfect apologetic picture.

Amanda watched Sarek's face. _Still nothing..._ "Sarek will suffice," Sarek replied evenly to Winona. "You need not call me Ambassador unless we meet in a professional setting."

Winona blinked at him, but smiled. "Okay then, Sarek." She picked up her beer bottle and held it aloft. "To Amanda and Sarek! _And_..."

"Winona and George," Amanda completed, grinning. "Happy wedding."

George tilted his glass to her, his easy smile affectionate. "And happy engagement, to be followed by a wedding." He said. Amanda felt herself blush happily. _If I had known, last time I was in this bar, that the very next time I came here I'd be with my future husband..._Amanda took a swig of her beer. _Future Vulcan husband. _

They spent the next little while talking about nothing, laughing and chatting. At least, the three Humans did. Sarek remained strangely unresponsive, although he added the occasional dry comment that made Amanda smile. It was wonderful to be able to talk to George and Winona in person again - it made Amanda realize how much she had missed _expressions. _And modulated tones of voice. And hand gestures. And all of the giant, erratic sphere of Human communication. It was, at the same time, though, a little unnerving. Amanda found herself automatically rephrasing sentences to be more Vulcan-appropriate, when there was no need to. Smiling came a little less easily to her than it had before, and Amanda wondered what exactly had her so on edge. There seemed to be quite a lot of noise in the bar. It felt crowded, too, although Amanda could remember occasions when the place had been a lot more packed. On the whole, though, there was just a little feeling of disjointedness in her conscience, as if she were half-dreaming. It was unnerving, especially with the added strangeness of the absolute silence on Sarek's part. Amanda pushed herself to keep talking and smiling and laughing, though, because damn if she hadn't missed George.

A little while later, when Amanda and Winona had both finished their beers, and the men were nearing the end of their own drinks, Winona leaned across the table and gave Amanda a conspiratorial look. "So tell me, just between us girls," She said, lowering her voice a bit, even though Amanda was certain that Sarek and George could hear. "How did Sarek propose?"

Amanda gave her a half grin, shifting in her seat. She was about to reply when Sarek said, in his strangely even tone, "I did not propose."

Winona blinked at him, the picture of surprise. "You didn't? So Amanda...oh, that's awesome!" She laughed. "So how did _you _do it, then?"

Amanda frowned slightly, thinking back to the rather embarrassing night at Skon's estate. She still felt a little clinging mortification about how she had acted that night, and her whole aggravating interaction with Theleia. After a moment, Amanda just shrugged, trying to look casual. "I don't know, I just asked."

Winona scoffed. "Boring. There's got to be more to the story than that." She grinned and scooted a little closer to Amanda, lowering her voice. "I bet he's secretly really romantic, right?" Amanda was certain that Sarek had overheard, although he refrained from commenting. Her certainly mostly came from the fact that the tips of his ears had turned a slightly darker shade of green. Amanda grinned.

"Well, yes, but...I don't know, Vulcans don't do big grand proposals. Once you get into a relationship with someone it's sort of a given that you're going to get married." _I wish I had owned up to that sooner instead of being such an idiot,_Amanda thought, although without much chagrin. If she never made any mistakes, she'd never get anywhere, after all.

Winona's brow creased. "So I guess that's why you aren't wearing a ring? I mean, if that's not rude to ask...Is it?"

Amanda shook her head, smiling. "No, it's not rude. But yeah, rings are another thing that Vulcans don't...do." Amanda sent a sidelong glance at Sarek, who had engaged George in conversation. _Of course, it's not like I wanted any of those big romantic things. I don't need them._

"So what do Vulcans do, then?" Winona said, looking good naturedly exasperated.

Amanda laughed. Maybe it was the slight tipsiness she was experiencing, but she gave Winona her most wicked smile and said airily "Three-day long sex marathon after the ceremony."

Both of the men turned to stare at them when Amanda and Winona collapsed into laughter.

**Author's Note: **Guys! I'm back! And I'm really happy to be writing this story again! I missed it a lot, really, and even though I'm in the middle of finals week, I decided to pick it up again. And I mean that - I'm going to get this story finished if it kills me (ps. it won't, I leave for home in a week, and then I'll have an entire month off of school to write and write and write)  
In terms of what's going to happen, I have it all planned out, and there is a definite end in sight. Here's the thing, though, I was kinda bummed when I realized the story would be over and I wouldn't get to write it any more. So be prepared for a sequel. I hope. We'll see. I might start off on another story, perhaps involving a different Kirk and a different Vulcan. Well, half-Vulcan ;) Anyway, I'm really happy to be back, I hope you guys are excited for more Amanda/Sarek fun.


	32. Chapter 32

As the evening progressed, Amanda found herself getting more and more concerned about Sarek's silence. She hadn't realized how much she'd come to rely on his presence over the past month or so. It was a strangely lonely feeling, and she desperately wanted to ask him what had happened. She'd thought, for one panicked moment, if maybe their bond were weakening, but that was ridiculous and she knew it. As soon as the thought had occurred to her, Sarek glanced at her, and there was a hint of something that could have been concern in his eyes. Amanda tried to reassure herself with the fact that nothing horribly wrong seemed to be happening...it was just a little odd.

It was wonderful to catch up with George and Winona, though. Amanda told them both about Kaht, and S'Haile Ahror, and Ataur and T'Rea, and in turn they told her about their lives. Winona revealed, blushing, that she was applying to the Starfleet Academy, to Amanda's delight.

"I'm smarter than I look, really," Winona said with a shy grin. "I want to work in communications, but we'll see. I want to try a little bit of everything!"

George seemed quite pleased about it too - Amanda could see the pride in his eyes when he looked at his sweet, erratic fiancée. _I don't have that, _Amanda thought vaguely. _I won't ever see a direct expression from Sarek, even when we're alone together. _She glanced at Sarek. He was listening intently to Winona's story about how she had decided to join Starfleet. There was a slight crease between his slanted eyebrows, a sign of his concentration. Amanda realized she was smiling without intending to. _I don't mind, _she thought. _George and Winona are sweet, but it's not that I'm missing anything. Sarek and I are just different._

Meanwhile, the bar seemed to be filling up even more as it got later. Amanda noticed that Sarek's posture was getting progressively tenser, and felt guilty for having dragged him to such a noisy, _Human _place. She wanted to put her hand on his leg, or slip her arm through his, but she knew that it wouldn't be reassuring for him if she were to touch him. At least, not in public.

The next time Amanda glanced at the time, she realized it was well past one, and creeping towards two. Yes, she and Sarek had just spent three days in space, which would throw off anyone's inner clock, and yes, Sarek didn't need to sleep nearly as much as she did, but it was late. For Winnie and George, certainly. They still had to get married in two days, after all, and Amanda didn't want to be the one responsible for Winona having dark circles under her eyes in her wedding photos. "I'm going to go use the bathroom," Amanda said, standing up. "And then I think Sarek and I should head back to our hotel - whoa." Amanda wobbled a little bit on her feet, blinking. The room had just given a familiar spinny tilt. How many beers had she had? Four? Oh.

"You all right there, Amanda?" George asked, half out of his seat to catch her if she should lose her balance.

Amanda shook her head, wearing an embarrassed grin. "No, I'm fine. I'd forgotten that four beers are different when you're standing up than when you're sitting down." This earned her a big grin from George - but hey, she knew what she meant. Sarek, on the other hand, was giving her a perfectly blank look that nevertheless conveyed concern. Amanda shook her head again. "I'm really fine! I'll be right back."  
Thankfully she still remembered where the ladies room was, and thankfully it wasn't so horrible a bar that she regretted visiting the ladies room. When she was on her way back, she had to squeeze past a large group of people standing at the bar, talking loudly and laughing. She didn't quite manage not to brush someone's arm, and thanks to the four beers, she wobbled on her feet again. Someone reached out and caught her - the guy whose arm she'd accidentally bumped. "Oh, thanks." She said, giving him an apologetic smile. _Geez, if I'd done that on Vulcan, I'd be excommunicated. I guess k'vass doesn't have exactly the same effect as Terran alcohol. _

"Don't worry about it." The man who'd caught her wasn't much taller than she was, with a broad smile and close cropped hair. He wasn't wearing a Starfleet uniform - probably a student of some other institution nearby. There was something slightly disconcerting in his smile, though, that made Amanda think longingly of unexpressive Vulcans. "What's your name?"

"Uh, Amanda." Amanda said, glancing over at the booth where George, Winnie, and Sarek still sat. None of them looked around. Damn. "Sorry, I've gotta go, my friends are waiting."

The man followed her gaze. "Doesn't look like it," He said.

"They're not very expressive people," Amanda said, attempting to step past him. To her discomfort, however, the man stopped her from going any farther by putting a hand on her waist.

"Hey, don't go. I'm Hank. Do you want a drink?"

"No," Amanda said, grimacing and trying to twist out of his hold. She tried to look back over at the booth, but Hank sidestepped and blocked her view. "Leave me alone, I'm not interested." Amanda said, trying to sound cold, but the slight fuzziness to her speech diminished the effect.

"Aww, come on." Hank said, his disconcerting grin still in place.

Amanda felt a jolt of unpleasant adrenaline - she wanted to get away! Why wasn't Sarek there for her to call on? Not that she couldn't handle it herself, of course, but it would have been a hell of a lot more reassuring to be able to feel his presence. "No, I'm serious, stop." Amanda said, taking a step back. Hank advanced on her, and Amanda felt her back bump against the bar as she kept retreating, trying to evade.

"Just one drink, I'll - ghkk." Someone had grabbed the collar of Hank's jacket and yanked him backwards, hard. Amanda felt a flood of relief roll over her - Sarek had come up behind Hank and was now restraining him, still holding his collar, with a disdainful look in his eyes.

"Stop that." He said, his voice frozen. "Are you all right, Amanda?" He asked, turning to look at her without releasing the struggling Hank.

"I'm fine," Amanda said, watching him wide-eyed. Hank made another strangled noise and Amanda pushed herself away from the bar. "You can let him go."

Sarek looked as though he would have preferred to throttle him, but released Hank's collar with a dismissive gesture. "Kre'nath. Uf duh'es. _Bastard. How ridiculous." _Amanda winced - her tormenter's face turned purple with embarrassed rage.

"What did you call me?!" He snarled at Sarek, yanking his jacket back into place.

Sarek gave Hank a look that would have petrified a more intelligent man. "Let's leave, Amanda." He said bluntly, turning from the incensed aggressor to Amanda. She was about to reply and hastily drag Sarek out of the bar when Hank grabbed Sarek's shoulder and attempted to wrench him around again.

"You're gonna pay for that, Vulcan freak," He growled, and to Amanda's horror he drew back a fist and aimed a punch at Sarek's jaw.

Except on rare occasions, Amanda hadn't ever seen evidence of superior Vulcan strength and speed. Sarek barely seemed to move, easily side-stepping out of the way of Hank's clumsy attack. In a flash he'd thrown his own arm up and grabbed a hold of Hank's forearm. The surprised, but anguished grunt of pain that issued from Hank was enough evidence of the pressure of Sarek's grip. Amanda stared, wide eyed, as the would-be assailant nearly collapsed around his arm, all the fight gone out of him. Amanda half expected to hear a creak of bone grinding together. It lasted only an instant, however. Sarek immediately dropped Hank's arm, who seemed to only keep his balance by sheer luck. People everywhere were staring, perfectly silent.

"Now, let's leave." Sarek said, as calmly as if he'd just flicked a piece of dust off his coat sleeve. Amanda had to tear her eyes away from her irritator - the color had drained from the man's face and he was clutching at his arm, wearing a grimace of pain. She barely had time to catch up when she realized Sarek had turned to go. He had no trouble getting through the crowd then - they parted as easily as if someone had pushed them out of the way. Amanda only just managed to keep up with him, looking around frantically for George and Winona.

The February air was cold on her burning cheeks when she finally made it out onto the street. Sarek was standing rigidly - Amanda could see his pulse racing behind his jaw when she drew nearer. "What was that?" She asked, somewhat breathlessly. Before Sarek had time to answer, Winona and George had fought their way out to join them, both looking somewhat harassed.

"What happened? There was such a huge commotion." George said, looking between Amanda and Sarek.

"I was being pestered by this creep," Amanda said, not taking her eyes off Sarek, who still stood with tension vibrating off him, "Sarek broke his arm."

"I did not," Sarek said icily. "I did not break any bones."

"Oh," Winona said, hazel eyes perfectly round. She leaned a little closer to Amanda, lowering her voice, "He just froze all of the sudden and got out of his seat without a word. It was eerie."

Amanda frowned slightly. "He could tell I was in trouble...don't ask."

George was watching Sarek. "Are you all right?"

Sarek put his hand up to his temple for a moment, dropping it again almost immediately. "I am fine." He took a breath. "That was a mistake."

"Yeah, it was," Amanda said. She was feeling incredibly shaken, her system thrumming with adrenaline. "You can't just _attack _people like that!" Sarek turned dark eyes on her, a baleful look.

"He attacked me. Are you defending a man who wouldn't respect your refusal?"

"No," Amanda said, hugging herself, partially to defend against the cold, and partially to keep herself from shaking. "But still, you can't...do things like that."

"I'm well aware of the fact," Sarek said, his voice like granite.

"Uh," George hazarded. He and Winona were both looking concerned and perplexed.

Amanda shook her head. "We should get home." She clasped George's upper arm affectionately and managed to smile at Winona. "It was really nice to see you guys. See you day after tomorrow, okay?" George still didn't look mollified.

"Are you sure that -"

"It's _fine_," Amanda insisted. "I'll call you later."

Winona hesitantly drew George away, giving Amanda an 'uh-oh' look as she did so. "Bye," Amanda said to them, watching as they started off down the street. She kept watching them for a moment until she felt a little calmer, then turned to look at her fiancé. Sarek was harshly defined by the neon light from the bar, his body in stark contrasts of light and dark. He was facing away from the light, looking out across the street, but Amanda could still see that his jaw was clenched tight.

"Hey," She said, going up to him and lightly touching his arm. Sarek gave the slightest of shudders and turned to look at her. "What's going on?" She asked, her voice worried. "I haven't been able to feel you all night, and then you just went off like that..."

Sarek didn't say anything for a moment, but put his arm around her waist, a gesture that she recognized to be both possessive and an entreaty for comfort. He didn't hold onto her for long - a fleeting touch. "Let us return to the hotel," He said. "I would like to be able to clear my mind."

Amanda, though she was confused and wanted very much to know what the matter was, agreed. It would be considerably easier for Sarek to relax if they were away from prying eyes, and she herself felt a longing for a little privacy. The crowding and noise of the bar felt like stepping into a too-hot shower after the subdued protocol of Vulcan to which she had become accustomed. They were able to hail a taxi easily enough, and spent most of the short trip in silence. Amanda still couldn't feel any hint of Sarek's presence through the bond, but there was a sort of anxious buzzing that was neither here nor there. It made her feel an uneasiness that didn't belong to her.

Finally they had reached their rooms again. Sarek immediately took off his shoes and sat down, meditation-style, on the floor at the foot of the bed, resting his hands on his knees. Amanda followed suit, although she sat in a more comfortable position, kicking off her own shoes with a lot less care than Sarek had. "Will you tell me what's going on, now?" She asked, more concern in her voice than impatience.

Sarek's eyes were closed, but he nodded. "I apologize. I should have...we should have discussed the circumstances of this trip more thoroughly." He took a deep breath and opened his eyes again, focusing them on Amanda. He seemed somewhat less freaked out than he had been before, the lines of tension in his face beginning to relax.

"When I visit Earth, or am surrounded by a large group of Humans, I must increase my mental resilience. Humans are not, as you know, telepathically capable, but they nevertheless allow their emotions to...leak. It can be very distracting, and distressing, especially in a high energy location such as that bar."

"Is that why I couldn't feel anything from you?" Amanda asked.

"Yes," Sarek said simply, shutting his eyes again.

"I don't understand," Amanda persisted. "If you decrease the amount of input you receive, it shouldn't have anything to do with your own output."

Sarek's eyelid twitched, but he didn't open his eyes again. "I prefer to put a rather severe 'lockdown' on my telepathic capabilities in the presence of Humans," he said. "Most Vulcans would not employ such an extreme dampening, but in my case I find it necessary, as I have to be in the company of Humans on a frequent basis. It reduces the probability of any errors."

"Reduces it, but doesn't entirely shut it out," Amanda said dryly. "You looked as though you were going to kill that guy."

Sarek's eyes opened - an angry flash in his gaze that vanished as quickly as a lightning bolt. "I might have done," He said, voice tight, "if he had continued to bother you." _Sarek seems to be 'saving' me from other men all the time, _Amanda thought. _Prais, George, this bar creeper... _A flicker in Sarek's expression told Amanda that he had picked up on this. He looked away. "I am aware of the irrationality of my reaction," He said, his tone quieter. "As I told you before...I have faults. I had underestimated the stress that such a location would put on me. My control slipped."

Amanda regarded him for a moment. His expression was as blank as ever, but there was an edge of frustration in it - frustration with himself. Amanda reached out and turned his face towards hers. "It's all right, as long as you _really _didn't break his arm."

"It is not all right. I am an Ambassador. Such behavior is not acceptable."

"Well, it's not as though we were at a public function with hundreds of dignitaries to see you," Amanda said. "We were in a bar full of grad students. I'm sure that none of them had any idea who you were, unless they'd done a lot of travelling to Vulcan." Amanda thought of Hank's reference to Sarek as a 'Vulcan freak' felt distinctly uncomfortable. Many people on Earth were still incredibly xenophobic, even though the different worlds had bled together so much that every city was full of a great mix of races. _Well, there are Vulcans in Shi'Kahr that despise Humans, _she thought. _I thought Sarek was one, at first. _

Sarek didn't say anything, just leaned a little on her hand. "I apologize." He said quietly.

"Accepted," Amanda said. "I have to admit, though, the way you came to my rescue was really...inspiring." She smiled. Sarek glanced up at her, meeting her gaze. She bit her lip, dropping her joking demeanor again. "I didn't really think about how stressful it would be for you to be here. I should have asked George if we could have met somewhere else."

Sarek scoffed and shook his head, gaining back a little of his usual sardonic attitude. "I would be an incredibly poor ambassador if journeys to my intended world caused me difficulty. I will not lose control again." He looked a little distant. "I must admit that I've never experienced problems during sojourns on Earth."

"Why is it more difficult now, then?" Amanda asked.

Sarek turned to look at her, and there was affection in his eyes that made Amanda's heart give a little skitter. "I have never been to Earth with you before."

Amanda found herself smiling, half-embarrassed. "So I have a negative effect on your concentration?"

"Do you not realize how distracting you are?" Sarek asked. "I do not, of course, cite your presence as an excuse, but I have never been as...captivated by anyone before."

"Even Theleia?" The words jumped out of her mouth before Amanda could think them over. She was immediately mortified, but couldn't bring herself to say anything to reel them back. In truth, she had been a little wary of Sarek's past paramour and his relationship to her - not that she at all doubted his devotion to her, but...still. One was sometimes a little jealous, even if it was irrational. And, after all, before she had fully realized what the connection between Sarek and herself was, she'd experienced that strange jolt from him of intense, paralyzing abandonment. Sadness. Caused, Amanda was almost entirely certain, by Theleia's severance of their betrothal bond.

The sometimes aggravating thing about the bond was that Sarek could always see the wheels turning in her head, even if his contribution was, for the moment, silent. "I assure you," He said, lightly brushing her wrist with his fingers, "That I have never loved anyone as deeply as I love you." Amanda felt her breath catch in her throat. It was this sort of moment that made her heart hum with excitement for the life she was going to live with this man. It was enough, it was more than enough. Amanda couldn't help it, she smiled shyly and looked at their hands, his fingers resting lightly on the upturned curve of her wrist, where he must have been able to feel her pulse.

"Can you come back now?" She asked him. "I mean, in the bond...I miss you."

"Yes," He said simply, and almost immediately Amanda felt the slow wave of warmth that signified his presence return. It was like getting into a hot bath of an entire day of being cold. Amanda closed her eyes and shifted a little closer to him - her entire awareness of him seemed to pick up again. His scent was more apparent to her, he seemed to be in sharper relief. "I didn't realize how much I missed that." She said, resting her head on his shoulder.

Amanda could feel Sarek's smile. "It was unpleasant for me as well. I was tempted several times to abandon my concentration and return to you." Amanda opened her eyes again and sat up straight so that she could look into his face.

"I'm going to marry you," She said, smiling slightly.

Sarek looked puzzled, but pleasantly so. "I know. We agreed on this some time ago."

"Yeah," Amanda said, reaching up to stroke his hair away from his face. His silky black hair felt good under her fingers, falling exactly back into place when she let it be. "But every now and again I remember that, and it makes me so happy."

Amanda hadn't been expecting the kiss, but suddenly Sarek's mouth was on hers. A gentle kiss, like the ones they had shared when he first began to court her. And it was coupled by his fingers gently brushing hers again, a pleasant buzzy sensation that made Amanda smile against his lips. The kiss lingered for a moment before Sarek pulled away from her slightly. "I love you," He said, in Standard.

Amanda's smile grew. "I love you, too." She interlaced her fingers with his, greatly enjoying the green color that suddenly dusted his cheeks. "And I forgot to tell you something."

"What is that?" Sarek said, his voice a little stilted. Amanda had run her fingers down the length of his, and he was starting to get a bit of a glazed look which made Amanda's own libido tingle.

"I've only really heard you speak Vuhlkansu," She replied, withdrawing her fingers to gently run her fingernails across his palm. "When you speak Standard it's actually unbearably...sexy."

Sarek's puzzlement managed to come through even in his increasing desire. "Sexy?"

Amanda tilted her head to one side, letting her hair spill over her shoulder in auburn waves. "You've got a bit of an accent. Just a bit of one."

Sarek's not-smile reappeared, with a hint of lust on the edge. "Your Terran accent," He said, leaning forward to run his free hand through her hair, "is atrocious."

"I don't have one!" Amanda protested, giving his hand a taunting squeeze. Sarek's breath caught, Amanda grinned in triumph.

"You do," Sarek replied, gently pushing her back onto the floor. "Do not worry. It's...cute. I suppose that would be the appropriate word."

"Just one of the many things that endeared me to you?" Amanda asked as Sarek leaned down to kiss her neck. "That made me so irresistible?"

Sarek withdrew for a moment to fix her with an intense look of desire. "Completely irresistible."

Amanda grinned at him. "I knew it. Uh, one thing though..." She pushed her hair out of her eyes and looked up at him. "Can we maybe relocate to the bed? It's a really _amazing _bed."

**Author's Note: **I'm just a little writing machine, doo dee doo~ My finals are almost completely finished with, and so I have more free time to do what I like, ie. write about these two.

Thank you guys for your reviews! I'm really happy to see that my absence didn't turn you away forever. I'm wondering now if I can finish this story before I hit forty chapters. Does Fanfiction have a word limit? I might have to do some editing if that's the case...  
Also, just a head's up: I am a Kirk and Spock shipper. I have nothing against Uhura, I find her quite lovely really (and I have no idea who that other woman is, my apologies), but Spock/Uhura is just not my jam. Am I going to get jumped on for this? I hope not. In any case, if I do end up writing a sequel involving the kiddies, it will be Kirk/Spock. Of course, Spock has to be _born _before any of that can happen...

oh ps. my beta reader is also completely tangled in finals, so these chapters haven't gotten the full once over. I apologize for any weirdnesses of grammar or spelling or non-canon-ness.


	33. Chapter 33

Amanda looked hard at herself in the mirror and tried to reassure herself that it wasn't going to be that bad. It was her own fault, really. She hadn't remembered how different Vulcan dress was from what people wore on Earth. Especially to formal occasions. She loved the dress, of course. It was beautiful and hung very well on her body - a loose fitting bodice with high collar, belted at the waist, with a long, flowing skirt of slightly matte fabric. The sleeves were long, passing over her wrists, and tight-fitting. It was a pale shade of muted green. It was just...too much. Possibly. Amanda sighed and turned away from the mirror. At least her hair was in Terran style. Amanda didn't trust herself to be able to create a hairdo confection like the masterpiece T'Iva had done for her on the occasion of T'Rea's wedding.

"You are confusing me." Sarek said, giving her an odd look.

Amanda waved a hand at him, looking around for her back and trying to repress her anxious thoughts. "It doesn't matter. I'm just...I feel like I look too Vulcan."

She could tell that this only made Sarek's puzzlement grow. "Why should you view this negatively?" He asked. She glanced over at him. He was himself wearing traditional Vulcan garb, suitable for a formal occasion. Robes of dark gray, with a geometric pattern picked out in a slightly darker shade on the front. The only suggestion of color was a slate-blue edge to the sleeves and collar. Amanda sighed. He looked very handsome, if a little striking, but people would expect a Vulcan ambassador to look Vulcan. He was _supposed _to look alien.

"It's not a negative thing," Amanda said, scooping up her small bag and now looking around for her coat. "But I'm going to stand out."

Sarek quirked an eyebrow at her. He'd been ready for at least ten minutes, and was now just lounging around by the door waiting for her. Those thick robes wouldn't require a jacket, either, but Amanda's dress was considerably lighter. "I doubt that you shall 'stand out' as much as I will."

Amanda gave him an exasperated smile, finally finding her coat and carefully putting on, so as not to disarrange her controversial dress. It too was Vulcan make, as she hadn't brought any cold-weather clothing with her from Earth to a desert planet. "I bet you anything that a Human woman in Vulcan dress is going to attract more attention than just a regular old Vulcan."

"I am neither regular nor old," Sarek said dryly. "But we shall see. Are you sufficiently prepared? We are going to arrive late."

"We will not," Amanda said, taking his arm and tugging him towards the door. "Getting there five minutes past the stated time does not count as 'late' on Earth."

The morning outside was brilliant and cold, a rare day of sunshine for San Francisco in February. Amanda shivered slightly, even in the warmth of her thick Vulcan coat. She supposed that the cold was only shocking to her as she had been away from it for so long. No proper born and raised Oregon girl should be shivering in such relatively mild weather. Sarek glanced at her, and Amanda wished that Vulcan decorum would have allowed him to put his arm around her. His extra heat would have been welcome.

Thankfully, it wasn't long until their taxi arrived to bear them to the venue of George and Winona's wedding. It was to be at the Fairmont Hotel, which had stood in San Francisco for nearly 330 years. It had been opened in 1907, and preserved relatively accurately in the decorative style of its origin. Amanda was excited to get there, but for two reasons, the greater of the two being that she was excited for the ceremony. She also wanted to show Sarek the grand old building, a piece of the Terran past that was nothing if it wasn't Human. She did morosely wonder, however, how much of a stranger she would look among that antiquated decor. _What sort of thing am I going to turn out to be? _Amanda wondered as she watched the buildings of San Francisco speed by. _I'll probably start speaking Standard with a Vulkahnsu accent before long. It's hard _not _to be aware of how unorthodox we are. _Sarek stirred next to her, dark eyes flicking to her face.

_I have never cared whether we are unorthodox or not._

Amanda smiled and rested her hand on his forearm. _I know. _

Their trip wasn't long, and as Amanda had predicted, they were barely five minutes late. She nearly tugged Sarek out of the hovercar, excited to get inside and to the ceremony. Sarek moved as ever with his usual dignity, but Amanda was sure that he was exaggerating it just to mess with her. The antique white building that was the Fairmont Hotel before them was a strange sight among the modern edifices all around it. Amanda stood gazing at it for a moment before they made their way inside - it was large and grand, its walls studded with many windows. The entrance was sheltered by an impressive archway of the same white material, atop which was a balcony lined with flags. Amanda grinned. She knew that in the building's early days, those flags had represented the different countries of Earth. Now they showed the colors of the Federation and all its worlds.

The interior of the building was just as impressive as the outside. It reminded Amanda a bit of Skon's mansion. All the decoration was in white and gold, with pillars of yellow marble with brown and gold striations. The floor was also shining cream marble, and Amanda's heels made reverberating clicks as she walked across it. Sarek was looking around with interest that Amanda was sure was apparent to others beside herself. She grinned at him, remembering Selek and his boundless interest in the peculiarities of Earth. Amanda was also surprised at how well the original furnishings of the building had been restored, although she assumed that many of them had been replaced by copies. No caretaker in their sane mind would allow visitors to actually _use _the original furniture. The place was suitably decorated for a wedding, as well. Flowers of white, cream, and a lovely dusty plum were arranged becomingly all over the lobby.

"Amanda," Amanda turned to see Sarek watching her patiently. Apparently she had been so absorbed in admiring the room that she'd completely failed to notice the hotel attendant waiting to show them through to the wedding. Amanda grinned sheepishly and hurried over to Sarek and they went through a curtained doorway to the ballroom where the ceremony was to take place.

The room was long and brilliant, with high white ceilings decorated with gold in nineteenth century fashion. Large windows, partially covered with long gold curtains, ran down one wall. Arranged on either side of the aisle were rows of white chairs, each draped with an elegant cream colored bow. Amanda couldn't help but be impressed with Winona and George - they had arranged all this in two months? The place was already mostly full of happy, chatting Humans, although Amanda spotted one or two guests who were of other races. For the most part, these individuals looked bemused. Once again, Amanda found herself staring for too long. The put-upon usher had to ask her several times whether they were groom or bride's side. "Oh! Uh, groom, thanks." Amanda said, blinking. The usher directed them to seats on what Amanda assumed was George's side of the room.

"This," Sarek said, looking around with a slight crease between his brows, "is very strange."

"You shouldn't say something like that, Master Ambassador." Amanda said, taking up the little white program and looking at it with interest.

"Amanda," Sarek said, and she looked up.

"What?"

Sarek looked somewhat surly. "I am of course somewhat familiar with the subject of Human wedding ceremonies," He began.

"Only to be expected from the Ambassador to Earth," Amanda said brightly. Sarek gave her a look that was definitely not a glower.

"Correct," he continued. "But...I require further explanation."

"Oh, right," Amanda said, trying to hide her smile. "Well, it's not all that complicated...not like a Vulcan wedding, anyway." She launched into an explanation while the seats filled up around them. Sarek listened as though he were at a lecture, occasionally cutting in to ask her questions. She was about to explain about the vows when strains of music reached them from the back of the hall. Amanda grinned and squeezed Sarek's arm. "It's about to start," She said.

"There is a child," Sarek said in a low voice only a few moments later. Sure enough, there was a little blonde-headed flower girl (who Amanda thought must be either George or Winona's baby cousin, with that blonde hair) walking awkwardly down the aisle, thrusting fistfuls of flower petals into the air, wearing a determined expression. "Why is she strewing plant matter on the ground?"

Amanda elbowed Sarek in the ribs, which earned her a blip of offended surprise from him. "Hush," She said, and Sarek retreated into slightly wounded silence. The little flower girl was soon followed by members of the wedding party. Almost all of George's groomsmen were in Starfleet dress uniform, and each of Winona's bridesmaids were in pale-red violet dresses that were not at all horrible. Amanda sat up a little straighter in her seat and turned to look for George at the front of the room. He was standing on the small raised dais, himself decked out in Starfleet's impressive dress uniform, beside a man that Amanda assumed must have been the officiating officer.

Soon enough the wedding party had all proceeded down the aisle and taken their places at the front of the room, on either side of the dais. Amanda noted that George looked distinctly nervous, but proud at the same time. It was clear to her, though, that he couldn't have been happier. She and Sarek were seated close enough to the front for George to be able to see her too. When their eyes met, Amanda saw him wink - a subtle enough gesture so that only she could see it. _I do love George, _Amanda thought, smiling. She could feel a slight reaction from Sarek at that, but it was one of pleasure and affection. She placed her hand on his leg, feeling a surge of affection herself, but was almost immediately distracted by the commencement of that most familiar wedding melody, Mendelssohn's Wedding March. _That piece is even older than this building, _Amanda thought, feeling a curious pride in Humanity. It was of course immediately replaced by pride in Winona when Amanda caught sight of her.

Winona had never looked lovelier - her dress was an elegantly sweet strapless design, off-white cream in color and with a long full skirt. Her golden hair was swept back in a style that showed off its slight wave. There were pale purple flowers in it that perfectly complimented her hazel eyes. She looked like a gentle golden goddess, all sweetness, the familiar smile on her face shining. Amanda glanced back at George at the altar - there were definitely tears in his eyes.

Amanda couldn't help it, she cried herself at the culmination of the ceremony. George and Winona's kiss was so exuberant, Winona throwing her arms around George's neck and smiling, as if they were the only two people in the room. Amanda dug around in her bag, trying to find a tissue or a handkerchief and to stop herself from snuffling, when she realized Sarek was looking at her with alarm. _Why are you crying? _There was a definite hint of panic in the question that came to her across the bond.

Amanda, finally having managed to locate a tissue, smacked him gently with the back of her hand and said in a hushed whisper, "I'm crying because I'm happy, stupid." He had no time to protest, though, because everyone was suddenly on their feet, applauding the couple that stood grinning bashfully, finally married. Amanda joined them, clapping as hard as she could and standing on her tippy toes to get a better look at them. George said something in Winona's ear that made her laugh. Arm in arm, they descended from the dais and went down the aisle amidst a storm of applause and cheering that almost completely drowned out the stalwart musicians.

There was a great shuffling to get out of seats and into the aisle when the couple had left the room. Amanda sighed happily, blotting the remains of her tears out of her eyes and returning the tissue to her bag. She felt Sarek's touch on her upper arm and turned around to look at him. "I don't understand," He said, his anxiety coming through the bond even if it didn't show in his face or tone, "Weeping is a sign of unhappiness, isn't it?"

Amanda shook her head. "Not always. Humans cry when they..." She hesitated. To Sarek, this was going to sound a little outrageous. "Humans cry when they experience overwhelming emotion. Happiness, sadness, rage, sometimes." Like she had predicted, Sarek looked uncomfortable.

"Come on," Amanda said, "Let's go to the reception. It will be nice." She steered Sarek out of the large room, following the tide of people to the reception hall. This room, too, was beautiful and old, decorated in outdated elegance. There were round tables ranged around on the polished wood floor, each with its own bunch of flowers like the ones Amanda had seen in the lobby. Buffet tables held promises of lunch, and there was a large space open for dancing. Amanda looked longingly at the dance floor - she'd always enjoyed dancing, but it wasn't really going to be an option, unless George asked her to. Sarek, oblivious to this thought, was looking around with polite interest.

"This is not dissimilar to a Vulcan ceremony." He said vaguely. "Although I suppose the bride and groom are not currently consummating their marriage."

Amanda felt herself blush. "No, they're here." She said, gesturing to a huge pack of people surrounding George and Winona. "Human weddings don't work that way, remember?"

Sarek glanced at her. "Yes, I know." There was something odd in his tone, but Amanda couldn't quite pinpoint what it was. Amanda brushed a stray lock of hair out of her eyes that had managed to escape her braid - she was no T'Iva even at Terran hairstyles - and looked over at the throng of people again. There was no way she and Sarek were going to make it through to see George and Winona just then. She would have to wait until they were free of so many well-wishers.

"Oh, you must be George's friend Amanda!" Amanda turned to locate the source of the address, and found herself looking at one of the groomsmen, a square shouldered black young man with an easy smile that was similar to George's own.

"Yes, that's me," Amanda said, a little puzzled. She hadn't expected George to have told his friends about her, but she supposed they would have wanted to know who the non-Winona girl that he kept calling from the ship was.

"I could tell by the Vulcan dress," The man said. "Oh, sorry, I'm Francis Conway. Call me Frank." With that, he held out a large hand for Amanda to shake. _Oh, oops, _Amanda thought, as she immediately felt Sarek's discomfort. She couldn't excuse herself from it now, and anyway, handshakes really _weren't _inappropriate on Earth. Amanda shook Frank's hand, making it as brief a gesture as possible.

"Nice to meet you," She said, managing not to show any of her thoughts (thanks to T'Rea and Ataur's dedicated teaching, she was pleased to note) "Amanda Grayson, but you knew that. This is my fiancé, Ambassador Sarek." Amanda indicated the tense Sarek, who nodded in acknowledgement.

"Ha'tha ti'lu, Kevet-dutar Sarek," Frank said, much to Amanda's surprise, in rather thickly accented Vuhlkansu, "Sanu tobeg-tor kobat'es t'nash-veh svi'Vuhlkansu. _Good morning, Ambassador Sarek, please excuse the weakness of mine in Vulcan. _Ah, that was bad, wasn't it...I haven't studied the Vulcan language since I was a cadet. Sorry._" _

Sarek's reaction to the clunky phrase was, to Amanda's relief, quite civil. "Commendable effort, Mr. Conway." He said, in Standard. "Th'i-oxalra. _I appreciate it._"

They exchanged a few minutes of small-talk, although Amanda could tell that Frank found Sarek off-putting. It didn't take long for him to make his excuses and go off to find some other friend. Amanda watched him go, trying not to smile - it had been rather amusing to see how intimidating Sarek was. She reflected back to when she herself had first met him, and how furiously cold his dark eyes had seemed then. But now, she knew better, and wondered if perhaps she would be one of the only people who ever would.

Once Frank was out of ear shot, Amanda turned to Sarek. "Th'i-oxalra?" She asked, raising her eyebrows. Sarek didn't meet her eyes, preferring to carefully take a champagne flute off a passing tray. Amanda managed to snag her own too.

"My wants are not many," Sarek said, "But it would not be unpleasant if every Human I meet did not attempt to speak to me in the Vulcan tongue." He took a sip of champagne, gave the glass a critical look, and commented "There appear to be bubbles."

"Don't be evasive," Amanda said, "It makes you feel awkward, doesn't it?" She couldn't keep the grin off her face as she asked it.

Sarek's eyebrows gave a significant twitch and he glanced away again - the slightest of gestures that Amanda recognized as exasperation. "While I would not myself use those words," He said, "I must admit that it puts me at a loss for words. Especially if the individual's grasp of the language is not adequate, as it was in this case."

"Oh, be kind," Amanda said, glancing over at Frank's large form. "You make people nervous."

"And you?" Sarek said, looking sidelong at her.

"I have absolutely no reason to be nervous around you," Amanda said, adopting an innocent look. "I've seen you naked." This got the desired reaction: the tips of Sarek's ears turned green.

He cleared his throat. "I should have been more specific. I meant what of _your _effect on others?"

"My effect?"

Sarek looked down at her, a hint of mischief in his eyes. Amanda's heart gave a little twinge. "Many find difficulty in speaking with a beautiful woman." He said in a slightly airy tone. "One finds it...disarming."

_So I can make him blush, but he can definitely still make me blush. _Amanda grinned and swept a few more strands of hair out of her face. "Well, I will tell you one thing."

"What is that?"

"Even he could tell that my dress is Vulcan."

A great deal of the reception passed without Amanda getting the chance to approach George and Winona. Whenever she managed to get a glimpse of them, they were being set upon by more well-wishers, and Amanda thought they were looking rather harassed. Meanwhile, lunch was served, and Amanda was incredibly be tasting Terran fare again, although she decided to go for the vegetarian option. The meat dishes didn't seem quite as appealing now, after she'd enjoyed so much the vegetarian meals on Vulcan.

There was, to Amanda's slight relief, assigned seating. She had been worrying that she and Sarek would have absolutely no one to talk to at the reception. They had been located at a table that was quite close to George and Winona's. Amanda couldn't help feeling flattered at that. The couple had seated them among their closest friends. Those friends turned out to be a nice bunch: two of Winona's cousins, an older couple who seemed to be friends of George's family, and a couple of George's Starfleet companions. They got along well, although Amanda could tell that everyone there was a little wary of Sarek. He took it in stride, and made conversation with courtesy.

"Ooh, look!" One of Winona's cousins squealed, turning in her seat. "It's the first dance!" Amanda turned around eagerly herself to see George leading a laughing Winona onto the dance floor. To the accompaniment of cheers from their friends, they started dancing, and Amanda was impressed with how good they were at it. She watched Winona's skirt whirl around as George spun her out, and back to him again. The two of them smiled at the crowd, of course, but most of their attention was for each other. Amanda felt a little pang of wistfulness as other couples got up to join the newlyweds. _Dancing. Oh well._

She turned back to the table and was about to distract herself by starting up a conversation with Winona's cousin Annabelle when she felt a touch on her arm. Sarek leaned a little closer to her, his eyes on the dancers. "Explain this to me."

Amanda blinked, and shrugged one shoulder, turning back again to watch the dance floor. "It's a celebratory thing. Humans like to appreciate music by dancing..." She frowned, not sure how to explain. "It's fun." She said lamely.

"They look to be enjoying it," Sarek said, dubiously. "But the practice is not only reserved for mated couples, correct?"

"Why do you say that? I mean, you're right, though. You can dance by yourself or with friends or with your lover, it doesn't matter."

Sarek gave Amanda a perfectly inscrutable look. "I came upon you and Lieutenant Kirk dancing on the night of the ceremony where I was granted ambassadorial status." Amanda opened her mouth, but Sarek continued, "And, as is perfectly apparent, there was no romantic inclination between you."

"You are a jealous thing, aren't you?" Amanda asked, a hint of a laugh in her voice. Sarek said nothing, only raised an eyebrow at her over the rim of glass. The song was ending, and a flushed and happy Winona was just coming to the end of her last twirl. Amanda stood up and clapped with the rest of the room, beaming. George picked Winona up and spun her again, laughing, before pulling her back into his arms for a kiss. _They couldn't be happier, _Amanda thought, feeling a warmth of joy for her friends. _It must be wonderful, after having to wait so long. _

Amanda collapsed back into her chair with a sigh. "Well, next they just have to serve the cake, and then Winona has to throw her bouquet, and then they're off on their honeymoon. I never asked where they're going." She frowned. "Or when they'll be back! Damn."

"There appear to be a great deal of traditions to observe at a Human marriage ceremony." Sarek said, reclaiming his own seat.

"And you think there _aren't _at a Vulcan ceremony?" Amanda asked, incredulous. "Sarek, I have a 300 page document waiting for me back on Vulcan that details every single Vulcan marriage tradition."

"That is an exaggeration," Sarek said, quirking an eyebrow again.

"All right, maybe 200. But it's a lot." Amanda looked back over at George and Winona again. They had finally managed to get to their table and get some food - thus far they had been so swamped with people that they hadn't been able to enjoy the lunch at their own wedding. _Better let them have a rest, _Amanda decided.

Amanda didn't get a chance to talk to the happy couple until after Winona had tossed her bouquet. Thankfully they had a little time before George and Winona were due to be whisked away to their fabulous honeymoon destination. Amanda hurried over to them as girls squabbled over the bouquet, causing petals to fly everywhere. She dragged an incredibly confused Sarek behind her, who was watching the fight for the bouquet with a degree of horror. "George, Winnie," Amanda said, slightly breathlessly. "I'm so glad I managed to catch you."

"Us too!" George said, pulling Amanda into a hug. "I would have been devastated if we didn't get to talk to you before leaving. So glad you could be here, Amanda, really." George smiled down at her.

"Me too, me too!" Winona said, enveloping Amanda in a hug of her own. Amanda could see her cheeks were a little over pink with champagne, but it just made her look more lovely. Amanda took Winona's hands and was about to expound more on her congratulations when Sarek began to speak.

"I would like to offer my own congratulations," He said. "I wish happiness to you both." George blinked at him, but smiled, and Winona followed suit.

"Thanks, Sarek," George said. "I appreciate that - we want the same for you." Sarek only inclined his head in reply, but Amanda got the sense that he was pleased.

Winona groaned, looking over her shoulder. "Looks like our car is here," She said, "I'm sorry we didn't get to talk to you more!" Amanda shook her head and laughed, shooing them away.

"Go on, it's your honeymoon! Have fun." She hugged them both once more before they were pulled away by their families, some crying, but all of them smiling. George and Winona hurried through the hotel lobby to their car, laughing and ducking as their guests threw rose petals after them. Amanda grinned, watching, and wishing that she had a handful of petals to fling at them too. She turned to Sarek after a moment, a thoughtful look on her face.

"Why did you say 'I wish you happiness' to George and Winona, Sarek? Isn't that a bit of an...emotional thing to say?"

Sarek regarded her with a hint of surprise on his face. "Given the circumstances, I deemed it appropriate. Lieutenant Kirk and Winona are Human. It would have been unorthodox to congratulate them in a Vulcan manner."

"You mean they wouldn't get it?"

Sarek made a dismissive gesture. "Perhaps not, but given the fact that my expression of an emotion here would not be a significant breach of protocol I thought it acceptable to express my emotional inclination on the matter. And," he continued, "it would not have been considered a significant misstep had I used that phrase among Vulcans."

Amanda smiled at him. "Anyway, it was...thank you. For coming with me, too. I'm really glad that I was able to be here." She reached out and touched his arm affectionately. "And that you could be here with me."

There was a flash of warmth in Sarek's eyes. "As am I, Amanda."

Amanda's smile turned into a grin. "_That _was definitely an emotional expression!"

Sarek carefully ignored her and examined his shoe. There was a rose petal stuck to it. "More plant matter." He said, his tone bland.

"Ikap'uh t'du ru'lut. _Shut up._"

"Amanda."

It was some time later. Amanda and Sarek had returned to their own hotel after saying goodbye to George and Winona's guests, and Amanda had gratefully changed out of her elaborate dress, while Sarek exchanged his robes for something less formal. She'd convinced him then to go to her favorite restaurant for dinner, which had been amusing. To see Sarek in such an incongruent setting was kind of surreal, as though she'd seen Santa Claus on the streets of Shi'Kahr. He was, of course, on his best behavior, and Amanda could see why he had risen to the rank of Ambassador at such a relatively young age. Where any other Vulcan might have been edgy and uncomfortable in such a Human setting, Sarek was relaxed, calm, and diplomatic. She was proud of him, in an odd way. They'd returned to the hotel after spending a long time at the restaurant, and Amanda was now relaxing on their bed, flipping through more wedding information on her PADD, and not really reading it. Every time she tried to apply herself, she thought about George and Winona's wedding, and how nice it had been. Her thoughts wandered in their own separate directions, but she was still semi-pretending to read, as Sarek was concentrating over his own work.

"Amanda." Sarek had to repeat himself to catch Amanda's wandering attention.

"Hmm?" She said, setting her PADD aside. He turned towards her in his seat. His hair was slightly disarranged, as it often got when he was working - he had a habit of pushing it out of his eyes in annoyance whenever he was working on a particularly difficult issue.

"Would you like to dance?"

Amanda stared at him. "What, right now?"

"Yes. I'd like you to teach me."

Amanda couldn't help but feel entirely confused. "Why?"

Sarek got out of his seat - a complex unfolding motion due to his long legs - and walked over to the bed. "Because you were unhappy that you could not dance at the wedding this morning." Amanda just kept staring at him. When she didn't say anything, he continued, with a hint of exasperation. "Should I not desire to make you happy?"

Amanda chuckled and shook her head, swinging her legs off the bed and standing up. "Of course you should," She said. "I'm just surprised that you would want to do anything as insanely Human as learn to dance."

"It did not seem very insane," Sarek said. "Rather...intriguing."

Amanda smirked and him and took his arm, leading him to the middle of the room. "All right, but you are going to have to touch me. More exactly," She lifted her hand. "My hands."

Sarek only quirked an eyebrow at her, standing with his own hands clasped behind his back. "I am aware of that. Show me."

"All right, here." Amanda took his arm and set about moving him into General Dancing position. "Hmm, normally it's the man who leads. You're just going to have to follow me."

"I don't understand," Sarek said as she placed his hand at her waist. There was only the slightest green tint to his cheeks as she took his other hand in hers, although Amanda could still feel the gentle buzz of connection between them at the touch of their fingers.

"There are different, uh, actions that you can take. Remember how George spun Winona around? The 'leader' gets to decide when to do something like that, and he - or she, I guess - sort of indicates to the other person what they want to do. And then they do it. Does that make sense?"

"No."

"Well, it's the best I can do. Here, watch my feet." Amanda started trying to direct him in a generalized sort of box step. Sarek caught on quickly, to Amanda's surprise, and once he seemed comfortable with it, gently nudged Amanda into a turn. "Oh, how did you know to do that?" She asked as they started moving across the room.

"I have keen observational skills." Sarek said, giving her a 'duh' kind of look. Amanda was further surprised when he led her into a twirl. She followed through automatically, although it had been quite a while since she'd actually danced with anyone like that.

"I think I am beginning to see the appeal," Sarek said when she returned to him. There was a soft look in his eyes that made Amanda's heart flutter.

"It's better with music," Amanda said, suddenly feeling silly to be dancing with her Vulcan fiancé, wearing her pajamas, and completely without musical accompaniment. She hesitated.

"I prefer it this way," Sarek said, pulling Amanda a little closer to him. She caught a little of his scent, the gentle spiciness vividly reminding her of Shi'Kahr, and watching the sunset from his bedroom. Guiltily, she felt her pulse quicken. _I'm such an idiot in love, _she thought.

"If you are an idiot," Sarek said calmly, twirling Amanda out again. Her be-socked feet scuffed a little on the carpet, and she felt very distinctly un-ballerina like, "then I must be a fool without hope." Amanda had opened her mouth to say something on the return twirl, but her words were cut off as Sarek drew her into a kiss. The warmth of it drained her to weakness, and she sighed as he wrapped his arms around her. The kiss went on for a long moment, and Amanda could feel her thoughts getting nicely fuzzy in enjoyment of it. Sarek had still not let go of her hand, and the hum of their connection grew stronger, and more pleasurable. It wasn't until Amanda bumped up against the bed that she realized how intense the sensation had gotten. She gasped a little as Sarek gently pushed her back onto the covers.

Amanda expected him to start undressing her there, but after following her onto the bed Sarek just drew her closer to him for more kisses. Amanda was surprised - she was used to Sarek being pretty direct about what he wanted in terms of sex. It had always been passionate, of course, but rather...fast. She didn't have much time to reflect on this, however, for Sarek's slow, deep kisses were starting to set her on fire. His mouth left hers for a moment, only to begin kissing her neck and the hollow of her throat. Amanda's breath quickened, and she ran her hand through his smooth dark hair, delighting in the quick shivers each kiss sent down her spine.

"Sarek," She said. Her heart was beating fast now and her desire for him was getting stronger by the minute.

_Be patient. _Sarek's tone across the bond was somewhat amused. He did, however, sit back to slide her pajama top off. This left her bare, and she felt the slight heat of an inadvertent blush on her cheeks. Sarek ran his fingers gently over her breasts, which only served to excite her further, and Sarek knew it. _He's actually teasing me_, Amanda thought, her heart hammering in her chest. The look that Sarek gave her told her that he'd fully understood that thought. Perhaps in response to her frustration, he slid her shorts and underwear down, and Amanda obligingly wiggled out of them.

All at the maddening slow pace, Sarek took off his own jacket and pulled his shirt over his head, allowing Amanda a view of his rather impressive musculature. She smiled as he leaned down to kiss her again, still gentle. She could tell that he was just as eager as she was (certainly after he'd sat back on his heels to take his shirt off, as she'd gotten a good view) but he still persisted in only kissing her, his tongue sliding against hers with maddening briefness. _Sarek, _she thought again, in a pleading tone.

The responding emotion from him finally of acquiescence, but to Amanda's surprise he reached down and slid his hand along her inner thigh. She let out a little gasp as his fingers reached the wetness between her legs. She had grown to really appreciate the eroticism of Sarek's hands while they'd been together - every touch and graze of his fingers had become significant to her. Now as Sarek's fingers slid over her clit, Amanda felt an intense spike of arousal, far greater than anything she'd felt before. She could tell that her own pleasure had affected Sarek as well, though, for his breath caught as she sank further into the thrill of it. Her enjoyment was bleeding across to him through the bond, which only made it all the more intense for Amanda. Her fingers dug into his sides and she arched her neck, making a little excited noise.

The tantalizing strokes of his fingers were causing her to make little moans of pleasure. It was too much for Amanda. _I need more, _she thought through the haze of lust in her head, _please? _

_ Yes. _Sarek was only too happy to relent - he unfastened his trousers and pulled them off, with a little less composure than he'd had before. Amanda grinned dazedly at him as he rejoined her on the bed. He was completely hard, and Amanda had to fight not to cry out the moment his cock touched her lips. He entered her with barely any resistance, she was so ready for him. Amanda felt an immediate sense of completeness as he thrust fully inside her, an all-encompassing warmth that was nearly unbearably wonderful. Amanda clung to him with a little shuddering gasp, and Sarek kissed her deeply. _Amanda, k'diwa, k'hat'n'dlawa. _They were words that Amanda didn't recognize. Sarek began to move his hips, but slowly, a gentle, deep rhythm that was nevertheless perfectly intense. Amanda shuddered, nearly overwhelmed. She felt as though her heart were aching, desperately yearning for something. Their bond was intensifying - Amanda could feel the thudding of Sarek's heartbeat as clearly as if it were her own, the hot rush of excitement through his system. _Please, _she thought, and there was no need to say any more. Sarek brought his hand up to her face, but it felt as though he barely needed to. Their consciousnesses flooded together so quickly and seamlessly that Amanda nearly climaxed then.

There was no feeling to compare with it. Thoughts, words, everything became unnecessary. There was just a deep, endless feeling of peace and belonging. Amanda could feel her body give in, waves of bliss resounding through her to bring her to an almost painful moment of climax. And she could feel Sarek's orgasm as well, so deeply connected to hers that she could feel the entirety of their union. Brilliant, bright lights seemed to explode behind her eyes, a fireworks show of male and female, Vulcan and Human, Sarek and Amanda.

She cried afterwards, without really knowing why. Curled up in Sarek's embrace, Amanda felt tears slide out of her eyes and down her cheeks. _You are weeping again,_ Sarek's thought came across to her in the not-yet faded meld. _I'm happy, I'm happier than I've ever been. I'm so full of love I think I might explode._ Sarek's amusement wound around her like a purring cat.

_K'hat'n'dlawa._

"What does that mean?" Amanda mumbled sleepily, nestled into the warm crook of Sarek's neck.

"Half of my heart and soul."

**Author's Note:**__Yay George and Winona are finally married! And more sexy time! And dancing Sarek? This was a fun chapter to write - it's a little longer because I was enjoying it. I hope you guys like it too!

Only four days until I head home to the States. I wonder if I can write on the plane. Next up: meeting the parents. I'm sure that will go over well, considering how well Skon took the news ;)


	34. Chapter 34

_ "Well, it's no desert, but I think it's pretty damn beautiful."_

Amanda stood with her hands on her hips, looking over at the great expanse of mountainous forest that lay in front of them. Sunlight illuminated the grand bowl of the valley, covered over with deep green pine trees, between which glimpses of gray rock peeked. The wind was up, and it tugged playfully at her hair and clothing, bringing her the crisp scent of the trees below. She had forgotten how much this sight meant to her, in her time on Vulcan. _I'll memorize it, to save for later. _She glanced over at Sarek. _For when Shi'Kahr is especially hot._

Sarek didn't look especially cold, but Amanda could tell that he was uncomfortable. He was wearing much thicker clothing than was his usual dress, and the tips of his nose and ears were green. "It is certainly much greener," He hazarded.

"And blue, too. Look at those mountains in the distance." Amanda pointed to the snowy peaks of the great mountains that were slightly hazy in the midmorning air. "Our color pallet is nearly the opposite of yours."

"I do remember it," Sarek said, in a distant tone. "You shared the names of these trees with me, during a dream."

Amanda nodded, looking back at the landscape. "It was important enough to me to share, I suppose." She blinked, the briskness of the air causing her eyes to water. She smiled a little. "I'm happy that I've had the opportunity to share it in person."

They were silent for a moment. A hawk wheeling over head filled the silence with a sharp call, thinner and higher than the calls Tau made. Finally, Amanda put her arm through Sarek's and gestured back towards the hover car. "Come on. My mom said she was making brunch, and I'd hate for that mountain of food to get cold before we got there." She smiled up at him, and there was a responding glow in Sarek's eyes, but it was accompanied by something else.

Amanda tried to focus on it as they got back in the car and started continuing their journey to Mr. and Mrs. Grayson, and Amanda's childhood home. It was just a little niggling feeling, and Amanda got the feeling that Sarek was trying to hide it. She glanced at him, a quizzical look.

"Are you nervous?" She asked, incredulous.

"No," was Sarek's immediate answer, but it was far too hasty. He returned her gaze briefly before going back to concentrating on the road. "Perhaps I have a degree of trepidation. But I am not nervous."

Amanda smiled a little. She couldn't help feeling pleased. She was nervous herself, to tell the truth. Her parents had been incredibly surprised at her news - 'Hey mom and dad, I'm marrying a Vulcan ambassador and we're coming to visit for a few days, is that cool?' - but they seemed to be happy as long as she was. Still, Sarek was certainly far from whatever they had hoped for their future son-in-law to be.

Amanda just hoped that they'd be able to see him as a person, rather than a Vulcan, an alien. Of course her parents were no xenophobes, but Amanda wasn't sure that they'd had a lot of interaction with other races. Her home town wasn't big, and unless someone new had moved in since Amanda had been away at school, she was pretty sure that Sarek would be the only non-Human for miles once they reached it.

Amanda had done her best. Knowing that she and Sarek were going to spend a few days with her parents, she'd briefed them on Vulcans 101 and sent along a little list of protocols, just to be safe. No handshakes, no pressing them to talk about their feelings. Vegetarian, accustomed to warmer temperatures than on Earth, very formal. Blunt as hell. So, her parents were probably going to be fine with Sarek. It was just a question now of whether or not Sarek would be fine with them.

"They're just regular Humans," Amanda said, conversationally. "You're great at dealing with Humans."

"I have never attempted to marry any of the daughters of the Humans I've been in contact with." Sarek's tone was dry. His fingers looked a little tense on the steering console.

"That's good to hear, but they're in the same boat as you are, really." Sarek took his eyes off the road for a moment to give her a puzzled look.

"I mean, you're all in the same situation. You've never tried to get permission to marry a Human girl before - not that you need their permission really, just mine - and they've never had to meet a Vulcan who is to be their future-son-in-law. Everyone is new to this game." Amanda gave him a reassuring smile. "So, everyone will be awkward, really. Except for me."

Sarek raised an eyebrow, looking at her sidelong. "And why is that?"

"I'll be too busy trying not to laugh."

Despite her confident statement to Sarek, Amanda's heart was in her throat when her childhood home came into view between the trees. The Graysons' home was somewhat rambling, and about half-modernized. It was an old house, and had retained bits and pieces of its history as families moved in and out. In terms of conveniences, it wasn't a patch on Amanda's little flat in Shi'Kahr, but it held much more value to her.

Amanda nearly leapt out of the car when they pulled to a stop. Sarek followed her at a more sedate pace, as was his wont. She couldn't tell whether he was excited or not, her own emotion being somewhat overwhelming. Amanda could sense, however, a hint of nervous tension in his movements as he started unpacking their things from the car. Before she could go to him, however, Amanda heard the front door closing, and turned to see her parents coming down the path to them.

"Mom! Dad!" Amanda rushed to them to be happily engulfed in the hug they had waiting for her. There were big smiles on both of their faces, but they too seemed nervous.

"Welcome home, sweetheart. It's so nice to see you!" Faye Grayson exclaimed, wresting her daughter from her husband and pulling her into a tighter hug. "We've missed you so much! And we're very glad about your news."

Amanda extricated herself from the anaconda mother's grip and laughed. "Good! I'm happy to see you guys, too. Come and meet Sarek. He was just getting our things out of the car."

The aforementioned Sarek was standing stiffly by their pile of belongings. He looked as blank as a slab of stone, but Amanda could see how anxious he was. That emotion was definitely not visible to her parents, however. Amanda glanced at them to see the tension in their own expressions - Faye's fixed smile, and Evan's half-anxious look that was probably supposed to be welcoming. Amanda went to Sarek and put her hand lightly on his arm, a brief touch.

"Come on, no one's going to bite," She said gently - the phrase directed more at her parents than at Sarek, who wouldn't find much comfort in a Human statement like that. The Graysons advanced, and, much to Amanda's horror, her father held out his hand.

"Nice to meet you, son. I'm Evan Grayson, this is my wife Faye. We're so excited about the wedding."

Amanda nearly groaned in exasperation. She let go of Sarek and gently pushed her dad's hand away. "Dad, Vulcans don't shake hands. It's a cultural thing." Her father looked immediately abashed, and had opened his mouth, probably to apologize, when Sarek spoke.

"I don't understand - why did you call me 'son'? I have a perfectly able father of my own. It seems inappropriate."

The look of confusion and embarrassment on Evan Grayson's face made Amanda's heart twist. This was going to be a lot harder than she had expected. "Sarek," Amanda said, "He didn't mean any offense by it. It's a term of endearment." _Relax,_she told him. _You're scaring them. _ She remembered how intimidating Sarek had been when she'd first met him. It must be a hundred times worse for her parents.

"Come on inside," Faye said, taking Amanda's hand. "I've made tea." She turned to Sarek and smiled. "Amanda says that Vulcans enjoy tea. I thought you could try some of our Terran brew."

Amanda smiled too, relieved by her mother's perseverance. As her parents led them inside, Amanda could feel Sarek trying to smooth his ruffled feathers. It might make him seem more stony to her parents, but at least Sarek would be more at ease. That might help.

The house was just as Amanda remembered it. The comfortable, familiar sights and smell of home relaxed her. The house was decorated simply, with older furniture and many, many family photos. Sarek paused to look at these, and Amanda felt the urge to push him past them. Most of the photos were of her as a laughing, curly-headed toddler or gangly pre-teen. Unfortunately Amanda's mother picked up on Sarek's interest, and with a wicked look at Amanda said "Wasn't she sweet as a kid? Amanda's always had an excellent smile."

Amanda fidgeted, noting the puzzlement coming off Sarek. Describing the way a person smiled was not exactly a Vulcan thing to do. "Yes." Was all he said in reply. _At this rate, he's going to come off as a laconic robot. _

_ I am doing my best. _Amanda felt the slight hurt in Sarek's presence.

_Right, I'm sorry...I just want them to understand what the real you is like._

They arrived in the kitchen and Faye shooed them all into chairs around the round kitchen table while she got the tea ready. This left Amanda and Sarek seated together across from Evan. Amanda didn't need a mind link to notice how nervous he was. They sat in silence for a moment, then Amanda and her father both spoke up at once.

"So Dad, how is -"

"Amanda, why don't -"

The silence returned and Amanda bit her lip. "Uh, go ahead, Dad."

Evan smiled at her, glancing at Sarek before speaking. "I was just wondering how you two met. You didn't tell us that story, Amanda."

"You haven't told us much of anything," Faye commented as she put cups on a tray.

"I know, I'm sorry! Life is really hectic over there. It's a little overwhelming, I guess. I can't help but get absorbed in it." Amanda gave her father an apologetic look. "You know I tend to get lost in the clouds a lot."

This earned her a chuckle from her father. "No, no, we understand, just as long as you fill us in now!" He raised his eyebrows at her. "Clearly a lot has been happening. Are you getting _any _work done?" His tone was joking, a lighthearted dig at her.

"Amanda's work in the program has been exemplary." Sarek said. "She has been very successful."

Amanda couldn't help giving him a little smile, for jumping to her defense so quickly. "Well, I've been doing my best. It's hard work, but I love it there." She smiled up at her mother as Faye brought over the tray, laden with tea and cookies. "Mom, you should see the kids. They're all adorable, even if they aren't very expressive. And smart as hell. I had to revise my entire lesson plan because they were moving through it too quickly."

"Sounds like someone else I know," Faye said, taking a seat beside her husband.

Amanda rolled her eyes and picked up a cookie. "Yeah, right."

"Come on, I want to hear the story of how you met." Evan persisted, starting to pour out tea for them. "We're going to have to know it well. Every time we tell someone that our daughter married a Vulcan, they're going to want the details."

Amanda felt Sarek balk at this, although outwardly the only sign of disturbance in him was a slight twitch of his hand. _You don't mind if I tell them, do you? Humans share stories - sometimes personal ones._

Sarek relented, although Amanda could tell he still wasn't at his ease. Amanda picked up a cup of tea and pressed it on him. _Drink it, it's good. You're doing fine._

_ I supervised a peace talk between generals of warring planets, both of which were not particularly friendly towards Vulcan. This is more stressful. _Amanda smiled a little and briefly touched his arm, only to become aware that both of her parents were staring at them.

"Amanda?"

Amanda blinked at her mother. "What?"

"You just went quiet for about two minutes. Are you all right?"

Amanda felt her cheeks flush darkly. _Damn! _She'd never told them about the mind-link. Here she was just chatting happily with Sarek over the mind link, leaving her parents to wonder about her sudden, weird silence. "Um."

"Amanda and I were talking." Sarek spoke up. Amanda looked at him, surprised. "I suppose you know that Vulcans are a highly telepathic species. We form telepathic bonds with those who are close to us. Through those bonds, we can communicate feelings or thoughts."

"But Amanda isn't -"

"Well, but, I'm special." Amanda said, sheepishly. "Most humans are psi-null, which means that they have no telepathic ability. But uh, some people are more receptive to telepathy. I'm one of them. That's why Sarek and I have gotten to be so close. We're on the same wavelength, you might say." Even though Amanda was pretty certain of this layman's explanation of Vulcan bonding, her parents still looked dumbstruck. _Damn it, damn it, damn it, why didn't I think to tell them about this earlier? _"I'm really sorry, I should have explained it to you earlier. It's become so natural for me that I don't even think about it anymore."

After a long moment, Evan cleared his throat and shrugged. "That's all right, sweetie."

"I knew that Vulcans can communicate like that, but I didn't think that you could do it too, Amanda." Faye said gently. "Just another thing that makes you unique." She smiled, but Amanda still felt a little uneasy.

_Your parents are worried._

_ Your dad is mean. Leave me alone._

Amanda smiled, forcing it to be a little brighter than usual. "How about I tell you the story of how we met, then?"

Amanda proceeded to recount the story, putting effort into being cheerful and lively and making as many jokes as possible. Eventually her parents seemed to unfreeze somewhat, and laughed along with her. Faye smiled at Sarek and commented on how he had a romantic soul, which seemed to puzzle him further, and Evan expressed great interest in the shavokhs, Tau and Kaht. This led to a discussion between the two men about wildlife on Vulcan. Evan had worked as a high school biology teacher in Portland for the last twenty years. Once he and Sarek had settled into a more comfortable rapport, Evan was badgering the Vulcan with questions and sharing anecdotes. Sarek even contributed with a few instances of his dry humor, which was appreciated as much by Evan as it was by his daughter.

While they were engaged thus, Faye got up from the table and led Amanda outside, to show her improvements made to the garden while Amanda had been away. The sun was starting to sink, and thick gold shafts of sunlight were falling between the bare branches. Amanda felt a bittersweet twinge in her heart in appreciation for the sight. In the summer, the leaves would be so thick that the light would turn emerald. Sunlight falling across Shi'Kahr was beautiful, of course, but Amanda hadn't realized how much she missed the gentle, green-tinged light that came down through leaves. She sighed.

"Amanda, dear," Faye called her back. She was sitting on a little bench that Evan had made, situated next to a little tree that flowered in the spring. It was beginning to show hints of blossoms, but they wouldn't be full-fledged flowers for a few months now. Amanda hugged her arms a little tighter around her body and sat down next to her mother. The slanting sunlight warmed her a little, but Amanda found herself missing the persistent heat of Vulcan.

Faye sighed and folded her hands in her lap. "Please don't think that I'm disapproving, but this is all very...sudden." She said. "And I've never known you to act hastily before. I'm a little worried about you. It's natural for people to go off to a foreign world and fall so much in love with the culture that they..."

"Decide to fall in love with one of the natives?" Amanda asked. She felt a hint of irritation at her mother's anxiety. Amanda was 26, after all, she was old enough to be trusted to know her own mind. "I know what you mean, Mom, but this isn't like that. I..." She hesitated. "Damn, there's no way to explain this without sounding like a dumb love-sick puppy. I'll do my best, though." She drew one leg up on the bench and faced her mother.

"I feel as though I've found some parts of me that were missing, and not just with Sarek. Before I went on this fellowship I always worried that maybe there was something else I should be doing, that maybe I wasn't following the right path. I felt like there was a place in the universe that I belonged, but I didn't know how to get there, and I was always afraid that I wasn't doing what I should to get there. But now I feel like I'm exactly where I should be. And now that I'm here, there's so much for me to discover. Does...that make any sense?"

Amanda looked up at her mother, but Faye was looking towards the house. There was a smile on her face. Amanda turned to see what she was looking at. Sarek and Evan had just walked out onto the front porch. Sarek looked out at them and raised his hand. Amanda waved back.

"It makes sense, Amanda." Amanda looked back at her mother. Faye's eyes were shining. "I felt that way too, with your father. And it only got better when you were born." She reached out and pulled her daughter into a hug. "I trust you, Amanda. I know you're going to be very happy."

**Author's Note: **Okay, I know it's been about...five months. I hope I didn't test your patience too much! From time to time I glance back at this story and get really inspired to write more of it. We are so close to the finish now, I'm going to power through!

I thought this might be a nice little fluff chapter. It took me forever to think of a way to approach writing it - I hope the result isn't too boring.

And don't worry, we'll leave boring old Earth soon! I have some fun stuff planned, just you wait ;)


	35. Chapter 35

_The musical ensemble must be either kehek or kauvek in comprisal. It is also acceptable to arrange a shehek. Several combinations are acceptable, the most frequent being a ka'athyra as the abralash, accompanied by two kolchak in counterpoint and a second ka'athyra in the role of neralash. Should there be a fifth member, it should always be either a kep or kusek, never a vocalist. Should there be a fifth member, it should always be either a kep or kusek, never a vocalist. Should there -_

"Oh damn." Amanda said aloud. She'd read the last sentence twice and had nearly started on a third time. She sighed and rubbed at her temples. She was used to wading through difficult texts, but those had at least been interesting. This noisome tome on how to plan a Vulcan wedding was about as entertaining as watching grass grow. Less, even.

T'Rea looked up from her own project - a beautifully intricate charm that Amanda could never create herself in a million years. "Swearing is rude," She said mildly, giving Amanda her typical ice-queen look. "And unnecessary in this situation. What is causing you to be so inappropriate?"

Amanda wanted to roll her eyes, but instead she leaned her cheek on her hand and shrugged. "I'm having a hard time getting through these texts."

"The translation should be far below your comprehension level."

"It's not that - I can read it just fine. I'm having trouble concentrating, is all." Amanda looked down wearily at her PADD and shut off the screen with a decisive movement. "All of this is starting to wear on me."

T'Rea set down her weaving and watched Amanda. "Are you anxious?"

Amanda bit her lip. The truth was yes, she was incredibly nervous. She and Sarek had returned from Earth two days ago. It was now February 12th. The night before, they had gone to see Skon, and set the date for the wedding, March 4th. Twenty days until the ceremony. Two weeks and six days. Twenty. Days.

It wasn't that Amanda had cold feet, or was less than excited about marrying Sarek and spending the rest of her life with the man she loved. What was terrifying her was the ceremony itself. Weddings were such formal occasions that it took a capable Vulcan couple a _lot _of preparation to get there. There were rites that needed to be performed, occasions to be marked, problems to be solved. And that was for a normal Vulcan couple. Amanda was coming in on a severe handicap of being a Human.

Amanda had never gone through the rites of adulthood. She'd never been confirmed in her household by her matriarch. She'd never learned the rituals or words or dances or speeches or charms. She'd never felt so much like an outsider. Before, all she'd wanted was to be accepted on a casual level, as a guest. Now, she had to be recognized, on some level, as a Vulcan.

Rousing herself from her thoughts, Amanda swallowed and shook her head. "I'm trying to make myself into something I'm not, T'Rea."

There was a hint of concern around T'Rea's eyes. "The Ambassador wants to marry you for who you are, ko'kan. You needn't change."

"It's not Sarek. It's everyone else." Amanda reached up to run a hand through her hair - a nervous habit that she'd never been able to suppress. She had forgotten, though, that her hair was tied back. The result was accidentally pulling her hair half out of the careful twist T'Iva had done for her. Amanda wanted to groan in frustration, but gritted her teeth and held it back.

"You had best take it out entirely." T'Rea said, calmly. "Will you allow me to fix it?"

Amanda looked at T'Rea with surprise. Aside from ladies maids, no one touched anyone else's hair. It was a gesture of affection that Amanda had not expected from T'Rea. She nodded, trying to convey her pleasure without smiling. "Thank you, yes." She tugged the rest of the mess apart and let it fall to her shoulders. T'Rea stood and came to stand behind Amanda. She gathered up Amanda's hair and began pulling it back into a simple braid. Her movements were very quick and graceful, and Amanda could occasionally feel little brushes of T'Rea's fingers, like butterflies bumping into her.

"Everything will fall into place, ko'kan. You are capable. There is no demand on you that you cannot fulfill."

Amanda felt a distinct burning sensation behind her eyes, the first indication of tears. She forced them back, and wished that she felt more comforted by T'Rea's words.

There was one element of Vulcan weddings that Human ceremonies shared - rehearsals. Granted, Human weddings only required one rehearsal dinner, and that was more of a party than a strict rehearsal anyway. Amanda didn't expect her rehearsals to be anything like parties. There were many, and they were arduous.

At Skon's insistence, the wedding was to be held at his estate. It was to take place in one of the huge halls that Amanda had first seen the night she'd met Sarek. Rather fitting, all told, but Amanda couldn't help but feel intimidated by the grand spaces. Skon did nothing to comfort her, either. As soon as she and Sarek arrived for the first of the many planning sessions, Skon immediately pushed them into action with the strictness of an overseer.

Amanda had known vaguely what to expect from her experience at T'Rea's wedding. That was not exactly good enough for Skon, who grilled her on procedure at almost every step. Amanda started feeling as though Skon was her very, very pushy Maid of Honor. It was certain that he wanted to exploit the event to flatter his own ego. After one long lecture from Skon on how she was supposed to walk when she entered the room versus when she exited, Amanda glanced across the room at Sarek, who was standing dutifully in his place. Even though he looked perfectly calm and composed, Amanda could feel his patience wearing thin, especially whenever Skon stopped Amanda to give her another talking to.

_Who exactly is getting married here, him or us?_

_ This is how my father acts when he is anxious, Amanda. His obsession with precision goes beyond normal Vulcan standard. _There was a hint of irritation in Sarek's mood.

_At least he's happy, right?_

From across the room, Amanda thought she saw Sarek raise his eyes heavenward. She nearly laughed out loud. _Hey, you picked that up from me! _She teased, feeling her heart rise again. At this, Sarek sent her a little bloom of amusement and warmth that left Amanda feeling a good deal more relaxed. She was even relaxed enough to tolerate Skon as he reminded her for the fourth time that day how exactly she was supposed to address T'Pau.

"When am I going to meet your grandmother, Sarek?" Amanda asked, when Skon finally granted them a break. One of the Councilman's servants had thoughtfully brought them some food so they could refresh properly before going back into the battle.

"T'Pau is not my grandmother. She is the matriarch associated with my family, but we are not related." Sarek replied.

"I thought that 'matriarch' sort of implied relation." Amanda said, taking a bite of salad.

Sarek considered this. "My family line is very old. There have been many complicated...interactions throughout its history. It suffices to say that T'Pau is linked to my family without being actually a member of the bloodline. It is not strictly necessary for the position of matriarch, after all." This left Amanda with more questions, but Sarek continued speaking before she could ask any of them. "To answer your first question, however, I believe that T'Pau will be with us shortly. My father told me that she was travelling to Shi'Kahr from the country in order to supervise the wedding preparations."

Amanda had to fight to keep a surprised expression off her face. They were still in the company of other Vulcans, after all. "Isn't Skon doing enough supervising as it is? Nevermind, don't answer that. She's going to be here today, then?"

Sarek nodded. Amanda's stomach gave an uncomfortable little wiggle. She had put off reading the section of her 'manual' that discussed how to interact with the matriarch, thinking that she would have more time before T'Pau arrived. Amanda silently cursed herself for being negligent. She would probably suffer for it.

Sensing Amanda's discomfort, Sarek offered her an ozh'esta, the finger kiss that was acceptable in public. Amanda accepted it, pleased at the gentle buzz and shiver from the contact. _Don't worry. You cannot help but impress her._

Amanda looked up at him and gave him the briefest of smiles, small enough that only Sarek could see it. "Thanks," She said. "I'll do my best."

Amanda wasn't sure what she had been expecting, but T'Pau went beyond expectations.

The rehearsal had finally concluded, with Amanda getting only the slightest stress headache and Sarek looking somewhat glassy-eyed. These things could be taxing even for a Vulcan. Skon had given them a brief period to relax before summoning them to dinner. Amanda would have liked a longer stretch of time, given what she and Sarek had been engaged in to blow off steam, but Skon would not be denied. The meal was, of course, rather grand, situated in one of the smaller dining rooms (Amanda wondered how many dining rooms there really _were _at Skon's estate, making a mental note to ask Sarek about it later).

They were in the middle of the second course and a somewhat stilted conversation when a meek attendant entered the room and hurried to Skon's side. The whispered message was brief, but it left Skon looking somewhat stonier than he had before. "Very well, if you would conduct the lady to her rooms I will -"

He did not have time to finish his thought. The doors at the end of the room opened and T'Pau strode in. Amanda's first thought was that it was like looking at a perfectly cut obsidian stone - a shining, elegant shape, but hard as hell. T'Pau was tall and lean, like an ancient Grecian column. Her face was lined, but not soft, and her eyes held the most intense expression that Amanda had ever seen. In her heavy, layered robes, she reminded Amanda further of one of the priestesses depicted in paintings in the old Vulcan temples.

As soon as T'Pau stepped into the room, Skon and Sarek were on their feet. Amanda hurriedly followed suit. She suddenly felt as if her hair was a mess and her dress was unflattering and crooked. She self-consciously adjusted it as the woman approached.

"Skon. Sarek. T'nar pak sorat y'rani, _greetings._"

Skon gave her a deep and very formal bow. "T'Pau, t'nar jaral, _greetings to you._"

T'Pau seemed to barely have heard him. She halted at the end of the table and looked Sarek over with a critical eye. "So. You appear to be in good health, i'khaz'el, _boy._ Well enough to be married."

"Yes, ko'mekh-il, _grandmother._"

_I thought she wasn't your grandmother?_

_ It's a 'term of endearment'._

Without even looking at Amanda, T'Pau took the seat beside Skon, arranging her robes with the utmost dignity. "I shall not eat with you, but you may bring me a pot of theris-masu, _herbal tea._ I believe you still have the leaves that I brought with me when last I visited." Skon gave the attendant a look, and the man scurried away to see to T'Pau's request.

"It has been many years, T'Pau. You are welcome here." Skon said. His natural easy mode of conversation did not seem to charm T'Pau very much, however. She simply watched his face without much interest before turning back to Sarek.

"You have been recently granted the position of Ambassador to Earth, I believe. A considerable accomplishment worthy of a descendent of this house." Her mode of speech was a bit difficult for Amanda to understand. It wasn't that she had an accent, per se, but she seemed to be using a more formal dialect than Amanda had grown used to. It was disorienting enough to make Amanda's tension rise.

Sarek acknowledged the compliment with a nod. "Yes, ko'mekh-il. Thank you."

"And you are so young. Not yet seventy years, correct?" T'Pau turned her head slightly to look at Skon out of the corner of her eye. "I believe you were not elected to the Council until you were nearly ninety, Skon."

Amanda had honed her expertise in reading Vulcan emotions well enough to catch the slight twitch of exasperation that passed over Skon's face. "That is correct, T'Pau." He said evenly. "Sarek has shown great ability." His son inclined his head slightly at the compliment, but Amanda could tell that he was not at his ease. Admittedly, neither was she.

"Indeed he has." T'Pau said with a look that might have been affectionate at her 'grandson'. As the attendant returned carrying a tea tray with T'Pau's refreshment, the dignified lady finally turned to Amanda and gave her a long, careful look. Amanda felt like a deer in headlights, frozen in her seat. T'Pau's jet black eyes were as emotionless as any Vulcan's that Amanda had ever seen - somehow, though, T'Pau seemed to have an extra element of stoniness that went above and beyond.

"Sarek," T'Pau said, turning her head only slightly towards him and not removing her gaze from Amanda, "I presume that this is your ko'kugalsu, _fianceé._"

"Yes, T'Pau. This is Amanda Grayson."

Amanda swallowed and finally found her voice. "It is an honor to meet -"

"I cannot help but notice that she is Human." T'Pau steamrolled over Amanda as easily as if she hadn't spoken at all.

Skon cleared his throat. "I did apprise you of this information, T'Pau, if you recall."

T'Pau turned her head towards the councilman like a cat focusing on a small squeaky target. "I do recall. I am, however, expressing my surprise to find that your claim was accurate." She picked up her tea cup and shifted her focus to Sarek once more. "Explain this to me."

Sarek opened his mouth to explain, but Amanda was tired of being ignored. "Sarek and I are t'hy'la, pid-kom T'Pau, _Matriarch T'Pau._"

T'Pau took a sip of her tea before acknowledging that she had heard Amanda's voice. "I had assumed as much." Her expression changed not one molecule, but Amanda felt a little less intimidated. Just a little. "So it is when a Vulcan seeks an individual from another race to become their spouse. Whether or not your bond is genuine is another matter."

"Do you a require a meld with them to suit this purpose?" Skon said before Sarek or Amanda could voice any objections. Amanda was surprised at him - from what she had seen through Sarek's conversation with him, Amanda had assumed that Skon wanted T'Pau to be involved in the situation as little as possible. She found herself wondering if Skon was testing them yet again. _Can he really still not believe in this?_

_ Wait. _Sarek's eyes were on T'Pau. The lady seemed to be in deep thought. Slowly, her eyelids closed, and she sat in perfect stillness, like the statue of an ancient queen. Amanda felt a little prickle behind her eyes, and had to fight to keep herself from sneezing. After a few moments, T'Pau opened her eyes, and picked up her tea cup as if nothing had happened. "No, I am satisfied." She said, bluntly, to Skon. "Your son has indeed found his t'hy'la." Her eyes fell on Amanda for a brief moment. "And she is Human."

"It's urgent, I guess." Amanda said as Sarek closed the connection on his PADD. It was an hour later, and she and Sarek had escaped to the gardens to get away from Skon and T'Pau's rigid company. Twilight had just ended, and Sarek's face was half hidden in gloom as he turned back to look at Amanda.

"Unfortunately, yes, although it is not anything dangerous." Sarek's tone held a hint of aggravation. "A parcel of ordinances has arrived from Starfleet, and they need immediate attention. Apparently there is to be a summit in the Phaedrus system concerning an armistice between..." He trailed off. "In any case, Starfleet was only just made aware of the issue, and it is of some importance." Sarek gave a small sigh. "All they need of me is my signature, but obviously I must read whatever I am to sign."

Amanda sighed, but escorted him to one of the nearby gates that led off the estate. When they reached it, Sarek turned to her, fingers lightly brushing her arm. "I will not be long. Do you mind remaining here until my return?"

Amanda shook her head. "No, go do your job, Ambassador man." She said with a little smile. "Although if you pull this on your wedding day, I'm not marrying you. Well...maybe. It's about 30-70."

"In my favor?"

"Of course." Amanda stood on tiptoe to kiss his cheek. "Go on then. I'll be here."

When he had taken his leave, Amanda looked back at the garden, which was rapidly being swallowed in darkness. Time to head back to the house, then, although Amanda would have happily taken her chances with any prowling night beasts in the garden rather than Skon and T'Pau inside. She took her time wandering back, pausing to gather in some of the spicy aromas off the flower beds as she went. She had almost reached the house, and was crossing beneath one of the lighted balconies that led off the first floor when she heard voices.

"...not what I would have wished for him, certainly, but I cannot refuse him now."

Skon's voice. Amanda froze.

"Nor should you. It is simply unfortunate that the most promising scion of the S'chn T'gai House must go to waste."

_To waste? _Amanda felt herself go cold, a creeping trickle of icy anger sliding down her spine.

There was a pause, and a sigh. "I understand, of course. After his mother died Sarek became far less tractable. I had thought his behavior with Theleia would be the worst of his rebellious attitude."

"If you believe his relationship with Amanda Grayson to be an act of rebellion, you are mistaken. One cannot choose one's t'hy'la. There is nowhere to place blame in this situation." T'Pau paused, and Amanda thought she heard the swish of her skirt. "It was simply not Sarek's fate to be the paradigm of this family. It is a shame." T'Pau approached the railing of the balcony and looked out over the garden. Amanda could see the outline of her face silhouetted against the light emanating from the house. "I expected great things of your son, Skon. Clearly my hopes were misplaced."

Amanda, still hidden below, felt herself begin to tremble with suppressed anger. She forced herself to breathe slowly. The walls of her mental barrier were quaking with the effort of holding her emotion back. If she let those walls fail, T'Pau, Skon, and probably every Vulcan within a mile radius would be able to sense her. She withdrew deeper into the shadows and tried to hold back her anger.

Skon was speaking again. "I might remind you, pid-kom, that Sarek still holds the office of Ambassador to Earth. That is no small accomplishment."

"Of course. Sarek is a brilliant individual and is an asset to our governance. However, his true value to the family lies not only in his accomplishments but his ability to provide _heirs._"

Skon was silent for a moment. "Indeed. I myself am acutely aware of this problem. It is certainly not preferable to me that my line should end here. Thus I have looked into it - there is research ongoing at the Academy to compare the genomes of both the Vulcan and Human spe-"

"Irrelevant." T'Pau cut in. Her voice was icy. "Even if such a hybrid were possible, would you truly wish our House to be associated with it? There will be no end of objections. The child would be a blemish on our honor. We must look to a different choice. I believe that your brother's boy Selek..."

Amanda realized that angry tears were forming in her eyes. She reached up and touched her cheek, and her fingers came away wet. How could they talk like this? They spoke like they believed Sarek had thrown his life away the minute he met Amanda. Would she really be such a..._stain _on his life? His career? His happiness? Amanda shuddered, despite the lingering warmth in the air. Skon was starting to speak again, but Amanda didn't want to hear anymore. She turned and fled into the garden, letting the dark shield her from their words.

_Night vision, _Amanda thought. _That's another way that I'm inferior to a Vulcan. I can't see a damn thing. _Her tears weren't helping much either. Amanda decided that she didn't give a damn about crying here. There were no Vulcan eyes to see her and be offended by her hideous emotion. She didn't sob or whimper, just let her tears fall unhindered as she stumbled down the path.

After the third random turning Amanda was certain she was lost. "Goddamn you Skon and your ridiculously huge garden," She muttered under her breath, trying to untangle her dress from a thorny plant that it had cheerfully tried to twist itself in. The sharp sound of a rip made her freeze - gauzy fabric fell through her fingers, fluttering back to the plant. "Oh, forget it. Stay there if you want to." She snapped, turning away. She stared blindly into the darkness, trying to recognize anything. The garden seemed to have opened up into a wider area, to judge by the depth of the blackness in front of her. It took Amanda a moment to realize that she'd reached the edge of the garden - the place where Sarek had taken her when he'd first given her Kaht.

With a bearing finally fixed in her mind, Amanda skirted the edge of the wide lawn, heading in the direction she hoped the mews would be. After a few minutes, she had nearly decided she was going the wrong way, when she heard a fluttering snatch of a bird call. Amanda sped up, and soon the shape of the bird enclosure loomed as a darker blackness on black.

"Kaht," Amanda called softly, gently touching the side of the structure. She knew that some of the birds inside were inclined to bite or peck. "Kaht, kru-u, kru-u..." She repeated the nonsense syllable that Sarek had taught her, a noise particularly attractive to the shavokhs.

There was a shuffling of feathers inside and a little squawk of protest as someone stepped on someone else's claw. Amanda circled around to the other side. There was just enough light left in the sky to illuminate the large box that Kaht and Tau called home. Tau was settled comfortably on one of the perches, his head tucked beneath his wing, but Amanda caught the flash of Kaht's bright silver eyes. She shuffled on her feathery legs and made a rumbling chirping noise in her throat. She seemed happy to see Amanda.

"Hello," Amanda said quietly, smiling. "You seem happy and healthy...look how much you've grown." Kaht preened the scarlet feathers on her chest, fluffing them out in a way that looked to Amanda like pride. She chuckled and Kaht fluffed up her wings as well. She fluttered off her perch and went to a higher one. She was nearly out of Amanda's sight now, but Amanda could see her settling comfortably next to a lumpy shape in the corner of the box.

By standing on tip-toe, Amanda got a better look at the shape. It was a nest. As Amanda watched, Kaht repeated her low chirping noise and nudged at the nest with her beak. With delight, Amanda realized she was turning an egg, settling it more comfortably in the nest.

"Oh, how lovely," She said, smiling at the scarlet bird. "I didn't realize you two were in love. I mean...you know. Mated. Do birds fall in love?"

When, obviously, no answer was forthcoming, Amanda leaned against the enclosure and watched Kaht fuss over her egg. She felt the beginnings of more tears prickle her eyes - and of course, once they'd escaped once, it was much harder to hold them back. "At least no one will think badly of _you _for it." She said. "You two are allowed to be in love. You're the same. None of the other birds will talk behind your back or turn their beaks up at Tau because he married you." She gave a rather tear-damp chuckle at her own ridiculousness. "I sound like a child."

Despite everything, seeing Kaht and Tau's egg had banished some of Amanda's hurt. It took a few long minutes preparation, watching Kaht as she nestled in next to Tau to sleep, before she was ready to return to the house, but Amanda felt a lot calmer when she did. There wasn't much she could do about her face before she went back to the house, however, as the garden was distinctly devoid of mirrors. Her dress, too, still had a rent in it, but Amanda had no idea how bad it was in this darkness. _Screw it. I am what I am. There's nothing to do about any of it now. _

Light was still gleaming from the grand lower windows of Skon's mansion when Amanda returned. She had hoped Sarek would have come back before her, but his presence still felt distant to her. She wondered if he'd felt any of her distress, and if it was worrying him. Most likely, he had - but he probably too locked down in work to reach out to her. At least, Amanda hoped that was the case. Sighing, Amanda gathered the edges of her skirt and climbed the stairs to the low patio where Skon and T'Pau had been talking. Thankfully they were no longer there, and Amanda could take advantage of the light to check on the state of her dress. The tear was small, and easily hidden behind a fold of the fabric. No one need be any the wiser.

After a quick check to make sure her eyes were no longer puffy, Amanda went inside. The windows were all open to the night air - it had grown cooler, and slight breezes disturbed the gauzy curtains, making them float like wings. Amanda crept into the parlor and looked around. The room was empty and there were no hints of life anywhere. Relieved, Amanda turned to a sideboard to pour herself a glass of water. She nearly dropped the pitcher when T'Pau spoke up behind her.

"Where is my grandson?" She asked, her voice strangely light. She was standing in the doorway that led to the rest of the house, her hands folded in front of her.

Amanda unclenched her hand from the pitcher's handle and set it back down carefully before turning to T'Pau. "He was called to the Principle Building. A last minute problem that needs his attention. It's not anything serious."

"I see." T'Pau said, and that was it.

"...Where is the councilman?" Amanda asked, proud of herself for keeping her unease out of her voice.

"He has retired. The wedding preparations are taxing for him."

"Yes, he is working very hard." Amanda said, glancing around the room. She felt very at odds, with T'Pau standing at one end of the room and her at the far opposite. It was like they were squaring up to a battle, two queens on a chessboard.

"You were listening to my conversation with him on the balcony."

Amanda clenched her jaw to keep her mouth from opening in surprise. Of _course _T'Pau would have felt her - such an experienced telepathic dinosaur like her. Amanda felt her cheeks grow warm. She had been an idiot to think that her pathetic efforts would keep T'Pau from feeling that much anger from her. Well, there was no need to deny it. "I was."

T'Pau seemed to unfreeze, turning from a statue back into living flesh. She walked to a chair and sat down, back ramrod straight. "Sit down." She said. Amanda, feeling that she had little choice in the matter, obeyed.

"Now that Sarek is no longer an option, I must choose another to exercise my favor upon." T'Pau said, and even though her tone was as Vulcan-blank as ever Amanda got the feeling that she was being flippantly casual. "His young cousin Selek will do well enough. I believe you had the privilege of being his instructor at school."

Amanda had to swallow a lot of other words before she could make room for the polite ones. "No, I haven't. I am teaching at his school, but Selek is not in any of my classes."  
"Ah, I was misinformed." T'Pau said. "You understand, of course, why I had to make this decision."

There was no way to open her mouth this time without the wrong words coming out, so Amanda just kept her jaw clenched shut. She kept her eyes on T'Pau's obsidian black ones, trying to be as unflinching as the old woman. When Amanda made no reply, T'Pau continued.

"The S'chn T'gai family cannot endorse such unorthodoxy. The name is far too old and respected to be seen to be associated with Sarek's strange fancy. It is unfortunate, but there is no other option. Had your bond been formed with a member of one of the lower households...but, there is no changing that."

"I'm not sure I understand what you mean," Amanda said, her unable to keep her tone perfectly level. "Sarek is being disinherited?"

"Certainly not, this has nothing to do with wealth. Right of succession is simply being passed to another. Selek is far more able to uphold the family's name now. Do you understand now? Sarek is a prince. With this marriage, he is sacrificing much...connections, titles, the respect of Shi'Kahr." T'Pau's gaze was rapier sharp. Amanda could practically feel it digging through her. _She blames me for ruining her grandson._

T'Pau's eyes narrowed a tiny fraction. Amanda felt a jolt of panic - had she heard that somehow? How extensive were T'Pau's telepathic abilities? The old woman spoke again.

"I am not being cruel, Miss Grayson. Simply practical."

Amanda stood up. She'd had enough. "The two aren't mutually exclusive." With that, she turned and left, pushing through the floating curtains to the cold night outside.

Almost as soon as Amanda had left the parlor, her composure began to crumble. Her breath started coming in short, sharp gasps. It felt as though her lungs were shrinking the further she went from the house. She didn't stop walking, only charging blindly ahead. Her eyes were blurred with more angry tears - once summoned, they were not easily banished. She reached the stairs and began hurrying down them, her sandals barely scuffing the stone as she fled from the golden house.

With a zap of adrenaline Amanda felt her foot catch on a stair. She fell forward, flinging her arms out in front of her. Wrists and knees hit hard stone as the last few steps caught her fall. Stinging pain flared on her palms. Amanda took as deep a breath as she could manage and gingerly picked herself up, sitting back on her heels to examine the damage. Her tears overwhelmed her weakened defenses and started crawling down her cheeks.

"I'm a mess," Amanda choked out to the empty night around her. She covered her eyes with her hands, pressing her scraped palms against her eyes. The sting deepened, becoming a throbbing pain.

Suddenly, Amanda felt a calm descend on her, one of warmth and familiarity. Immediately her tension eased, and she felt herself relax. There was a light touch on her hands, pulling them gently away from her face. Sarek. He was in front of her, on his knees as she was.

"Amanda," His voice was quiet, though even now Amanda could sense a wire of anxiety running through him. "What has happened? Why are you weeping?"

Amanda looked up into his face. The contours of his face were just visible in the ambient light - the slight illumination showed fear in his eyes. The sight made a fist constrict around Amanda's heart. He was perfect, worthy, honorable. How could his family punish him like this?

Words sprang out of her mouth, unbidden. "I can't let you ruin your life for me," She pushed his hands away from her face. "Your family...they'll - they'll take..."

Sarek's confusion flared. "I do not understand. You will not ruin -"

Amanda shook her head wildly, her own distress bolstered and fed by his. "No!"

His hands were on her cheeks, steadying her. His touch was like a cooling breeze on her skin. He held her like that for a moment, looking into her eyes, slowing down her frantic breathing with the slow rhythm of his. "Na'muh hayal, Amanda. Nam-tor etek t'hy'la. Dungi nam-tor du adun'a t'nash-veh, eh dungi nam-tor nash-veh t'du adun. _Calm down, Amanda. We are t'hy'la_. _You will be my wife, and I will be your husband._"

Amanda put her hands over his. She felt her panic begin to still, like a frantic animal being soothed to sleep. She took a deep, slow breath, and -

"Sarek."

Sarek's head jerked up, and Amanda whirled to look over her shoulder. T'Pau was standing at the top of the stairs behind them, holding a dimly glowing orange lantern in one hand. The light cast her face into sharp relief, making her look even more like a foreboding, ancient priestess. Sarek slowly got to his feet, though he still held Amanda's hand. T'Pau's eyes flickered to their hands, and Amanda thought she saw a spasm of disgust cross her face.

"What happened, ko'mehk-il?"

"Your ko-kugalsu overheard a conversation between your father and I. It appears to have distressed her somewhat." T'Pau's voice was distant and cold.

Sarek nodded slightly, only an inclination of his head. "I see. A discussion concerning bestowing the right of succession upon another, I assume. I would suggest Selek for consideration. He has proved to be both intelligent and capable."

Amanda practically felt the shock hit T'Pau. She didn't _exactly _stagger, but Amanda saw her take the slightest step back. It was a tiny movement, but it was a sign of weakness nonetheless - the first that T'Pau had yet displayed. "You expected this?"

Sarek regarded T'Pau evenly, but Amanda could see tiredness in his face. Disappointment, perhaps. "Of course."

"And it has no significance to you."

"I am willing to sacrifice it for something I believe will make my life far more meaningful."

T'Pau was silent for a moment, and Amanda thought that perhaps her expression softened in the golden-orange glow. "I had prized you as the heir for a reason, i'khaz'el. I respect your sincerity." Sarek made no reply other than nodding to her once more. After holding her gaze for a moment, he bent down to Amanda.

"Shall we go?" He asked, his voice far gentler now.

Amanda nodded and hurried to get to her feet. Her palms still throbbed slightly, but for some reason she didn't mind the pain as much anymore. Sarek rested his hand lightly on her back. "I have a hovercar waiting." He glanced back at the matriarch, and Amanda did likewise. The old woman was standing as regally as ever, the lantern still upraised. Her eyes flickered in the light.

As Sarek went ahead to open the car door, Amanda flashed her most brilliant, beaming smile at T'Pau. And then they went away.

It was well past midnight, and Amanda had to fight to keep her eyes open as they sped through the city. Curled up in the passenger's seat, she could watch the city flashing past, a swirled picture of bright lights and dark black shapes. She preferred, however, to watch Sarek.

He glanced at her, and Amanda smiled, genuinely. "Thank you." She said, quietly.

"It is I who should be thanking you. I have been saved from the fate of slowly becoming my father."

Amanda couldn't help but laugh, as exhausted as she was. She felt an answering flash of amusement from Sarek. The brilliance of the feeling was enhanced by its contrast with the misery she'd felt not long before. _Sadness makes happiness taste all the better._

Sarek looked back at the city. There was a grayish hint along the horizon, where they could glimpse it between buildings, that suggested was not more than a few hours away. "Amanda, I need to make a call," He said, suddenly. "Would you object to waiting in the car for a few moments? I will not take long."

Puzzled, Amanda nodded at him. "Uh, sure. Did you forget something at the office?"

"No, it is simply...something I must attend to. I will pull up here." Sarek turned the car into a empty space at the side of the road. Before Amanda could say anything further, he had turned the console to idle and stepped out of the car. Amanda frowned slightly and watched him through the window as he hailed a contact on his PADD. She couldn't see the name, or the person's face when they answered, but the conversation was indeed brief. Soon enough Sarek was closing the connection and making his way back to the car.

"Are you going to tell me, or will I have to make guesses?" Amanda asked as he got back into his seat. He gave her a cryptic look that nevertheless had a hint of playfulness and said nothing.

"Do you know that my family has an estate in the country?" He asked instead. Amanda stared at him.

"Well...yes. I saw it in that dream that we shared..." She made a slight face, remembering the slip of a Vulcan girl that had been hovering around the younger Sarek. She knew now that that little sylph had been Theleia.

"It is called D'H'riset. We used to go there often when I was a child. My mother enjoyed it far more than my father did - I suspect this is the reason that we have not been there recently." Sarek looked at Amanda sidelong. "Would you like to see it?"

"What, now?" Amanda said, surprised. "Isn't it...it's two in the morning, Sarek."

"Are you weary?" Sarek asked, and Amanda could sense that he was a little deflated. Why was he so excited about going to see this house? Couldn't they do it some other time? _What the hell, _Amanda thought. _I'm not tired. Let's go._

By Sarek's flash of warm contentment, Amanda knew that he'd understood her.

The battle between day and night had grown more heated, and the battle line of the horizon had brightened significantly by the time that Sarek and Amanda were nearing D'H'riset. The desert was painted in shades of dusky blue and dark purples, with hints of slightly warmer colors where the hints of growing light fell. Amanda had watched the dawn from her bedroom - or Sarek's bedroom - every morning, but now she felt as though she were in the beginnings of a supernova. The sunrise on Vulcan was like an explosion and a flower opening all at once.

"Are we getting close?" She asked Sarek, tearing her eyes away from the landscape.

"We are - ah." Sarek's face showed one of his not-smiles. "There it is." They had just come over the crest of a slight hill, and beyond it, tucked into a valley between rising peaks, was the estate. Skon's home in Shi'Kahr was beyond impressive, a masterpiece of architecture and vaulting, a structure in marble and masculinity. D'H'riset, however, was truly beautiful to Amanda. It was more than just an elegant house - it truly looked like a home. She smiled.

"It's beautiful," She said. "When was the last time you were here?"

"Not for twenty years at least." Sarek said. There was a hint of sadness in his tone, but it quickly faded as they approached the house. Amanda nearly bumped her head on the door as she got out, as eager as she was to keep the house in her vision. It was of a similar color to the rocks around it, and Amanda surmised that it was built from local material. It was not tall as much as it was long, fronted by a palisade of columns that reminded Amanda of an Ancient Grecian temple. Along with its beauty, however, the house felt empty, hollow. Well, not completely hollow. Amanda spotted a birds nest tucked away in a corner of the palisade, with a gleam of golden feathers inside.

"Come," Sarek said, holding out his hand to her. "I would like to show you the interior."

Amanda smiled, taking his hand. She felt a little dazed, as if she had stepped into that dream she'd had so many months ago. The warm buzz that she felt from Sarek's hand to hers didn't help matters much either. He did not let go as he unlocked the door. She could feel a strong current of excitement coming from him - a slightly nervous energy that nevertheless was very pleasant. She found herself laughing a little as Sarek urged her forward, tugging her gently through the door.

"What is it?" She asked. "You're making my head all fuzzy."  
"I apologize," Sarek said, looking back at her. There was a bright spark in his dark eyes. "Come, this way. I want to show you something."

Laughing again, Amanda obeyed. Sarek shepherded her through grand rooms that were already half familiar. _I'm not sure if that's because of the dream, or because I'm feeling Sarek's memories of it..._They were heading for the back of the house, where Amanda vaguely remembered there being a balcony or patio of some sort.

She had been right.

Sarek led her through a pair of doors onto a long balcony, which was punctuated by columns like those at the front of the house. Amanda had no attention to spare for the balcony itself, however. The view was...breathtaking.

The length of the house had concealed what was behind it, when Amanda had seen it from the vantage point of the car. Beyond the house, the valley deepened further, opening into a wide bowl full of twisting peaks and rock formations. The growing light of dawn cast these into even more dramatic shapes and colors - a sight that took Amanda's breath away. It was like a miniature grand canyon, only painted in the colors of the Vulcan desert. Amanda wanted to fling her arms out and embrace the entire sight.

"Hello, Amanda." A familiar voice, gentle and _slightly _mocking, brought Amanda to her senses. She whirled around to see Ataur, his pale eyes smiling at her as he stood beside Sarek.

"Ataur!" Amanda nearly burst into a giant smile, but she caught herself just in time. "It's wonderful to see you."

"And you. But please, Amanda, smile if you wish to." He said, his voice serious. "There should be no constraints on you now."

Amanda hesitated, puzzled, looking at Sarek. "Why not? Why are you here, Ataur?"

"The Ambassador has requested that I perform the marriage ceremony for you. Those who are not of a significant enough household to have a matriarch appointed may use another officiate. I am myself certified to be such an officiate."

Amanda looked at Sarek. The sunrise had started in earnest now, and his face was illuminated by soft golden light. He extended his arm to her, and Amanda went to him, too stunned to do more than smile and accept his embrace. "We needn't if you don't wish to. I thought perhaps..."

"Yes. I want to." Amanda said.

As the dawn burst into full color in the valley behind them, Ataur spoke the words of the marriage ceremony. "Nam-tor u'khaf-spol Vuhlkansu - nam-tor u'katra Vuhlkansu - nam-tor u'sha'yut. _This is the Vulcan heart - this is the Vulcan soul - this is our way._" Amanda couldn't help steal glances at Sarek the entire time, even when Ataur initiated a meld with him. When her turn came, Amanda was a little shy at letting someone who wasn't Sarek meld with her, but Ataur's mind only gave hers the briefest of touches. When he withdrew, he took a step back, a gleam in his light eyes.

"You are bonded, together, until the end of all. Ponn farr."

Amanda turned to Sarek. Sarek, her friend, her lover, and now her husband. Dawn shone off him, outlining him in gold. He stepped forward and took her in his arms. Amanda was enfolded in his embrace, the one place where she felt truly safe. Sarek looked down at her, the light of warmth and love in his eyes, and pressed his mouth to hers. Peace flooded over her at the touch of his lips, and she returned the kiss in kind, letting herself flow into him as he did into her. Wholeness, completeness, and joy were all she could feel.

Absolutely complete. _K'hat'n'dlawa, _she told him.

"Half...of my heart and soul." Sarek said. He sat back in his chair, stiffly, trying to ignore the intensity of the eyes on him. There was still so much anger there, but...perhaps now, it would fade away.

"I had thought that saying was outdated. It fell out of usage after the Reformation...for excess of emotional connotation."

Sarek looked up again, meeting those angry eyes. "Indeed, it did. However, that is how I _felt _about her. The use of such an emotional phrase was entirely appropriate. That is how it is with t'hy'la - how it was with her. One is not complete without..." Sarek trailed off, but he forced himself to find his voice again. "Without them."

He received no reply. Sarek watched the face. There was so much of Amanda there that it was, even with all his defenses, difficult to look at him. "Spock."

Spock looked back at his father. Dark eyes, dark hair - it was a Vulcan's face. But Amanda's as well. "And so you were married."

"Yes."

There was a long silence between them. Sarek sought for something to say, for some way to reach out to his son. The boy was walled off to Sarek has he had never been to his mother, and now...He _had _to repair their bond, or Spock would not survive this. Neither of them would. To Sarek's surprise, however, it was Spock who spoke first.

"You told me once, when I was a child, that you married my mother because it was logical. This story suggests to me that you had other motives. Why have you chosen to contradict yourself?"

Sarek shook his head slightly. He could have cursed himself for saying those words, long ago, when he did not realize how fragile his happiness was. "At that time I had thought it would be less painful to you if I..." The look in Spock's eyes made him stop. "No. I was not...clear. In actuality, I married your mother because I loved her." Spock looked away, out towards the dying light of the sunset through the window. Sarek forced himself to continue, more quietly now. "I know that you did too, Spock."

There seemed to be an easing of tension in the boy. His barriers shifted, retracted somewhat. When he looked back at his father, the anger had faded from his eyes, to be replaced by something Sarek had seen in his mother's eyes. Yearning. "Father, will you -" He began, somewhat haltingly. "Will you tell me the story of my birth?"

**Author's Note: **Well, guys, it's been a hell of a ride. This is the first time I have finished any piece of writing - EVER - and it's definitely because of all the wonderful support I've had from you reader people. 150,000 words what did I even DO. But really, I couldn't have enjoyed this more.

Other thanks go out to LIS, my best friend and my beta reader, who has been 100% supportive to me, and not only for this story.

Boyfriend, who allowed me to read this out loud to him during long car journeys, and actually enjoyed it!

I was able to include Vulcan words and language thanks to two fantastic resources - The Vulcan Language Dictionary, compiled by Selek from the Vulcan Language Institute and Marketa Z.; and the amazing Vulcan Language Institute Reclamation Project at .

Now comes the worst part of all where I have to edit the whole damn thing. But I want to! I'm going to find and attack all the times I wrote "Common" instead of "Federation Standard" to fix them once and for all.

ps. i am going to write moar could you tell

pps. I'm not going to lie, seeing Into Darkness gave me the last kick of inspiration to finish this thing.


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